Crushes

[Adam]

So I have a crush on someone at work and reminded me of this place because I pretty much pined through my teens and early twenties here as if having a crush on someone was the hardest thing in life.

I'm not acting on this one. I'm in a relationship of nearly six years, very happyy and my crush is very similar to my partner.

Who'd funk that you'd still get crushes in your late 30s.

[TAL]

I'm in my 40s, still happens.

[Fern]

Was it me who they reminded you of?

[Dorothy Wood]

Haaaa, funny to see this. I feel summoned here! Came here for similar reasons, though I feel like this place isn't anonymous enough anymore for details.

Are you going to tell your partner? I was reading a bit about whether or not it's good to discuss crushes when they come up. I think it's pretty common...well, according to the thousands of results when googling the issue.

The current situation just cropped up...it'll probably pass. Lord knows I've had plenty of crushes. I realize they kinda never go away either, a lot of the dudes I've talked about over the years are still in my life as good friends. The new one is also in a committed relationship. Very unexpected connection that I think surprised us both, we got along so well on a business trip that by the end I think we both were embarrassed by it. And he just kept smiling at me and laughing at all my jokes, I felt crazy...like why is this happening, I don't want this feeling! I think it may have just been an isolated situation where you are with the same people for days and nature takes over and you bond with the most viable mate. At the last lunch, we were flirting accidentally like junior high style and caught ourselves and stopped. I think it'll turn out that we just become good friends. My boyfriend is great, I don't want to ruin shit.

[Adam]

I'm over mine now. Turns out just a passing thing.

And no, didn't tell my partner. It's probably common but probably best unspoken.

[ericg]

that funky cold medina ... watch out!

[Bob]

I'm over mine now. Turns out just a passing thing.

And no, didn't tell my partner. It's probably common but probably best unspoken.

almost definitely

celebrity crushes are fine

crushes on people you see every day and could conceivably actually act on are a bit different

[Dorothy Wood]

I'm wondering why celebrity crushes are fine? Because it could never really happen?

My crush thing was very terrible for a week or so, emotionally draining, guilt-inducing. It felt very involuntary, I did not want to feel gooey feelings, but I did. I haven't seen the guy in a couple weeks due to holiday and business travel, and I pretty much just forgot about him (or at least the looping thoughts of him disappeared) so I think everything will be fine.

Life is weird. I just read through a bunch of my old crush threads, and there is one that I talked about a lot that is still somehow around. NYE, I went out alone (bf had to work, bffs out of town), I saw him at a local bar, I stayed away until I was ready to leave, then approached him...he was basically like "the timing of life sucks", acknowledging our ships passing in the night situation, and told me "I'm friends with your boyfriend now, he's a nice guy", I said "I know, that's pretty fucking weird, man". Anyway, that's a little bit of closure on that front, at least, after 11 years, for us both to be like "hey we coulda, but we didn't, life goes on".

These guys probably snore anyway.

[Bob]

I'm wondering why celebrity crushes are fine? Because it could never really happen?


basically. i think that for most people, if your partner for real went out and slept with a celebrity you'd actually be pretty mad

because I pretty much pined through my teens and early twenties here as if having a crush on someone was the hardest thing in life.



same. feels pretty dumb now lol

[TurdBerglar]

If a SO was able to fuck her celebrity crush I don't think i'd be mad. Like how the fuck could you hold someone back from that? I think I'd be high fiving her if she got to fuck whoever the current male celebrity stud is.

If katy perry wanted to fuck me how the hell am I suppose to say no to that!

[Adam]

In a turn of events, I will now be partnered up with the person at work. Still over her though.

[Dorothy Wood]

I don't think I'd want to sleep with a celebrity. If my dude fucked a celebrity, I'd kinda be impressed that I'm dating someone who's charming enough to bang celebs.

I told my mom about all my crush problems and she was like "yeah, that's normal", so I'm not that freaked out anymore.

Adam, maybe she can be your "work wife"? I just heard about "work spouses" on the Internet fairly recently, not sure I fully get it. But it's a thing I guess.

[Adam]

I already have a work wife which is platonic and safer.

[Dorothy Wood]

Oh, I thought I read there might be an element of sexual tension with work spouses. I guess I don't really know what it means. I thought maybe my crush could be a work husband instead...though he is in a role that assists mine, so maybe that doesn't work. Oh well, I don't know. Life is hard.

In other crush news, I feel like another dude at work has one on me based on how he's been kinda rude to me, like he's mad. But we have been getting along...I'm like ok 6th grade much? I'm not used to being around so many heterosexual males.

[Documad]

I've had two consecutive work husbands. Definitely platonic. No interest in either direction beyond that.

A few of us were talking about this last night. I think one of my female work friends has a work son now. That's not something I put a name to before last night.

[Adam]

Look at me logging on two days in a row to check this thread - it's like 2003 again :)

Not my current work but in previous roles we've gone as far as work-siblings, work-cousins... it got kinda ridiculous. We was very bored though (which was the Civil Service for ya).

My work-wife is platonic for sure. Always have been.

I'm probably not over the crush either now that we're working together. I'm seeing no harm in it though. I feel like I have a pretty strong moral compass and she is way more moral than me so nothing could ever happen.

[Dorothy Wood]

Hmm, I think I definitely had work sisters (or wives?) at my last job, and I think I fired a person who was my work son...he kinda treated me like his mother.

I don't know what's going to happen at my new workplace, it's much larger, more competitive, and ambiguous. I am developing work bros, which is good, because for a couple months there I felt like I could die of a heart attack in the middle of the work day and nobody would notice.

It's interesting how things play out. Maybe one dude could turn out to be my platonic work husband. We have been communicating pretty well and expediting a big project this week while everyone else is like "what do we do?" He's in charge, and I'm new, but I'm used to being in charge, so it's working out. Pretty much not attracted to eachother though, as far as I can tell. Just numbers nerds.

I am keeping my moral compass as well, I don't even know that I even want to do anything at all when it comes down to physical matters. I don't really want to get to know another body, or have another person get to know mine. I have a good thing going at home in that regard. I really wish my hormones would just shut up.

[Dorothy Wood]

Oh of course I'm the last poster. God damn it! Talk about your crushes and work husbands and work wives and work children! :p

[abbott]

Go for him.

[abbott]

Worst case you hang out with a guy that you work well with that you realize he needs you more than you need him.

Best case you realize you need each other

[Dorothy Wood]

Very mysterious advice, thank you abbott.

I am not going for him at this time.

Things are weird, it turns out we have several mutual friends, and things in common that are uncommon. Also, turns out he dated a friend of mine for a few years, and before that she had dated a suitor I had previously rejected. And our exes are friends who play music together. Adds a very dense layer to the acquaintanceship.

Long story short, I now believe this man is my son, sent back from the future to kill me. So I'm going to try to work harder on developing my current relationship instead. :p

[Manticore]

I'm in my 40s, still happens.

You right

[Myu-to]

I miss this place, and the wonderful people.

Crushes? I use to crush on the girls, the ladies, with the sweet asses or what have you, but now I get cruses on a comfy beds, snugly warm up pants, and people not talking to me during my tv shows.

[Dorothy Wood]

lol this crush is destroying my mental health. I'm getting through it though. It's hard to understand what is going on.
How's yours, Adam?

[Dorothy Wood]

I mean like does free will exist? What is love? Is there a god? Is there fate? Are there psychic forces at work or is everything a choice?

[Adam]

I'm not over my crush - I did declare I was but I wasn't. Now that we are working together I've learned we have even more in common. But she is leaving work in a couple of months she told me (not handed in notice yet but will). So it will be sad to see her go.

Our job includes overnight stays in other cities and the last one it was just me and her, I decided to go out for a walk and I nearly text to say do you fancy it but then I felt weird about doing that so I went alone.

Last night I had a dream that she was staying at our house and she was walking around mostly naked. I feel bad for my partner that I have this crush.


I think free will does exist - I won't act on this crush unless in the very unlikely event I become single
Nope, no god
Fate is just what humans make up coincidence when actually the world is just random
We have choice but so many things stop is being impulsive (morals, anxiety) it seems restrictive to the point we don't anymore

[Dorothy Wood]

I feel bad for my partner too...this situation has lead to some very serious discussions though, and we've addressed some issues that maybe needed to be talked about. I admitted to feeling like I'm wandering away mentally. And I considered ending things, but the idea made me so depressed I was on the verge of crying all the time. And I truly love my dude. So we are working on things.

There is something mystical about this other kid though, we are very connected, still are getting along so well it's weird. I think we are managing to be friends, with respect to our significant others...or at least trying to be respectful. Definitely shady* though, no way around that unfortunately. I think the initial puppy love chemicals are wearing off at least.

*shady in that we are attempting friendship, when I guess if I were to take the moral high ground, I would just stay away?

Also, we have not discussed anything at all relating to any kind of feelings. I said "I feel like I've known you forever" at a work party when we had some drinks and were chatting for a long long time, and he said "yeah". That's it. It's more just a thing hanging in the air.

[Adam]

Your crush sounds more intense than mine. There is a connection but nothing mystical. I just know we get on and she it totally the type of person I dig. It's fantasy for me.

My partner & I are solid though. We have moments but never anything serious that would bring an end.

[Dorothy Wood]

Haha, yeah, it's the worst thing that's ever happened!

I'm solid with my dude but there are some differences that won't change. Basically I am a scrappy practical DIY person with a working class upbringing, he is the child of academics. This other guy has a similar background to me, and he drives trucks and stuff. I dunno. Time will tell. I'm trying not to be a jerk. Relationships involve a lot more than sharing skills and hobbies, obviously.

[Dorothy Wood]

I give up. This is a stupid situation and I hate that it happened. I don't know what I was thinking, I feel like I was under a spell and now I'm not.

[zippo]

I give up. This is a stupid situation and I hate that it happened. I don't know what I was thinking, I feel like I was under a spell and now I'm not.

2 weeks seem like very little time for your feelings to have changed so extremely about the situation. if you could do whatever you wanted, how would you like the situation to be?

[Dorothy Wood]

2 weeks seem like very little time for your feelings to have changed so extremely about the situation. if you could do whatever you wanted, how would you like the situation to be?

Well I've been thinking about it for four months. And I do feel like there was an extreme drop off in the intensity of my infatuation. Maybe because work got more challenging, and before I had too much headspace for obsessing. Plus he has been advancing and withdrawing to an irritating degree. Bringing up hanging out, but never confirming. Putting all the impetus on me.

Practically, I would like to not have involuntary physical reactions to the kid's voice and presence, and to be able to have a normal friendship like I do with other men.

If I could do whatever I wanted...there is no good answer. He probably loves his girlfriend and has a good relationship, just like I love my boyfriend and have a good relationship. It's confusing.

[Adam]

Recognise it for what it is - an attraction to have a wank over now and then.

There is probably good reason he isn't committing to hanging out as it'll be confusing and territory that could muck up four peoples lives rather than two.

Like lets say you hung out and he thought an advance was OK when it wasn't and that made it back to each others other halves. Then you'd have to explain to your other half why you hang out alone together when you knew the attraction was there - same for him. And also you will both be awkward around each other.

Nobody wants that level of confusion in life after 25 years old. It's never been a fun scenario to be in.

[Dorothy Wood]

Hmm, I feel like wanking over it is rude. But yeah, of course if he does like me (which isn't confirmed, but suspected), it's not a great idea to hang out...that's why I said I give up on friendship. I guess I thought I could make it work.

I may sound like a silly jerk, but honestly I need to seriously evaluate where my future is headed, because it's unclear.

Also maybe there's a better partner for my boyfriend than me out there...I don't know

[Dorothy Wood]

Anyway I will stop posting about it. I always think it will make me feel better but it doesn't. I can't fully explain what I am going through without sounding like a asshole.

[Adam]

vagina.

My crush has one.

[abbott]

vagina.

My crush has one.

sounds like fun

[Adam]

I suppose I don't know this for sure but I highly suspect.

Sorry for the immature post.

[zippo]

Hmm, I feel like wanking over it is rude. But yeah, of course if he does like me (which isn't confirmed, but suspected), it's not a great idea to hang out...that's why I said I give up on friendship. I guess I thought I could make it work.

I may sound like a silly jerk, but honestly I need to seriously evaluate where my future is headed, because it's unclear.

Also maybe there's a better partner for my boyfriend than me out there...I don't know

you don´t sound so convinced about your current boyfriend, i´m thinking if you guys have been distanced or in a bad cycle, thinking that is normal and will probably soon go away. but if everything is somewhat normal between you two and you´re like this, then maybe it´s something more serious to consider.

as corny as it may sound, sometimes you know deep inside you´re not where you should be and it´s never healthy to ignore that feeling, if this is the situation. it might not even be about this crush but more about what you´re feeling (or not) for your boyfriend.

all i know is relationships are never easy, it´s admitting that when things start to get better.

[Dorothy Wood]

you don´t sound so convinced about your current boyfriend, i´m thinking if you guys have been distanced or in a bad cycle, thinking that is normal and will probably soon go away. but if everything is somewhat normal between you two and you´re like this, then maybe it´s something more serious to consider.

as corny as it may sound, sometimes you know deep inside you´re not where you should be and it´s never healthy to ignore that feeling, if this is the situation. it might not even be about this crush but more about what you´re feeling (or not) for your boyfriend.

all i know is relationships are never easy, it´s admitting that when things start to get better.

Well, I was/am not unhappy with the relationship, but I do think there were issues going unaddressed, and we had a big talk about things. Mainly, my bf and I are independent and coexisting, rather than building an adult partnership. We are loving and supportive of each other, and have been together 7.5 yrs. I have never sought anyone else because I was honestly never attracted to anyone else, and thought I was pretty lucky to find such a nice and handsome man who loves me so much. He's just not a practical person. I don't know, we're just different people. We're working on things though. I mentioned he might have a better match out there because there are women who would probably share his interests more than I do. I told him as much, he says he doesn't care if I don't like the same things. We usually have a good time together though.

Are you supposed to be with your twin? Probably not? The crush is more similar to me, we are on the same wavelength, which is appealing, but ultimately I don't know what that means.

I think this will continue to torment me for years. :p

[zippo]

imo, the way you describe him and the relationship is so...blah. like "yea, it´s ok". Maybe you´re just in a bad moment and bored though (7.5 yrs is a lot), cuz i agree, you definitely do not have to have all of the same interests, just share a few here and there and find something you can do together though, cuz if you start living two different lives it´s where he´ll probably take your advice and find his "better match". the good thing is, i´m guessing you won´t really mind.

in my experience, i think the best thing you can do is never stay quiet and say what you´re feeling, don´t wait for things to resolve on their own cuz they´ll just get worse. like the big talk you guys had, yet you don´t really seem very satisfied with the outcome.

well, that´s the feel i get from your comment!

Well, I was/am not unhappy with the relationship, but I do think there were issues going unaddressed, and we had a big talk about things. Mainly, my bf and I are independent and coexisting, rather than building an adult partnership. We are loving and supportive of each other, and have been together 7.5 yrs. I have never sought anyone else because I was honestly never attracted to anyone else, and thought I was pretty lucky to find such a nice and handsome man who loves me so much. He's just not a practical person. I don't know, we're just different people. We're working on things though. I mentioned he might have a better match out there because there are women who would probably share his interests more than I do. I told him as much, he says he doesn't care if I don't like the same things. We usually have a good time together though.

Are you supposed to be with your twin? Probably not? The crush is more similar to me, we are on the same wavelength, which is appealing, but ultimately I don't know what that means.

I think this will continue to torment me for years. :p

[Dorothy Wood]

imo, the way you describe him and the relationship is so...blah. like "yea, it´s ok". Maybe you´re just in a bad moment and bored though (7.5 yrs is a lot), cuz i agree, you definitely do not have to have all of the same interests, just share a few here and there and find something you can do together though, cuz if you start living two different lives it´s where he´ll probably take your advice and find his "better match". the good thing is, i´m guessing you won´t really mind.

in my experience, i think the best thing you can do is never stay quiet and say what you´re feeling, don´t wait for things to resolve on their own cuz they´ll just get worse. like the big talk you guys had, yet you don´t really seem very satisfied with the outcome.

well, that´s the feel i get from your comment!

Ha, well...I don't think I know anyone who is completely satisfied by their partner. I love my boyfriend, he is an awesome and talented person and we are very physically attracted to each other. We're still working on the issues from the big talk, I'm giving things a chance, he's trying, and things have been better.

It's a weird situation, I wasn't bored or looking. I changed jobs and met a human I never knew could exist. There is a natural comradery that is hard to ignore. It feels good to be understood, in a world where I feel like I'm constantly trying to explain things to people. But I don't think that feeling is enough to warrant turning everyone's life upside down.

[zippo]

Ha, well...I don't think I know anyone who is completely satisfied by their partner. I love my boyfriend, he is an awesome and talented person and we are very physically attracted to each other. We're still working on the issues from the big talk, I'm giving things a chance, he's trying, and things have been better.

It's a weird situation, I wasn't bored or looking. I changed jobs and met a human I never knew could exist. There is a natural comradery that is hard to ignore. It feels good to be understood, in a world where I feel like I'm constantly trying to explain things to people. But I don't think that feeling is enough to warrant turning everyone's life upside down.

i agree, definitely there is no such thing as being 100% satisfied with your partner. you listed a lot of appealing things there between the both of you, good luck! :)

[Dorothy Wood]

Haha, this stupid crush fucked with my head so much, but I can’t really even remember the feelings anymore. He quit last October, haven’t seen him since. Still connected via social media, so I can see recently he completely changed his hair and clothes and kinda seems like he got a whole new group of friends. So weird.

Really glad I didn’t act on my feelings, because they faded away and it seems like he spends a lot of time on things that I couldn’t give less of a shit about. On different wavelengths now, I guess.

Still no work husbands! Just work buds. Happy the drama subsided.

[Adam]

Ha! My crush quit about a year ago too. Not thought about it since - but it seemed something bigger back then :rolleyes:

I'm married now!

[Randetica]

congrats!

[Fern]

Ha! My crush quit about a year ago too. Not thought about it since - but it seemed something bigger back then :rolleyes:

I'm married now!

I’m on my way too