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D_Raay
10-28-2004, 11:53 AM
Three quarters of Americans surveyed say they admire Laura Bush, while only one third have a favorable view of Teresa Heinz Kerry. The result is unsurprising because this is a misogynistic country that insists its First Ladies must play the role of June Cleaver, dutifully frying bacon while tastefully adorned with a string of matching pearls. The American people also exalt mediocrity, hence Miss Laura is cherished for being uninspiring just as Bob Hope was revered for being unfunny.

As viewed by Middle America, Heinz Kerry suffers greatly on a comparative basis: Laura is ingratiatingly mundane, while Teresa is disturbingly brilliant. Laura is pleasingly subservient, while Teresa is annoyingly independent. Laura is obediently traditional, while Teresa is maddeningly nonconformist. And Laura cares about her own little world, whereas Teresa cares about the whole, wide world.

Most importantly, Laura Bush is so very non-threatening, unless like me you feel threatened by oppressive banality. Teresa, on the other hand, does not possess that Stepford wife sensibility; it is hard to envision her dissolving into tears because the soufflé fell. When people heckle Heinz Kerry, she does not gaze plaintively toward the Secret Service in one of those touching damsel-in-distress moments – instead, she heckles the hecklers back, and they are the ones who experience distress.

For all of these sins, Teresa Heinz Kerry is perceived by the average American as being an uppity cunt. Hillary Clinton was a superb First Lady because she caused conservatives incalculable grief, but I think this one has even greater potential. If her husband can make it into the White House, there is the very real possibility that the outspoken Teresa will soon fill the emergency rooms of American hospitals with right wingers suffering from debilitating anxiety attacks.

This is what used to be called “Doing The Lord’s Work”.

The sultry Ms. Heinz Kerry is unsettling to the public because, unlike her Republican counterpart, she is obviously much smarter than the average American. That is not exactly a high hurdle to clear, but Teresa’s in-your-face intelligence does create resentment on the part of the God-fearing multitudes. After all, from the traditionalist perspective, there is no practical reason for a female to speak so many different languages when she only needs to know how to say, “Dinner is served” and “Please ravish me again.”

Heinz Kerry has always insisted on being more than a consort. As a college student in South Africa she protested apartheid, and has never stopped trying to improve the world. Teresa is currently the driving force behind the $1.3 billion Heinz Endowments, a philanthropic organization that addresses social matters ranging from urban poverty and prescription drug assistance to environmentalism and the humanities. She holds ten honorary doctorates, has won the Albert Schweitzer Gold Medal for Humanitarianism, and is a fellow of the American Academy of Arts and Sciences.

In the United States, formidable political wives are targets for abuse. Eleanor Roosevelt was attacked mercilessly, as was Hillary, and for exactly the same reason: they were smart, not in the connivingly acceptable manner of the Southern belle, but in a candid, socially conscious way. As a result, these stalwarts had to be held up to ridicule so that the rest of American women would get the message: toe the line or be reviled as a bitch.

little j
10-28-2004, 12:10 PM
i wonder if Heinz Kerry puts ketchup on her eggs?

Whois
10-28-2004, 12:17 PM
i wonder if Heinz Kerry puts ketchup on her eggs?

Spiracha chili sauce is better...

little j
10-28-2004, 12:22 PM
i like white gravy..

QueenAdrock
10-28-2004, 02:15 PM
Wayne (who's obsessed with Ketchup) said his ultimate fantasy is to do Heinz doggy-style, while eating fries and ketchup out of the small of her back.


:rolleyes:

yeahwho
10-28-2004, 02:49 PM
The Bush's. I have a hard time with anybody who stands by, rather than speaks up when their spouse continually damages peoples lives. Cohorts. There is nothing charming about this couple.

bdavid
10-28-2004, 02:53 PM
Theresa Heinz-Kerry is the greatest human on earth.

59 Chrystie St.
10-28-2004, 03:17 PM
America has difficulties listening to the opinions of strong women, and Heinz-Kerry is opinionated. Good for her. The whole "docile, obediant, un-opinionated" wife thing is so 80's.

paulk
10-28-2004, 04:04 PM
America has difficulties listening to the opinions of strong women, and Heinz-Kerry is opinionated. Good for her. The whole "docile, obediant, un-opinionated" wife thing is so 80's.

Hm, yes, that's all good and well until you want to get married to a real man who don't take no bullshit.

And besides, Laura Bush makes better cookies.

59 Chrystie St.
10-28-2004, 04:16 PM
Hm, yes, that's all good and well until you want to get married to a real man who don't take no bullshit.

And besides, Laura Bush makes better cookies.

I agree Laura Bush has nicer cookies. "Real man" ? That's funny, most girls I know can't stand guys like that. To be real you have to be an ass, I guess. Keep it real, man.

infidel
10-28-2004, 04:22 PM
i wonder if Heinz Kerry puts ketchup on her eggs?
Considering her age she's probably reached menopause and is out of eggs.

Jasonik
10-28-2004, 05:13 PM
Theresa is fruitier than Sunkist, kookier than Cocoa Puffs, nuttier than Planters, wackier than a wallwalker, and spacier than NASA.

I'm only saying this because I'm threatened by such a strong, independent, and intelligent woman. :rolleyes:

yeahwho
10-28-2004, 05:17 PM
You know what would be cool, if the next first lady were Lesbian.

Jasonik
10-28-2004, 05:19 PM
You know what would be cool, if the next first lady were Lesbian.
Wouldn't she be the 'Second Lady'?

yeahwho
10-28-2004, 05:20 PM
what if the first lady had a second lady, you know like that one president did?

yeahwho
10-28-2004, 05:31 PM
Many say Clinton could be the first man lady, it's all semantics I guess.

SobaViolence
10-28-2004, 05:36 PM
The American people also exalt mediocrity, hence Miss Laura is cherished for being uninspiring just as Bob Hope was revered for being unfunny.

man, you killed three birds with one stone.

fucking brilliant. (y)

Auton
10-28-2004, 06:26 PM
I've voting for Kerry, but I think his wife's kind of a bloodsucker

Marlene
10-28-2004, 06:56 PM
Laura Bush = Stepford Wife