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View Full Version : Dick Cheney has a humongous penis.


Paul Nice
11-14-2004, 09:18 PM
As if the Democrats didn't have enough to be jealous of.

Overexposed
A Journal Sentinel photo of Dick Cheney is unexpectedly revealing.

by peter robertson

Joining Vice President Dick Cheney’s motorcade in Green Bay, Milwaukee Journal Sentinel photographer Dale Guldan hoped to capture a unique image during an otherwise scripted campaign visit in September.

Did he ever.

Jumping on and off the press bus, Guldan says he took dozens of pictures at well-orchestrated photo opportunities.

On the way to Milwaukee, however, former Green Bay Packers quarterback Bart Starr convinced Cheney to make an unscheduled stop in Glendale to visit local favorite Kopp’s Frozen Custard, according to New York Times reporter Rick Lyman.

When Cheney ordered a decaf coffee and sat on a concrete ledge outside, Kopp’s manager Scott Borkin graciously brought him a sample of frozen custard. “The guy came all the way from the White House,” Borkin says. “He’s got to try our custard.”

The normally serious Cheney flashed a winning smile for Borkin, and Guldan snapped an attention-grabbing photo that would later be chosen for the front page of the paper’s September 11 Metro section.

Guldan got a call from a reader the next day. “Did you notice anything unusual about that picture?” the reader asked.

Upon closer inspection, it seems the vice president’s smile was not his biggest, ahem, asset. Is that what we think it is?

“You’re not imagining it,” Guldan says of the unintentionally revealing photo.

Let’s just say the snugness of Cheney’s pants left little to the imagination, and we’re not talking about his waistline.

One Journal Sentinel reader pointed out the blooper in an e-mail to WKLH-FM radio hosts Dave Luczak, Carole Caine and Kevin Brandt, who had a hoot talking about it during their popular morning show.

“It’s nice to have someone of that magnitude in the White House,” Brandt joked.

“He’s got a porn career right there,” Caine snickered.

“Now we know where his unmitigated confidence comes from,” Luczak quipped.

We’ve seen the photo, and it’s hard not to notice something so, well, unmistakable.

Guldan explains that he took between 100 and 200 photographs that day with a digital camera, chose six to eight images for possible publication and didn’t notice anything odd in the Kopp’s image because Cheney sat in the shadows. Incredibly, a “dozen or so” editors saw the photo before publication and nobody raised a red flag, he says.

“I got a chuckle out of it when I noticed it, too. If I had noticed it sooner, I would have cropped it,” Guldan says, referring, of course, to the standard practice of trimming a photo without altering its accuracy. “I wasn’t out to put him in a negative light.”

While such a portrait of the VP is clearly inappropriate, it’s also a harmless mistake and could be seen as rather – dare we say – flattering. Just ask WKLH’s Caine, who dug through her recycling to find the photo.

“It’s like a scud missile, for crying out loud,” Caine said.

Want to see the picture for yourself? Catch it while you can at your public library’s periodical desk because chagrined Journal Sentinel officials are not in a sharing mood.

The paper denied our request to reprint the copyrighted photo, saying it had decided not to release the image to the public.

You won’t find it on jsonline.com, though there are photos of every other Cheney campaign trip to Wisconsin since April. Matt Stanton, jsonline design editor, promised to look into this curious omission, and that was the last we heard from him.

Meanwhile, Mark Hoffman, deputy photo editor, suggested we try the paper’s Photo Sales Service. Don’t bother. To check its availability, we ordered and paid for a color copy of the Cheney photo, only to get a call the next day voiding the deal.

Journal Sentinel: “That photograph is not for sale.”

http://webpages.charter.net/micah/dicksbulge.jpg

ASsman
11-14-2004, 09:29 PM
"We can rebuild him, we have the technology. We will make him better than before" - Halliburton.

paulk
11-14-2004, 09:54 PM
Maybe he has priapism.

ASsman
11-14-2004, 10:02 PM
Heh. That big bush needed a big dick to with it. ZING!

DroppinScience
11-14-2004, 10:34 PM
He probably stuffed himself with socks like Bush did with the Flight Suit.

Nevertheless, that's the grossest fucking thing. It's gonna take a few years to get that image washed out of my brain. :eek:

Spanishbomb808
11-14-2004, 10:39 PM
Heh. That big bush needed a big dick to with it. ZING!

Hey, it's wit. I remember wit.

D_Raay
11-15-2004, 12:53 AM
Maybe that's why he always insists on sitting during his tv appearances, i.e. debating John Edwards.

He must have been a party favorite at Skull and Bones initiations...

cosmo105
11-15-2004, 01:50 AM
great. nightmares for a week now. you guys all suck. :(

Rosie Cotton
11-15-2004, 05:23 AM
OW!!! That thing would hurt!

drobertson420
11-15-2004, 07:16 AM
Maybe he has priapism.

From When Bush Donkey-Punched him the night before..... :D

Ali
11-15-2004, 07:48 AM
maybe cofee gives him a semi?

drobertson420
11-15-2004, 08:40 AM
maybe cofee gives him a semi?


CoffeeChub-itis? :p

Ali
11-15-2004, 08:45 AM
CoffeeChub-itis? :p Maybe Starbux can use him in their new ad campaign.

Or Viagra (like they need to advertise...)

drobertson420
11-15-2004, 09:57 AM
Maybe Starbux can use him in their new ad campaign.

Or Viagra (like they need to advertise...)

Attention Senior Citizens...
The Sexually Dysfunctional....

Another reason to enjoy a nice cup of Starbuck's.....
http://webpages.charter.net/micah/dicksbulge.jpg

That's a winning Ad campaign (y)

infidel
11-15-2004, 10:27 AM
It probably just the colostomy bag the Dick shits in.
Everyone knows he's been castrated.

ASsman
11-15-2004, 10:31 AM
It give new meaning to this.

http://assmang.com/files/BC04/Because%20Condi%20Needs%20Dick.pdf

Well not NEW, but funnier.

infidel
11-15-2004, 10:35 AM
True Dick Story
http://www.davidicke.com/icke/articles2/cheneyvp.html
Here's an excerpt


My introduction to the game occured upon arrival at Cheney's hunting lodge near Greybull, Wyoming, and it physically and psychologically devastated me. I was sufficiently traumatized for Cheney's programming as I stood naked in his hunting lodge office after being hunted down and caught. Cheney was talking as he paced around me: I could stuff you and mount you like a jackalope and call you a two-legged dear. Or I could stuff you with this (he unzipped his pants to reveal his oversized penis) right down to your throat and then mount you. Which do you prefer?

The blood reached my shoes and caught my attention. At last, when I could speak, I begged, "If you don't mind, can I please use your bathroom?"

Cheney's face turned red with rage. He was on me in an instant, slamming my back into the wall with one arm across my chest and his hand on my throat, choking me while applying pressure to the carotid artery in my neck with his thumb. His eyes bulged and he spit as he growled, "If you don't mind me, I will kill you. I could kill you - Kill you - with my bare hands. You're not the first and you won't be the last. I'll kill you any time I goddam well please." He flung me on the cot-type bed that was behind me. There he finished taking his rage out on me sexually.

ASsman
11-15-2004, 10:41 AM
Wow, if that was any longer I might have had to unzip my pants.

yeahwho
11-15-2004, 11:15 AM
Actually, this is one of those rare moments it's actually not shoved up his ass. Must of had to make room four more years of hiding around the country.

Ali
11-15-2004, 11:22 AM
Attention Senior Citizens...
The Sexually Dysfunctional....

Another reason to enjoy a nice cup of Starbuck's.....
http://webpages.charter.net/micah/dicksbulge.jpg

That's a winning Ad campaign (y) with this (http://www.bobandtom.com/gen3/enormous_penis.htm) as the theme song

D_Raay
11-15-2004, 12:51 PM
I bet his urologist is a Sherpa...

Ali
11-15-2004, 03:57 PM
I bet his urologist is a Sherpa...<milk shoots out of nose>

Rosie Cotton
11-16-2004, 05:47 AM
I bet his urologist is a Sherpa...

Hahaha! They're the only ones who could mount that thing.

Rosie Cotton
11-16-2004, 05:47 AM
Do you think he gave Lynne a vag-anus?

saabstorey
11-16-2004, 01:01 PM
Maybe he has priapism.

Good word, now, where did it come from? no peeking. hey, let's start a Dick Cheney health crisis trivia thread. here's one: How many heart attacks has Dick had?
What's the record for most heart attacks survived by one person?
On second thought, let's not jinx him. If he dies, god only knows what Bush might do, or forget to do.

paulk
11-16-2004, 04:06 PM
Good word, now, where did it come from? no peeking.

Huh? Priapism is some serious shit, it's up there right below testicular torsion, where it hurts so bad you vomit.

Disco Delvechio
11-17-2004, 09:04 AM
Look at him smiling. It must be an imposter.

drobertson420
11-17-2004, 09:05 AM
Thats why all the Heart Problems....Blood Supply being diverted to Cack.... :D

paulk
11-17-2004, 09:37 PM
Look at him smiling. It must be an imposter.

Straight up, priapism isn't something to smile about.

drobertson420
11-18-2004, 09:05 AM
Straight up, priapism isn't something to smile about.


Especially when the blood starts clotting.....Big Trouble.... :eek:

Rosie Cotton
11-18-2004, 10:04 PM
Good word, now, where did it come from? no peeking. hey, let's start a Dick Cheney health crisis trivia thread. here's one: How many heart attacks has Dick had?
What's the record for most heart attacks survived by one person?
On second thought, let's not jinx him. If he dies, god only knows what Bush might do, or forget to do.
He's had four. I know the most recent one was sometime in 2000, and he had a triple bypass after his third one.

drobertson420
11-19-2004, 06:25 AM
He's had four. I know the most recent one was sometime in 2000, and he had a triple bypass after his third one.


So we're a Heartbeat away from Bush becoming President?! :D

drobertson420
11-19-2004, 12:19 PM
And yes, that image will haunt me for some time to come.....