breaking upsetting news to someone

[enree erzweglle]

Looking for some tips/DOs and DON'Ts.

My family always took roundabout ways to do it and it sucked.
(My sister is 4 years older than I am and she's starting to break upsetting news like my grandma and great-grandma did.)

You have to do it in a way that gets right to it but that doesn't shock, yet that isn't so prolonged that it arouses concern & suspicion.

How did you do it? (Or how was it done to you?)

Did you make an excuse to get together and then tell the news?
Did you just come right out and say it pointblank?
Did you do it casually, almost as an afterthought, like, "Oh, by the way..."
Did you prepare people first--like with a rehearsed intro/explanation?
Did you do it face-to-face or some other way like email or a letter?

How did they react?

[JBernas]

My aunt sent an email to my dad letting him know that their aunt had died. Definitely a DON'T

[Yorkshire~Rose]

Straight to the point is the best approach i think - when a very close friend of my family died tragically my mum telephoned me and just came out with it.

I don't think there is anything worse that the old "I've got to tell you something....sit down" routine.

[enree erzweglle]

My aunt sent an email to my dad letting him know that their aunt had died. Definitely a DON'T
(!)

When my <one relative> was in fighting in a war, his brother told him in a letter about how their ma had died. And he included a photo of her in her casket.

[enree erzweglle]

Straight to the point is the best approach i think - when a very close friend of my family died tragically my mum telephoned me and just came out with it.

I don't think there is anything worse that the old "I've got to tell you something....sit down" routine.
Good for your mum to have done that. I think coming out with it is best too and maybe to do that, you've got to use the phone. If you try to set up something where you gather everyone together, they'll know and will worry. And if you tell them individually and in person, word travels and you probably don't get to break it to everyone in the way you want to.

Death news is hard to deliver.

My ma's side always said, "You remember <so and so>" and immediately, you knew that <so and so> was gone.

[marsdaddy]

Yeah, the direct approach is the best.

Not that this is in the same league, but one of my employees choose the roundabout way when he quit on Friday.

He was on vacation, and extended his vacation a week to July 1. Then, on July 1, he and I spoke and confirmed a place for us to meet at 11 am. Once I got there, he told me he and his wife decided to retire to Columbia so he was quitting. I asked him why he didn't tell me on the phone and save me the trip, and he told me he wanted to do it in person?

I guess he wanted to make himself feel better -- he kept telling me how it would be unfair to me for him to work just a few more weeks until he left permanently. If his intention was to not piss me off, he failed.

[JBernas]

(!)

When my <one relative> was in fighting in a war, his brother told him in a letter about how their ma had died. And he included a photo of her in her casket.

:eek: (!)

[Yorkshire~Rose]

My ma's side always said, "You remember <so and so>" and immediately, you knew that <so and so> was gone.

Yeah. She did act differently on the phone. She said
"You know Christine? With Rocky?"
(that was her dog...at first i thought something had happened to the dog)
"She's had an accident and has died"

I think she came out with it so quickly because she was finding it hard to keep her emotions in check.