ok since everyone keeps bringing it up

[insertnamehere]

ben said sunday that he doesnt want to see or talk to me for awhile. i understand why and i know that its something we need to do. im just not sure when we'll be able to talk to each other again. i feel like it would be harmless to talk online some once he moves in august. we'll have totally seperate lives and, if i still am the way i am about him, ill at least be able to not show it like i do when im around him.

he's mad at me right now, and i want to respect that he doesnt want to talk to me, so i dont really want to ask when we can again.... he's moving mid august, you think itd be ok to maybe call him up around then just to check on how things are? or maybe soon after he moves to make sure everything's going alright... just a friendly little phonecall?

when we were fighting and this came up and i asked when he said "maybe a year"... i think thats a little much. id like to think that when i move to where he is in january we could hang out some.

i dont want us to leave each other with him being mad at me... you think theres anyway to make him less mad? you know, i dont want him to dread ever talking to me again, and if something reminds him of me i want it to make him feel happy and not angry.


im so lonely :(

[cosmo105]

leave him alone. completely. you're not ready for being friends with him, and you won't be for a looong time.

[JBernas]

you think theres anyway to make him less mad? you know, i dont want him to dread ever talking to me again, and if something reminds him of me i want it to make him feel happy and not angry.

Give him time...he'll get over it. If you press the issue he will be more inclined to be mad permanantly. I don't know your situation, but it sounds like you should just leave him alone for a while. The best way to stay friends with your ex is to have some real distance (not just phyiscal) for at least several months to give you both time to move on. It's too confusing emotionally to try and go from more than friends to just friends at the drop of a hat. Give it at least four months, then maybe send a friendly email. If he doesn't respond, give it a couple of more months. People tend to eventually remember the good times, not the bad (otherwise worthless losers would never get a second chance and we KNOW that doesn't happen). Good luck (y)

[cosmo105]

you obviously still have feelings for him, and as long as you do, you CANNOT be friends. if you call him, you know you'll just be bothering him. if he wants to talk to you, he'll call you. if he doesn't, then he won't. simple as that.

[hpdrifter]

i dont want us to leave each other with him being mad at me... you think theres anyway to make him less mad? you know, i dont want him to dread ever talking to me again, and if something reminds him of me i want it to make him feel happy and not angry.


im so lonely :(

Just do what he has asked you to do. Its hard but for the love of god!

[marsdaddy]

Can we stop this thread before it goes on and on, repeating the same shit we've said over and over again the past few months?

Rachel knows what she needs to do but she doesn't want to do it. Nothing we say will change that. From her first post in this thread, it's clear she's still not ready to move on.

[cosmo105]

Mars is right. anything we say here isn't going to keep her from stalking this guy.

[insertnamehere]

i know i dont need to try talking to him NOW about it... its just, i dont see what could be so harmful about talking online every once in awhile once he moves away.


we have to have a few more dealing with each other, hes still selling me his car and we have to give each others stuff back, i think he might try to do all that without actually having contact with me.

you think it would be ok to tell him, cause i know we're gonna have to talk some time soon about all that, that im not mad at him for doing this and i understand we need it and ill leave him alone for awhile but im still his friend and if he needs anything not to be afraid to call me.

[cosmo105]

no, it won't be okay. you're still trying to get back into his life. the best way for him to really know that you think you need time apart is to ACTUALLY STOP TALKING TO HIM and have time apart. let it go.

[insertnamehere]

i KNOW i need to leave him alone, im not asking if i can call him up tonight and beg him to please be my friend or anythign like that. just when we see each other to excahnge stuff tell him that im ok with it and im not mad (cause last time we spoke to each other it was a fight) and then in a month just a friendly little "hey just wanted to see how everything was going... yeah thats great, im doin good, well it was nice talking to you"

it was a yucky fight out of the blue... his girlfriend kinda made us fight, and then she kept telling me that she was just trying to help me, so after he was like "i dont want to see you anymore" i thanked her for helping me lose my best friend and fucking up my life, she sent him what i said, he told me FUCK YOU, and thats pretty much the last we've said to each other....

[cosmo105]

are you even listening to yourself? SHE ruined your LIFE? he's just a guy you dated. jesus christ. you're not even 20 yet. HE broke up with you. not her. she has nothing to do with this, leave her alone.

don't reach out to him at all. even calling him like that will be desperate and pathetic. christ almighty.

[ToucanSpam]

I think you need to completely avoid him for a few weeks/months. Give yourself time to get over him.


PS-exchanging stuff is stupid, IMO. I never completely cut myself off from someone like that with the intentions of never speaking again. I cannot express my dislike for this act in coherant sentences, its too hard to explain by typing.

[cosmo105]

yeah, my ex still has some of my shit and i still have some of his shit. do i want my stuff back from him? hell no. i'd rather have my sanity than some material objects.

[insertnamehere]

whats desperate about calling him like that? i wodulnt ask to come visit or be like "please dont be mad at me anymore"... just call him up.

and i said that because i was mad at her because of what she did. its such a stupid fight...

me and him were talking about guild wars, and he was giving me a hard time, but not really... like picking one me about how much i sucked and was gonna help me out. but he sat there forever and was like "yeah you really suck... i dont even udnerstand it, you suck worse than suck" and she kept messaging me trying to talk to me and it was kinda getting on my nerves, like she kept asking me what i was doing, so finally i was like "getting yelled at cause i suck at guild wars" and then she started talking to him about how he soudlnt yell at me or be mean to me and she feels sorry for me and stuff, so then they got in a fight about that, so then ben accused me of trying to make her feel bad for me, and trying to make him look like a bad guy, and i made her feel so guilty and she coudlnt be happy because of me, and making them fight over me was the last straw.

id kinda like to see exactly what she said to him for them to get into such a big argument, and how she feels so sorry for me she cant be happy?

[cosmo105]

you're the psycho ex girlfriend. how does that feel?

[insertnamehere]

I think you need to completely avoid him for a few weeks/months. Give yourself time to get over him.


PS-exchanging stuff is stupid, IMO. I never completely cut myself off from someone like that with the intentions of never speaking again. I cannot express my dislike for this act in coherant sentences, its too hard to explain by typing.


he has my PS2 and like 5 movies and i dont even know how many CDs and several of my clothes (and i dont have that many clothes)

[ToucanSpam]

he has my PS2 and like 5 movies and i dont even know how many CDs and several of my clothes (and i dont have that many clothes)
and he isnt going to sell them, because they arent his, so dont shit yourself knowing someone else has your stuff. If he is a friend, hes not going to chuck it.

[cosmo105]

don't exchange it face to face. either have someone else, someone totally removed from the situation, take things back and forth to each other, or mail it.

[insertnamehere]

you dont think theres anything wrong with what she did? she was the one trying to talk to me, and then when i told her that, she went whining to him, when she KNEW it would make him mad for her to get in our buisness... dont yell at her, i feel so sorry for her... i just feel so guilty and i cant get over it! boo hoo. and then when he started giving me a hard time about it, i told her to apologize to him and then to mind her own buisness and she was like "im just trying to help you... i want to help you any way i can" and then i guess said something to hiim about he shouldnt attack me because of what she did... she just woudlnt leave it alone. and so i was mad at both of them by the end of it all.

[insertnamehere]

and he isnt going to sell them, because they arent his, so dont shit yourself knowing someone else has your stuff. If he is a friend, hes not going to chuck it.


well id kinda like to get them back sometime in the not too distant future, i dont have a lot of money, and idont have a lot of things, and i dont have a lot of clothes, and i cant really wait a year to get my pants back.


and im still buying his car. i need the car, he needs the money.

[ToucanSpam]

You have the most fucked up symbiotic relationship with this guy. You need to get away and establish your own sense of self.

[kll]

psychos get nothing but restraining orders slapped on them...

[cosmo105]

why do you even post about it here when you never listen to what people say to you?

[insertnamehere]

You have the most fucked up symbiotic relationship with this guy. You need to get away and establish your own sense of self.

i am getting away from him... i just said i need to get my things back.


so it's BAD that im optimistic about the fact that we could be friends again someday?

heh, i think we have to work together a couple days too before he's done.

[King of Rock II]

Can we stop this thread before it goes on and on, repeating the same shit we've said over and over again the past few months?

Rachel knows what she needs to do but she doesn't want to do it. Nothing we say will change that. From her first post in this thread, it's clear she's still not ready to move on.

*draws a whole bunch of circles around this*

[ToucanSpam]

i am getting away from him... i just said i need to get my things back.


so it's BAD that im optimistic about the fact that we could be friends again someday?

heh, i think we have to work together a couple days too before he's done.
Its not bad, its good that you think hell be interested. Naive but still, maybe he will.

You remind me a lot of Gollum.

[insertnamehere]

that he'll be interested? im not looking for like, serious commited relationship. i just want my buddy ben back. when we were talking about it i asked if we could be friends again he said yeah, just not now, he wasnt like NO I HATE YOU YOU STUPID CUNT!... so i take it as a good sign. he even said he didnt hate me (y)

and seemed kind of hut when i said i wish i never met him

[ToucanSpam]

ok im going to get mean to you.


HE ONLY SAID THAT TO GET YOU TO SHUT UP! HE WAS TRYING TO BE NICE BUT WITH THE WAY HE FEELS ABOUT YOU RIGHT NOW HE DOESNT REALLY WANT TO BE YOUR FRIEND AGAIN. EVER. HE IS HOPING THAT THIS TIME APART WILL MAKE YOU FORGET ABOUT HIM SO THAT HE DOESNT HAVE TO DEAL WITH THIS SHIT ANYMORE. HE SEEMED HURT BECAUSE NO ONE WANTS PEOPLE TO BE MAD AT THEM OR HATE THEM EVEN IF AT THE MOMENT THAT PARTICULAR PERSON MAKES THEM CRAZY.

Ok Im sorry. This is very delicate for you, but it's the hard truth. Maybe one day you two can run into each other and be civil...but real friends? Just not in the cards sweetie. im sorry. Take it from all of us who know.

you are painting yourself into a corner if you try to ever contact him again. And you will just be asking for the heartache you will get from it.

And for the record...if you dont talk to him for a year...you WILL forget what you ever really saw in him, for the most part, and you wont care about being friends ever again.
you need nothing more than to listen to this woman, insertnamehere.

This is my last post ever about this topic.

[insertnamehere]

*sigh*

i guess it gives me some hope that he's managed to stay friends with his other exgirlfriends. he even made up with the one that made him drive like 3 hours to see her and he lost his virginity to and then found out that she lied to him about quitting drugs, she just said that so he'd stay with her, and she lied about being a virgin, and the best part was she had a REAL boyfriend where she lived, so she was just using him to make her feel good about herself or something cause he worshipped her, and then she broke his heart and made him hate girls for awhile.

so if he can forgive her for all that and still talk to her...

[insertnamehere]

i dont understand why there's no hope of friendship

[Freebasser]

You spin me right round baby
Right round
Like a record baby
Right round
Round round

[Echewta]

I WANT YOUR LOVVVVEEE AAHHHOOVVOOAAAHHHAAOOVVEEE!!!

[Echewta]

Dear insertnamehere,

There is other penis in the sea.

Sincerely,

Echewta

[Freebasser]

Right round

[insertnamehere]

i cant accept something i dont understand. it doesnt make sense to me that we cant be friends after we have some time apart.

[cosmo105]

maybe because you're fucking crazy?

p.s. ever seen the video for Right Round? omg, so great.

[insertnamehere]

i wasnt always fucking crazy, and i can stop it.

[insertnamehere]

my call wodulnt be like "hey, so uhh, we're freinds again right?"

ionno... maybe in a few months just a little email so he knows i didnt kill myself

[Freebasser]

He won't care if you killed yourself.

[cosmo105]

at this point he doesn't much care whether you live or die, seeing as how he said "fuck you" and all

OMG JINX FREEBASSER

[insertnamehere]

man... we never resolved who was working thurs and fri night. i have three choices: call him and see if he wants the days of if he wants me to work, show up and possibly he shows up too, or not show up and hope i dont get fired.

[Echewta]

I would care if i killed myself.

[beastieangel01]

You spin me right round baby
Right round
Like a record baby
Right round
Round round

haha. indeed.

[mp-seventythree]

Um, if he has your stuff and you're buying his car, can't you just get him to put your stuff in the car before you collect it? That way you get your stuff back when you get your new car.

Or is that too easy?

[beastieangel01]

too easy.

[mp-seventythree]

:D

[miss soul fire]

Call him everyday.

Stalk him.

Try to find his e-mail password.

[cookiepuss]

two words: lost cause...the whole thing.... the "relationship", this thread and the 5,000 other threads we've had on this subject.

[RobMoney]

He doesn't want to be "friends" with you
He has a new girl
You are pissing her off everytime you contact him because he tells her about it everytime
everytime you call and he sees your name on the caller ID he cringes and says "not her again, why wont she just leave me alone" to himself
Pretty soon, if you keep it up, he will grow tired of being nice to you and will resort to being mean to get you to leave him alone.
When it's over between them he will talk to you because he knows he can easily have you anytime he wants
This will end up hurting you even more
You have low self-esteem and no one can change that but you.
The reason he may still be friends with his other EX's is because they were cool about their split and didn't suffocate him. It's not painful for him to talk to them the way it is to talk to you.

I'm sorry if this was too blunt, but I'm only trying to help you see things more clearly and you don't seem to be getting it when people try to tell you in a "nice" way.

[Beth]

Call him everyday.

Stalk him.

Try to find his e-mail password.
i nominate this for post of the day.