Alcoholic?

[Loppfessor]

So I have a friend/co-worker who is a really good guy and pretty much all around cool person. The only problem is that I'm really starting to think he may be an alcoholic. I don't know if I should say anything or not because when I think about it him drinking all the time really doesn't adversely affect his life. I mean he's always on time for work/gets the job done, isn't in any financial trouble, and doesn't get in trouble with the law.

I have just noticed that he drinks every single night and not just a little bit he gets like wasted. We hung out Friday night at the pub and got good and drunk then Saturday night was poker night and yeah I got drunk again. By the time Sunday rolled around I couldn't even look at a beer but there was my buddy early in the afternoon chugging away. This isn't just on weekends either. I mean is it possible to be an alcoholic w/out ruining your life? Basically if I did say anything to him I know his reply would be something like "How is me getting drunk hurting anyone?" I guess other than being bad for his health it's really not. So do I say something or just leave it alone?

[Mot]

It's called a functioning alcoholic

[Loppfessor]

Yeah that's what I mean I guess....but how does one confront a functioning alcoholic? I mean it would be easier if I could be like "Look dude, you lost your wife, your friends hate you and you're fucking up at work". How do I make HIM see that he has a problem?

[Mot]

It doesn't matter what you say, he will probably tell you to mind your own buisness.

[Qdrop]

How do I make HIM see that he has a problem?

why does he "have a problem"?

other than long term health problem....

at this point, this is no differant then someone who smokes.

it's bad for your health, but it's not effecting the ability to function normally.

let him go until you see it actually effecting his function...

[Loppfessor]

It doesn't matter what you say, he will probably tell you to mind your own buisness.


You're probably right....


Oh and Qdrop I dig what you're saying. It's just frustrating cus he really is a good person and I like him and respect him a lot. I just kind of feel like he's wasting his life away and want to help. For example our base commander gave us this week off to go out and explore the local area and interact with the Germans right. I mean shit a whole week off to go be tourists and have fun! Sounds great, but all this dude wants to do is go to the pub next to his house and get drunk all week. That is disturbing.

[Qdrop]

You're probably right....


Oh and Qdrop I dig what you're saying. It's just frustrating cus he really is a good person and I like him and respect him a lot. I just kind of feel like he's wasting his life away and want to help. For example our base commander gave us this week off to go out and explore the local area and interact with the Germans right. I mean shit a whole week off to go be tourists and have fun! Sounds great, but all this dude wants to do is go to the pub next to his house and get drunk all week. That is disturbing.

i have a friend EXACTLY like this.
i speak from experiance....

[ms.peachy]

What about making it about you, instead of about him? I mean, suggest an outing where there won't be drinking. Like maybe "You wanna come hiking at (insert nearest place to go hiking here) on Saturday? Man, I just feel like I've been drinking and eatin' a load of crap lately, it's starting to slow me down - I just need to get out into some fresh air and work up a good healthy sweat, ya know? You in?"

And if he turns you down, go anyway. And then just keep doing that kind of thing now and again, and go to the pub with him less often, and when you do go, leave at a reasonable hour. And so forth. Eventually he will either see that he is the odd man out, getting fat, feeling shit, having no fun, etc etc, or he won't. The best you can do is just be a friend who gently shows him other options and a good example of balance, really.

[adam_f]

If you met my brother, and had no idea the kinda guy he is, you would be glad he's an alcoholic. You really would.

[Loppfessor]

Just out of curiosity, about how old is he?


He's almost 29

[hardnox71]

He's a functioning addict, Lopp. I used to think that you had to drink every single day and get smashed to be considered an alcoholic but that's not exactly true. There are people who drink two, maybe three times a week but they can be considered alcoholics. Why? Because they drink to the point of obliteration. That's what I used to do. Didn't drink often but when I did, good God, I was a mess. Got to a point where I couldn't deal with the hangovers anymore so I just stopped (not drinking but getting hammered.) Fucking hurts too much in the morining.

[RobMoney]

Reading about other people's problems is stupid....I got enough of my own

[abcdefz]

You could always say what's on your mind; just be straight up about it.

It might not change anything right away, but it'll get filed in his mind. I know I think of the few times someone spoke up as "warning signs I should have heeded," and I also wonder why the hell other good friends didn't speak up at all.

[Tone Capone]

Reading about other people's problems is stupid....I got enough of my own





If you don't like them maybe you should come up with a better idea for a thread

[Loppfessor]

Duh Rob I said "other" people's problems...this one is mine hence extremely interesting

[Anne Lauren]

So I have a friend/co-worker who is a really good guy and pretty much all around cool person. The only problem is that I'm really starting to think he may be an alcoholic. I don't know if I should say anything or not because when I think about it him drinking all the time really doesn't adversely affect his life. I mean he's always on time for work/gets the job done, isn't in any financial trouble, and doesn't get in trouble with the law.

I have just noticed that he drinks every single night and not just a little bit he gets like wasted. We hung out Friday night at the pub and got good and drunk then Saturday night was poker night and yeah I got drunk again. By the time Sunday rolled around I couldn't even look at a beer but there was my buddy early in the afternoon chugging away. This isn't just on weekends either. I mean is it possible to be an alcoholic w/out ruining your life? Basically if I did say anything to him I know his reply would be something like "How is me getting drunk hurting anyone?" I guess other than being bad for his health it's really not. So do I say something or just leave it alone?

All the immature beef between us aside, Rich...I was browsing through the board and this thread really got me thinking because the very thing you were talking about is something that I've been debateing over for a while with my self. How does someone know when they have a problem? Like, what is the definition of having a problem? Is it doing something in excess? Or is it depending on something to function and it ends up consuming your life and other aspects of your life end up suffering because of it? I always thought it was when it affected your life in a negative manner. Like, I love to go out and drink and have fun. And I do it a lot. I don't need to do it to function and it doesn't affect my life and I don't depend on alcohol to complete me in any way and I try to be responsible as possible when I do it. So do I have a problem because I do it a lot?

Seriously though, that's like a really interesting question that you brought up. And I agree a lot with the comment Q-drop made about smoking, for example. Smoking is horrible for you and your almost guaranteed to die eventually from it if you continue doing it...however, it's not seen as being as troublesome, for lack of a better word, when someone chain smokes vs. when someone frequently drinks a lot. Like, there's no clinics or rehab for smokeing. I guess because the affects aren't as immediate as heavily drinking. You never hear that someone lost their job and ruined relationships due to smokeing.

Anyway, I had to comment because this is a pretty interesting thread.

[Loppfessor]

Yeah it would be nice if there was a definitive answer to this question but I don’t think there is one. It would be nice if there was some sort of formula like if you drink X amount of drinks and go out Y nights in a row spending Z amount of money. I dunno I guess you’d hafta go on a case by case basis.

[RobMoney]

There is NO formula.
Has your friend suffered a loss because of alcohol, such as losing his job or his girlfriend?
Has alcohol caused him any health problems?
Is he using alcohol to escape something that may be unpleasent or depressing?
Is he the type of guy that just needs to have a drink, and it could be as little as only one drink, or he just can't function?
These are some signs of someone who could be abusing alcohol.

But basically, it's up to your "friend" to decide whether or not he's an alcoholic. Treatement will only work if he's ready to be helped anyway, there's not really much you can do except just tell him how you feel and hope it sinks in enough for him to get help.

[enree erzweglle]

I've been reading these responses but not responding.

You're a sweet friend for noticing and for wanting to help.

If I could offer some advice:

Don't broach it with him when he's planning to drink or is already drinking.

Don't broach it with him when you're upset/anxious about what he's doing.

Mention it to him casually and in a brief way a few times, but be prepared that even those few mentions might get in the way of your friendship.

Know that he might lash back at you, finding fault in some thing or set of things that you do. Don't get pulled into that tangent.

Don't expect quick or close-to-quick results.

Know, in your own mind, what your own limits are.

Try not to get pulled into this in a way that you get sick yourself.

(By mentioning it casually, you're just planting the seed in his mind that there might be a problem. It might take him a long, long time to even just admit to himself (let alone anyone else) that the problem is there. It'll probably take much longer for him to start to want to change it and then longer still for him to actually change it.)

[wanton wench]

Yeah that's what I mean I guess....but how does one confront a functioning alcoholic? I mean it would be easier if I could be like "Look dude, you lost your wife, your friends hate you and you're fucking up at work". How do I make HIM see that he has a problem?

you could talk to him til you are blue in the face! he wont see he has a problem til he wants to! and he probably wont see that till he has lost his wife and friends and job. all you can do is be his friend. its sounds like you are a good friend! i would joke with him about it! dont make it too personal or too deep cause that will probably piss him off! i have two friends that are functioning alcoholics! its sad cause they are really good people and i want to help but help is only taken when it is asked for. i made the mistake of saying something to one of my friends and they got mad. they got up and walked out of the bar and got in their car. i felt like shit. i was very scared for them so i left and followed them home. they made it home safe but i will never say anything to them again. deep down i think they all know they have a problem they just cant face it yet!

[Loppfessor]

Well I've passed on going out with him the past two nights now but that's cus I’ve been sick as a dog. My fever finally broke though so that's good. A bunch of us are going to some Casino in Belgium tomorrow so hopefully the trip will provide some chances to casually mention things.

[Anne Lauren]

There is NO formula.
Has your friend suffered a loss because of alcohol, such as losing his job or his girlfriend?
Has alcohol caused him any health problems?
Is he using alcohol to escape something that may be unpleasent or depressing?
Is he the type of guy that just needs to have a drink, and it could be as little as only one drink, or he just can't function?
These are some signs of someone who could be abusing alcohol.

But basically, it's up to your "friend" to decide whether or not he's an alcoholic. Treatement will only work if he's ready to be helped anyway, there's not really much you can do except just tell him how you feel and hope it sinks in enough for him to get help.

Huh, that's a really good answer Rob.

I think people just need to vent sometimes in disfunctional ways. Shit happens in life that's really difficult to cope with and accept and sometimes people just need to get a little crazy and not follow the "norm" and hope that they have non-judgemental forgiving friends and they don't permanently fuck their life up as a result. I think a lot of times people are too hard on themselves and try too hard to "keep it together" and be "strong" during really hard times and their life. And that just adds more pressure to the shit that their already having to deal with.

And from personal experience, if your friend is drinking a lot to numb the pain, the last thing he needs is someone calling him out about it and trying to "mother" him, so's to speak. More times than not, the person knows they have a problem and it's just irratateing when people feel the need to remind them...like they have it all together and they're just rubbing it in your face and your remembering back at times when they acted like total nutballs. Anyway, in all actuality, the best most therapeutic thing might be to accompany him to the bar while he drinks. You don't have to drink...but, more than likely he'll open up to you and he won't be alone...which is always a good thing. It may suck for you because you're gonna get burned out with hearing him mope and whine all the time...but, that's the definition of being a good friend...doing something for someone when you really don't want to and it totally puts you out, but it betters them in the long run. What goes around comes around and you never want to isolate friends because you never know when you may need them.

[abcdefz]

You know what I thought about this just a while ago?

You may have to decide if your friend's life or your friend's frienship is more important to you.

'Cause you may try to save the guy's life (so to speak), and, even if he sees reason and turns things around, he might still blame you. You can't expect gratitude for doing the higher thing.

[CrankItUp!]

It doesn't matter what you say, he will probably tell you to mind your own buisness.
I agree with just that . Also , there is a big difference between being an alcoholic and just plain having a high tolerance level . A high tolerance for beer is what I have and thats not bragging . I wish that I could get lit from just one beer rather than having to drink 10 ! I don't have to drink to have a good time either , but I work hard and I enjoy my malt and riding BMX ! ;)

[Anne Lauren]

See, I don't know, I don't see this situation as being that big of a deal. Granted, I don't know the whole story. I mean, maybe he just likes to drink and get a good buzz and he likes the atmosphere of bars and socializeing. Maybe he's shy and alcohol helps him loosen up and he likes to mack on women. I don't know that's just an example. I mean, everyone's different. I can say that I love doing that sort of stuff...getting a buzz and going to a club and dancing or going to a bar and shooting pool. It's in a way kinda addictive because it's for me it's fun. I'm able to chill with my friends and goof off...harmless sort of stuff. However, the risk in that is that eventually people don't know when to call it quits and they end up getting arrested and fucking up their lives and other's. Now, when that happens more often than not...that's when the person has a problem and a friend needs to step in and try and do something because that's when people's lives start getting affected. I mean, people shouldn't be judged just because they go out a lot and like to drink...life's too sort...enjoy it.

[kll]

alcoholic

[Anne Lauren]

alcoholic

Probably ;)

What do you do for fun? Or what do you do to relieve stress?

[kll]

Probably ;)

What do you do for fun? Or what do you do to relieve stress?


drink, of course... :)

[Anne Lauren]

drink, of course... :)

hahaha (y)

[Anne Lauren]

However, I do have to bring up the point that if I'm still choosing dance clubs and bars as my source of entertainment thirty years from now...I would hope to God that a friend would intervene and pull my wrinklely ass off the dance floor.

Like, one time a friend and I were at this club and they had a wet tee-shirt contest. There was this woman that was my mom's age flashing her tits around and booty grinding with guys her son's age. She looked pretty good for her age, but still. Man, that's just wrong. I couldn't even imagine what her kids think...hell, they probably think it's normal and they ride together to the clubs.

[enree erzweglle]

Like, one time a friend and I were at this club and they had a wet tee-shirt contest. There was this woman that was my mom's age flashing her tits around and booty grinding with guys her son's age. She looked pretty good for her age, but still. Man, that's just wrong. I couldn't even imagine what her kids think...hell, they probably think it's normal and they ride together to the clubs.
It is strange when that happens and it makes me feel a little uncomfortable when guys my son's age flirt with me. It's fun, though, to watch their expression when I point my son out to them.

By the way, when things like this happen, I'm not in a club or at a bar--I don't do go to places like that. I'm talking about just running into people who happen to be younger than I am or who are my kid's age. It happens...it'll probably happen to you too. Remember this thread. :D

a-z, about giving up a friendship to save a life. I wrote something very similar to that in my response this morning but edited it out because I thought maybe Lopp wasn't there yet. He's still at that early stage of intervention, it seemed, when it's just mostly hints and innuendo. It's true, though. You have to figure that to do one (help), you've got to risk the other (friendship). I don't know of many relationships that survived when one half of the couple is addicted and the other half is the person who intervenes. It's hard.

[Loppfessor]

Well I don't think I'm at the point where I'll quit being his friend. I think he's a really great person. We have a lot of similar interests and I do enjoy hanging out with him a lot. Honestly he's one of the few male friends that I have that I can talk about real shit with.

As far as his tolerance that is the weird thing. I can still remember the very first time I went out with him. We got to this base like 2 weeks apart and neithe of us really knew anyone yet. So we met up at the pub by his hotel one night to hang out. He wound up getting shit faced really quick and I literally had to help him out of the place and walk him to his hotel. I was amazed and thought "Damn this dude can't hang" but he literally drinks every single night. Anyway at this point I guess I'll just keep hangin out and maybe keep an eye on the situation. I just know that I can't get sucked in too much to his lifestyle cus if I drink more than a night or two in a row I simply can't function right.

[Anne Lauren]

It is strange when that happens and it makes me feel a little uncomfortable when guys my son's age flirt with me. It's fun, though, to watch their expression when I point my son out to them.

By the way, when things like this happen, I'm not in a club or at a bar--I don't do go to places like that. I'm talking about just running into people who happen to be younger than I am or who are my kid's age. It happens...it'll probably happen to you too. Remember this thread. :D

a-z, about giving up a friendship to save a life. I wrote something very similar to that in my response this morning but edited it out because I thought maybe Lopp wasn't there yet. He's still at that early stage of intervention, it seemed, when it's just mostly hints and innuendo. It's true, though. You have to figure that to do one (help), you've got to risk the other (friendship). I don't know of many relationships that survived when one half of the couple is addicted and the other half is the person who intervenes. It's hard.

Hummm...I don't recall that thread.

Anyway, just out of curiosity, and if you don't mind me asking...how old are you? I think I remember you writting one time about having teenage sons, right? And I bet your a total MILF. ;)

[Anne Lauren]

Well I don't think I'm at the point where I'll quit being his friend. I think he's a really great person. We have a lot of similar interests and I do enjoy hanging out with him a lot. Honestly he's one of the few male friends that I have that I can talk about real shit with.

As far as his tolerance that is the weird thing. I can still remember the very first time I went out with him. We got to this base like 2 weeks apart and neithe of us really knew anyone yet. So we met up at the pub by his hotel one night to hang out. He wound up getting shit faced really quick and I literally had to help him out of the place and walk him to his hotel. I was amazed and thought "Damn this dude can't hang" but he literally drinks every single night. Anyway at this point I guess I'll just keep hangin out and maybe keep an eye on the situation. I just know that I can't get sucked in too much to his lifestyle cus if I drink more than a night or two in a row I simply can't function right.

Wimp :D

You need to start hangin' with your bud every night at the bars and build up that tolerance.

[enree erzweglle]

Hummm...I don't recall that thread.

Anyway, just out of curiosity, and if you don't mind me asking...how old are you? I think I remember you writting one time about having teenage sons, right? And I bet your a total MILF. ;)
I was talking about this thread...remember this conversation because you might be there (having young kids flirt with you) someday too. :)

I'm 40. My son is just about to turn 19.

I don't think I'm a MILF. I'm just in good shape.

A friend of mine is the professor/analytical type.
He heard that term, MILF, and didn't understand it.
I explained it to him and he said with his Oxford accent, "Shouldn't that be a MILTF?" :D

[Anne Lauren]

I was talking about this thread...remember this conversation because you might be there (having young kids flirt with you) someday too. :)

I'm 40. My son is just about to turn 19.

I don't think I'm a MILF. I'm just in good shape.

A friend of mine is the professor/analytical type.
He heard that term, MILF, and didn't understand it.
I explained it to him and he said with his Oxford accent, "Shouldn't that be a MILTF?" :D

That's cool...19, huh? My youngest brother's 21...boys are definately a hand full around that age. But, I bet you have a really good son. :)

[enree erzweglle]

That's cool...19, huh? My youngest brother's 21...boys are definately a hand full around that age. But, I bet you have a really good son. :)
He had a little too much fun in the dorms last semester. :)

[Anne Lauren]

He had a little too much fun in the dorms last semester. :)

I bet he did. That's a big part of the college experience, though. That period of my life was probably the best time of my life, looking back now, and I didn't even realize it at the time. I miss it a lot...I had an absolute blast. Totally care-free, did everything in excess, and experienced some crazy shit...but that was OK because everybody else was doing it too. It's funny because looking back now...I say to myself, "What the hell was I thinking doing some of the shit I did?" It wasn't just about the partying though...I loved school and learning about stuff that actually interested me. Plus, that's where I met my ex-husband and I was so in love and naive to the evils of men. :D

[hpdrifter]

There's a little too much Anne Lauren in this thread for my liking but I didn't want to create a new one since this one is pretty much exactly the same question I would have asked.

I think this person in my life is an alcoholic even though he doesn't drink every day and doesn't get completely wasted every time he drinks. I have looked online at various assessments of behavior and alcohol use and none of them seem to me to accurately assess this situation. In many of them the criteria is so loose that pretty much everyone I know could be considered an alcoholic, including people for whom there is no question they are not alcoholic. I guess the only accurate assessment would be by a health care professional but that is not going to happen. He absolutely doesn't see it and if I bring it up, no matter how and when I bring it up, he gets extremely upset.

I looked online at AA and Al Anon websites. They say that you can only control your own behavior. So I guess the next step at this point is to not participate with him in it anymore and not help him out when it fucks things up (i.e. he loses his phone, keys, wallet). I also went to an Al Anon family group meeting yesterday. It was awkward and scary and I really didn't want to enter the room. It was weird to see how they'd disguised the name and purpose of the meeting on the bulletin board outside. I know that's how they have to do it but in a way it made me feel like I had something to be ashamed of. But I forced myself and I'm glad I did.

Anyway, unfortunately distancing myself from him is not an option at this point. I just wish I had seen it before, it was so glaringly obvious. I guess I didn't understand what being an alcoholic really meant.

[Videodrome]

What's wrong with Anne Lauren?

[NoFenders]

Hp, why'd ya go to the meeting?

[hpdrifter]

Because it was the only thing I could think of to do. It's meant for family members and others affected by someone's alcoholism. I don't know where it's going to take me but I am going to keep going until I figure out what the next step should be.

[NoFenders]

You're a great friend. Seriously, you are. As you've already found out, it's up to him, bottom line. But knowing that somebody is there to help, can be a great boost to help him out. Don't expect anything, but the unexpected. Don't bring yourself down with a feeling of failure if he doesn't respond the way you thought he would either. Don't try and lift somebody up that isn't ready. You'll spin your wheels, and you wont rise to your potential. Which, most likely, wont help him.Realise that showing him the great things about you, is showing him the great things in his life. Does he want more? Or does he want to hide, and fade away. It's his choice, and his choice only.

Words I live by........."You are the only problem you will ever have, and baby, you are your only solution."

(y)

[russhie]

This is an interesting thread. I was thinking the other day where the line blurs between binge drinking and alcoholism. My grandfather was an alcoholic, and my mother as a result doesn't drink. Both my sisters are social drinkers, I tend to drink alot more than them.

I drink to relax, I drink socially, I drink to lower inhibitions and I drink because I like the taste. I don't think I'm an alcoholic at all, but when I drink alot (3-4 times a week) for a period of time I lose control of my finances and go to work hungover, I don't study and generally won't attend a social event unless I'll have the opportunity to get obliterated. I can't remember the last time I went to a family function without a hangover. I think I like to party just a little too hard sometimes, but if I keep it up for a period of months I start to think that my life would be less interesting, I'd miss those inebriated I'm-young-and-stupid moments, I don't think be able to pick up in bars and clubs and basically it becomes a sort of subconcious crutch for me - I drink because I want to, everyone else is and I'm afraid of becoming boring.

Anyway. Binge drinking is bad too I guess.

[yeahwho]

There's a little too much Anne Lauren in this thread for my liking but I didn't want to create a new one since this one is pretty much exactly the same question I would have asked.

I think this person in my life is an alcoholic even though he doesn't drink every day and doesn't get completely wasted every time he drinks. I have looked online at various assessments of behavior and alcohol use and none of them seem to me to accurately assess this situation. In many of them the criteria is so loose that pretty much everyone I know could be considered an alcoholic, including people for whom there is no question they are not alcoholic. I guess the only accurate assessment would be by a health care professional but that is not going to happen. He absolutely doesn't see it and if I bring it up, no matter how and when I bring it up, he gets extremely upset.

I looked online at AA and Al Anon websites. They say that you can only control your own behavior. So I guess the next step at this point is to not participate with him in it anymore and not help him out when it fucks things up (i.e. he loses his phone, keys, wallet). I also went to an Al Anon family group meeting yesterday. It was awkward and scary and I really didn't want to enter the room. It was weird to see how they'd disguised the name and purpose of the meeting on the bulletin board outside. I know that's how they have to do it but in a way it made me feel like I had something to be ashamed of. But I forced myself and I'm glad I did.

Anyway, unfortunately distancing myself from him is not an option at this point. I just wish I had seen it before, it was so glaringly obvious. I guess I didn't understand what being an alcoholic really meant.

Humility was always a huge problem for me before I quit drinking, even though my life had become a case study in incomprehensible demoralization. I had to finally reach a point of humbleness, clarity and desperation that led me to accept AA.

If it is any consolation the girl I was semi seeing during my late stage of alcoholism had begun to attend Al-Anon meetings at the insistence of her best friend who was an alcoholic, that led to a series of events which made me attend AA, not really sobering up but grasping that it was OK, it was alright to admit I may have a problem beyond my control... which brought me back to having to be humble enough to do something about it.

So after drinking daily since 8th grade into my mid twenties, I quit. I became that guy who was willing to do whatever it takes to stay sober "no matter what" one day at a time.

Because somebody cared just enough to make an effort, which led to somebody else and so on and so on. The rest is history.

Your doing the right thing, keep on keepin' on.

[hpdrifter]

Thanks guys. I think you're right, I'll just do what I can for myself. The people at the group recommended for us newbies (there was another girl there with almost exactly the same problem as mine) to go to several different meetings. I was thinking I might attend one of the open AA meetings too. I'm not sure if it's really applicable but it's another avenue.

[hpdrifter]

Can a general practitioner diagnose alcoholism or does it have to be an addiction specialist?

[Kid Presentable]

Is it your husband?

[hpdrifter]

I want to find out whether I am for myself. I don't think I am but it's hard to tell just looking online.

[Kid Presentable]

You probably are. I am, and I fucking love it. Cheers.

[hpdrifter]

You're a great friend. Seriously, you are. As you've already found out, it's up to him, bottom line. But knowing that somebody is there to help, can be a great boost to help him out. Don't expect anything, but the unexpected. Don't bring yourself down with a feeling of failure if he doesn't respond the way you thought he would either. Don't try and lift somebody up that isn't ready. You'll spin your wheels, and you wont rise to your potential. Which, most likely, wont help him.Realise that showing him the great things about you, is showing him the great things in his life. Does he want more? Or does he want to hide, and fade away. It's his choice, and his choice only.

Words I live by........."You are the only problem you will ever have, and baby, you are your only solution."

(y)

This is helpful because my inclination is to have expectations. I am trying not to color it with my own fear but I can't help thinking that nothing will change for a long time and it'll happen again and again. And I'll get frustrated and wonder what is the final straw? At what point do I throw up my hands and say I can't deal with you anymore?

I haven't talked to him about this again, he doesn't know I went to this meeting and if he did he would not handle it well.

[hpdrifter]

.

[Kid Presentable]

But you already supsect so. I don't mean it to sting, you are smart enough to know yourself, though.

Edit: I'm not following. I thought you were finding out for another person. I assumed it was your husband.

[hpdrifter]

It's okay, you're right.

It is another person but I am also reflecting on myself. I think it's only natural under the circumstances.

[Kid Presentable]

That's going to be on my tombstone: "Natural under the circumstances".

Good luck.

[NoFenders]

I'll get frustrated and wonder what is the final straw? At what point do I throw up my hands and say I can't deal with you anymore?



Hard to say, but I'm pretty sure you'll know when it's time. Some people don't want to be helped. There's nothing you can do about that.

[yeahwho]

Seattle is AA mecca, there are more meetings in this town than most every city I've been in. Also there are more extreme styles of meetings. There sure are a lot of drunks in this town for it's size. The structure is usually pretty loosey goosey and I find myself attending late night meetings, hootowls etc.

I also tend to gravitate toward fremont which isn't in fremont anymore, but up on aurora past greenwood, towards oaktree. Some say it's a low bottom hall whatever I like the ambiance of complete disorder and one upmanship in the drunkologues, it makes me feel at home.

[hpdrifter]

Yeah, I was absolutely floored at the number of AA and Al Anon meetings available. There are like 7-8 a day of Al Anon alone! All over the city!

I think I stumbled into one of those low bottom hall type places once when shopping for a Christmas Tree on Aurora a couple of years ago. They were in the middle of a meeting and I just needed to find a bathroom. :o

[hpdrifter]

Actually guys, I should probably let this thread return to the thread graveyard from whence I unearthed it.

It isn't exactly anonymous if I am posting about it. I should be able to get all of my frustration, anger, and pain out with the kind souls who attend the meetings. Hopefully I'll have better sense than to post about this again. If I could edit all of my posts out I would but I can't now so... let's just forget about this, okay?

[yeahwho]

Screw that, the part where they ask if there are any newcomers to this group... I'm going to add, are there and BBMB members just arriving here?

[ericlee]

Hp, dear. If you think you're having a problem with the sauce then by all means, seek help.

When I first got to NY, I boozed up waayy too much and ended up in situations that I never imagined myself being in.

From getting liqoured up to the point where I'd black out, I woke up on a sidewalk after a concert at 7am after downing jameson like a madman on an empty stomach.

I've passed out on the train a few times and woke up at 5am. Yeah, at that point I have diagnosed myself with a problem.

I went to a few AA meetings and personally, I think they were putting more emphasis on teaching religion rather than you being an acoholic and needing help. I went there a couple of times, met some decent people but decided it wasn't for me.

I did however learn self control. I have quit drinking all hard liqour which was always involved in my worst of situations. I haven't drank it for 2 years now and the closest I come to it is drinking some sangria with the wife.

I do drink beers and I have my no-drinking days. I limit myself to a 6 pack or a 12 pack on the weekends.

Every finger would be pointing at me as being a functional alcoholic for sure. As you've said, if you drink just a little these days, you're considered to be an alcoholic.

If you decide you should quit, by all means, go for it. You'll be doing your wallet and liver a favor. My time to quit is coming soon. The fun of it has faded away a long time ago.

[Loppfessor]

I find it ironic that as I am re-reading this thread I am drunk....meanwhile I posted this about a friend in 2004...I went to visit same friend this past 4th of July weekend and ironically enough he quit drinking entirely. Life is crazy

[Myu-to]

LOPPY!!!!

What up homie?

I didn't re-read this thread, too long, however, it was cool seeing a lot of names of people that I miss.

*poors skim decaf latte on the office floor*