Well, my divorce is now legally finalized

[Anne Lauren]

I didn't think it would bother me as much as it's been. I mean, we've been seperated since October and have lived like a divorced couple since last fall. However, hearing the judge say, "You two are now officially divorced." just really hit me hard. I know people say this all the time, but, seriously, I have no desire to get married ever again. It drains the life out of you.

[TAL]

*hits on Anne*

[sam i am]

I didn't think it would bother me as much as it's been. I mean, we've been seperated since October and have lived like a divorced couple since last fall. However, hearing the judge say, "You two are now officially divorced." just really hit me hard. I know people say this all the time, but, seriously, I have no desire to get married ever again. It drains the life out of you.

Felt the same way when mine happened, but I found the best and am getting remarried. It's not so bad if you can find what you REALLY want the second time around....


Good luck

[adam_f]

I thought that you were twelve with a mouth of a trucker. Guess not.

Sorry about the whole divorce thing.

[CiaoBella]

being single is great. Enjoy it!

[TurdBerglar]

why do peopl act like they have to get married

[Echewta]

Welcome to the club, have a seat.

[jabumbo]

did the judge bang a meat cleaver down instead of a gavel?

[QueenAdrock]

YOU obviously don't know any Mormons, Turdy.

"When are you and Wayne getting married? You've been dating for 4 years and 3 months, which means you should have gotten married 4 years and 2 months ago. Go get married, so we can then ask when you're going to have your first baby. And then the next...and next...and next...and next... and so and so on until you have 11 beautiful babies and accept Jesus into your life."

[TurdBerglar]

all marriage does is make it harder to break up

[Anne Lauren]

Felt the same way when mine happened, but I found the best and am getting remarried. It's not so bad if you can find what you REALLY want the second time around....


Good luck

Oh, I know it's a phase. And I'm over the hard part emotionally...that's why I was suprised that it has effected me as much as is has. It's just kind of a sad feeling. Plus, I'm getting ready to move away from everybody, so I know that has a lot to do with it too. I just got married too young and I'll always love him.

Anyway, congradulations on getting married! (y)

[redhead]

i think holding a marriage together with kids is stupid...
i have a "friend" who is trying to get pregnant because she thinks it will magically fix everything that is wrong with her marriage...DUMB!!!!

[Anne Lauren]

why do peopl act like they have to get married

Yeah, I agree with you on that statement. However, when you are so in love, fascinated with, and think about someone all the time (hence: Honeymoon phase)...marriage is usually the first thing that comes to mind. You never want that feeling to end.

[TurdBerglar]

so why ruin that feeling with marriage

[afronaut]

holding a relationship together because of a piece of paper is the stupidiest reason to get married

I dont believe in marriage.....you dont have to be married to love someone forever.
Yeah, fuck that noise.

[Anne Lauren]

They say the three most stressful things to experience in life are:

Loss of a loved one
Moving
New job.

it sounds like you are in for a triple whammy. I went through all three at the same time before too. You'll be alright.

Good luck to ya and stay strong and all that. (y)

Thanks, but, I'm fine really. (y)

It's kinda weird, too, because it made me think back and remember a lot of the good times...which was awesome. You totally forget that there once was good times. I guess I'm kinda sad because it made me truly realize that phase in my life is over.

I'm wondering what to do with my wedding and engagement rings? They're beautiful and expensive and represent a happy time...so, I don't want to get rid of them. However, it's not like I can pass them down to my kids. I doubt they'd want rings from a divorce that their mom had with another man that wasn't their dad.

[Anne Lauren]

so why ruin that feeling with marriage

Actually, I've heard that sometimes the fact that people are married in it's self contributes to a divorce...like they feel trapped and obligated to stay with this person simply over some paperwork and they subconsciously freak out.

[wanton wench]

I didn't think it would bother me as much as it's been. I mean, we've been seperated since October and have lived like a divorced couple since last fall. However, hearing the judge say, "You two are now officially divorced." just really hit me hard. I know people say this all the time, but, seriously, I have no desire to get married ever again. It drains the life out of you.

my divorce was final in march. we had been split up since october also. its hard cause there is a child involved but it gets easier. and when you know its over its better that you end it instead of staying in a dead relationship. thats not good for the kido! my ex says i gave up. hell ya i gave up but only when i knew it would never be the same. i knew i would never be happy! so its better this way! hope everything goes well for you! cheers

[Anne Lauren]

my divorce was final in march. we had been split up since october also. its hard cause there is a child involved but it gets easier. and when you know its over its better that you end it instead of staying in a dead relationship. thats not good for the kido! my ex says i gave up. hell ya i gave up but only when i knew it would never be the same. i knew i would never be happy! so its better this way! hope everything goes well for you! cheers

There's nothing worse than staying in a miserable marriage. They're like always around and you dread coming home. And, ya, I bet it's tough haveing a child involved. I had a miscarriage last year and that was really the final straw for us. But, everything happens for a reason. Do you really like being single? I don't think it's all it's cracked up to be. I mean, it does have it's perks. However, I don't want a relationship, either. I'm in limbo.

[wanton wench]

There's nothing worse than staying in a miserable marriage. They're like always around and you dread coming home. And, ya, I bet it's tough haveing a child involved. I had a miscarriage last year and that was really the final straw for us. But, everything happens for a reason. Do you really like being single? I don't think it's all it's cracked up to be. I mean, it does have it's perks. However, I don't want a relationship, either. I'm in limbo.

its fun to be single! i dont want a relationship, just good friends. the perks--in my house when i put something in a certain spot its there when i come home later, i dont have to do his nasty laundry, there is no wet towel left on the bathroom floor, i can eat pasta anytime i want (my ex hated pasta) i dont have to explain myself to anyone, i dont have to fight with anyone, i can plant veggies where i want to (we had a garden and i planted a bunch of stuff so i come home one day and he dug it all up and moved it and a few days later it all died) after my daughter falls asleep i can listen to whatever music i want to! these are just a few! sorry to hear about your miscarriage! that must have been hard to deal with. i wish you all the best!

[Anne Lauren]

its fun to be single! i dont want a relationship, just good friends. the perks--in my house when i put something in a certain spot its there when i come home later, i dont have to do his nasty laundry, there is no wet towel left on the bathroom floor, i can eat pasta anytime i want (my ex hated pasta) i dont have to explain myself to anyone, i dont have to fight with anyone, i can plant veggies where i want to (we had a garden and i planted a bunch of stuff so i come home one day and he dug it all up and moved it and a few days later it all died) after my daughter falls asleep i can listen to whatever music i want to! these are just a few! sorry to hear about your miscarriage! that must have been hard to deal with. i wish you all the best!

Yeah, it was extremely hard mainly because we told everyone when we first found out, then you have to relive it everytime you ran into someone cause they'd ask how I was doing etc. Plus, it was like the first grand kid, etc. But, you deal....part of life.

However, next month after I move, I will have the benefits of living alone like you described. I moved back with my parents after I filed...Oh my God, my mom drives me nuts. I'm like a 26 grown woman that has to sneak out in the backyard to smoke. And she'll call me and wonder where I am and when I'm coming home. Or if there's bad weather, she'll "suggest" I not get out on the road. It's sweet, but I'm not used to that...and she is wearing me out! It's funny cause I like moved back into my old highschool bedroom...hell, ya! (y)

[wanton wench]

Yeah, it was extremely hard mainly because we told everyone when we first found out, then you have to relive it everytime you ran into someone cause they'd ask how I was doing etc. Plus, it was like the first grand kid, etc. But, you deal....part of life.

However, next month after I move, I will have the benefits of living alone like you described. I moved back with my parents after I filed...Oh my God, my mom drives me nuts. I'm like a 26 grown woman that has to sneak out in the backyard to smoke. And she'll call me and wonder where I am and when I'm coming home. Or if there's bad weather, she'll "suggest" I not get out on the road. It's sweet, but I'm not used to that...and she is wearing me out! It's funny cause I like moved back into my old highschool bedroom...hell, ya! (y)
where do you live in tn? i use to live in beach bluff! ever hear of it?

[abcdefz]

I didn't think it would bother me as much as it's been. I mean, we've been seperated since October and have lived like a divorced couple since last fall. However, hearing the judge say, "You two are now officially divorced." just really hit me hard. I know people say this all the time, but, seriously, I have no desire to get married ever again. It drains the life out of you.




...that's gotta be hard. Hope you have friends and family to cushion things a bit.

[Anne Lauren]

where do you live in tn? i use to live in beach bluff! ever hear of it?

Chattanooga. It's literally right on the boarder of Georgia. Like I drive to GA to get gas a lot. It's a lot cheaper there. And people that live in GA get jobs here if possible because there's no state income tax in TN.

Anyway, no, I've never heard of it. What part of TN is it in?

[Anne Lauren]

...that's gotta be hard. Hope you have friends and family to cushion things a bit.

Oh yeah, definately. It sucks because my bestfriend since I 10 just moved to Chicago. I called her, but we couldn't actually hang out...not the same. Hell, I'll probably end up moving there or her to Atlanta. We've always been roomies right up until I got married. We'll probably end up being two old maids living together with a bunch of cats or something. :p

[wanton wench]

Chattanooga. It's literally right on the boarder of Georgia. Like I drive to GA to get gas a lot. It's a lot cheaper there. And people that live in GA get jobs here if possible because there's no state income tax in TN.

Anyway, no, I've never heard of it. What part of TN is it in?

ahh smokey mountains. i've been to chattanooga on vacation. beach bluff is the smallest town in the history of the world. its right in the middle of jackson and lexington. which is right in the middle of memphis and nashville. my advice dont ever go there. crazy people live there take my word for it. ;)

[Anne Lauren]

ahh smokey mountains. i've been to chattanooga on vacation. beach bluff is the smallest town in the history of the world. its right in the middle of jackson and lexington. which is right in the middle of memphis and nashville. my advice dont ever go there. crazy people live there take my word for it. ;)

Actually, the smokies are a little further north near Knoxville.

Actually Afonaut and I were just discussing some crazy ass backward small towns in TN. It's like a scene from a twightlight zone episode or something...seriously...weird ass people.

[abcdefz]

OWe'll probably end up being two old maids living together with a bunch of cats or something. :p




...I'm assuming it's too late for you to be an old maid. ;)

[wanton wench]

Actually, the smokies are a little further north near Knoxville.

Actually Afonaut and I were just discussing some crazy ass backward small towns in TN. It's like a scene from a twightlight zone episode or something...seriously...weird ass people.
i thought the smokies went all the way through tn? or at least the mountain range does. maybe its just called something else!

[kll]

Welcome to the club, have a seat.

[kll]

They say the three most stressful things to experience in life are:

Loss of a loved one
Moving
New job.

it sounds like you are in for a triple whammy. I went through all three at the same time before too. You'll be alright.

Good luck to ya and stay strong and all that. (y)

I think the best thing you can do is move and start a new job - basically start 100% fresh - after a divorce... new people, new scenery... get rid of the old, in with the new...

[Echewta]

I should have done that. Is it too late? I really shouldn't be living with her still i suppose.

[abcdefz]

My old apartment is probably still free.

You'll love El Sobrante, Chewie.

[Anne Lauren]

I think the best thing you can do is move and start a new job - basically start 100% fresh - after a divorce... new people, new scenery... get rid of the old, in with the new...

Actually, that's exactly what I'm doing...I got a job in Atlanta. (y)

[Echewta]

You'll love El Sobrante, Chewie.


sounds like a foreign flick I should have seen

[enree erzweglle]

I think the best thing you can do is move and start a new job - basically start 100% fresh - after a divorce... new people, new scenery... get rid of the old, in with the new...
Sometimes a marriage is over long before you sign the papers.
It's not really a shock to hear those words then.

Kids change the equation in a divorce.

My kid's dad and I divorced a long time ago but for years afterwards, we stayed close because of our kid. It was the only way that we could see to make it work out for him.

I tried to keep things as predictable and unchanged as possible immediately following and for years after the divorce.

I'm committed to staying in this city until he finishes school.
I've never told him that--it's just something that I've always known I would do and am doing.

If you can do (and do wind up doing) the right thing by your kid/s, you usually wind up getting only half a divorce. You basically still see each other and communicate and make decisions together; it's a weird pseudo-divorce, a strange dynamic.

It worked for us for several years until my kid's dad remarried. Then the wheels fell off and he went away completely. It was only then that I felt divorced from him (and really, that was the first time my kid ever suffered stress--not so much from the divorce but from not seeing his dad after he went away).

They didn't see each other for several years, between when my kid was in the 7th grade until when he was a freshman in college. In that time, my kid basically grew about a foot and his whole self changed. It's hard to explain it; the changes weren't just physical. My kid and I had gradually made the shift from being mom-kid to being something else...it's a sort of interim friendship that happens when a kid isn't really a kid anymore but isn't quite an adult either. It's when they start reading better books and wanting to watching quality movies and eating healthier foods...I watched that happen with him and was very aware of it happening over those couple of years. In his mind's eye, though, my kid's dad still saw his kid as a 7th grader who had a brown belt in karate.

When they did reunite, they met at a restaurant that they always used to go to, their Wednesday night eat-out place. My kid was nervous but he wanted to do it and do it alone. He walked up to his dad, who looked at him and then looked away.

He didn't recognize his son.

My kid later said that the most surreal thing for him ever was hugging his dad and having to reach down to do it.

I so wanted to dress incognito and watch it happen at that restaurant, just watch them be together again. I knew exactly the type of little old lady that I wanted to be. I thought hard about her thick stockings, the cotton shift, and her wig--I knew exactly the look she'd have and in my mind, I gave her a subtle limp. For about a week before their reunion, I had to force myself not turn Goodwill shops to look for her. She would have ordered a cottage-cheese-inside-of-tomato with coffee and a cream danish. A little old lady meal.

I mentioned this urge to my sister and told her how hard it was to resist it. Really, it was one of the hardest things that I've ever had to not do. Turns out that she had been thinking of doing the same thing. We mentioned that to my dad who said that he had been wanting to do it too--except his disguise, he said, would have been as a young person.

In some ways, I think we all just wanted to be together in one room. In other ways, it was just to watch them sit with each other again and maybe think of them as drawing animals and doing maths puzzles on the backs of menus. I just sort of wanted to see that. My sister, on the other hand, was not shy at all about admitting that she simply wanted to take a bat to my ex's knees because of what he did to my kid. My dad, he always jokes that he just wanted the cream danish.

[kll]

Sometimes a marriage is over long before you sign the papers.
It's not really a shock to hear those words then.

.

For me, the marriage was over about 2 years prior to the papers being signed and it was still a bit of a shock to have it be "official"... since I don't have kids with him (and I don't think Anne has kids either), it's much easier to pick up and move on to start over obviously than for those of you with children...

Having the "safety net" of friends/family that may live close to you only goes so far... It's much easier to move on when you have new people to meet and no one dwelling on the past... it's liberating to not have everyone know your business... allows you to heal much quicker than having people reminding you that they "ran into your ex", asking how he/she is, etc.