For taking things seriously

[Nuzzolese]

Everything in life has a 50/50 chance of happening and you really have no control over it. Control is an illusion. Either something happens or it doesn't, there's no meaning in morality or intention. Lies and truth are no different because what happens is truth, fact, you are alive and through no good deeds of anyone. You will die and it will mean nothing. That said, I'm done with all of iT.

Listen Up Dumbfucks:


Most people kill themselves because of a mental condition. This is true in my case too. The condition I suffer from is that I am not normal, I am not like every "sane" person in the world.

I am not normal in the sense that I am not like every other one of you brain-dead zombies. I can think. I can reason intelligently. I can observe and learn from life. I can make my own decisions and follow through on them. And I can do these without any aid from celebrities, T.V. or radio. Unfortunately, every one of you shit-brained lemmings in the world seem to lack these skills and I can't fucking take it any more.

Since everyone else in this world is a fucking retarded drone who revels in their ignorance and unintelligence, I must put an end to my misery. I truly wish I was normal. I wish I could be a fucking retarded drone whore like all of you. I wish I could have the same conversations day in and day out about sports, politics, or "how about that weather, huh?" But I cant. Sure you'll see this note and say 's the crazy one. You have to it's the only way you can go on thinking you're sane and your pathetic life is meaningful. Go ahead, call me the weirdo like everyone else surely will. Then return to your happiness of everyday mindless monotony.

My only wish is that the bullet I put into my brain doesn't kill me but only leaves me brain dead. For if ignorance is bliss and everyone of you fuck-for-brains is truly happy, then living a life without a brain stem in a coma must surely be utopia.


Leave my machine plugged in you fucking retards,







P.S. Tell everyone I'm not psychotic.



Unfortunately this all internet generated and you can do yours here:
http://www.porkjerky.com/suicide.htm

So maybe you read all of it or maybe you didn't and will say "oh I didn't read all of it but..." and say something else. Either way we shouldn't take it too seriously. Anyways, do the fake world a favor and fake end your fake life fake emotionally.

[adam_f]

Well, that was odd.

[Documad]

I have spent fairly large amounts of time thinking about and discussing how I would end my life if I wanted to. People find this odd. I find it comforting.

I would not leave a note. Unless it was to blame someone completely innocent.

[ScarySquirrel]

I don't really know what's going on here, but that link is taking forever to load.

I think I'm going to go watch some television to find out what I think about politics today.

[mickill]

Dear World;

I am not some psychotic fuck or pathetic loser trying to end my worthless existence. Nor am I one of these pussies using "suicide" as a cry for help. I kill myself tonight as king of the world. Things could not be better.

Which is why I leave this world. Things just can't get better. I have reached the pinnacle of life, and not just my life, the zenith of existence itself. Bliss, Nirvana, Utopia. I am at the top of the mountain, not at the bottom like most suicidal fucks. Unfortunately, knowing that, I cannot go forward with the days ahead because they will never again be as good as tonight. I just snorted not 1, but 2 lines of coke off of not 2, but 3 girls' chests. Then we all 4 made sweet beautiful love. The kind of tender sweet beautiful love they sing rap songs about. Then we washed rinsed and repeated it all.

It is truly the best night that could ever be, which is why it must end tonight. Life can now only get worse. Nothing is left for me here in this world. Every seemingly joyous moment from here forward would be compared to tonight and fall miserably short. I will never surpass the level of happiness that I have tonight. So, I'm going out on top, high as hell, feeling good, and my seed spread across the faces of 3 beautiful women. It's nice to be me.

Viva Life,



Micxquel

P.S. Tell everyone I'm not psychotic.

[mickill]

Oh, nice one, Aimee. Way to copy.

[Nuzzolese]

I just snorted not 1, but 2 lines of coke off of not 2, but 3 girls' chests. Then we all 4 made sweet beautiful love. The kind of tender sweet beautiful love they sing rap songs about. Then we washed rinsed and repeated it all.


LOLerskates

[Bitchamachacha]

Ram and I died the day we realised we could never reveal our forbidden love to an uncaring and un-understanding world. The joy we shared in each other's arms was greater tham any touchdown. Yet we were forced to live the lie of sexist, beer-guzzling, jock assholes.

[Nuzzolese]

I love my dead gay son.

[wanton wench]

The condition I suffer from is that I am not normal, I am not like every "sane" person in the world..

you are just like everyone else. because everyone else thinks this same thought. :)

[Nuzzolese]

Dear BBMB

I am not going to post with you no more.
It's boring. Thanks for being so fucking beige.
I don't know who the fuck The Beastie Boys is anymore.
All I have in my mind is some japanese catholic school girls on a avatar that is not even from now, some thread about stuff that's overrated, and a camwhore.

Good-Fuckbye

p.s. I superglued by pm box hole shut so you can't sex it up when I'm a corpse.

[Nuzzolese]

you are just like everyone else. because everyone else thinks this same thought. :)

You're like a damn genius

[wanton wench]

its no reason to put a bullet in your head. there is always tomorrow!

[adam_f]

And life as we knew it, ceased to exist.

[wanton wench]

You're like a damn genius
thank fuck you!

[Nuzzolese]

its no reason to put a bullet in your head. there is always tomorrow!

Believin' all the lies that they are tellin' ya
Buying all the products that they are selling ya
They say jump
Ya say how high
Ya brain dead

[jabumbo]

my life is 80/20, but i haven't figured out which is which

[Documad]

That's a funny site. "P.S. Please don't look in the closet." :)

[wanton wench]

Believin' all the lies that they are tellin' ya
Buying all the products that they are selling ya
They say jump
Ya say how high
Ya brain dead
this pertains only too those who let "they" bother them. and you are obviously bothered by it. i live my life the way i want not cause someone else tells me too!

[miss soul fire]

Aaahh, I got the same as Nuzzolese's. :mad:

[adam_f]

Originally posted by jabumbo
my life is 80/20, but i haven't figured out which is which

The rest of us know.

[afronaut]

Mae you piece of shit you stole my suicide note. Only my PS was better:

P.S. All those gay pornos aren't mine. They're a friend's. And I was superimposed.




Online suicide pact with girl on internet? Gay porno? It's like getting a glimpse into my future.

[Nuzzolese]

this pertains only too those who let "they" bother them. and you are obviously bothered by it. i live my life the way i want not cause someone else tells me too!

They bother Zach too

[Nuzzolese]

Aaahh, I got the same as Nuzzolese's. :mad:

eehhhhxcellent. You are becoming me, slowly.

[alruggs]

Dear World;


I wish everyone could know the pain I live with every day of my miserable life. Alas no. Statistics tells me only 1 in every 30,000 adult males has a penis less than 4 inches long and 2 inches around. Only they, my wee wienied brethren can even begin to understand the hurt I feel when I step up to a urinal and my stream of urine is only slightly smaller than the 3.28 inch long, 1.67 inch wide wanker that it springs from.

I have tried pumps, creams, exercises, and god forbid; even praying. Nothing works, not even marginally on my miniscule member. So, everyday I try to lie to the world about possessing a petite pecker by peeling out in my Corvette, strutting around in expensive suits, talking about my mansion, dating strippers to show the world my virility and constantly crowing about my colossal crotch. But my Armani suits are just expensive costumes to hide my teeny-tiny tallywacker. My gigantic house is where I sit alone with my dwarf johnson. And the truth is the only thing I can stretch when it comes to my freakishly feeble frankfurter. Day in and day out I used to ask myself, "Andrea what would jesus do with a small penis"? After hours of reading the bible, searching my soul and peering at my puny prick, I know now that there is no jesus.




Andrea


P.S. Tell everyone I'm not psychotic.

[wanton wench]

They bother Zach too
lets all team up and bother them til they commit suicide!

[jabumbo]

The rest of us know.


you probably do you little bitch


arent you supposed to be ogling the teeny boppers down at the mall right about now?

[mickill]

What is there only like 5 different notes?

[enree erzweglle]

What is there only like 5 different notes?
uh huh.

my favorite is the postscript that goes with the "Kids" option:

P.S. Please reassure my children that my death isn't entirely their fault.

[Nuzzolese]

What is there only like 5 different notes?

it's a 5 trick pony

[hpdrifter]

Mine's different. But eerily accurate:

Dear Ungrateful World;

Although everyone on Earth has failed to give me even half the accolades and adulation that should go with me, hpdrifter, being the 3rd coming of christ, I will still fulfill my destiny. For you insolent pukes, I will shed my blood to once again open the gates of heaven.

Start erecting statues, singing songs, scoring touchdowns and doing other shit for my glory, because you fuckers owe me big,

Jesus Christ III
a.k.a. hpdrifter

P.S. Please mail my cable bill, it's on the credenza.

[avignon]

What's a credenza?


We used to write fake celebrity death threats. Or fake death threats to celebrities? Either way.

[enree erzweglle]

When I read that word (credenza) I got worm-holed back to my ma's 1970s living room when we had spanish mediterranean furniture with naugahyde couches and wood veneer credenzas. Ornate ones. All of that furniture was crammed into a small 1950s cottage style house with Colonial American on the second floor.

I'm sure this is why I have very plain, clean lines in the furniture that I do own now. Bare essentials, some color, and hardly anything hanging on plain white walls.

I don't know what a credenza is other than what my ma called our unbelievably ornate storage coffee tables.

[TurdBerglar]

this is way too morbid (n)

[SobaViolence]

Dear "World";


Pursuant to an online suicide petition I electronically signed prior to this election, I must kill myself. Unfortunately, my views lost at the ballot box.

With a clearer mind, I see my beliefs weren't exactly worth dying for, or even moving to Canada over. Actually, the goals and ideals I have for a society can still be achieved even though the election didn't go how I wanted it to. Nevertheless, I did affix my e-signature to that e-suicide petition and made my life conditional on the outcome of this election.

Maybe a death ultimatum wasn't the best way to convince the electorate that my choices were the most environmentally sound, economically prudent and altruistically just. Or maybe those cocksucker voters just wanted to see if I really would do it.

Obviously, In hindsight, a status quo TV ad calling someone a communist heroin addict who drives pre-teens across state lines to get abortions would have swayed more votes. In any case, I knew what I was doing when I briefly scrolled the Terms and Conditions box, checked 'Accept', clicked on 'Submit' and digitally added "Daniel" to that suicide database. I had visions of grandeur. I still remember the picture of that Vietnamese monk on fire and thinking 'How fucking cool is that?' But I guess protesting the illegal invasion of your country, protecting a thousand year old culture and trying to prevent the slaughter of your fellow citizens, is probably a more noble cause to die for than anything that will ever find its way onto a ballot.

If only I had realized that prior to Tuesday,


Daniel

[Documad]

What do you people call a credenza? I have one in my office. :confused: