obsessive creep

[Sarky Devotchka]

I'm talking about myself here. Some of you may remember my saga with the Rolling Stone guy...well, I can't get over it. It's been like 4 months since I've seen him. a month or so ago I emailed him when I was drunk, nothing terrible, just something about how I still haven't met a more pleasant conversationalist than him (around then I was frustrated because I dated a kid for a second, but had to drop him quick because it was murder trying to talk to him on the phone sometimes).

he took awhile to write back and apologized, saying that he was in california for a comic convention. it was pleasant enough, but I didn't write back because I didn't know what to say and I felt dumb.

anyway, this past sunday I was a little tipsy and wrote to him, "hey, are you busy? 'cause I need to like borrow some pens or something". and he wrote me back monday morning (yesterday) asking what kind of pens. so today I wrote back about a pen I'm looking for, and also slipped in a suggestion that we should talk on the phone or in person if he's not busy. he hasn't written back yet.

the thing is, last week he put up more pictures and a full profile on myspace (before it was pretty blank) and it says he wants to meet people for dating and serious relationships. sooo, I'm thinking I should step in or something...right? I don't know what to do, I feel like a creep.

[Echewta]

You don't sound like Turd so drop the creep handle. Keep going for it I say.

[TurdBerglar]

so drop the creep handle.


yeah, so you can bend over to pick it up and i can slip behind you baby. UUUUUNNGH!!!

[SobaViolence]

you aren't a creep, but this guy doesn't sound interested.

give it a casual push, whenever you feel comfortable (if possible), but if he was interested in you, he'd be all over you like a frenchman on wine.

but, you know, i could be wrong.

[Sarky Devotchka]

yeah, see, I'm trying to figure out what the deal is...maybe he's just not that into me. :(

[SobaViolence]

he isn't. :(

only his god knows why... :confused:

[BionicEye]

I think that when he asked 'what kind of pen' he could've been trying to be suggestive or flirty. He may or may not be that into, but dating you may not be outta the question. I say don't give your signals out in code but be more direct... like show him your really interested - without looking desperate, of course. You may change your mind if you go out with him again and put the whole thing to rest or you he may want to get to know you better. Good Luck!

[Loppfessor]

How bout you try calling or e-mailing when you're sober....women respond to me better when it's not 4am and I'm not wasted

[ms.peachy]

Honey, I think you might just have to let this one go.

The fact is, he knows where to find you, and he hasn't made the move, you know? It's always painful to be more interested in someone than they are in you, but if he's putting up new pics and trying to meet other people, well... you may just need to walk away with a bit of grace and dignity while you can.

[BionicEye]

if you'v been thinking about him for 4 months, used to be crazy about him, and nothing bad has happened between the two of you, there's no reason why not to pursue what you want.

Someone once told me that in a relationship, there's always someone kissing and someone being kissed or something like that. Just because maybe you like him more than he likes you doesn't mean you should forget the guy. Maybe you'll end up not liking him with him as the bumbling idiot sending you flowers. And if it doesn't work out, oh well.

Knowing that something wasn't meant to be is always better than
Wondering what could've been.

[iceygirl]

if your flirtation style is a bit on the obtuse side, he may be as confused as you are wondering if you are into him. some guys need you to spell it out for them before they get it, and usually these same guys are the ones that are too scared to go for it if they arent sure if you like them as much as they might like you.

[BionicEye]

^^^
tell me what he does for a living and I'll tell you if that's the case or not.

[Nuzzolese]

comic artist; sorry to jump in, I'm just interested in what you're going to say.

[BionicEye]

comic artist; sorry to jump in, I'm just interested in what you're going to say.


Comic Artist? I'd say there's a good chance this guy isn't an extrovert, so IceyGirl could be right.

[hpdrifter]

I don't know, it sounds to me like he isn't interested. I'm with ms.peachy.

[Sarky Devotchka]

he's a graphic novelist. he has a philosophy/psych degree, so his stuff is more serious and introspective.

If he doesn't like me, I just want to know why. Just a simple explanation, because when we were talking, he had already told his friends and family about me...and basically said that I was really cool and that I intimidated him and he freaked out because he didn't have any time to spend with me (he was working 16 hours a day on a book), and he thought I'd be better off not getting mixed up in his neuroses. He's very self-deprecating. On our first date, he shut down in the middle and kind of stopped talking, then later, straight out told me that he was freaking out because we were getting along so well and in the back of his mind, he knew that he couldn't start anything serious. at the end of the date, he was like "sorry I'm so weird".

which, who knows? maybe he's a liar. but, he told me to read interviews about him, and to read his work, and he gave me one of his band's CDs...which is like fucking torture now! I have like, this pile of his stuff just sitting around reminding me of how awesome he is.... He even designed the fucking bookmark they give out with books at a local bookstore! I just found it and was like, gah! his band posters are up around the neighborhood and I'm like, FUCK! STUPID IN MY FACE ALL THE TIME BUSINESS!

bleh, I just need some closure.

[Loppfessor]

So quit being a pussy call him up and say "hey you wanna date me or what?!" otherwise get over it.

[BionicEye]

So quit being a pussy call him up and say "hey you wanna date me or what?!" otherwise get over it.


W3rd. I'll bet you anything he smokes pot often. No judgement, just an observation. You obviously like him alot and, from what you say, I'd be willing to bet he likes you too. I have a feeling he does in some way feel maybe you're too good for him... which could mean he's afraid you'd eventually not like him or that you're too good to be true?! This is all speculation of course, but my intuition says its so. Just go out with him and chill... keep eachother company on a sat afternoon. Bring him a big joint, you'll be in like Flynn. :D

[iceygirl]

if he talked about you to his family....at least then there was something there with him. dudes just dont talk about any old chick to their family.

[ms.peachy]

well obviously none of us can really say what's going on just from this information, but seriously sarky, reading your last post gave me a bit of a shiver. It just came across as sooo neeedy. I'm not trying to be mean, I'm just saying what I see. You're like one step away from those chicks tht you see that get treated like dirt by a guy and then come out with "but I loooove him, you don't know what he's like when we're alone" bollocks.

He's done this whole 'I'm an emotional mess, stay away from me' passive aggressive bullshit thing, and what do you do? Straight into 'oh you poor baby, maybe if you just let me love you enough I can make you better' routine. Run, run far and run fast. It's a trap.

Have some pride, use some common sense and say to yourself "Yeah, actually, I deserve to be with someone who isn't a train wreck, and who will adore me without having me to remind them to."

[Nuzzolese]

He's done this whole 'I'm an emotional mess, stay away from me' passive aggressive bullshit thing...It's a trap.


I would like to second this. I've seen this before. The guy starts to cover for himself already, by appologizing ahead of time for things he hasn't even done yet, by saying "sorry I'm so weird" and pretending to freak out because you're getting along so well. If he liked you and was getting along with you, he woudln't freak out he'd be happy and try to see you again, no matter how busy he is. He sounds spineless, he wants you to like him but he doesn't want to be held accountable for your feelings so he's basically saying "I might want to date you a little, sleep with you, keep you around to stroke my ego, but I don't want to have to care about you so I'm going to convince you I'm some neurotic mess incapable of normal interpersonal correspondence."

And Sarky you've said before that guys will tell you they like you, then disappear, then reappear to say they liked you all along but got scared? That's not the truth! Honestly, even if it were the truth, why would you care about someone who would demand so much patience from you, and understanding without explanation? You'd just have to listen to him whine.

I think some guys pull off this whole emo artist routine where they don't have any responsibilities towards anyone, and they get away with it because girls are convinced that he's deep and that somehow makes it worth it to be confused and unhappy over his behavior.

I don't know, maybe it is worth it and good times are passionate. A lot of talented geniuses were terrible spouses and parents. Maybe the heightened sensitivity required to be creative goes hand in hand with being a relationship mess. He won't compromise himself - which is good for his work, but bad for other people. You just have to ask yourself is it worth it that you will never come first or even second? He is first and his work is second.

You know, when I start a post I don't intend to write this much. It just comes out. :o

[Sarky Devotchka]

rarrgh, I was drunk when I wrote that needy post. but, fuck it, I am needy I guess. maybe that's what's wrong. The thing is, in a relationship I'm not like that. I just like things to be plain and out in the open and I get frustrated when things that seem like they're going great just plummet and crash.

because it's not like I'm 21 and obsessed with punk rock boys and changing my music tastes or trying to act cool so some boy will like me. this guy actually liked me for just dumb silly me...or at least I thought so.

[Sarky Devotchka]

I don't know, maybe it is worth it and good times are passionate. A lot of talented geniuses were terrible spouses and parents. Maybe the heightened sensitivity required to be creative goes hand in hand with being a relationship mess. He won't compromise himself - which is good for his work, but bad for other people. You just have to ask yourself is it worth it that you will never come first or even second? He is first and his work is second.




see, I always pictured myself being with someone like that though. Like, I could deal with it being tumultuous. I guess that's kind of a shitty thing though. I guess I'm weird and independent myself, but I want someone to be like that with me? bleh.

you made a lot of good points up there though. I've told myself many of those things...my problem is that intellectually I know I should get over it, but emotionally I can't. I still get that physical pang, that jump in my heart when I'm reminded of him.

I suppose I should just shove it down and move on.

[Nuzzolese]

see, I always pictured myself being with someone like that though. Like, I could deal with it being tumultuous. I guess that's kind of a shitty thing though. I guess I'm weird and independent myself, but I want someone to be like that with me? bleh.


This is what I think: when two people are toying with the idea of romantic intimacy, only one person has the power at any given time, and the person with less emotional involvement is the person with the most power. So if he likes you less than you like him, and someone ALWAYS likes the other person more, then he has the power.

Can you handle the emotional jumps and let-downs of it being tumultuous and you not being sure if he's going to call you again, not being sure how much he likes you?

If you think about love and attraction just being chemical explosions in the nervous system, it's not that depressing. He does something to you like a drug would do.

[ms.peachy]

I think some guys pull off this whole emo artist routine where they don't have any responsibilities towards anyone, and they get away with it because girls are convinced that he's deep and that somehow makes it worth it to be confused and unhappy over his behavior.

Spot on.

Sarky he may basically be a nice guy. But I've walked this road before myself with a guy. He was a philosophy major, he wrote poetry, he fet the pain of the world, he thought deep thoughts, on and on. And had the whole "I'm too complicated and wierd for anyone to love me" schtick working. And it was a bit of a drag, because I really did like him. (He was a pretty good shag, as well.) And I had this messed up notion that 'love is worth fighting for' and all that crap that magazines and films fill your head up with.

But it got really tiring and one day I just realised, you know what, maybe it's not. Maybe it would be nice to be with someone who didn't make it a challenge just to have a fucking conversation.

[Nuzzolese]

I don't know about other people but I know I got needs... and if those needs aren't met I'm out the door. So that's how I live my life. I win some, I lose some. Sometimes I get dumped for it, but that's a part of it all. Nothing truly good lasts forever. Everything you create will be destroyed. Everything you love will die. In this case, on a long enough time line... every relationship will go to shit.... so enjoy it while it lasts...The game ain't always played straight. Everyone crosses their fingers. Good guys rarely win. The fight is usually fixed. The fighter been paid to go down. The poor stay poor, and the rich get richer. You're gonna feel like your dog died sooner or later. Being faithful is subjective, give or take a night or two. It's always gonna be now or never. The deal is sometimes rotten. Knowing when to fold, the key. Sometimes the scene is dead. Sometimes it's raining men...

[cosmo105]

HALLELUJAH!

[BionicEye]

I don't know about other people but I know I got needs... and if those needs aren't met I'm out the door. So that's how I live my life. I win some, I lose some. Sometimes I get dumped for it, but that's a part of it all. Nothing truly good lasts forever. Everything you create will be destroyed. Everything you love will die. In this case, on a long enough time line... every relationship will go to shit.... so enjoy it while it lasts...The game ain't always played straight. Everyone crosses their fingers. Good guys rarely win. The fight is usually fixed. The fighter been paid to go down

Being faithful is subjective, give or take a night or two. It's always gonna be now or never.

Knowing when to fold, the key.


**SHIVER**

No offense to you - at all - because everyone is free to have their own view of the world. But i personally couldn't go through life with that mindset. The belief that real, true love exists is the fuel that makes it be. Believing in something is half of what you need to make it so. Not believing in something is all you need to destroy any potential or possility of it actually coming to be from anything other than chance.

[Loppfessor]

I don't know about other people but I know I got needs... and if those needs aren't met I'm out the door. So that's how I live my life. I win some, I lose some. Sometimes I get dumped for it, but that's a part of it all. Nothing truly good lasts forever. Everything you create will be destroyed. Everything you love will die. In this case, on a long enough time line... every relationship will go to shit.... so enjoy it while it lasts...The game ain't always played straight. Everyone crosses their fingers. Good guys rarely win. The fight is usually fixed. The fighter been paid to go down. The poor stay poor, and the rich get richer. You're gonna feel like your dog died sooner or later. Being faithful is subjective, give or take a night or two. It's always gonna be now or never. The deal is sometimes rotten. Knowing when to fold, the key. Sometimes the scene is dead. Sometimes it's raining men...


Get out of my mind!!

[Nuzzolese]

**SHIVER**

No offense to you - at all - because everyone is free to have their own view of the world. But i personally couldn't go through life with that mindset. The belief that real, true love exists is the fuel that makes it be. Believing in something is half of what you need to make it so. Not believing in something is all you need to destroy any potential or possility of it actually coming to be from anything other than chance.

I'm not saying real true love doesn't exist, I'm just saying it isn't forever and it isn't always happy and comfortable and perfect. It changes and grows and becomes other things, it can be interrupted or screwed up. Nothing in life is constant and permanent, and it's all based on your interpretation of reality, so why would love be any different? Not everyone happy in the world or in a good relationship is an optimist, and as such love is possible for anyone.

I love love, so to speak. I've been in my share of great relationships, long term, short term, one-night stands even, near engagement even... I've seen most male/female relationships, both normal and abnormal.

I may be cynical about love, and pessimistic about relationships, but that doesn't mean I don't go into every new one with a fresh perspective. I just look at reality. Chances are things won't work out. Chances are you will never meet a Mr. Right. Soulmates don't exist. And beyond even those things, I am a romantic. I look for love and passion and excitement and all those good things, but I don't ever expect them to just pop out of thin air like I deserve them or am, fuck forbid, entitled to them, because none of us are entitled to anything in this world. Not really, and sitting around saying one day the love of my life will come and all will be well is just wishful thinking. Most people end up alone during old age. Divorce rates are on the rise. Casual sex is harder to come by. Diseases spread just like love. Nothing is wine and roses.

I'm not making a strange, irrational statement when I comment that we live in a fucked-up world, just like it's not wierd to say that love is not only blind but full of pitfalls. I look around me and say what I see. I never said I was always right. I never said I know more than anyone else. I'm just writing from my heart, what I truly believe. If you believe differently than so be it. Good for you. Best of luck.

"Death is certain, Life is Not"... Wouldn't that make love uncertain too?

I just say enjoy it while it lasts, but don't cling to it. Like other people, I am sick of embracing all that is "cozy". I don't need more "feel-good" vibes, there's already more than enough of that crap in the world... it's smothering. The easy way out is to deny that life and love aren't always gonna be good, in fact, most of the time things will inevitably be fucked-up, but to embrace reality... to not turn your back on the bad stuff in the world... to deal with these things... that is what interests me...

[Nuzzolese]

The Man in Black was right... Love is a burnin’ thing, And it makes a fiery ring.

[Qdrop]

Nuzz, do you find yourself spending ALOT of time thinking about men and relationships?




that's not a personal attack...

[Nuzzolese]

Nuzz, do you find yourself spending ALOT of time thinking about men and relationships?




that's not a personal attack...

Not so much when I'm alone...I mean I spend a lot of time thinking about life in general - it depends on what I'm reading. But all my friends are always talking about their relationships so when I'm with them it gets my mind on it. I have thought about it a lot in the past, but these days not as much. I just enjoy whatever men are in my life, and if they turn sour I let it go easily.

In fact, this is just a meaningless personal disclosure, I probably let things go too easily.

[Qdrop]

I just enjoy whatever men are in my life, and if they turn sour I let it go easily. hmm...

how old are you?

[Nuzzolese]

hmm...

how old are you?

25

[Qdrop]

25

yeah....you're on target.
carry on, soldier

[Nuzzolese]

HOO AH!

[tracky]

who sets the targets? they put 'em way out there and then gave me a sling-shot

[Qdrop]

who sets the targets? they put 'em way out there and then gave me a sling-shot

don't be so metaphoric.

i'm just saying her attitude seems about right for her age and social status...
tis all good.

[Nuzzolese]

You set the target.

[tracky]

sweet

*pegs Q in the leg*

[Nuzzolese]

We are our own Cupids.

[hpdrifter]

I know this thread has taken a turn but i just wanted to say that I totally agree with Ms.Peachy's and Nuzzolese's posts about Sarky's situation. I couldn't have said it better and I hope Sarky heeds their advice.

I find that I also agree with Nuzzolese on the love thing. I used to think that there was a great love out there that would sweep you through the rest of your life but now I don't know. Since I broke up with my fiance I have been dating a lot and it has been, at times, awesome, and at times disappointing. I've dumped and I've gotten dumped and its all rolled pretty smoothly. I guess right now I'm just looking for a love that will sweep me through the next month, or the next year, or even just the next weekend and I may never decide to stay with one person my whole life.

"Serial monogamy is the only way to go" (if anyone gets this movie quote i will be shocked)

[BionicEye]

HOw to Make An American QUilt

[Nuzzolese]

It was also a book quote, before it was a movie quote.

[tracky]

yeah people are disposable

[GreenEarthAl]

Kel, have you offered to make babies with him yet. I don't really know from other fellas, but I know that always works on me.