Sex Life when married

[DandyFop]

Echewta gave us the goods. I want to know - is it really going to go downhill like that? I have heard that we aren't supposed to be with just one person, we ain't built that way. Does this scare the bejesus out of anyone else like me who thinks they will at some point tie the knot?

Ach.

Ramblingly yours,

Barbie

[JBernas]

I've known Mr. JBernas since we were 13. We dated for a year and a half in high school, then broke up but remained friends through my college years. We got back together in 1999 and were married in 2001........

The sex is still awesome! If you're with the right person and your relationship is still very strong, the sexual relationship will still be there. You have to find ways of making it interesting.....toys, strip clubs, movies, etc.

p.s. We went to a strip club on Saturday....had a great time and had the most incredible sex when we got home :D (y)

[wanton wench]

I've known Mr. JBernas since we were 13. We dated for a year and a half in high school, then broke up but remained friends through my college years. We got back together in 1999 and were married in 2001........

The sex is still awesome! If you're with the right person and your relationship is still very strong, the sexual relationship will still be there. You have to find ways of making it interesting.....toys, strip clubs, movies, etc.

p.s. We went to a strip club on Saturday....had a great time and had the most incredible sex when we got home :D (y)

listen to this women! she knows her shit!
my marrige was the opposite
our friendship started falling apart and the sex went downhill.

[JBernas]

listen to this women!

But be sure to take me with a grain of salt *Echewta* :D

[wanton wench]

and a lime and a little tequilla!

[JBernas]

and a lime and a little tequilla!

Now you're talking! *and probability that you'll get laid increases*

[beastiegirrl101]

^everyone i know has a tequila story.

[JBernas]

^everyone i know has a tequila story.

I think I've posted this before, but I'll do it again. One year on my brother's birthday Mr. JBernas (then fiance) were supposed to meet him at a bar to celebrate. My brother called to say he couldn't make it, so we decided to celebrate anyway. Several (okay MANY) drinks later.......I wake up the next morning (already an hour late for work), missing an earring, Mr. JBernas is naked, and I'm wearing his entire outfit (including socks and underwear) :confused: We still laugh about this

[wanton wench]

^everyone i know has a tequila story.
every weekend is a tequilla story :)

[Mustangjen808]

just a newlywed but sex is still good so far.....

[DandyFop]

what do you care? are you getting married soon?

Yes, Echewta just doesn't know it yet.

[enree erzweglle]

It depends on the people in the relationship and their reasons
for being in that relationship, doesn't it.

I've known people who, once they got married, sort of just
let go of life. It's like the wedding was the pinnacle of their
lives and the rest became rote to them. Sex, communication,
and just being suffered for that.

My experience--having been in 2+ particularly long-term
relationships--is this: if you're both in it for strong reasons and
if you're both healthy all around, then the sex and the communication
shouldn't go away if you work at them. They should improve.

I tie sex in closely with communication. The more I get to know
someone and the more I feel that they know me, the more phenomenal
the physical side of it becomes. The inverse is true--if we drift apart
emotionally, it's harder to connect physically.

disclaimer: I've not been on the boards as much, so I don't know
which thread DandyFop referred to in the original post. I'm mostly
commenting about the general notion that sex and marriage appear
to be incongruous.

[beastieangel01]

Yes, Echewta just doesn't know it yet.


haha.

I am concerned about this kind of thing too. All I know if that trying to keep it fresh and being experimental is key.

I try even now to keep things lively for the enjoyment of my s.o. as well as myself. I hope that we keep this habit up on through marriage if we do get married in the future.

[JBernas]

disclaimer: I've not been on the boards as much, so I don't know which thread DandyFop referred to in the original post. I'm mostly commenting about the general notion that sex and marriage appear
to be incongruous.

Refering to Echewta's comment about my post in the "how often do you get laid during the week" thread.

[kll]

It definitely goes downhill. I went almost 2 years without sex at all... now you know why I'm divorced...but, i definitely married the wrong guy...


Since most people get married after 2-3 years together, I can't for sure say if it's the marriage that kills the sex or just the amount of time together in general...plus, since most married people end up with kids soon after marrying, it's hard to say if it's the marriage or the kids that kill it...

[JBernas]

It definitely goes downhill. I went almost 2 years without sex at all... now you know why I'm divorced...


Since most people get married after 2-3 years together, I can't for sure say if it's the marriage that kills the sex or just the amount of time together in general...plus, since most married people end up with kids soon after marrying, it's hard to say if it's the marriage or the kids that kill it...

I got pregnant almost right after we got married (not on purpose ;) ) and we still have great (and frequent) sex over four years later. I guess it depends on the couple and their relationship. So in our fifth year of marriage with a three-year old, neither time or the kid slowed us down :D

[kll]

I got pregnant almost right after we got married (not on purpose ;) ) and we still have great (and frequent) sex over four years later. I guess it depends on the couple and their relationship. So in our fifth year of marriage with a three-year old, neither time or the kid slowed us down :D
and your story needs to be told over and over because that is the kind of hope we all need...

[Echewta]

I dont see a ring on my finger :mad:

[ms.peachy]

In my marriage, it comes and goes. Erm, I mean, it's up and down. No wait that's not good either. Basically what I'm saying is, there are periods where we're at it like rabbits in springtime, and others where it's like, hey, remember that naked stuff we used to do? It all depends on how much either of us is caught up with a work project, or has other stuff going on, whatever.

The point is, it's not about a 'number of times per week'. So long as our relationship is good and we're both happy (with eachother, maybe not so much with work) and neither person is feeling neglected or shut out, it's cool. If a little while has gone by that we just haven't had the time and inclination, we make sure that we make some time - take a day where we plan nothing and stay in bed the whole day or whatever.

We've been married for six years and been together for eleven and I reckon our sex life is as strong as it ever was really.

[TurdBerglar]

you know how to fix this bad marriage sex problem?


don't get married

[iceygirl]

been married over a year, living together for 3, been together over 6......

its what you make of it. :) with an attitude of 'we arent meant to be with one person, blahblah' like you are already scared of the commitment and worried about the sex getting old before you even have a ring on your finger, then yeah, your sex life very well might suck whenever you decide to wed.

i know couples who have been married as long as we have, but together in total for half the time, and they both bitch about the sex getting old and stale. *shrug* personally i love it. i wouldnt want to be single and have to deal with dating bullshit again. i have my best friend and sexiest man alive living with me and i couldnt imagine anything any other way, and wouldnt want to. (y)

[sheesh]

Sex and marriage is an oxymoron. If you want to keep having good sex you need to make damn sure it's discussed WAY before the ceremony. Oh it's good for few years then BAM!!! Nothing.

[iceygirl]

^weird. i know plenty of oldies who have been married for ages who still screw. i think that probably a good portion of sexless marriages are due to the fact that the woman has turned into a downright nasty bitch 99% of the time and the man doesnt want to have to deal with her any more than necessary :P

[sheesh]

^weird. i know plenty of oldies who have been married for ages who still screw. i think that probably a good portion of sexless marriages are due to the fact that the woman has turned into a downright nasty bitch 99% of the time and the man doesnt want to have to deal with her any more than necessary :P

Sometimes it's the bitch factor and sometimes it's other things but either way you are right. After a while you just get tired of the excuses and bullshit

[ms.peachy]

i think that probably a good portion of sexless marriages are due to the fact that the woman has turned into a downright nasty bitch 99% of the time and the man doesnt want to have to deal with her any more than necessary :P
I disagree. I think it's easy to point and say 'oh well she's become a bitch' but the fact is, every marriage is like it's own little island, and the only people who really know what is going on is the two people on it.

It's quite simple to say 'she just stopped wanting sex', but when you pry a little undr the surface, often that's because she is fucking exhausted, because she works and then comes home and works 'the second shift', as Hochschild called it. You get who think they are doing a fucking favour by doing a load of laundry; meanwhile the woman is runnning all over the house doing everything else and taking care of the kids and collapsing into bed at night feeling shit and then the guy wants to get it on. So of course she's like, HAH! good luck. Happens aalllll the time.

Also, what goes unsaid - because it does not fit the stereotype, but is nonetheless a very real situation - are the marriages in which the women want more sex, but the men don't. It's not as talked about, because as I said it doesn't fit with our (erroneous) notion that all men just want it all the time. But for these women, they end up feeling just as shut out and hurt and resentful as the men who make the same claim about their wives.

[iceygirl]

i do have to say i had a chuckle last night because after we went to bed it was a situation where he wanted to and i was just fucking beat ass tired. i couldnt help about thinking about this thread. of course since i started working a full time job out of the house its much harder to get our sex schedules to match up. when i worked at home it was much easier and stuff. i think its a good idea to try and schedule it in, but sometimes that doesnt even work out.
i started thinking about before i started working 40+ hours a week, as compared to now. before we had sex at least once a day usually. now it is more like 3-4 times a week.

[Loppfessor]

I dunno man I am currently sleeping with quite a few married women and the sex is great......



















:D

[iceygirl]

^snorts coffee all over keyboard

[enree erzweglle]

I disagree. I think it's easy to point and say 'oh well she's become a bitch' but the fact is, every marriage is like it's own little island, and the only people who really know what is going on is the two people on it.

Amen. Honestly. No generalizations. If the relationship is healthy going
into the marriage and if the marriage is happening for healthy reasons,
then chances are that it'll stay that way if both people work on it.

I think that a lot of people, once they get married, just give up. All it
takes is for one person in a marriage to do this for the trouble to start.
They let go of each other and they let go of themselves physically,
mentally, spiritually at a time when--because of increased responsibilities
all around--they need to ramp up efforts in those areas. It's like they just
throw their hands up and say, "it's done" and then they wonder why things
start to look and feel bad.

[scotty]

Having kids kinda puts the kybosh on the sex-life. Most of the time you're either too tired or theres a kid in bed with you or something. This lasts until they can figure out the TV by themselves and you can get some serious morning action. That was until we had our second, of course.

Anyways, quality will always beat quantity.