Too Old?

[Kid Presentable]

I guess this question is a many-faceted biatch.

How old is too old to have children? For a mother or a father? Which motherfuckin segues into the question of what you consider an inappropriate age gap between consensual, living, heterosexual, humans.

I saw a guy in his forties who leads us to believe he's in love with an eighty-five year old. She doesn't even know what day it is.
Or that dude who's with Joan Collins. I'd imagine the awkwardness of being feasibly young enough to have emerged from the vagina you "git on up" isn't much of an issue.

I feel that it's only in a man's make-up to possess money, and therefore 'plumage' with which to attract these hens. That might explain why you see fewer young guys fucking the very women they were taught to help across the street as children.

And what if one of those 'gold-digger' women actually stayed the course with some old dude? If she married him when she was say, 26 and he was 59. And they had a kid,and they stayed together, somehow.

"This is my husband. He can't swallow solid food."

[Documad]

I have a lot of female friends who thought they could put off having kids until they were settled in their careers. A lot of them have found that's not true. It's especially not true if you hope to have more than one. Even if you can have kids as an older female, the chances of birth defects skyrockets at 40.


I used to work with a woman who married a guy 20 years older than her. She was 30 and he was 50. That was fine. But when he was 65 and she was still working full time, she resented him. When he was 70 and she was 50, her kid was out of the house and she was ready to kick up her heels and he was a crotchety old man. Then his health started to slip and she wound up nursing him as he declined. She told all of us younger women to never make the mistake of marrying a much older guy.

A woman I currently work with is a real knock out. She's almost 30 and she's engaged to a guy who's 55. He's rich and powerful but I don't get it. And he has grown kids who must be really creeped out. (She's also been cheating on him with a much younger guy if rumors are true.)

[enree erzweglle]

About disparity of age in couples--if you marry for strong/healthy reasons,
then it doesn't really matter, does it. I know it's hard to nurse someone
through failing health, but that can happen at any age.

About the right age for having kids--it depends on so many things.
What worked for me might not work for you or the next person.

I planned and had my son when I was able to give him time (in terms of
taking a job that paid less and didn't have much room for promotion
but that had LOTS of flexibility) and energy (in terms of being young
and healthy, and being able to keep up with him and everything that
comes with having a kid). I happened to be young when that happened
and that was fine. I've never regretted it.

Had I waited and had my kid in my 40s, I might not have had the
same type of energy that I had in my 20s. But there would have been
other advantages that would have come with that. (Being older and
more experienced would have given me more leeway in dealing with
difficult people that I knew when my son was growing up. Those people
gave me angst when he was young; now I see them differently and
would use those situations in different ways.)

About kids in general--people who don't have kids or experience
with them may not realize how much everything they
take (e.g., flexibility, time, energy, money, patience, willingness to
change) but they also probably don't realize how many crazy and
amazing ways their kids will give back either, and how much their kids will
teach them about themselves.

I think that's the thing that has blindsided me the most about being a
parent--how much I changed and grew by knowing my son. If you've
read my posts here over these last several months, you'll know that
I feel like I've learned more from him by being his ma than he learned
from me across all of these years. You can't expect that or plan it or buy it.

Anyway, there are pros and cons to all of this just like anything.
You'll probably never find the perfect set of conditions, so maybe
you've just got to do what feels right when it feels right to do it,
and then don't look back.

[zorra_chiflada]

my mother was 42 when she had me. i think that's pushing it a bit
my dad was 59, and that is way too old. i think it was really irresponsible of them.

[ToucanSpam]

You are never too old to have kids.

[zorra_chiflada]

You are never too old to have kids.
yeah you are, if you can't look after them properly, support them, or provide for them.

[ToucanSpam]

yeah you are, if you can't look after them properly, support them, or provide for them.
Yep. But you're never too old to HAVE kids.

[tracky]

You've never heard of menopause?

[ToucanSpam]

You've never heard of menopause?
Well..........ok.

[monkey]

my mom was terribly young. and she says if she had us now, she would have so much more patience for us, but perhaps not as much time because the choices would be different.

i know that i cant have a child yet. at my age, my mother had a 1 year old. how she didnt kill me is a mystery to me.

[ToucanSpam]

how she didnt kill me is a mystery to me.
Probably because she couldn't find a good place to hide your body, and she wasn't hungry for baby meat.

[ms.peachy]

You've never heard of menopause?
What if you have a healthy, active woman who is post-menopause, but wants to adopt or foster children? Should children who need loving homes be denied them because we think that a woman past a certain age is 'too old for children'?

[tracky]

I'm not sure. We had a guy at school who's parents were as old as most people's grand parents. It was a bit weird, but didn't really seem to affect him. So I guess not, but it might put a strain on the child at a younger age, I know I wouldn't want to have to deal with putting my parents in a nursing home, even now, or worse...

[ms.peachy]

I'm not sure. We had a guy at school who's parents were as old as most people's grand parents. It was a bit weird, but didn't really seem to affect him. So I guess not, but it might put a strain on the child at a younger age, I know I wouldn't want to have to deal with putting my parents in a nursing home, even now, or worse...
Well, in an ideal world, no child would ever have to deal with caring for their parents. However, there are young people every day who care for parents who are relatively young, but have cancer, or have been severely injured, or have early-onset Alzheimers, or mental illness, or are drug addicted, etc etc. By the same token, there are many older people well into their 70's and 80's who are fit, active, and independent.

My point is, having younger parents is no guarantee of ease, and having older parents is not neccesarily a burden.

[Medellia]

Well, in an ideal world, no child would ever have to deal with caring for their parents. However, there are young people every day who care for parents who are relatively young, but have cancer, or have been severely injured, or have early-onset Alzheimers, or mental illness, or are drug addicted, etc etc. By the same token, there are many older people well into their 70's and 80's who are fit, active, and independent.

My point is, having younger parents is no guarantee of ease, and having older parents is not neccesarily a burden.
I was about to say the same thing. :o





:(

[Mcmac]

its when people go "ewwwwwwwww" when they hear about u having sex...coz if i know a kid who has old as parents i calculate it up and im like "you do realise your parents had SEX! YeS PENIS IN VAGINA YOUR PARENTS! when they was 50"

[tracky]

Well, in an ideal world, no child would ever have to deal with caring for their parents. However, there are young people every day who care for parents who are relatively young, but have cancer, or have been severely injured, or have early-onset Alzheimers, or mental illness, or are drug addicted, etc etc. By the same token, there are many older people well into their 70's and 80's who are fit, active, and independent.

My point is, having younger parents is no guarantee of ease, and having older parents is not neccesarily a burden.

True, i didn't really give it a heap of thought to be honest :p

I'm still not sure that I would have been as comfortable or as happy if my parents were 20-30 years older than all my friends' parents. I made a lot of friends who were children of my parents friends. That's not to say that older people and younger people can't socialise together, but I definately think them all being around the same age (my age :eek: as i grew up) kept them very close and still in contact, they still go on vacations together like we always did and all of us kids are all still good friends. We don't see a lot of each other these days, but we're basically family. There's all sorts of reasons for and against and I guess in the end it's just up the person. I can only go on my on personal experience and I'm being pretty judgemental in some respects, ie. there may be a group of older parents who get together and become friends, but I just don't think they can provide the level of activity that younger parents can. Well, healthy fit young parents vs. healthy fit older parents, that is. I dunno, I don't really care one way or the other and I'm just wasting time now :p It's all the little things I'm thinking off. Does the child ever meet his grand parents? etc..crap i'm rambling again

[adam_f]

My parents were both 20 when they had my oldest brother. He's 31 now. My youngest brother is 10, so I guess that would've made them 41. That's pushing it. I think that's probably why I'm left to do more involved things with him than my dad. He just can't keep up because he's not 30 anymore.

[Rancid_Beasties]

Probably because she couldn't find a good place to hide your body, and she wasn't hungry for baby meat.
Egad :(

[zorra_chiflada]

having older parents definitely causes problems for the child - not only biological problems either.
having gone through it, i can say that the negative outweighs the positive, and i really think that there is a certain age where you can't look after your child properly - it's just not fair on them.

[Rancid_Beasties]

Yeah, if I have children I'd want to have them well before 40. I'd want to be physically fit enough to be able to teach my kid to kick a footy, play cricket, help them with their homework and just generally be a parent. At the same time, I probably wouldnt want to have a kid before 25, I would want to be financially secure enough to give my kids a good education.

[wavin_goodbye]

my dad was around 40 when he had me and my mom was around 35 or 36.

[Lindsey_1535]

If I ever do want kids I don't want to be an old mom, after 30 35 ish seems a bit old to be having kids to me.....I had young parents though.

[Kid Presentable]

Once you've spoon-fed a parent, you develop a certain view on these things.

I have, btw.

[Rancid_Beasties]

I think I am way to young to even be thinking about this question come to think of it. I dont intend to plan when or if i have kids, I'd rather let things happen.