The Middle Ages

[Nuzzolese]

What will you be like when you're middle aged, assuming we all get that far.

I'm going to fight growing old (well, not so much as fight as bitch and moan). Right now, I feel good, going into my mid-20s breakdown (also known as the 'quarterlife crisis'--which means you can't have a MIDlife crisis until you get out of your QUARTERlife crisis, which could stretch well into the early 30s).

I imagine I'll be a bitter broad living in some crappy farm town depressed as hell from spending all my time, day in and day out, wondering what happened to my glory. I mean, I used to be enchanting, I used to have talent. And I was beautiful, too. Pissed it all away, I did. I'll have one friend, some middle aged house wife who comes over and we smoke and bitch all day long. I'll say son-of-bitch and goddamnit a lot. I'll probably have a few housetrained rabbits in lieu of children. Never married. The highlight of my day will be going to the IGA for food stuffs. I'll drive a crappy old Chrysler. I'll probably work the late shift at Casey's General Store, where I'll argue with customers all day. Jesus...this is depressing...

[adam_f]

I'll move to suburban Chicago, to get away from the eastern time zone and the depression of the city. I'll have a wife who sleeps around town more than a homeless guy without a blanket. Two kids who would rather smoke them cigarettes than heaven forbid say hello to their dad. I'll work at a factory that makes paper plates where I intently look over each individual plate to make sure that it won't succumb to the pressure of, say, watermelon. I'll have a best friend named Neil who used to star of some tv show about a teenage doctor. He'll be older than I am, so of course after he dies I'll be left to wander about aimlessly hoping that dog will rip my face off with sheer brutality so I don't have to go on. Eventually, my kids will grow up, put me in a home, leaving me to die with the rest of the forgotten youth that once inherited the earth.

[Nuzzolese]

Two kids who would rather smoke them cigarettes than heaven forbid say hello to their dad... so of course after he dies I'll be left to wander about aimlessly hoping that dog will rip my face off with sheer brutality so I don't have to go on.

I love it.

[adam_f]

These could drive Brooke Shields to suicide.

[Bitchamachacha]

What will you be like when you're middle aged, assuming we all get that far.

I'm going to fight growing old (well, not so much as fight as bitch and moan). Right now, I feel good, going into my mid-20s breakdown (also known as the 'quarterlife crisis'--which means you can't have a MIDlife crisis until you get out of your QUARTERlife crisis, which could stretch well into the early 30s).

I imagine I'll be a bitter broad living in some crappy farm town depressed as hell from spending all my time, day in and day out, wondering what happened to my glory. I mean, I used to be enchanting, I used to have talent. And I was beautiful, too. Pissed it all away, I did. I'll have one friend, some middle aged house wife who comes over and we smoke and bitch all day long. I'll say son-of-bitch and goddamnit a lot. I'll probably have a few housetrained rabbits in lieu of children. Never married. The highlight of my day will be going to the IGA for food stuffs. I'll drive a crappy old Chrysler. I'll probably work the late shift at Casey's General Store, where I'll argue with customers all day. Jesus...this is depressing...

Now that's a big paragraph full of bullshit.

You won't end up like that. You will be thirty, strutting around in long wool skirts and heeled boots, your brown hair weaving its way down your back as you go to the salon for your monthly peel, because you are a woman with style sense, who doesn't seem to be the type to give up on her looks that easily.

Plus, women in their thirties are more distinguished, respected and hot, thanks to shows like Desperate Housewives.

I will be thirty soon, and I can't wait. As a twenty-something, I know it's a bitch when middle-aged women look down on you out of stupid envy, and all they want to do is stick up their noses and criticise. When you hit thirty, you gain a new-found respect amongst older women, and can tell them to "fuck off" without them using, "Oh, she's still so young and vulgar" as an excuse ;)

[Nuzzolese]

Wait, I was thinking middle age is late 40s, because everything after 85 is drool and diapers.

[ms.peachy]

yes but bitcha 30's isn't middle aged.

[Nuzzolese]

Nah 30s is like prime time. No more stupid 20s anxiety "am I having enough sex?!" but you may not have to start worrying about your parents yet.

[The Notorious LOL]

I'll be exactly the same but with more arthritis.


so basically, I'll be Echewta.

[Nuzzolese]

Whatever happens, I'll most likely have a head full of white hair. I find more and more gray hairs every few months, and my moms was heavily salt and pepper by her mid 30s

[enree erzweglle]

I exercise a lot. I read a lot. I take courses and learn & do new things.
I go out with those long-term true friends that have been
in my life for years and years (I don't go out just to go out).
I work normal working hours. I take walks and long hiking trips. I camp.

I don't do a lot of stuff that I used to do--that stuff is just not worth
it to me.

I love being middle-aged better than any other age that
I've been and that I remember being.

In my 20s, I thought too much, especially about relationships.

In my 30s, I worried too much about my kid.

Now in my early 40s, I can just be the person that I am
without any of that other stuff getting in the way.

That said, I have not turned into one of those entitled older
women who expects things from people because she's made it
this far. I enjoy being with people and don't feel like I judge them
or disdain their lifestyles; people of all ages fascinate me.

(I've watched too many of my friends turn into THAT WOMAN. The
one thinks it's her responsibility to become an elder to today's youth.
She's the one who stops, gets out of her car, and yells as young people
who are misbehaving according to her standards/rules. I never
want to be that.)

The downside to being older is that you get discounted. It actually doesn't
happen to me much in real life, but it has happened here, on these boards.
People who know that you're older will just ignore you--like you, poof,
don't exist. I never really thought about age until I came here.

Anyway, aside of that...
It's hard to explain it. It's a really good time. Best time ever, really.
I'd stay right here if I could.

[Nuzzolese]

I'm never happy where I am so I don't see that changing in the next 20-30 years.

[Bitchamachacha]

Nah 30s is like prime time. No more stupid 20s anxiety "am I having enough sex?!" but you may not have to start worrying about your parents yet.


I was talking about your Quarter life crisis. ;)

Even the forties can be great. My aunt is in her fifties and still kicks ass. She's fit, sexy, and travels all of the time.

I see you more like that than at home eating bon bons.

[Nuzzolese]

Maybe I'll wear tight red pants and enthusiastically "KICK STRETCH ANNNNND KICK.

(SNL reference)

[Matt]

Maybe I'll wear tight red pants and enthusiastically "KICK STRETCH ANNNNND KICK.

(SNL reference)

not til you're fifty, though. proclaim it loudly! "IIIIII'M FIFTY!"

[Nuzzolese]

My mother is in her early late fifties and she is one of those "entitled" women sometimes. For shame, mother! She also has about a billion handbags.

[The Notorious LOL]

I hate those ladies who are like "oh life for me didnt start til I was 40! sure my boobs are sagging a bit but Im older, wiser, and Im still sexy!"

[Matt]

I hate those ladies who are like "oh life for me didnt start til I was 40! sure my boobs are sagging a bit but Im older, wiser, and Im still sexy!"

it's somewhat sad.

[Nuzzolese]

it's somewhat sad.

it really is because I think a lot of them lived their younger years being afraid

[wanton wench]

my middle ages will be like the dark ages!

[ms.peachy]

it's somewhat sad.
I think a woman saying "Well that's it, it's all over for me" because she doesn't fit the popular mould of youth and vitality is far sadder still.

[Freebasser]

I'm gonna end up just like my dad. Bald with a beard.

:(

[ms.peachy]

I'm gonna end up just like my dad. Bald with a beard.

:(
Get yourself some socks and sandals and you'll be the king sex bomb of the whole Women's Institute crowd!

[Matt]

I think a woman saying "Well that's it, it's all over for me" because she doesn't fit the popular mould of youth and vitality is far sadder still.

thats not what I mean. I meant what Nuzz said.

[Matt]

I'm gonna end up just like my dad. Bald with a beard.

:(

does he have a beer gut too?

male pattern baldness is passed on through the mother. you're safe unless your grandfather on your mother's side is also bald.

[Freebasser]

does he have a beer gut too?

Yep, but so do I :D

I never knew about the MPB gene coming from mother dear. Hmmm... her dad wasn't bald, but my dad and his father were, so I'm always concerned :(

[Matt]

Yep, but so do I :D

I never knew about the MPB gene coming from mother dear. Hmmm... her dad wasn't bald, but my dad and his father were, so I'm always concerned :(

it's always a possibility. I thought I was losing my hair, but it turns out that it was just coming out because it was getting long. shorn it short, and it stopped coming out.

If it does fall out, though, keep it all and duct tape it back on. You'll be a hit with all the young ladies.

[ms.peachy]

thats not what I mean. I meant what Nuzz said.
I can see how you would interpret it that way. the "My life didn't really start til 40" can be taken more than one way, though.

One way would be as you and Nuzz saw it - that prior to 40, these women lacked confidence in themselves.

The way I looked at it, it was women whose lives up to that point had largely been subsumed by the duties of childrearing and/or getting a career off the ground, and who at 40 were finally able to indulge themselves now that they had the time and the means.

[Freebasser]

I prefer duck tape to duct tape.

Am I quackers? :(

[Matt]

I prefer duck tape to duct tape.

Am I quackers? :(

no, just a fish out of water.

[wanton wench]

Bald with a beard.
:(

you could always grow your beard real long and do the comb over thing! (y)

[enree erzweglle]

My mother is in her early late fifties and she is one of those "entitled" women sometimes. For shame, mother! She also has about a billion handbags.
What the fuck is that? I have friends who are 3-4 years older than
I am and it seems like since they turned maybe 40, they've been buying
purses left and right. The one knows that she has too many but she
buys, on average, of two a month. What IS that? I have a knapsack.

[enree erzweglle]

it really is because I think a lot of them lived their younger years being afraid
Well, I guess I am some of the previous things mentioned (I'm >40 and
I think this time is the best) but I didn't particularly live my younger
years being afraid. And none of me is saggy yet. I don't know about the
sexy thing either but I know that sex is great now. Not that it wasn't
before but a lot of the emphasis shifted for me somewhere in my 30s
and it's different and better.

[Echewta]

This thread made me cry. I never thought anyone would become me.

[Nuzzolese]

Well, I guess I am some of the previous things mentioned (I'm >40 and
I think this time is the best) but I didn't particularly live my younger
years being afraid. And none of me is saggy yet. I don't know about the
sexy thing either but I know that sex is great now. Not that it wasn't
before but a lot of the emphasis shifted for me somewhere in my 30s
and it's different and better.

There are quite a few women I work with who are around 45-50 years old and they have expressed happiness with this time of their lives as a freedom to be single again. They had unhappy marriages and divorces. Oh and now their children are grown and finally out of the house.

[monkey]

in my middle age, im gonna be one of those fabulous women that wear chanel suits on the weekdays and jeans and tshirts on weekends, and im gonna be the boss of something. yes i will.

[cosmo105]

at first i didn't open this thread because i was expecting armor and the plague and shit.

matt and i will open a restaurant. i'll have my masters in nutrition and will open a small chain of healthy breakfast and lunch counters with locally-produced organic food and we'll handle the finances while we let someone else worry about the management. our kids'll run around charming the hell out of everyone and my sister will work there as head hostess. i'll write a book of my favorite recipes and it'll be a bestseller. everyone will want to eat healthier. we'll go on a second honeymoon in New Zealand.

[The Notorious LOL]

male pattern baldness is passed on through the mother. you're safe unless your grandfather on your mother's side is also bald.


not true, that tidbit is based on a study from almost a 100 years ago. Its been proven to be false.

[Matt]

not true, that tidbit is based on a study from almost a 100 years ago. Its been proven to be false.

oh. well, thanks for getting my shit straight then.

[The Notorious LOL]

easiest way to predict baldness is note the hairs on your pillow and your thinning scalp one day and go "aww fuck sakes"

[Echewta]

Please guys, becareful when you use Rogaine. Don't make the mistake I made and spill it on your lap :(

[enree erzweglle]

There are quite a few women I work with who are around 45-50 years old and they have expressed happiness with this time of their lives as a freedom to be single again. They had unhappy marriages and divorces. Oh and now their children are grown and finally out of the house.
Not doubting that that's true for them...for me, though, I've been
divorced for a long time (15 years) and I don't consider myself to be
single.

It really is more than those things (and more than my kid just getting
older and being more and more independent). I told you that it would
be hard to explain this. Sorry. :o

And you guys who think that a woman who is >40 can't be sexy or who
thinks that it's sad if she is or thinks she is...PM me when you are (or
your wife is) 40-45 and let me know what it was that changed your mind. :)

[Nuzzolese]

And you guys who think that a woman who is >40 can't be sexy or who
thinks that it's sad if she is or thinks she is...PM me when you are (or
your wife is) 40-45 and let me know what it was that changed your mind. :)

Except for maybe LOL who for various reasons thinks all women are sad, regardless of age, I don't think anyone was saying that. Maybe they were I'm not sure. I just don't want you to feel insulted by this thread. I feel like a jackass. It's not that I think life is over at middle age, it just seems like the time by which people should have reached a dignified state in life, at least. And not everyone gets there, I've always felt like a late bloomer, I don't think that will ever change. I don't want to keep talking about me, I'm just trying to explain so you don't hate me. :o the more I say the worse it is. Uhm, hey look over there!

[Matt]

I don't think women over forty aren't sexy. quite the opposite. But if they're garish about it, acting like their twenty but looking fifty, then I think it's sad and slightly wierd.

[Abe Froman]

I'm still waiting for my prime.

[Nuzzolese]

I don't think women over forty aren't sexy. quite the opposite. But if they're garish about it, acting like their twenty but looking fifty, then I think it's sad and slightly wierd.

Agreed. Girls in their 20s or even 30s acting desperate and frantic to suck the marrow out of life by throwing themselves around carelessly get some excuse that they're inexperienced, but by the time they're 40 most people think they should have grown up a little.

Although, I do admire older women who still look and act young in a fun way. And not everyone agrees with this. Sometimes people I know will discretely whisper soething catty to me about an older woman in view, about her outfit being too young for her, or something like that - but if she looks healthy and happy and having fun I'm envious.

[enree erzweglle]

Except for maybe LOL who for various reasons thinks all women are sad, regardless of age, I don't think anyone was saying that. Maybe they were I'm not sure. I just don't want you to feel insulted by this thread. I feel like a jackass. It's not that I think life is over at middle age, it just seems like the time by which people should have reached a dignified state in life, at least. And not everyone gets there, I've always felt like a late bloomer, I don't think that will ever change. I don't want to keep talking about me, I'm just trying to explain so you don't hate me.
I'm not insulted by it at all. You're sweet for trying to fix it but it wasn't
broken--I thought it was/is an interesting thread. (I said what I said
about 40-some-year old women because I think some people on the
group think that maybe life stops at a certain age and 40 is after that
age.)

I remember when I was a young, I was watching a Gene Hackman movie.
I thought he was just awful and couldn't understand how the youngish girl
in the movie was attracted to him. Then when I was in my 30s, I
rewatched that movie with my dad and I was all like, man, that
Gene Hackman looks fine. Things change when you get older. :)

:o the more I say the worse it is. Uhm, hey look over there!
And over there is a guy that I work with who looks like someone that
I just finished talking about in another thread (Ed Harris). So I'm happy
to look over there.

By the way, most of the women in my family die at a young age. Like
a couple have made it >60. So for me, mid-life may have happened
awhile ago (like when I was your age) and that's okay with me.
I'll be back. :)

[enree erzweglle]

I don't think women over forty aren't sexy. quite the opposite. But if they're garish about it, acting like their twenty but looking fifty, then I think it's sad and slightly wierd.
I agree about acting age appropriate. It's been a challenge to find clothes
that feel/fit/look good but that aren't teenagery. Most of the clothes for
women swim on me or fit really weirdly because they build in a lot of space
for stuff that I don't have. It's like they think every woman over 35 has to
get wide and deep.

It's easy to dress nicely if you've got a lot of money to put into it. Even
if I did, I wouldn't. I just tend to go into the teen department and try to
find things that don't say SEXY or PRINCESS across the ass. :)

[Nuzzolese]

I personally think you'd look cute in the teenagery style clothes. I know a lot of people who'd say it's too young but your body is better than most teenagers' anyway.

I don't think continental European adult women dress as matronly as they do in the states. Huge generalization I know, but I'm sticking to it.

[enree erzweglle]

I personally think you'd look cute in the teenagery style clothes. I know a lot of people who'd say it's too young but your body is better than most teenagers' anyway.
Thanks for that. I love to exercise (but you know that already :o).


I don't think continental European adult women dress as matronly as they do in the states. Huge generalization I know, but I'm sticking to it.
I've only been to Europe twice, but both times, I noticed that as well.
I think they tend to be thinner and the clothes they wear tend to be more
classic looking. Maybe it was just the areas that I visited, but I didn't
see a single appliqued sweatshirt either time. :)

[ms.peachy]

I agree about acting age appropriate. It's been a challenge to find clothes
that feel/fit/look good but that aren't teenagery. Most of the clothes for
women swim on me or fit really weirdly because they build in a lot of space
for stuff that I don't have. It's like they think every woman over 35 has to
get wide and deep.)
maybe you need to go to Chicago, enree (http://www.nytimes.com/2005/08/24/business/24gap.html)

[enree erzweglle]

maybe you need to go to Chicago, enree (http://www.nytimes.com/2005/08/24/business/24gap.html)
Funny that, because I know someone who has been
hounding me to go there anyway to see Oprah being
filmed. Not that I want to do that or shop, but that Gap
store intrigues me. Thanks, ms.peachy!

[Documad]

at first i didn't open this thread because i was expecting armor and the plague and shit.
I opened it because I thought it was about the middle ages. :(


I celebrated becoming middle aged by spending more money seeing live music in one year than I had spent during the whole of my 30s. I think I'm going to get even more out of hand from now on. I never cared much what others thought, but now I truly don't give a shit. I talk to everyone. I compliment strangers who deserve it.

As for purses. I think maybe it's like men who buy the red convertible sports car. I have never been a shopper but I've always loved purses. I started buying them a few years ago when I realized that I could. That's out of my system now. But I strangely don't have a really nice, neat, professional looking medium sized black one. Once I find the perfect one, my life will be complete. (what's up with all the stupid-looking hobo-style clothes and accessories!!!)

[guerillaGardner]

I exercise a lot. I read a lot. I take courses and learn & do new things. I go out with those long-term true friends that have been in my life for years and years (I don't go out just to go out).
I work normal working hours. I take walks and long hiking trips. I camp.
I don't do a lot of stuff that I used to do--that stuff is just not worth
it to me.I love being middle-aged better than any other age that
I've been and that I remember being.
In my 20s, I thought too much, especially about relationships.....Now in my early 40s, I can just be the person that I am without any of that other stuff getting in the way.

The downside to being older is that you get discounted. It actually doesn't
happen to me much in real life, but it has happened here, on these boards.
People who know that you're older will just ignore you--like you, poof,
don't exist. I never really thought about age until I came here.

Anyway, aside of that...
It's hard to explain it. It's a really good time. Best time ever, really.
I'd stay right here if I could.

I like the outlook Enree and I identify a lot with so much of what you say. Knocking on 40 I find that there's a lot about this age that I like - not trying to prove anything to anyone but myself. I find the adolescent popularity threads that populate this board mildly amusing and a tad pathetic.

I also feel like I know what I want more and I am happiest in my own company. I appreciate things more because I don't take them for granted and I'm less likely to put up with things I don't like.

Of course new challenges arise, but if I approached them with the mentality I had in my twenties then I'd be screwed and just not know it.

I've also experienced some mildly irritating attitudes on this board from people who have assumed I am some popularity seeking adolescent and who obviously expect my points of view to be more trendy and more conforming to some MTV induced standard.

But basically I feel that life gets a little richer, if not easier, the older I get.

[enree erzweglle]

But basically I feel that life gets a little richer, if not easier, the older I get.
Thanks, guerillaGardner. Things do get richer--that's a good way to put
it--and it really isn't because I have more time now. It has nothing to do
with my career because although I have a job that I've had for eons, I
don't consider it to be a career. And when I think of it, I don't actually
have too much more free time now than I used to. About the only thing
that I don't do now that I used to do and not like doing is dealing with my
son's teachers. And I'd drive him to various sporting meets. I still often
drive to those meets, I just don't have him in the car with me. :)

[ms.peachy]

But basically I feel that life gets a little richer, if not easier, the older I get.
And now at this point in this thread, I would like to shamelessy plug my aunt's new book Invisisble No More: The Secret Lives of Women Over 50 (http://www.invisiblenomore.com/)

Buy one for your mom, buy one for your best friend, buy one for yourself. :)

[Nuzzolese]

Thanks, guerillaGardner. Things do get richer--that's a good way to put
it--and it really isn't because I have more time now. It has nothing to do
with my career because although I have a job that I've had for eons, I
don't consider it to be a career.


I love that. My mother has always been about her career in higher education and of course your mother is your model for how you should be, so I've always felt like I had to start a career in some field. I don't know if I would, if that would be my style. Well I'm 25 already so apparently it is not my style considering I don't have a career, I just work. I still remember the first time someone indicated to me that sometimes people work to support their lifestyle and to enjoy things, and they don't have a specific career. Their lives are their careers. Mind blowing.

[enree erzweglle]

I love that. My mother has always been about her career in higher education and of course your mother is your model for how you should be, so I've always felt like I had to start a career in some field. I don't know if I would, if that would be my style. I still remember the first time someone indicated to me that sometimes people work to support their lifestyle and to enjoy things, and they don't have a specific career. Their lives are their careers. Mind blowing.This is exactly what I do--work to support my lifestyle and that of my kid.

I cringe (CRINGE) every time I get a new supervisor who doesn't know me
because he'll always always call me in to talk to me about how he's going
to crusade to get <n> title for me or <n> managerial promotion. Which I
totally don't want because then the job will have me instead of me having
the job. I have to nearly fight with them to get that supervisor not to do
that.

I'm always thrilled when a supervisory position is filled from within because
I'll have rapport with that person--they'll get me and understand that
I'm not interested in the corporate ladder. I do, however, want opportunities
to learn and do new things. I'd much, much rather have that as part of
my work-life than a new title every year.

[Nuzzolese]

I think I would be middle aged if this were the middle ages.

[enree erzweglle]

You never know when your own middle age will wind up being.
My ma's was when she was 27 (but her dad's was when he was 48).