He overcame his good looks to develop good character

[Nuzzolese]

Do you think it's possible that some people have had to overcome the struggle of their good looks to have a personality? I mean, it would seem like they could use their good looks to their advantage and they wouldn't have to be nice, and I'm sure a lot of people have treated them unfairly just because they were attractive, so it would be something to commend them for, for still having smarts and a good personality despite their striking bone structure.


I used to work with a real hottie named Ben, and people were always talking shit about him behind his back. They would say he was irresponsible and lazy and stupid and cocky and vain. I thought he was great looking and that didn't hurt so I wanted to meet him, but later I really got to know him and never ever thought he was any of those things, definitely not vain although he sometimes showed himself off but it seemed like a cute thing, like a minor character querk. I felt like most people saw him and the way he carried himself, and assumed he would be all of those things, so they didn't give him the benefit of the doubt. At first glance he did look like he'd be a frat jock who was in love with himself. He just didn't care what anyone thought. And while people like to think it's a good character trait not to care what anyone thinks, it's usually those who are widely disliked, who honestly don't care what anyone thinks. And people often don't like them because they don't care what anyone thinks.

Have you ever noticed this? It's like some people expect others to be nice, to smile and be accomodating. They feel like they deserve it. And when someone isn't the first to step up - especially an attractive person - then they assume that person is a snob.

What say you?

[Qdrop]

great topic.

why do you have to start these topics 5 min before i go home?

start these threads earlier in the day, dammit.



yes, i think you're probably very correct on your assessment of how OTHERS assess the "beautiful".
i have thought the same thing of "pretty" people who weren't anything but chipper and outgoing....it probably wasn't fair.

i've been judged the same way.....

but it's all cognative.
our brains are designed (through evolution) to instantly look for patterns, to create stereotypes and classifications, etc.
it's difficult to learn to go against that instinct.

[Bob]

people who rely on their looks need to get a job that involves making/taking phone calls to knock them down a few pegs. it's just not something that works on the telephone, you know?

"hello sir, i'd like to tell you about an excellent opportunity for...hey...hey! do you have any idea how attractive i am?"

anyway i agree with you about the expecting other people to be friendly and nice bit...i certainly do that. it probably causes a lot of unfortunate misunderstandings

[DandyFop]

This is why I date ugly people.

[Bob]

This is why I date ugly people.

hey ;)

[Nuzzolese]

I remember reading a psych study reporting that (and I won't get into how innaccurate and ridiculous those psych surveys can be) people give more attractive people the benefit of the doubt and expect them to be smarter and nicer etc. Maybe that's true, but I that also means they have higher expectations for beautiful people and take some kind of satisfaction in witnessing a beautiful person being less than perfect. Or they even want them to be, to justify disliking them, so then things seem balanced.



(as I'm writing this I'm overhearing my coworkers talking about their lives and I am so insensitive because I just wish they'd shut up so I can ignore them and concentrate on my post and my online friends!)

[wanton wench]

"hello sir, i'd like to tell you about an excellent opportunity for...hey...hey! do you have any idea how attractive i am?"

i am sooooo going to use this the next time someone calls and wont listen to me! (i'm a receptionist)

(yeah i'm the ugly girl that answers the phone...........shut up)

:D

[Bob]

I remember reading a psych study reporting that (and I won't get into how innaccurate and ridiculous those psych surveys can be) people give more attractive people the benefit of the doubt and expect them to be smarter and nicer etc. Maybe that's true, but I that also means they have higher expectations for beautiful people and take some kind of satisfaction in witnessing a beautiful person being less than perfect. Or they even want them to be, to justify disliking them, so then things seem balanced.




i find i do this, too. i don't know, something clicked in me at some point, i just find myself hating everyone i don't already know. not hating, necessarily, i just sort of automatically assume that they're jerks. and when i actually get a REASON to think someone's a jerk, oh boy, that just digs my hole deeper. i'm just an angsty littel bottle of angst these days, i don't know why

[Nuzzolese]

i find i do this, too. i don't know, something clicked in me at some point, i just find myself hating everyone i don't already know. not hating, necessarily, i just sort of automatically assume that they're jerks. and when i actually get a REASON to think someone's a jerk, oh boy, that just digs my hole deeper. i'm just an angsty littel bottle of angst these days, i don't know why

Do you feel bad about it though? I mean you're aware of it. I do it too and when I think about it I feel bad, like I'm such a miserable asshole. But I don't discriminate on good looks. I think ill of people of all appearances.

[Qdrop]

i find i do this, too. i don't know, something clicked in me at some point, i just find myself hating everyone i don't already know. not hating, necessarily, i just sort of automatically assume that they're jerks. and when i actually get a REASON to think someone's a jerk, oh boy, that just digs my hole deeper. i'm just an angsty littel bottle of angst these days, i don't know why

i'm the same way....
i think ALOT of people are like this.

is it cultural? genetic...eh?

i think it really relates to our instinctive "kinship circle"..and how far out we put that circle...and what people have to do to get in your circle.

[CrankItUp!]

I gots wit da program - me owns self ! Wat 'chall think ? :cool:

[enree erzweglle]

i find i do this, too. i don't know, something clicked in me at some point, i just find myself hating everyone i don't already know. not hating, necessarily, i just sort of automatically assume that they're jerks. and when i actually get a REASON to think someone's a jerk, oh boy, that just digs my hole deeper. i'm just an angsty littel bottle of angst these days, i don't know why
Maybe it's just because I'm old and have made critical mistakes in life, but I have nearly the opposite reaction. I find myself feeling drawn to people that I don't know. Not loving them unconditionally and right off the bat and not assuming that they're jerks, but very curious to talk to them and hear their stories. I think I tend to think that all people are good at the core--even if they try to scare you shitless--and I'll keep thinking that until they prove me wrong. Sometimes it takes a few tries.

[Bob]

Do you feel bad about it though? I mean you're aware of it. I do it too and when I think about it I feel bad, like I'm such a miserable asshole. But I don't discriminate on good looks. I think ill of people of all appearances.

oh, i feel bad about it, and i wish i'd stop doing it, i just do it anyway. i don't like it, but there it is. if i actually talked to half the people i met, i'd probably get to like most of them, but i don't. i just sort of dislike them automatically.

i think that's the big thing that keeps me here, on this board and boards in general. it's like, in real life, your first impression of a person doesn't necessarily have a lot to do with their personality. you judge them on how they look, how they compose themselves, you characterization of them could be completely inaccurate, because it's not really based on the big parts of their character. what they say (if they say anything) isn't as important, or at least, is subsequent (in terms of when you consider it, if that makes any sense), to how they say it, and all the other little superficial things that people are composed of.

but on the internet, the only parts of people that you see are what's on the inside (that sentence hurt my brain to type, my grammar gland seems to have atrophied over the summer, forgive me); you don't judge them based on how they look or how they speak, or how often the speak, or whether they smile, or whatever. all you see is what they're saying, which makes things easier in terms of judging someone's personality (usually). maybe that's a little pathetic of me, i don't know.

i really just can't put complete sentences together anymore, i don't know what the hell happened. i think something got switched off in my brain over the summer, i hope it comes back on. sorry if i'm a little confusing, i can't seem to articulate anything right now.

[little j]

CANDYBARS

[CrankItUp!]

fo' dat - i sucks yo dick dry ! ;)

[Nuzzolese]

Bob, that was incredibly articulate.

Do you think in your case it's one of those prejection things, where you reject before being rejected? I know I do that, especially with very attractive people or people who carry themselves with a lot of force and confidence. In fact, it works so well on me I use it on others too. When I want to be left alone I try to seem as cocky as possible. But yeah, like I don't want to have to deal with admitting that I admire someone and feel intimidated by them. This is all very emotional, Bob, I just feel so CLOSE now. *shove*

[Bob]

Bob, that was incredibly articulate.

Do you think in your case it's one of those prejection things, where you reject before being rejected? I know I do that, especially with very attractive people or people who carry themselves with a lot of force and confidence. In fact, it works so well on me I use it on others too. When I want to be left alone I try to seem as cocky as possible. But yeah, like I don't want to have to deal with admitting that I admire someone and feel intimidated by them. This is all very emotional, Bob, I just feel so CLOSE now. *shove*

you're not just saying that because it was followed by those two literary gems, are you? thanks.

i don't know what's going on in my case, quite honestly. i tried being a psychology major to figure it out, but psychology's hard, so i quit.

you know, i'm trying to think of an adequate reply and nothing's coming to mind. i've gone back and deleted myself like 5 times already. i'll get back to you on this

[Nuzzolese]

well, don't stress over it

[Lemmy's Liver]

I'm so ugly and disgusting that people just usually take my intelligence and good will for granted and like the donuts I bring them.

[hpdrifter]

Is the question "Are good looking people held to different standards socially because of their beauty?" in the sense that they are expected to be nicer, funnier, smarter, etc than average looking people?

I think its just the opposite. I think people excuse inappropriate social behavior from exceptional looking people.

Or is the question "Do/can good-looking people have to work to have good personalities?"

I don't know, I know a guy who is really really ridiculously good-looking and I don't think it even occurs to him that he doesn't really have a lot of personality. He a nice guy. Pretty average, really, in every way except his looks.

[CrankItUp!]

I'm so ugly and disgusting that people just usually take my intelligence and good will for granted and like the donuts I bring them.
Do you likes ghetto booty cutie ? ;)

[Nuzzolese]

Is the question "Are good looking people held to different standards socially because of their beauty?" in the sense that they are expected to be nicer, funnier, smarter, etc than average looking people?

I think its just the opposite. I think people excuse inappropriate social behavior from exceptional looking people.

Or is the question "Do/can good-looking people have to work to have good personalities?"

I don't know, I know a guy who is really really ridiculously good-looking and I don't think it even occurs to him that he doesn't really have a lot of personality. He a nice guy. Pretty average, really, in every way except his looks.

My original question was the latter but the former came up also. I think good looking people can sometimes get away with more, but they are expected to be better than most people - so they don't actually have to be any better. So they are held to different standards and at the same time forgiven more to perpetuate the standards which are based on assumptions anyway.

And I was wondering if they may have to try harder to gain trust and empathy, to make themselves more accessable. I don't know, maybe it's hard to have a good personality no matter what.

[zorra_chiflada]

i'm sorry, but i don't think by any stretch of the imagination having good looks is a struggle to overcome.
the problem comes when other people talk shit and do other negative things directed towards that person - "evening the playing field" if you will. that may possibly be the only disadvantage. attractive people have significant advantages in life. i'm sorry, that doesn't answer the question really, does it? :o

[ms.peachy]

My youngest sister is very attractive. Was gorgeous from the minute she was born really. Blonde hair, big blue eyes, eyelashes for miles, great complexion, straight white teeth, nice figure, on and on. She's also very intelligent, but she feels like people don't notice that. She said that she percieves people treating her like they expect her to be a 'ditzy blonde'. It's fair enough too to say that in our family (not so much immediate, but extended) she was regarded as 'the pretty one'. (I was 'the smart one' and our other sister was 'the special one'.) But she feels like she basically has to prove all the time that she is more than just a pretty face.

[Knuckles]

But she feels like she basically has to prove all the time that she is more than just a pretty face.
That's the story of my life. :(

[enree erzweglle]

It is true for all sorts of people--people are often ignored or written off by society for lots of reasons: they're poor, beautiful, successful, immigrants, unattracive, uneducated, disabled, rich, etc. Those people often have to work hard to prove themselves in all sorts of ways.

[Qdrop]

That's the story of my life. :(

Rubik's!

nice fuckin avatar!!