all that talk about bowel movements reminded me

[Bob]

i'll get straight to the point; i'm taking the LSAT next weekend and i want to be...clear, in both mind and body, if you follow me. when i took the SAT's, it was disastrous. i don't remember what i ate the day before, but in the middle of the test, i suddenly had the most painful urge to go i've ever had in my life. i was sweating bullets, my TOES hurt, it was so bad. and naturally, you can't just get up and go, so i just had to hold it and deal with it. i got a 1410 (out of 1600), but that's not the point; i don't want to go through that again.

i'm not much of a nutrition expert, so i'm asking you guys; what kind of foods should i be eating the week or so before the test so that this doesn't happen again? i want to make sure my bowels are all in perfect condition by the time it comes to take that test because i'm going to need to concentrate, and it's hard to do that when your entire body is in pain.

keep in mind that i'm a college student and can't afford fancy stuff.

it's a little gross, i know, but by god, i need to know. that was the worst 3 hours of my life, i shit you not

[ToucanSpam]

hahahahahaahaha I'm really sorry Bob but that is fucking funny.




Okay. Now for the serious part. You might wanna lay off of Mexican foods, and a lot of veggies and fruit. They seem to make people shit less.

[jabumbo]

eat taco bell and quit yer bitchin


when i was a sophomore, i joined the civil and environmental engineering department, they said that i owuld never need chemistry again. now that i am apoproaching graduation, i am advised that before i graduate, i should take (and pass hopefully) the fundementals of engineering exam, which has a whole section on chemistry. oh yeah, and a whole section on circuits, because when i am designing a building, i will need to know how electricity moves through a wire


oh, and i think thats a 5 hour test

[Kid Presentable]

Eat a whole lettuce. Each day.

[Bob]

1410 with a turtlehead ?!?!?

I bet all the nerds thought you were the shit!

I forget what I drank the night before, never take the SAT's with a hangover

yeah i'm still not sure how i did it exactly. i'm just really good at multiple choice tests i guess. i got lucky on the math part too, it was mostly geometry, which i was pretty good at at the time.

i was a wizard with analogies too, i had the perfect system. i did pretty well on my practice LSAT, so i'm optimistic. it's only my bowels that will betray me. seriously, ever since that test, i've been so neurotic about having to poop. i can never comfortably stray from a bathroom ever again.

[TurdBerglar]

i take a shit every morning a soon as i wake up


this should solve your problem

[zorra_chiflada]

speaking of bowel movements, i hate when you do a fart with so much force that it hurts your arsehole a bit. :(

[sheesh]

Eat nothing but nutrition bars and as little water as possible the day before and you'll be fine. This worked for me on a rafting trip.

[Tzar]

speaking of bowel movements, i hate when you do a fart with so much force that it hurts your arsehole a bit. :(
:confused:


i hate it when you take a killer shit then it hurts your cornhole for a good 15 minutes.

happens rarely though but is really annoying.

[TurdBerglar]

spicey shits are worse



and am i the only one that's capable of holding a shit or a piss in all day with no problem?

[sheesh]

spicey shits are worse



and am i the only one that's capable of holding a shit or a piss in all day with no problem?

I could all the way through high school. Then, when my real life started, I could shit or piss anywhere I wanted without being harassed.

[TurdBerglar]

yeah

that's what trained me too. not shitting during class

[zorra_chiflada]

yeah

that's what trained me too. not shitting during class

if you're a girl and have a male teacher, it's easy to get out of class to go to the bathroom whenever you want. they were scared.

[TurdBerglar]

ummm


it's not the asking to leave for the bathroom that was the problem


it's the whole sitting on the toilet then someone comes in and they hassle you for TAKEING A SHIT IN SCHOOL!!!!

[zorra_chiflada]

ummm


it's not the asking to leave for the bathroom that was the problem


it's the whole sitting on the toilet then someone comes in and they hassle you for TAKEING A SHIT IN SCHOOL!!!!

i didn't realise it was so bad.

now that i think of it, i never shat at school either.

[Kid Presentable]

If you eat a hot curry, and the next morning hear a slurping sound while you're on the bowl, it's just your arsehole trying to get a drink.

[zorra_chiflada]

If you eat a hot curry, and the next morning hear a slurping sound while you're on the bowl, it's just your arsehole trying to get a drink.

hehe
it's also quite amusing after eating garlic pizza, doing a garlic crap.
oh, and after eating beetroot as well, your crap goes red.

[jabumbo]

drink a tall glass of warm water and epsom salts the night before



you can thank me later

[TurdBerglar]

zorra, you're such the lady

[zorra_chiflada]

zorra, you such the lady

what do you expect me to talk about? ponies?

[Kid Presentable]

zorra, you're such the lady

here,here. :D

[TurdBerglar]

no

pony shit

[zorra_chiflada]

no

pony shit

haha horse shit is the funniest looking crap ever! they must have strange shaped arseholes or something.

[TurdBerglar]

my old dog, ewok. use eat the horse shit when we would take him for walks in the park

[zorra_chiflada]

my old dog, ewok. use eat the horse shit when we would take him for walks in the park

yeah, when we lived in the country, my dog feasted upon sheep shit.

[Kid Presentable]

I love the dignity with which a horse will empty it's bowels in the presence of all and sundry.

They try to avoid urinating on concrete, apparently.

[TurdBerglar]

splash back


no one likes to get piss on their feet

[zorra_chiflada]

I love the dignity with which a horse will empty it's bowels in the presence of all and sundry.

They try to avoid urinating on concrete, apparently.

sometimes at parades they have bags attached for the horses to shit into. i have a photo somewhere.

[TurdBerglar]

that's just their nutsack you retard

[zorra_chiflada]

that's just their nutsack you retard

no it's not! it's an actual cloth bag! i'm serious!

[Kid Presentable]

Horses farting is always good value.

We used to own horses, I think i was kicked in the head a few times. :D

[TurdBerglar]

zorra looks at horsecock

[zorra_chiflada]

zorra looks at horsecock

shut up turd! you're lying!

[Bob]

hey you jerks, this thread is supposed to be about my bowels, take your chats elsewhere

[TurdBerglar]

take my scats elsewhere?

[zorra_chiflada]

take my scats elsewhere?

hehe

[zorra_chiflada]

sorry we ruined your bowel thread, bob. :(

[TurdBerglar]

fuck bob

[zorra_chiflada]

fuck bob

no!

[TurdBerglar]

i heard bob is hung like a horse

[Kid Presentable]

i heard bob is hung like a horse

Does he wee on concrete?

Proudly raise his tail to bear the fruits of his intestinal labourings?

[zorra_chiflada]

i heard bob is hung like a horse

i bet you saw

[zorra_chiflada]

Does he wee on concrete?

Proudly raise his tail to bear the fruits of his intestinal labourings?

hehe "intestinal labourings"

[TurdBerglar]

i bet you saw


no the bag was in the way

[zorra_chiflada]

no the bag was in the way

i think we've solved bob's original problem.
he should just eat what he wants, and wear a poo pag to the exams, and shit when he wants. (y)

[CrankItUp!]

Bob - wear an adult diaper just in case and you'll be all good. (lb)

[Kid Presentable]

no the bag was in the way

Do you pack bags at your work?

[TurdBerglar]

Do you pack bags at your work?


NO

[tracky]

The longest I ever held a shit was at school camp. I went in the bush once early on, cause this was a proper camp with tents in the middle of no-where, but once was enough for me so I held out for like 3 or 4 days and took a shit when I got home. Oh and on that trip, since this could actually become relevant, me and my partner took nothing but baked beans and big stick of mettwurst. That was our staple diet. Needless to say, our tent was heated.

[kll]

Ok. You know how I looooove the shit threads, especially spiced up with the dong comments...


ok. so, i had been dating this guy for about 3 months and had not comfortably been able to fart/shit/whatever around him... we had been camping for 3 days and i hadn't shit the entire time... on our drive home, we stopped off at a pizza place and had greasy cheese pizza, then headed for the 3 hour drive home... about an hour into the drive, the 3 days of not-having-shits started to gurgle and i knew i'd need a toilet and fast... we stopped at a gas station and i was relieved to find out that there were separate men and womens restrooms should he need to use the toilet after me... so, i let it all go... stanking up the womens room something awful and cheerfully appeared back at the car... he went in to the use the bathroom and came out really quickly and said, "MYGOD! WHAT DID YOU DO IN THERE?" I acted clueless and said, "huh?"... he said, the men's restroom was out of service and i had to go into the womens and MY GOD! I was mortified!

Bob, the secret ingredient IS greasy cheese!

And the splatter on the concrete is why horses won't pee... they told me so.

[TurdBerglar]

And the splatter on the concrete is why horses won't pee... they told me so.


i already said this

[mickill]

On second thought, I think I will skip that lunch at Pizza Hut, afterall.

[kll]

i already said this

so?

[JBernas]

I was in high school and had been dating this guy I really liked for about a month. Well, his mom owned a shop and we went there after school one day. We were just hanging out when I got the "rumbly, grumbly" and knew I could not wait. So I politely excused myself to the only bathroom in the place. I let loose, felt way better, sprayed and proceeded to flush the toilet.....this is when it all went wrong.....as I'm staring at the water level and it's rising and rising and showing no signs of going down, I panicked looking for a plunger. Nothing. Having no other choice before the toilet overflowed, I opened the door and yelled that the toilet was overflowing. His mom comes running with a plunger and had to plunge my shit out of the toilet.....slightly embarrassing. (n) :D

[BionicEye]

grosss....

go for the spigot behind the toilet when you see that happening. righty tighty lefty loosy.... turn it and the water will stop

[Bob]

that reminds me of a jerry seinfeld joke

"have you ever been to a party at a friend's house, and you use the bathroom and flush the toilet, and the water starts to rise...? this is the scariest moment of your life."

well it's funnier if you hear it

[Documad]

Okay. Against my better judgment.

Bob, when you took the SATs was it a normal bowel movement that you needed to have? Or was it a more runny, nervous thing? Because the latter is very common with stress. If that's the deal, it's better to take some Immodium AD an hour or so before the test and then you won't poop for about 8 hours.

[Bob]

Okay. Against my better judgment.

Bob, when you took the SATs was it a normal bowel movement that you needed to have? Or was it a more runny, nervous thing? Because the latter is very common with stress. If that's the deal, it's better to take some Immodium AD an hour or so before the test and then you won't poop for about 8 hours.

it was far more runny and explosive than a normal poo, yes. i don't recall being especially stressed about the SATs though, i was well prepared, i did well on my PSATS, and i'd always been good at that kind of test. i don't know. maybe it was a combination of factors.

[Documad]

Bob, that figures--stress causes cramping as well as the need to poop. I think that your body carries stress when you don't realize it. Like when your jaw feels tight and you realize that you've been clenching it just a little. I think it's completely natural for your body to carry stress if you've been gearing up for something that's big. It's never really out of your mind.

I've mentored a lot of new attorneys and I always tell them to carry Immodium pills with them when they start out. They often laugh at my advice, only to apologize after their first court appearance. (some call it "trial trots" but that's just gross.) I used to take Immodium 1-2 hours before bigger appellate court arguments, even when I doubted that I needed it anymore.

I also think you should eat a slightly healthier version of the foods you usually eat. Don't change your lifestyle for one test. Use the same tricks/rituals, whatever that made you successful in normal tests. For me that involves not looking at anything to do with the test on the day of, taking a long bath the night before, and try not to sit near anyone who looks stressed out (because they tend to make unusual noises).

I bet you'll kick ass. I took the LSAT without having read any sample questions. I used to work logic problems compulsively for fun, so I was excited to see them on there! :)


EDIT: fucking hell! At the top of the thread talking about cramping and poop! :o

[Bob]

haha...well at least you didn't start it :o

i bought a preparation book, i've only taken one sample test so far (it has 6 in it), and i'm optimistic based on the results. according to the scoring chart, i scored between a 155 and a 162 or something like that. and i got a hilarious 9/22 RIGHT on the analytical reasoning section (the jane is taller than jim, jim is taller than jeff but shorter than joe, jake is shorter than jen, what is a possible arrangement of their heights section...god i hate them). 155-162 is pretty damn good for a first try, ESPECIALLY considering how fucking terrible i did on that one section. if i can improve just a little on that, i'll be in good shape, i think.

unless the book i bought is horribly out of date, or something.

[TurdBerglar]

i didn't prepare at all for the sats. i just rolled out of bed and went to school ON A FUCKN' SATURDAY. that really pissed me off. it was my birthday too.

[Documad]

LSAT scoring has completely changed since my day. The top score possible was in the 40s I think.

[Bob]

i think the top score you can get is 180 or something, i can't remember. at any rate, if you get above a 160, it puts you in the top 10th percentile, or something crazy like that.