She swims in my blood now

[tracky]

I always like the way Stewie gets all dramatic and comes up with things like this.

But anyway, that's the best way to describe how I feel right now. It's pissing me off. I don't want to think about her, but I can't stop. I know I will see her again, but I want to see her now. I want to distract myself until then but I can't pull my mind away from her. I feel like thinking about her is wrong, that I shouldn't put so much thought into her. I'm coming to accept the fact that all happiness is fleeting, and things could vanish at any second, that illusions I've created to fill in the blanks could all be wrong - this would be historically accurate. I want to believe that this time is different, but I get extremely depressed just thinking about history repeating. I want to get wrapped up and carried away on a feeling, but I won't let myself. I don't really know where I'm going with this post. I think I'm looking for someone to talk to, but I really don't know what I've got to say. I just hate sitting here thinking and thinking and thinking, maybe typing some shit will get it out. No one's even reading this far are they? Hello? Bah.

[Tzar]

the title sounds like the "she" you're referring to is a drug you just shot up and is circulating in your blood system.

edit: and i just read your post... man i hate that type of feeling. i've gone through it before. (n)

[tracky]

love is a drug

[Bob]

i thought this thread was about murder at first

[miss_bhaven]

love is a drug

I know exactly where you're coming from hun... :( All you do is think about that one grrl...she won't leave your mind and you continuously want to be with her. The urge is over-powering :( 'Love is a drug'... Sure is :p

[tracky]

Time just becomes irrelevant. I have known her for over 5 years or something, but it's only just in the last few weeks that things have started to develop. I've always wanted things to develop, and I think she has too, it's a long long story that I actually started to type. We lost contact for a while, a couple of years or so. But when we got together again about 6 months ago the flame was just as strong. And now that it's started to develop, I just want to let go, and bring her into my life, but there are certain barriers which prevent me from seeing her now. Not so much physical, like a wall or distance, as metaphysical barriers. They are not hard to overcome, they will just take some time. I don't want to wait but I'm just going to have to. I should be enjoying the feeling, even if it is an illusion, for the time, as it may be gone soon.

[Tzar]

Time just becomes irrelevant. I have known her for over 5 years or something, but it's only just in the last few weeks that things have started to develop. I've always wanted things to develop, and I think she has too, it's a long long story that I actually started to type. We lost contact for a while, a couple of years or so. But when we got together again about 6 months ago the flame was just as strong. And now that it's started to develop, I just want to let go, and bring her into my life, but there are certain barriers which prevent me from seeing her now. Not so much physical, like a wall or distance, as metaphysical barriers. They are not hard to overcome, they will just take some time. I don't want to wait but I'm just going to have to. I should be enjoying the feeling, even if it is an illusion, for the time, as it may be gone soon.
is she with someone else at the moment?

[tracky]

nope, actually that's one of the reasons things are finally starting to develop. I think she's realised I'm not going to be with her while she's with someone else, which she has been for most of the time I've known her. That's only 2 guys tho, one of them is a friend of mine, he was the first, and he's still friends with her, and then another guy who she just broke up with. It's a bit complicated. My friend is seeing other people, but they still live together. She was seeing her other boyfriend while living there. So I don't think they're getting back together. He gets a bit vague whenever I ask him, and I havn't had a chance to ask her. I need to get her alone, damnit! So tommorow night I gotta take this stuff round there, and I'm gonna get her mobile # and see if she wants to hang out sometime. I just want to go round there now, but I can't see, cause the stuff I gotta take round is actually being downloaded and won't be finished til then (he's got no internet but loves linux, go figure, although I lie he has only just got 56k)

It sucks cause I feel like I'm stealing from a mate, but at the same time, as he even said himself, it's not his place to care. But it is a bit, I think. Whatever, good on him if he can deal with it that good (y) I don't want to lose our friendship, but at the same time I don't want to miss an opportunity

[Mcmac]

stop typing so long tracky :mad:

[tracky]

I type so long so you don't bother reading it

[Mcmac]

cut me deep bro :(

[tracky]

hey you can't go round telling people to fuck off and whatever and then expect people to be all friendly to you. If you toned it down a bit, and stop trying so hard to impress people with swear words you might find people are a bit more friendly towards you. i don't hate you or anything, but it makes me cringe when you start trying to be all tough. just chill out at bit and try to think more along the lines of 'nothing nice to say, don't say it'

[Tzar]

nope, actually that's one of the reasons things are finally starting to develop. I think she's realised I'm not going to be with her while she's with someone else, which she has been for most of the time I've known her. That's only 2 guys tho, one of them is a friend of mine, he was the first, and he's still friends with her, and then another guy who she just broke up with. It's a bit complicated. My friend is seeing other people, but they still live together. She was seeing her other boyfriend while living there. So I don't think they're getting back together. He gets a bit vague whenever I ask him, and I havn't had a chance to ask her. I need to get her alone, damnit! So tommorow night I gotta take this stuff round there, and I'm gonna get her mobile # and see if she wants to hang out sometime. I just want to go round there now, but I can't see, cause the stuff I gotta take round is actually being downloaded and won't be finished til then (he's got no internet but loves linux, go figure, although I lie he has only just got 56k)

It sucks cause I feel like I'm stealing from a mate, but at the same time, as he even said himself, it's not his place to care. But it is a bit, I think. Whatever, good on him if he can deal with it that good (y) I don't want to lose our friendship, but at the same time I don't want to miss an opportunity

ahhhhhh i see.
hmmm... yeah just take it slowly for now. you don't wanna fuck up and loose both of them by going too fast into things. if she's ready; i'm sure she'll let you know. have you told your mate about these feelings?

[Mcmac]

hey you can't go round telling people to fuck off and whatever and then expect people to be all friendly to you. If you toned it down a bit, and stop trying so hard to impress people with swear words you might find people are a bit more friendly towards you. i don't hate you or anything, but it makes me cringe when you start trying to be all tough. just chill out at bit and try to think more along the lines of 'nothing nice to say, don't say it'

my cut me deep response was sarcasm if u couldnt tell

and wtf acting all tough? i think u look too far into it..try not to take it so seriouse..and impress who?

[tracky]

ahhhhhh i see.
hmmm... yeah just take it slowly for now. you don't wanna fuck up and loose both of them by going too fast into things. if she's ready; i'm sure she'll let you know. have you told your mate about these feelings?

Not in so many words

I have told him tonight in a msn convo "I like her", and "do you mind that" to which he answered that it's not really his place to mind. But he did go a bit quiet after that. I'm not too worried, yet. He does go quiet randomly anyway, so I'll see tommorow. Kinda hard to judge from an msn convo.

[Tzar]

I have told him tonight in a msn convo "I like her", and "do you mind that" to which he answered that it's not really his place to mind. But he did go a bit quiet after that. I'm not too worried, yet. He does go quiet randomly anyway, so I'll see tommorow. Kinda hard to judge from an msn convo.
fucking internet - can't truss it
yeah well if he's been with other people (or is with another person at the moment) he shouldn't be...jealous or have 'those' types of feelings t'ward her/you.

[tracky]

my cut me deep response was sarcasm if u couldnt tell

and wtf acting all tough? i think u look too far into it..try not to take it so seriouse..and impress who?


cut me deep :rolleyes: = sarcasm

cut me deep :( = not sarcasm


But whatever, you should just chill out a bit.

[SobaViolence]

do not go with that feeling of wanting to be with her now now now! because that is a touch suffocating and somewhat intimidating. just breathe in through the nose and out through the mouth and relax.

all things happen in due time.


believe me, even after 8 months, a guy must be patient... (y)

[tracky]

fucking internet - can't truss it
yeah well if he's been with other people (or is with another person at the moment) he shouldn't be...jealous or have 'those' types of feelings t'ward her/you.

well that's my thoughts, but i really can't know for sure. he says a lot of things, but might not really be telling the whole truth.

[tracky]

do not go with that feeling of wanting to be with her now now now! because that is a touch suffocating and somewhat intimidating. just breathe in through the nose and out through the mouth and relax.

all things happen in due time.


believe me, even after 8 months, a guy must be patient... (y)

I'm going to bed with those thoughts (y)

[Mcmac]

sorry i didnt no the sarcasm rules

im not angry :mad: