View Full Version : bad jokes
CrankItUp!
09-27-2005, 12:46 AM
We all know them...so lets hear some :
what does dog crap and women have in common ?
the older they get, the easier they are to pick up. :D
CrankItUp!
09-27-2005, 01:41 AM
There was a couple who had been married for years. The only friction in the marriage was the husband's habit of farting loudly every morning when he awoke. The noise would wake his wife and the smell would make her gasp for air.
Every morning she would plead with him to stop ripping them out because it was making her sick. He told her he couldn't stop and that it was completely normal. She told him to see a doctor - she was concerned that one day he would blow his guts out. The years went by and he continued to rip them out !
Then one Thanksgiving morning as she was preparing the turkey for dinner and he was upstairs sound asleep, she looked at the turkey innards and neck, gizzard and all the spare parts. A malicious thought came to her. She took the bowl upstairs where her husband was sound asleep, and gently pulled back the bed covers, she pulled back the elastic waistband of his underwear and emptied the bowl of turkey guts into his shorts.
Sometime later she heard her husband awaken with his usual trumpeting which was followed by a blood curdling scream and the sound of frantic footsteps as he ran to the bathroom. The wife could hardly control herself as she rolled on the floor laughing, tears in her eyes ! After years of torment she figured she got him back pretty good.
A while later, her husband came downstairs in his blood stained underwear with a look of horror on his face. She bit her lip as she asked him what was the matter. He said, "Honey, you were right. All these years you have warned me that one day I would fart my guts out, and today it finally happened. But by the grace of God, some vaseline and two fingers, I think I got most of them back in."
miss_bhaven
09-27-2005, 02:30 AM
"But by the grace of God, some vaseline and two fingers, I think I got most of them back in." <--- :eek: Ohhhhhhhh!!! Hahaha. Rank!
miss_bhaven
09-27-2005, 02:35 AM
A: What did one hat say to the other hat?
Q: You stay here. I'll go on a head.
Ha. Ha.
Hilarious eh?! :confused:
laurie_hammy
09-27-2005, 06:11 AM
What time was it when the elephant sat on the fence ?
TIME TO GET A NEW FENCE
"I CANT BREATHE :eek: "
Kid Presentable
09-27-2005, 06:12 AM
What's brown and looks through the upstairs window?
A shit on stilts.
wanton wench
09-27-2005, 08:44 AM
which two fingers does every women masturbate with?
which ones?
*man holds up two fingers*
these two?
why is that?
cause they are mine!
hahahahaha!
Lex Diamonds
09-27-2005, 08:45 AM
Q: What would Princess Diana be doing if she were still alive today?
A: Scratching at the lid of her coffin!
laurie_hammy
09-27-2005, 08:48 AM
Iv heard some bad knock-knock jokes.
Knock Knock
Whos There ?
Lettuce
Lettuce Who ?
Lettuce In
avignon
09-27-2005, 08:52 AM
What do you call a man with no arms and legs in a bathtub?
Bob
What do you calll a man with no arms and legs on the floor?
Matt
What do you call a man with no arms and legs in a pile of leaves?
Russell
laurie_hammy
09-27-2005, 08:55 AM
What do you call a man with no arms and legs in a bathtub?
Bob
What do you calll a man with no arms and legs on the floor?
Matt
What do you call a man with no arms and legs in a pile of leaves?
Russell
they werent that bad.
jabumbo
09-27-2005, 08:58 AM
they werent that bad.
don't get me wrong, because i love those jokes...
but the are themostterriblestupidjokesintheentireworld
laurie_hammy
09-27-2005, 09:00 AM
don't get me wrong, because i love those jokes...
but the are themostterriblestupidjokesintheentireworld
well iv never heard them so I didnt mind em ahaha
What do you call a man with no arms and legs in a bathtub?
Bob
What do you calll a man with no arms and legs on the floor?
Matt
What do you call a man with no arms and legs in a pile of leaves?
Russell
what do you call a woman with one leg?
eileen
what do you call her if she's chinese?
irene
bad AND racist! checkmate!
enree erzweglle
09-27-2005, 07:27 PM
Donald Rumsfeld is giving George Bush his daily briefing. He concludes by saying: "Yesterday, 3 Brazilian soldiers were killed."
"OH NO!" the President exclaims. "That's terrible!"
His staff sits stunned at this display of emotion, nervously watching as the President sits, head in hands.
Finally, the President looks up and asks, "How many is a brazillion?"
hahahahah
(I took the joke from rec.humor.funny.)
Donald Rumsfeld is giving George Bush his daily briefing. He concludes by saying: "Yesterday, 3 Brazilian soldiers were killed."
"OH NO!" the President exclaims. "That's terrible!"
His staff sits stunned at this display of emotion, nervously watching as the President sits, head in hands.
Finally, the President looks up and asks, "How many is a brazillion?"
hahahahah
(I took the joke from rec.humor.funny.)
hahahahaha i'm stealing that
Donald Rumsfeld is giving George Bush his daily briefing. He concludes by saying: "Yesterday, 3 Brazilian soldiers were killed."
"OH NO!" the President exclaims. "That's terrible!"
His staff sits stunned at this display of emotion, nervously watching as the President sits, head in hands.
Finally, the President looks up and asks, "How many is a brazillion?"
hahahahah
(I took the joke from rec.humor.funny.)
AHAHAHAHAH!! i can seriously see that happening.
CrankItUp!
09-27-2005, 08:25 PM
Why was the picture sent to jail ?
It was framed. :p
miss_bhaven
09-28-2005, 04:39 AM
Donald Rumsfeld is giving George Bush his daily briefing. He concludes by saying: "Yesterday, 3 Brazilian soldiers were killed."
"OH NO!" the President exclaims. "That's terrible!"
His staff sits stunned at this display of emotion, nervously watching as the President sits, head in hands.
Finally, the President looks up and asks, "How many is a brazillion?"
hahahahah
(I took the joke from rec.humor.funny.)
Ha - I can imagine George Bush saying something like that.
boys_beastie
09-28-2005, 04:51 AM
Q. what did the cannibal do after he dumped his girlfriend?
------------------------------------
A. wiped his ass
Kid Presentable
09-28-2005, 10:27 AM
George W. Bush is in his doctor's office, and has a problem.
"Doc," Bush begins, "Every time I look in the mirror, I become sexually aroused. What does this mean?".
The doctor looks up from his notes and states:"I'm not surprised Mr. President. You are a cunt.".
laurie_hammy
09-29-2005, 06:37 AM
Why was the picture sent to jail ?
It was framed. :p
woah thats bad
BangkokB
09-29-2005, 06:44 AM
What's 12" long and white?
Absolutely Nothing
A minister and a priest are in a heated debate about what is Gods money. The minister says that all the $ that lands inside a given circle is Gods while the priest diligently defends that all the $ that lands outside the circle should be Gods. A rabbi comes along and contests that they should throw the money up in the air and what God keeps is his
scotty
09-29-2005, 07:00 AM
What do you call a man with no arms and legs in a bathtub?
Bob
What do you calll a man with no arms and legs on the floor?
Matt
What do you call a man with no arms and legs in a pile of leaves?
Russell
what do you call a man with rabbits up his arse?
Warren.
why'd the monkey fall out of the tree?
it died.
why did the second monkey fall out of the tree?
it was stapled to the first monkey's ass.
why did the third monkey fall out of the tree?
peer pressure.
what's the best way to get a monkey out of a tree?
shoot it.
what's big, yellow, and sits in the corner?
a naughty bulldozer.
guerillaGardner
09-29-2005, 04:16 PM
Disclaimer: Although I do not subcribe to the opinions implied by this joke I find it funny.
Why do women wear make up and perfume?
Because they are ugly and they smell. :D
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