Someone's trying to kill me

[mickill]

A number of incidents this month have brought me to this conclusion.

About a month ago there was a fire at work. This happens to be an 80,000 sq ft facility, and somehow, the fire occured on the roof of the building, directly above my work area. An employee at a neighboring business happened to see the fire and told us that THE ROOF WAS ON FIRE.

A couple of weeks later I fell down the stairs in our house. Well, mostly slid all the way down on one side, smashing my hip and rib against every step on the way down. It all happened so fast, yet so slow. Enree knows what I mean. But the carpet on top step was all slicked down, ya see? Fishy.

Now, this doesn't sound like a big deal, but it was pretty f'ed up in my opinion. I was listening to music on my computer with the headphones on in my personal domain. My wife, daughter and mother in-law were downstairs in the family room. All of a sudden I hear all this faint commotion coming through the headphones. I took the headphones off and there was all this screaming and what sounded like crying coming from downstairs. Naturally, I assumed that they'd done something like accidentally killed the baby or something. So I come crashing out the door and pretty much flew down the same stairs I had just fallen down a few days earlier, using about 2 of the 14 steps to do so, nearly killing myself again in the process. I run into the room and I'm like "WHAT HAPPENED?!" and they go, "THERE'S A HUGE SPIDER IN THE KITCHEN!". I won't get into my reaction.

So then earlier this week, my wife calls me at work and goes, "Mike, I need you to come home" in a real sullen tone. Naturally, I'm expecting the worst. I mean, the woman pretty much traumatized me for a week with the spider incident. So I'm like, "what happened?". And she's like, "No, no, we're okay, but there was a fire". So as it turns out, there was a fire in the kitchen and the whole house had been filled with smoke. It's a long story. Anyway, we're still in the process of cleaning up all the ash and repairing a few of the walls. This week I gotta wash half the walls in the house and paint the ceiling in the kitchen, dining room and family room.

Incidentally, the same day of our little fire my cousin's apartment was blown up. We found out while watching the news. They showed his place from the outside and you could see right in. Apparently, the person that lived directly above him used some kind of explosive device to destroy his own place and did the same to my cousin's in the process. He killed himself directly afterwards. Pretty weird. Anyway, sorry for blabbing. So, yeah, someone's trying to kill me.

[Echewta]

Wait a minute, you dont live in california... :confused:

[mickill]

No, I don't think I do. Are there lots of spiders in California?

[cookiepuss]

mike the killa is you. it says so in your sig.


you are probably suffering from multiple personalites and are sabotaging yourself on a daily basis. go see a shrink mang.

[ToucanSpam]

That is cazy. I think it's just coincidences though, you should probably stop assuming someone is trying to kill you.

[Qdrop]

you were warned, mike.

you were warned.


now we have to make an example out of you.

[cosmo105]

No, I don't think I do. Are there lots of spiders in California?
Black Widows. big fat pregnant ones. i wake up covered in them most days of the week. they swim in our cereal. every other bite of gorilla munch is a ball of baby black widows.

[abcdefz]

mike the killa is you. it says so in your sig.


you are probably suffering from multiple personalites and are sabotaging yourself on a daily basis. go see a shrink mang.




...wouldn't it suck if life were like the movies, and the big twist came along and it turned out you really were the killer?

[mickill]

It was my Tyler Durden, yes.


My first bicycle was called a Spider II. I have no idea what the first Spider looked like, but it musta been pretty gay too. I thought my bike was so badass just because it was black. But it had a banana seat.

That was kinda random.

[Nuzzolese]

That's terrible about the smoke damage! Do you have insurance to pay for it? At least everyone is okay, minus your stair falling injuries (I'm sorry but imagining that still makes me laugh, and cry - it's a very conflicting emotional state) and the guy who lived above your cousin. By the laws of the jinx I think you should be alright if you worry and convince yourself that some greater power is trying to kill you.

Think about this; by your own ignorant last-minute choices based on gut instinct, did you recently narrowly avoid any fatal mishaps? Because if you did, it might be fate catching up with you to hurt you where you should have been hurt before, like in Final Destination. All my answers come from movies, isn't that sad?

[Qdrop]

Black Widows. big fat pregnant ones. i wake up covered in them most days of the week. they swim in our cereal. every other bite of gorilla munch is a ball of baby black widows.

must be hard to be a vegetarian in california then...

[mickill]

Think about this; by your own ignorant last-minute choices based on gut instinct, did you recently narrowly avoid any fatal mishaps? Because if you did, it might be fate catching up with you to hurt you where you should have been hurt before, like in Final Destination. All my answers come from movies, isn't that sad?

Well, getting my wisdom teeth taken out was relatively painless last week.

We're not going to go through insurance. I suppose we could. Sadly, my cousin didn't have insurance, so he lost everything he owns pretty much.

[Nuzzolese]

Do you also have Brown Reckless spiders?

[Nuzzolese]

Well, getting my wisdom teeth taken out was relatively painless last week.

We're not going to go through insurance. I suppose we could. Sadly, my cousin didn't have insurance, so he lost everything he owns pretty much.

So, he's going to come live with you for a while then? Maybe he'll have a new perspective on the never-ending materialistic lust to obtain.

[cosmo105]

Do you also have Brown Reckless spiders?
haha.

what's funny is how people here are terrified of those but people in the midwest and south aren't...and yet all of them are scared of black widows but we step on them and set them on fire and laugh.

[Qdrop]

but we step on them and set them on fire and laugh.

that sounds like more fun than earthquakes!

[Nuzzolese]

haha.

what's funny is how people here are terrified of those but people in the midwest and south aren't...and yet all of them are scared of black widows but we step on them and set them on fire and laugh.

Nah we're not. I had a black widder in my garden one summer. She came out from her hiding spot each time I watered the flowers. My pretty pink garden of death. She only lived there for about a week. But, oh, she got huge. I think spiders are beautiful. I kill them anyway. I feel bad about it.

[cosmo105]

ahh me too. i'm very fascinated by them. black widows especially. but i kill them. i know it's not exactly vegan, but i'm pretty arachniphobic. if i find a spider in my bedroom, i can't sleep in there for a week. been that way since i was a kid.

[armyofme]

Your death has become a self-fulfilling prophecy.

Keep this up, you'll be dead by dawn.

[sam i am]

you were warned, mike.

you were warned.


now we have to make an example out of you.

Shhh, Q. He might catch on....

[Nuzzolese]

Mickill you lead an exciting and dangerous life. Has it given you some kind of new appreciation for each day?

[Qdrop]

Mickill you lead an exciting and dangerous life. Has it given you some kind of new appreciation for each day?

yeah, he should move to California.

[Documad]

Is it possible that some of these events could have been influenced by the lack of sleep that comes with new parenthood?

My friend started a kitchen fire when she had a new baby and she was boiling some baby feeding stuff on the stove and she fell asleep and the water boiled away and the nipples burned. It did a lot of smoke damage.

Anyhow, do some kind of cleansing ceremony to ward off bad spirits just in case.

[mickill]

Mickill you lead an exciting and dangerous life. Has it given you some kind of new appreciation for each day?

I'm pretty unkillable, I think. I've survived numerous car wrecks, have had a terrible habit of hitting my head on seemingly everything all my life, have had two altercations involving guns, can't really swim well, been struck by lightning...okay, I was never struck by lightning, but I was near a tree once during an electrical storm. I don't know, I've always appreicated life.

My cousin's staying with his girlfriend. I wouldn't want him staying with us, anyway. I might get him killed.

[Qdrop]

have had two altercations involving guns,
oh do tell....

[mickill]

My friend started a kitchen fire when she had a new baby and she was boiling some baby feeding stuff on the stove and she fell asleep and the water boiled away and the nipples burned. It did a lot of smoke damage.

Hey, that's exactly what happened. The wife was boiling about 10 bottles and got distracted while upstairs with the baby. The problem is that when you burn plastic, you get very harmful fumes. It took three days for the house to air out.

[Bob]

the nipples burned. It did a lot of smoke damage.



sounds like the smoke damage would be the least of their worries
:eek:

[Documad]

Hey, that's exactly what happened. The wife was boiling about 10 bottles and got distracted while upstairs with the baby. The problem is that when you burn plastic, you get very harmful fumes. It took three days for the house to air out.
I knew it! They should warn new parents about that stuff!

P.S. My friends had a new house, and they had to have professional fire restorer people come in. But apparently because she fell asleep it was farily serious. She needed a new oven or whatever appliance was in the stove area.

[Nuzzolese]

sounds like the smoke damage would be the least of their worries
:eek:

They called that fire "a real nipple burner"

[mickill]

oh do tell....
Dude, no. I'm not gonna get into all that. No way. Forget it. Okay, I will. One time a big mouthed kid flashed a gun on me during an argument over something very stupid. I knew he wasn't going to use it or anything. It was minor. And another time I got robbed while working the cash register at the pizza shop my parents used to own. Getting robbed is pretty embarrassing, though, man. I don't like to talk about it.

I should clarify the gun thing was just for comedic effect, along with not being a strong swimmer, which I'm not. But you asked.

[mickill]

I knew it! They should warn new parents about that stuff!

P.S. My friends had a new house, and they had to have professional fire restorer people come in. But apparently because she fell asleep it was farily serious. She needed a new oven or whatever appliance was in the stove area.

Yeah, they should. It's not like burning your mac and cheese. That flame scorched the ceiling.

[Qdrop]

And another time I got robbed while working the cash register at the pizza shop my parents used to own. Getting robbed is pretty embarrassing, though, man. I don't like to talk about it.


so i'm assuming the outcome was quite differant than "A History of Violence"...now playing in theatres everywhere.

[mickill]

so i'm assuming the outcome was quite differant than "A History of Violence"...now playing in theatres everywhere.
Um, you could say that.

I wasn't really about to take a chance over 80 dollars, though. But male pride can be a bitch.

[enree erzweglle]

Hey, that's exactly what happened. The wife was boiling about 10 bottles and got distracted while upstairs with the baby. The problem is that when you burn plastic, you get very harmful fumes. It took three days for the house to air out.When I nearly burned down the house after forgetting about baby bottles on the stove--boiling off the water and the pot and a lot of other things--I didn't know about harmful plastic fumes and just cleared everything out and went back to live in there, big smell and all. That maybe explains a lot about my son's behavior in college. Or am I reaching.

[monkey]

so, how's the baby?

[Documad]

When I nearly burned down the house after forgetting about baby bottles on the stove--boiling off the water and the pot and a lot of other things--
See! I bet 1/2 of all new parents do that and no one talks about it!

You hear all about how to properly chop up a hot dog, but you don't hear about nipples starting fires.

[monkey]

but you don't hear about nipples starting fires.

mine do.
:o


moving on.

[mickill]

When I nearly burned down the house after forgetting about baby bottles on the stove--boiling off the water and the pot and a lot of other things--I didn't know about harmful plastic fumes and just cleared everything out and went back to live in there, big smell and all. That maybe explains a lot about my son's behavior in college. Or am I reaching.
One thing it does is produce cancer-causing dioxins. I'm sure he's fine.

As for the erectile difficulty that can stem from it, you'll have to ask your son about that. But you'd probably rather not.

[enree erzweglle]

See! I bet 1/2 of all new parents do that and no one talks about it!

You hear all about how to properly chop up a hot dog, but you don't hear about nipples starting fires.
hahahahaha! They need to build that quote into new parenting classes!

I was a walking dead for the first few months of my kid's life. I don't remember anything about his infancy other than the fact that I was GODDAMN TIRED. I have memories of him starting at around age 5 months, so that must be when I started to get some sleep. Thank God my nipples burned only that one time. (God it took me forever to type that for laughing.)

[enree erzweglle]

One thing it does is produce cancer-causing dioxins. I'm sure he's fine.

As for the erectile difficulty that can stem from it, you'll have to ask your son about that. But you'd probably rather not.
Yeah, I've got a friend that I send in there to have those sorts of talks with him. It's easier on us all that way. My friend likes it because he never had kids and those talks remind him of why.

[mickill]

so, how's the baby?

Not bad. Still giggles at everything, occasionally grabs me by the collar and swats me in the face and chews on her hand a lot. Everything's normal.

[armyofme]

Still giggles at everything, occasionally grabs me by the collar and swats me in the face and chews on her hand a lot.
it's the kid.

the kid's out to get you.

[yeahwho]

If that song by BOC "(Don't Fear) the Reaper" is recurring in your head, I've found out from songfacts the line that begins the song, "40,000 men and women," Dharma was guessing at the number of people who died every day.

Glad to help, your welcome. (y)