My friend needs relationship advice.

[QueenAdrock]

She's been on two dates with this guy, and she knows that she doesn't like him THAT WAY. However, she really does like going out with him and hanging out and going to movies, but more of a brother-sister type of thing. She still wants to see him to shoot pool and go salsa dancing and all this fun stuff. He's an activity partner for her, someone who's always up for doing stuff, and she likes that. But she isn't ready for a relationship/doesn't want a relationship right now. So how does she tell him that in a nice way?

I told her it's going to be really hard because she really DOES want to be friends, and the whole cliche of "Let's just be friends" basically has the meaning of "Fuck off, I don't like you." And she doesn't want that impression, she wants to still talk and hang out and be friends.

So uh, what does she do?

[Documad]

What's wrong with him? Because as soon as she tells him she's not interested, he will find someone who is, and she may regret it.

[QueenAdrock]

I'm not sure that anything's wrong with him, I think the "spark" isn't there. She doesn't feel an attraction, and it's not coming, so she doesn't want to give him the wrong impression if she's not attracted.

[QueenAdrock]

Have her tell him upfront. It may suck, but it's better than having her go on for weeks and basically leading him on.

Yeah, I know, that's what she wants. But how's a nice way to do it and still be friends?

[Documad]

How about "Let's be like Jerry and Elaine!"

Or maybe when she tells him, she also asks to set up their next outing as friends?

He might not be interested in being just friends but she has no control over that.

[QueenAdrock]

Hmm. That's true. He really is a super-nice guy, and President of UMD's Search and Rescue team, so he's not one of your run of the mill "I'm lookin' for poonani" guys. I think he'll be just fine with being friends.

[ToucanSpam]

Just be like, "Okay, you are sweet to hang out with, but I just don't know about relationships in my life right now. Let's just keep it cool and see what happens. No promises."


BAM.

[QueenAdrock]

Booyakasha. (y)

[Documad]

Just be like, "Okay, you are sweet to hang out with, but I just don't know about relationships in my life right now. Let's just keep it cool and see what happens. No promises."


BAM.
That's cool for the time being, but if she starts dating someone else, he will know she was lying.

[ToucanSpam]

That's cool for the time being, but if she starts dating someone else, he will know she was lying.
Good call. Throw in the qualifier "Being friends/Maintaining friendship with you is most important."

[zorra_chiflada]

if he's a really great guy, then maybe after going on some more dates with him the "spark" will appear. it doesn't always happen immediately, but she could grow to find him attractive or whatever

[hitmonlee]

hello? ladder theory anyone??

basically this guy does those activities because he thinks he will get her.
if she told him flat out there is no future for them as a couple ever - or no possibility of sex - i will guarantee you he won't be salsa dancing with her anymore.

he's after sex/coupling.
she wants a boy on her arm until she finds the boy she really likes.

he's her intellectual whore.

[miss_bhaven]

I told her it's going to be really hard because she really DOES want to be friends, and the whole cliche of "Let's just be friends" basically has the meaning of "Fuck off, I don't like you." And she doesn't want that impression, she wants to still talk and hang out and be friends.

So uh, what does she do?

Tell him exactly that. The truth is always best (y)

[ToucanSpam]

Tell him exactly that. The truth is always best (y)
Yes, but you cant open fire so easily with it. Sometimes softening the blow is needed.

[ms.peachy]

Oh please. If she says she still wants to keep seeing him 'as a friend' one of two things will happen:
1 He will lose ineterest altogether, which is probably the best thing that could happen, or
2 He we still hang out with her, all the while clinging to the faint glimmer of hope that one day she will realise she really does want to be with him, which is pathetic for everyone involved.

The kindest thing to do would be to stop seeing him.

[synch]

She's been on two dates with this guy, and she knows that she doesn't like him THAT WAY. However, she really does like going out with him and hanging out and going to movies, but more of a brother-sister type of thing. She still wants to see him to shoot pool and go salsa dancing and all this fun stuff. He's an activity partner for her, someone who's always up for doing stuff, and she likes that. But she isn't ready for a relationship/doesn't want a relationship right now. So how does she tell him that in a nice way?

I told her it's going to be really hard because she really DOES want to be friends, and the whole cliche of "Let's just be friends" basically has the meaning of "Fuck off, I don't like you." And she doesn't want that impression, she wants to still talk and hang out and be friends.

So uh, what does she do?
"I don't want a relationship right now" = "I don't want a relationship with you right now"

Heh. Women.

[enree erzweglle]

"I don't want a relationship right now" = "I don't want a relationship with you right now"

Heh. Women.Oh, I hate to disagree with you, synch, but I said words to that effect to someone in the last week ("I've sworn off relationships"). And what you suggested as being the true meaning behind those words is not at all what I meant. Under different circumstances--if we were both on the same page--that person is probably the only person that I would very much want to have a relationship with.

(I do know that some people hide behind those words to avoid hurting someone's feelings or to spare the friendship. Maybe saying that, they think, makes things easier in the long run. Not everyone does that though.)

[synch]

Oh I didn't mean that there was absolutely no way that someone actually meant it I reckon that in almost every case that is exactly what it means.

Especially in this case.

[Beckalina]

why go on dates if she doesn't want a relationship?

[miss_bhaven]

Any factor possibly?

Her period would've had nothing to do with the way she was feeling, sorry to say.

[QueenAdrock]

she wants a boy on her arm until she finds the boy she really likes.


Definitely not, because he hasn't been on her arm. They've barely hugged. And they've been out twice. If she wanted him just to have a guy, I'm pretty sure she'd see him more than twice (mind you, this has been a one-month period).

But she wanted to date to see if she'd like a guy, but now she's realizing more and more she's not ready for a relationship. I think she just started to realize that once she sat down and thought about it. She likes going out with guys, and having activity partners. But she's not up for "I'll call you when I get home" committment.

[cookiepuss]

look I'm pretty sure that if this guy goes salasa dancing with her and they've barely hugged that he's probably gay, but hasn't quite come out yet.

so I don't think she has anything to worry about. really.

[Sarky Devotchka]

hmm. I think she's just going to have to stop seeing him. I don't know, I don't go on dates unless I have a pretty good idea that I'm attracted to them already.

maybe there will be a spark if they get drunk and touch eachothers' butts?

[guerillaGardner]

As I guy who has been unable to take a hint and who knows plenty of guy who are the same, subtlety doesn't work. In a situation it's best to be direct and clear and say straight out that it isn't going to happen.

[little j]

i would say something like "i am so glad i have a friend like you to hang out with where there is no pressure of a relationship. we have so much fun together and since im really not ready for anything serious you are so perfect"

or something make him feel like the friend relationship they have is what he wants and obviously its what she wants without saying "lets just be friends" or whatever.

[ToucanSpam]

Everything after my comments are copies.


:D

[little j]

yeah but mine sounds way better

[ToucanSpam]

I agree.


But we can't tell anyone.