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View Full Version : What should I write in my screenplay?

DandyFop
10-20-2005, 02:13 PM
Ugh. So I'm writing a screenplay. About a girl. Who doesn't know what she wants in life (very original huh?).

She works at a kitch store (LOL).

I can usually write fairly easily but I'm kinda blocked. Any funny stories of any kind would be appreciated - especially involving customers.

I still give Freebasser credit for one of the best scenes in my last screenplay attempt.
kll
10-20-2005, 02:18 PM
you should incorporate some of heiress' psycho customer stories from when she worked at the liquor store
Echewta
10-20-2005, 02:19 PM
She likes something special in her store that most people dont. A boy/man comes in and likes the same thing. They hit it off. Turns out his room/house is full of the stuff. She things shes met the perfect person. She even likes his red 80s camero. Then, when passion finally sets in, she finds out he's a robot made by a man "father" that died long ago. Turns out his programming was off and got stuck on a loop for some reason with pepper shakers, mcdonalds glasses, thimbles, whatever. Her previous boyfriend spent all of his time on a computer so she thinks that this computer will always spend time with itself so she breaks up with the computer/boy/man. She goes back to the shop and grows old alone. The computer/boy/man doesn't feel feelings but the last shot shows a CU of the computer/boy/man face and a tear forms. Fade to black and roll credits. Cue "Make a Circuit With Me" by the Polecats.
DandyFop
10-20-2005, 02:22 PM
Echewta, this is how we are going to meet, isn't it?
bigblu89
10-20-2005, 02:22 PM
What's a kitch store?
DandyFop
10-20-2005, 02:24 PM
it's like, a place that sells useless shit, like the singing fish things you put on the wall, punching nuns, shit like that
Rawr
10-20-2005, 02:25 PM
She likes something special in her store that most people dont. A boy/man comes in and likes the same thing. They hit it off. Turns out his room/house is full of the stuff. She things shes met the perfect person. She even likes his red 80s camero. Then, when passion finally sets in, she finds out he's a robot made by a man "father" that died long ago. Turns out his programming was off and got stuck on a loop for some reason with pepper shakers, mcdonalds glasses, thimbles, whatever. Her previous boyfriend spent all of his time on a computer so she thinks that this computer will always spend time with itself so she breaks up with the computer/boy/man. She goes back to the shop and grows old alone. The computer/boy/man doesn't feel feelings but the last shot shows a CU of the computer/boy/man face and a tear forms. Fade to black and roll credits. Cue "Make a Circuit With Me" by the Polecats.

BEST ONE EVER lmao
Echewta
10-20-2005, 02:25 PM
Its a store where they sell matazaballs.
bigblu89
10-20-2005, 02:25 PM
Oh, like a Gadgets and Gizmos sort of place? Or one a little more ghetto, like the "As Seen on TV" Booths in the Flea Market?
ms.peachy
10-20-2005, 02:27 PM
it's like, a place that sells useless shit, like the singing fish things you put on the wall, punching nuns, shit like that
Kitsch. It's Yiddish. You might want to make sure it's spelled properly in your screenplay, esp if your professor is a Jew.

Just sayin', not trying to knock you or anything.
DandyFop
10-20-2005, 02:27 PM
Hmm...actually a "As Seen On TV" store would be pretty awesome...maybe I should make it that instead
Echewta
10-20-2005, 02:27 PM
its a place where you buy stuff you really want because its soooo funny but give to your friends and they are like "meh."
bigblu89
10-20-2005, 02:29 PM
OK I get it now.

I just thought you were trying to recreate "Clerks", but with a girl as Dante.
Echewta
10-20-2005, 02:29 PM
Salt Lake City Snowball?
DandyFop
10-20-2005, 02:29 PM
Kitsch. It's Yiddish. You might want to make sure it's spelled properly in your screenplay, esp if your professor is a Jew.

Just sayin', not trying to knock you or anything.

Thanks! no wonder it wouldn't come up in my searches...

Everyone needs a leopard-style toilet cover (http://www.worldofkitsch.com/objects/home_bathroom.html)
Echewta
10-20-2005, 02:31 PM
Jewish professors? Now I've heard of everything!
DandyFop
10-20-2005, 02:32 PM
I should just give up and write a zombie movie .Or maybe just turn this into a zombie movie. Hmm.
Echewta
10-20-2005, 02:33 PM
Jewish Zombie Professors? Now I've heard of everything!
DandyFop
10-20-2005, 02:34 PM
you cad.
Qdrop
10-20-2005, 02:38 PM
I should just give up and write a zombie movie .Or maybe just turn this into a zombie movie. Hmm.

WRITE IT!!

and they can all be trapped in a mall!
with zombies outside...

and you can have lots of shots of zombies stumbling around wearing cooky stuff, like wedding dresses and football uniforms...
Echewta
10-20-2005, 02:38 PM
How about a guy who walks around listening to peoples converstations and then breaks in saying "Now I've heard of everything!" Of coures, he is a robot whos "father" died.
DandyFop
10-20-2005, 02:39 PM
It will only be funny if he always passes gas.
Echewta
10-20-2005, 02:44 PM
no. ball punching and farting are simple laughes for simple people. dont do it. zombies cant feel ball punching nor do they produce gas. Stop it.
ms.peachy
10-20-2005, 02:53 PM
WRITE IT!!

and they can all be trapped in a mall!
with zombies outside...

and you can have lots of shots of zombies stumbling around wearing cooky stuff, like wedding dresses and football uniforms...
Dude! That would be a fascinating and insightful metaphoric commentary on modern consumerist society, false hero worship and sexual hypocrisy. Brilliant! (y)
DandyFop
10-20-2005, 03:59 PM
more ideas people!
Drederick Tatum
10-20-2005, 04:27 PM
you should definitely include a montage. montages are vital.
DandyFop
10-20-2005, 04:28 PM
Can I do you in it
roosta
10-20-2005, 04:30 PM
she should walk out the door of the store, and instead of being on the street as usual she's on the moon and the change in pressure causes her head to explode.
Drederick Tatum
10-20-2005, 04:35 PM
Can I do you in it

I don't see why not. enjoy yourself.
mickill
10-20-2005, 05:37 PM
You never even used that car chase scene I wrote for you the last time you asked. I'm not helping you anymore.
Bob
10-20-2005, 05:40 PM
do the zombie movie, only they're trapped in a kitsch store, and their only weapon is singing fishes. they have 24 hours to find the secret song that all zombies are vulnerable to (hint: it's a public domain song, so you don't have to pay anyone to use it)
Sarky Devotchka
10-20-2005, 05:42 PM
oh god, that one toilet seat with the cherub looks like it's encasing bloody burned chunks of flesh.


I don't really have anything that funny about customers. there's one dude who comes in sometimes and asks me to do random things for him because he has cancer, then he cries. is that funny? it could be.
DandyFop
10-20-2005, 05:47 PM
I laughed...
Freebasser
10-20-2005, 06:20 PM
*Two customers enter the shop. Both are male and holding hands. One of the men shares more than a passing resemblence to Mickill. Both have lisps.*

Cashier: Hi! welcome to Kitsch and Shit, how may I be of assistance?

Customer 1: Hi babe. How's it hanging? Oh, would you look at her earrings, Bradd? Aren't they just the darndest?

Customer 2: Oh... My... God! Those are like, so darling!

Customer 1: Hey babe, how much for the earrings?

Cashier: I'm afraid those aren't for sale sir.

Customer 1: They aren't? Oh poo...

Cashier: Sorry sir. There's a magnificent array of useless crap adorning the shelves over there though. Why don't you take a look and see if there's anything that tickles your funny bone?

Customer 2: Oh, she's a funny one isn't she dear?

Customer 1: Oh I should say so! Hey, hon! Come and look at this!

Customer 2: Oh, now THAT is amazing! What's it do?

Customer 1: Hmmm... I don't know... *Looks toward cashier* Erm, excuse me? What is this for?

Cashier: That's a mop, sir. It's for sweeping the floor.

Customer 1: Oh it's darling! How much?

Cashier: I'm not sure I can say sir. It's not for me to sell.

Customer 2: Isn't anything for sale in this store?

Cashier: Certainly sir, today we have a special offer on items with price stickers on them. Just bring them to the counter and I can give them to you for a small fee.

Customer 2: Oh well, I never. The rudeness. I can tell when I'm being made the focal point of a sarcastic joke, young lady. This store is an abomination, and you... YOU! You should be ashamed to wear that colour lipstick. you... you... whore!

Cashier: Oh go and shove a lava lamp up your ass!

Customer 1: Hey, that sounds like fun! Excuse me, how much for the lava lamp?
zippo
10-20-2005, 06:41 PM
you should incorporate some of heiress' psycho customer stories from when she worked at the liquor store

once, when i went on a trip to the states during the summer with my mom, we were staying at this hotel, and she got like a real bad heatstroke or something in the middle of the afternoon,cuz it was really hot, so shes almost fainting in the hotel bed but she didnt wanna call a random doctor in a country thats not hers, so she tells me to "go buy alcohol, itll wake me up!!", rubbing alcohol that is. so i go and leave her alone for a few minutes hoping theres a nearby drugstore around, stumbling over my feet and already a bit nervous ofcourse. i get to this small drugstore type a few blocks away, and i sort of yell to the indian cashier, "ALCOHOL, I NEED ALCOHOL, DO YOU HAVE ALCOHOL??!!", so,the guy, judging from my sweaty face from the running in the miday heat and slight desperateness for this alcohol, opens his eyes real wide and says something to the effect of " no no, wee don sell dat kaind of stuff hier, nono, wee not laik dat, no alkol hier", thinking i was some kind of lunatic alcoholic in search of my daily dose.

i then cleared things up ofcourse, haha, crazy funny
Documad
10-20-2005, 06:56 PM
Wow, I could never write a screenplay. Everything people have suggested sounds like a movie I've already seen. It has to be difficult to be original. Don't make it a kitschy tourist shop in a resort town or it's Ruby in Paradise (the only Ashley Judd movie I've ever seen :) ).

My stuff isn't funny, but when you work at a crappy job, anything that takes power away from the customer is fun. I used to work at the customer service desk at Target. I had a woman who returned pants that she swore she bought a month before hand, she didn't have a receipt and the style was so obviously dated that I laughed so hard I actually doubled over. They were bell bottoms and it was the peg leg 80s. I had another customer who returned sleeping bags but they were Sears' brand. I kept trying to explain that Target never sold Sears' brand merchandise. I had someone return a computer hard drive but it was empty (it was the plastic shell with a brick inside). She kept saying that she bought it that way.

When I was a cashier, there was a home for severely retarded people nearby and they used to shop in the middle of the day. They would all come in together as a group of seven and each would buy one thing and then write a check. The whole point was for them to practice shopping and writing checks. They were painfully slow at writing out their checks, and the other customers would lose their minds waiting. I enjoyed watching uptight people cooling their heels while the retarded people wrote out their checks l-e-t-t-e-r by l-e-t-t-e-r.

When I used to cash checks, I had a black person using a white person's driver's license as ID.
fucktopgirl
10-20-2005, 07:33 PM
well that girl work in tha store for couple years,and she kind of hate it ,or maybe she is just numb.She is alone ,no bf,she have a guineapig like companion in her life.But for a couple months,there is that guy that coming every weeek to buy something in the store,useless thing but he come for her.
then a romance begin and her life begin to make sense when she see him.
then you developp funny thing during their exchange in the store on item that he buy,what trigger they romantic feeling ,,,,

well i try :D
jackrock
10-20-2005, 09:35 PM
make someone trip, that would be awesome
WHUFC
10-21-2005, 04:18 AM
the girl should find something valuble amongst the crap which you easily base the whole plot around, now either you have a thriller, a chase movie, or a comedy based on your imagination. personally i would make a movie about the girl having to go on the run from people who want this artefact, most likely the mafia, who could either be hoplesly inept for comic value or scary ruthless killers who will stop at nothing to get this artefact. so far the plot is very linear and unoriginal, so you need to throw in things such as betrayal or a twist (just to note a a twist is when something unexpected furthers the plot not when you find out that the first 45 mins are a waste of your time) now to stop the audiance getting bored i would have some good old fashioned lesbian sex, think mullholand drive and bound not wild things. the rest is up too you
Lex Diamonds
10-21-2005, 04:45 AM
Hyett! :eek:
WHUFC
10-21-2005, 04:52 AM
yes thats the cue for padster to come in
Lex Diamonds
10-21-2005, 04:53 AM
You forgot to include a scene where an animal of some kind (usually a dog or donkey) unwittingly eats shitloads of weed, with hilarious consequences.

All the best films have it. :D (y)
WHUFC
10-28-2005, 04:22 PM
yes i agree my little irish pal my choice would be a mule giving new meaning to the phrase "drug mule" furthermore if you included West Ham United Football club i shall be most impressed

COME ON YOU IRONS!