Today I made my grandmother cry

[FearandLoathing]

My mother, grandmother and I were in the car. We started talking about some of the drug trials going on and it spawned this comment from my grandmother: "No-one can force any adult to do anything."

I replied, "That is the stupidest fucking thing I have ever heard." And then, as if I even had to have an example, grabbed the most extreme one: rape. And she said, "One man can't rape a woman. Three or four, but not one. You could fight the one off."

Which spawned this gigantic argument. My mother and I were both yelling at her telling her how crazy that was, and she's saying a whole lot of other lunatic stuff, and then like, fifteen minutes later she starts crying.

So apparently my grandparents don't want to see us anymore because I swore. I feel a sense of loss. I'm scared that I have completely fucked up my relationship with my grandmother over something abstract and I really didn't want to do that because I've always been so close to her and my grandfather.

[paulb]

no offense here, but what the fuck are you doing yelling at your grandmother. ya they might be out of date, or not very smart, but you dont have to say that to her face. Do you want people on this board to think you are moronic. That is a fuckin mean thing to do to an old person. Especially your own grandmother. Take advantage of these later years.

[FearandLoathing]

no offense here, but what the fuck are you doing yelling at your grandmother. ya they might be out of date, or not very smart, but you dont have to say that to her face. Do you want people on this board to think you are moronic. That is a fuckin mean thing to do to an old person. Especially your own grandmother. Take advantage of these later years.

Well, see, this is what I mean. Maybe other people would feel guilty. But it shocked me. I don't think I've ever heard someone so close to me say something like that. It wasn't about her being stupid, it was about her saying that and then completely refusing to even consider that she was wrong.

[paulb]

well yes, your grandma sounds very stubborn, and a bit harsh to say that they didnt wanna see you. but honestly, would you want to see someone that yells at you, and belittles you for your opinion.

[FearandLoathing]

well yes, your grandma sounds very stubborn, and a bit harsh to say that they didnt wanna see you. but honestly, would you want to see someone that yells at you, and belittles you for your opinion.

I usually don't. She says lots of dumb things, but I love my grandmother and I ignore it. In retrospect, I would have left it alone, but at the time it actually upset me really badly and I couldn't help but yell.

Besides which, I treat my grandmother like the adult she is. I seriously don't think she should say things like that without actually thinking about it first, and if she does say stuff like that other people- people who don't care about her at all- are going to tell her off about it. Or laugh at her.

[paulb]

i can see where you are coming from with that sense of wanting her to be aware and not just say random shit. my friends grandmother does the same, i see her often, and she says some random stuff, and usually we just ignore it, or kinda laugh it off, there isnt much you can do. But, making this topic makes it sound like yur horrible, if you know what im sayin. i can see where you are comin from now, but your initial post does not send out the right message that you were trying to achieve.

[FearandLoathing]

i can see where you are coming from with that sense of wanting her to be aware and not just say random shit. my friends grandmother does the same, i see her often, and she says some random stuff, and usually we just ignore it, or kinda laugh it off, there isnt much you can do. But, making this topic makes it sound like yur horrible, if you know what im sayin. i can see where you are comin from now, but your initial post does not send out the right message that you were trying to achieve.

I tried to fix it. The title sort of made it sound like I was proud of it, or something, I think, when in fact it's the reverse.

[paulb]

I tried to fix it. The title sort of made it sound like I was proud of it, or something, I think, when in fact it's the reverse.

ya exactly, well, at least now we know your reason. Maybe next time bring up the subject of her cluelessness in a better way...

[ms.peachy]

I just can't imagine, however annoyed or upset I might be with her, or whatever stupid thing she might say, ever speaking to my grandmother like that. And heaven knows, she says some really stupid, small-minded things sometimes. (She has some remarkably, erm, interesting things to say about black people, Jews and homosexuals, for example.) I might try to gently argue a point with her, but I just couldn't ever see myself really letting go on her like that. Crikey.

[venusvenus123]

you should probably give her a call and apologise.

i'm a mum so i can say things like that. :p

[Loppfessor]

Damn dude you fucked up....old people are old and set in their ways. You're not going to push any new ideas on her man but you should still show a little more respect than to yell at her.

[zippo]

haha yea (the laugh btw is more a shameful nervous one rather than an actual joyful one),i did that too once, and for a much stupider reason. but i know what you mean, im crazy close to one pair of grandparents also and even though theres some "dated" things you can let slide and be more comprehensive with, theres other times where i let my (or the modern) opinion be known for their own sake really, because i dont just take them as two old people who talk bullshit and dont deserve to be explained how things go now (things they wouldnt be able to know because of their age) like some of you insinuated you do.

[Freebasser]

Swear even more down the phone at her. She might learn to love it.

[hpdrifter]

My grandmother said something once that I never got over:

"Some women need to be hit."

I told her I disagreed but let it go after that. She's from a different generation and arguing with her is pointless because she's set in her ways.

I wonder what I'll be like when I'm old. I bet I'll be crotchety.

[kll]

Do you want people on this board to think you are moronic.


Life as you know it is over. People on this board may think you are moronic.

[paulb]

Life as you know it is over. People on this board may think you are moronic.

no doubt. im just trying to tell him the seriousness of it. heaven forbid that may happen.

[kll]

sadly... it already has.

[Documad]

My mom's 81 and I spend a lot of time with her. Sometimes I lose my temper and swear. That happens less now that it used to. I always feel like shit afterwards.

Everyone makes mistakes. Send her a card sincerely apologizing for the way you spoke to her. Old people appreciate that stuff. All you can do is apologize and try not to do it again. It's up to her whether she can forgive you. She should.

[CrankItUp!]

My grandmother said something once that I never got over:

"Some women need to be hit."

I told her I disagreed but let it go after that. She's from a different generation and arguing with her is pointless because she's set in her ways.

I wonder what I'll be like when I'm old. I bet I'll be crotchety.
I think that she meant the women of her time were "real women" and not like the type you see today. Women back then dressed appropriately ( didn't let their boobs or ass hang out ) illegitimate pregnancy was unheard of ( they weren't bed hopping whores who go to the women's clinic every Monday to get tested ) and they didn't have a foul mouth in public or within hearing range of children. But women have and always will gossip about other women until the end of time - like a bunch of cackling hens. That is what MY granny always told me - and she did not lie. (y)

[QueenAdrock]

My grandma bakes me pie and farts at inappropriate times without even knowing she let one slip. She's adorable.

Don't make grandmas cry. :(