One Liner Jokes

[laurie_hammy]

Jokes for people that cant be stuffed (me) reading those long ass jokes.

What did the Hockey stick say to the other Hockey stick ?

Lets Get The Puck Outta Here

*cant breathe*

[milleson]

Laffy Taffy has got you covered. cleek. (http://www.commonplacebook.com/humor/lists/laffytaffy.shtm)

[voltanapricot]

Don't get it.

[Mr_Complex]

If you're an american in the livingroom, what are you in the bathroom?

Eur-o-pean.

Eur-o-so-not-funny.

[instigator7022]

Here's the worst joke i ever heard:

Q.Why did the plumber go to the house?

A.To plumb.



(n)

[instigator7022]

Alright. *rolls up sleeves*

Q. What is green and not that heavy?

noxious gas?

[instigator7022]

Light green.

terrible :)

[alexandra]

Here's the worst joke i ever heard:

Q.Why did the plumber go to the house?

A.To plumb.



(n)
plumb = take a dump? if so, then hahahhaha. :D

[jackrock]

Here's the worst joke i ever heard:

Q.Why did the plumber go to the house?

A.To plumb.



(n)
hahahaha that's so horrible its funny :D

[kleptomaniac]

Here's the worst joke i ever heard:

Why did the cat fall out of the tree??


to get to the other side!!




my friend thought that wuz soooo funny.... :rolleyes:

[jackrock]

heres one i made up all by myself!...

what did the man have in the row boat??...












a stroke!

[paul jones]

Why doesn't Michael Barrymore have any ashtrays around the house?

Because he throws his fags in the pool

[kleptomaniac]

how many kleptomaniacs does it take to screw in a lightbulb???





Thr---.........................WHO TOOK THE DAMN LIGHTBULB???!!!!

[paul jones]

how many kleptomaniacs does it take to screw in a lightbulb???





Thr---.........................WHO TOOK THE DAMN LIGHTBULB???!!!!


Turd

[kleptomaniac]

Turd


you tryin' to be funny or just didn't get the joke? :rolleyes:


anyway, i think it's you who took it, PAUL!

[paul jones]

you tryin' to be funny or just didn't get the joke? :rolleyes:


anyway, i think it's you who took it, PAUL!

yeah I did actually,sorry...but Turd told me to

[timmie]

A horse walks into a bar, the barman says, "why the long face" !!???

[paul jones]

A horse walks into a bar, the barman says, "why the long face" !!???

the best joke ever!

[paulb]

jewish man walks into a bar with a frog on his shoulder. Bartender asks "where did you get one of them?". Frog answered, "brooklyn, theres 100s of them"

[timmie]

How-hi is a china man!!?!!








I gauntee you that someone will say, well how high is he then!!..hehehehehe..................dumbass!!

[laurie_hammy]

the best joke ever!

haha sure is.

[Freebasser]

These are all two-liners.

[Bob]

Descartes walks into a bar. the bartender says "what'll it be, the usual?" Descartes says "I think not!" and promptly vanishes

it's not a one liner and it doesnt even make sense if you want to be anal but i like it

[laurie_hammy]

These are all two-liners.

cool

[Bob]

a zen buddhist walks up to a hot dog vendor and says "make me one with everything!"

[kleptomaniac]

How do crazy people go through the forest?



They take the psycho path.

[jackrock]

here's another one i made up.. all by my self!


what's a wolverines favorite beer??...


....














..



coors light... the silver bullet! :p

[kleptomaniac]

What do you call cheese that isn't yours?




Nacho Cheese.

[jackrock]

What do you call cheese that isn't yours?





errrr... not mine?

[kleptomaniac]

errrr... not mine?

answer's in white jack :D

[jackrock]

i know

[kleptomaniac]

i know


then stop messing with my head, why doncha? :rolleyes:

[jackrock]

then stop messing with my head, why doncha? :rolleyes:
you mean that inflated lump on your shoulders?

[laurie_hammy]

Knock Knock

Who's There

Doris

Doris Who ?

Doris Locked thats why I knocked.



Doris = Door Is

[kleptomaniac]

you mean that inflated lump on your shoulders?

no, my neck wuz just blowing a bubble! :rolleyes:

[jackrock]

no, my neck wuz just blowing a bubble! :rolleyes:
you know, bubbles are usually hollow.

[kleptomaniac]

you know, bubbles are usually hollow.


not if they are filled with cement! :rolleyes:

[jackrock]

not if they are filled with cement! :rolleyes:
ummm ok i guess i could go for that.. so hows it goin block head?

[kleptomaniac]

ummm ok i guess i could go for that.. so hows it goin block head?


all i gotta do is run at full speed towards you, leaning forward, and BAM! that must hurt, huh? :cool:

[jackrock]

all i gotta do is run at full speed towards you, leaning forward, and BAM! that must hurt, huh? :cool:
yea but i usually hold a hammer near my side so i would have to like move to the side and smash your head into a million pieces. yea.

[laurie_hammy]

Interupt Convo !

Hi :)

[kleptomaniac]

yea but i usually hold a hammer near my side so i would have to like move to the side and smash your head into a million pieces. yea.


mc hammer ain't got nothing on me! :D

[pshabi]

Alright,

Sombody ask me if I'm a truck.

[jackrock]

Interupt Convo !

Hi :)
BYE! .

..


jk.. hi

[kleptomaniac]

Interupt Convo !

Hi :)

oops! sorry for spewing spam all over your thread, laurie.... :o

[jackrock]

Alright,

Sombody ask me if I'm a truck.
are you a truck?

[kleptomaniac]

Alright,

Sombody ask me if I'm a truck.

are you a truck?

[laurie_hammy]

Alright,

Sombody ask me if I'm a truck.

Ayo Pshabi, are you a truck ?

[kleptomaniac]

are you a truck?

seriously.....get out of my block head! :eek:

[laurie_hammy]

oops! sorry for spewing spam all over your thread, laurie.... :o

Nah dont be. I just wanted to see whats up cause this is the only action goin on at the board at the moment. (y)

[pshabi]

are you a truck?
no

[jackrock]

Nah dont be. I just wanted to see whats up cause this is the only action goin on at the board at the moment. (y)
*whispers* laurie, laurie.. tell her to clean it up.. the spew.. tell her too!

[jackrock]

no
haha

[laurie_hammy]

laurie_hammy, Kleptomaniac an Jackrock all say: ARE YOU A TRUCK

TRIPLE TROUBLE YALL !

[jackrock]

laurie_hammy, Kleptomaniac an Jackrock all say: ARE YOU A TRUCK

TRIPLE TROUBLE YALL !
haha... kickin lyrics right to your brain!

[pshabi]

What did the farmer say when he lost his tractor?

[jackrock]

where's my tractor?

[kleptomaniac]

laurie_hammy, Kleptomaniac an Jackrock all say: ARE YOU A TRUCK

TRIPLE TROUBLE YALL !

yeah the rest of y'all gotta get up to speed ;)

[kleptomaniac]

What did the farmer say when he lost his tractor?


oh snizzap i done lost my tractor agains.

[laurie_hammy]

where's my tractor?

i laughed at that

[laurie_hammy]

What did the farmer say when he lost his tractor?

whats the answer ?

[mikizee]

whats green and eats nuts?























syphilis!

[discopants]

Whats blue and fucks old women
































hypothermia

[BangkokB]

My wife says I never give her anything so I gave her Syphillis...












And boy did that work out! She's the best Puerto Rican maid that money can buy. "Yellow and blue make Green, dees hyes heazy"

[voltanapricot]

a zen buddhist walks up to a hot dog vendor and says "make me one with everything!"
I was texting that to my friend because I found it so bloody hilarious then my phone crashed and won't switch on. I think it was too funny for it to handle.

[Junker]

a zen buddhist walks up to a hot dog vendor and says "make me one with everything!"

:confused:

[voltanapricot]

My friend didn't get it, COME ON!

[Junker]

My friend didn't get it, COME ON!

Yeah! I didnt get it...............maybe its some language or cultural barrier....... :D

[alexandra]

Knock Knock

Who's There

Doris

Doris Who ?

Doris Locked thats why I knocked.
...
Doris = Door Is
ahhh. (lb)

[MagicCowboy]

:D I found the Descartes one to be really funny

[ScarySquirrel]

You guys hear the one about the two gay judges that tried eachother?

[Junker]

You guys hear the one about the two gay judges that tried eachother?

nope

[ScarySquirrel]

Now you have.

[Junker]

About your signature kleptomaniac.............where did you get it?? Where is it from?

PS: im just curious.........hehe (y)

[kleptomaniac]

About your signature kleptomaniac.............where did you get it?? Where is it from?

PS: im just curious.........hehe (y)


my head?? :confused:




How do you get holy water?















Boil the hell out of it. (y)

[laurie_hammy]

A Man Walked Into A Bar.............Ouch

[DapperDiverge]

what's the only prize a black cat can win in friday the 13th?


a catastrophe


knock knock,
who's there?
cindy lou
cindy lou who?
and the grinch who stole christmas!!

[DIGI]

Pres. Bush's wife wakes up one morning, looks at the newspaper headline: "Three brazilian men die in the war in Iraq." She runs to G Dub to tell him the news.


He looks confused and says "How many are a Brazilian????"