What kind of houseplant tree-thing is this?

[abcdefz]

I'm trying to take care of these two office plants and have no idea -- sun? No sun? Dry soil? Whiskey? Gin?

...they're sort of more in the tree family, I think; the "trunks" are about half an inch to an inch around, each, and the trunks aren't smooth; they're like one scaly-bark bit growing out of the one before it and the one before that, etc.

The leaves are long and not fat, not slender... they're more pointed than palm-shaped, I guess; dark green with light green making up the heart of 'em. New leaves are really, really dark green.

It's not the most uncommon looking plant in the world, but I can't figure out how to figure out what it is so I don't drown them or something. :confused:

[TurdBerglar]

piss on them

[fucktopgirl]

yea southern comfort maybe!


euh ,what are the symptom of your plant thta make you think you fucked it up?

[abcdefz]

Brown leaves curling up in agony.

Muted whimpers from the corner.

Stuff like that.

[fucktopgirl]

so first thing first!

do not over water it!the soil,how is he?

[abcdefz]

It's all right; that's something I'm careful about.

Right now, the soil is on the dry side of "moist." You put your finger in and a little bit sticks. So I'd probably water on Monday when we get back in the office.

[fucktopgirl]

yea,you know what youre doing!just dont forget to put some fertiliser,miracle grow is good!maybe that what youre plant need,,a little boost!

[TurdBerglar]

have you tried talking to them?

[abcdefz]

Any recent changes? Weather? Location? Repotting? Lighting? etc...



...a few weeks back I trimmed them back, cutting all the brown leaves off. They started growing new leaves all over the place, which was great, but now some of the older leaves are browning at the edges again.

About a week ago, I moved one over to the window. They don't get a whole lot of sunlight; the folks here tend to keep the blinds closed.

[abcdefz]

yea,you know what youre doing!just dont forget to put some fertiliser,miracle grow is good!maybe that what youre plant need,,a little boost!



Yeah; they get Miracle Grow. (y)

[fucktopgirl]

Miracle grow (y) However, follow the directions, too much can be a bad thing.


yea too much is a bad thing,like for everything! :D



AZ,,sprinkling some sea weed potion on the leaf help them a lot too!
talking to them too or music, i see mythbuster on t.v,and they did the experience with plant:one greenhouse had classical,,the others metal,,,and the last one had just nasty insult.The greenhouse with the metal music just grow like hell,second was the classical and last insult.....d


so yea give them some love man!

[abcdefz]

have you tried talking to them?



Yeah, but I'm not sure they understand English. "Grow, motherfucker!!!" doesn't seem to be getting through to 'em.

[abcdefz]

Miracle grow (y) However, follow the directions, too much can be a bad thing.



uh oh













































diagnosis: murder










































It was a-z

In the conference room

With the Miracle Grow
:(

[TurdBerglar]

maybe it needs a mate

[abcdefz]

maybe it needs a mate





We've tried. It's lousy at chess.

[TurdBerglar]

no fucker


i mean it's probably horny. why don't you help it out a bit

[abcdefz]

I give it homemade fertilizer, which satisfies one need and one fetish.

I don't know what more you want from me. You're worse than this plant.

[TurdBerglar]

didn't i already talk to you about compassion you fuckn' nazi. such a dick. this tree thing is probably trying to kill itself

[abcdefz]

Hey -- if it's suicidal, then it deserves to die. I got enough on my plate without this "Plants Are People Too!" bullshit.

[wanton wench]

Yeah, but I'm not sure they understand English. "Grow, motherfucker!!!" doesn't seem to be getting through to 'em.
you have to talk to them in a clam sooooooooothing voice! try "please grow motherfucker" (y)

[TurdBerglar]

THEN PUNCH IT IN THE JUNK!

[fucktopgirl]

Hey -- if it's suicidal, then it deserves to die. I got enough on my plate without this "Plants Are People Too!" bullshit.


so what you just gona let that plantt commit suicide!!!man,,you're fucked!

[b-grrrlie]

I'd guess it's some kinda dracaena (http://www.garden-ideas.co.uk/dracaena.htm) or maybe a yucca (http://www.plantoftheweek.org/week188.shtml). They're quite common as office plants cause they're so easy to take care off. Just make sure you don't water them too much! People kill more their plants by drowning them rather than drying them to death! They usually like light, but draught is a killer for all, brown leaves could well be a cause of that. In the winter time there's no need to fertilize that much, because they're not supposed to grow that much in the winter anyway (this applies to northern hemisphere). It's good to repot once a year, because the nutrients will be gone by that time, and the soil might get too hard. Roots need taking care of as well, they like crawling into soft soil ;) .
If you're gonna piss on your plants better dilute it with 9 times the amount of water, otherwise it's too strong and will just kill the plant......

Oh yeah, all the plants like showers as well (except maybe the ones with very fuzzy leaves, like St Paulias (http://www.giftingdirect.co.uk/item--St-Paulia-or-Africian-Violet-Plant-Gift-Send-St-Paulia-Plant-Gift-UK-Online--GDPLSTPAUL.html)) so fill a spray bottle with clear water and give them a misty shower and they'll love you!


Ms Stargirl, BBMB chief gardener