i have a question for people who have/had self esteem problems

[insertnamehere]

i have probably the worst self esteem ever. i dont like anything about myself. i feel stupid, boring, ugly, and incompitant. overall i pretty much see myself as a waste of space. i feel like most people i know would be better off if i didnt exist. i should probably mention now that no, im not saying im gonna kill myself and neither am i fishing for compliments. im wondering if anyone has felt similarly and what they did to feel better about themselves, cause really i feel like a useless shitty person.

keep the smartass comments to yourself thanks. i dont need any help feeling like a loser (y)

[jackrock]

Yeah, my self esteem is fairly low too :(

[kaiser soze]

maybe you're clinically depressed?

might be a good idea to see a professional, there's no shame in seeking help

[The Notorious LOL]

I tend to counteract beating myself up with beating myself up, if that makes any sense. For example, you could get down on yourself over some very superficial trivial shit, but it helps to remember theres so much worse shit present in the world. Sometimes exposing yourself to those things helps put your life in perspective and makes you realize you arent as fucked up as you think you are or as you proclaim you are.

Fuck anti-depressants though, if you dont like yourself, find someone to talk to. Or if you are gonna take something to curb your emotions, opt for St Johns Wort or Sam-E. Dont fuck with SSRIs.

[The Notorious LOL]

You spelling and grammar sucks aswell.


irony is lol

[Chicka B]

I got sick of having low self esteem, so I just stopped giving a fuck what people think. (y)

[GreenEarthAl]

I tend to counteract beating myself up with beating myself up, if that makes any sense. For example, you could get down on yourself over some very superficial trivial shit, but it helps to remember theres so much worse shit present in the world. Sometimes exposing yourself to those things helps put your life in perspective and makes you realize you arent as fucked up as you think you are or as you proclaim you are.

Fuck anti-depressants though, if you dont like yourself, find someone to talk to. Or if you are gonna take something to curb your emotions, opt for St Johns Wort or Sam-E. Dont fuck with SSRIs.

Pay close attention to that.

[miss_bhaven]

I got sick of having low self esteem, so I just stopped giving a fuck what people think. (y)

I'm starting upon that one too (y)

[miss soul fire]

Althought you are a cute girl, I'm not here to compliment anyone. Anyway, so when I was younger my self esteem was pretty low, but now I've just accepted who I am. It's hard. I mean, when I was a kid until high school guys and girls used to pick on me telling me I was ugly that I wore dentures. Of course, I'm better now because I did some operations. Hahaha. You don't need that. My teeth were terrible. So, anyway, before I really cared about what people had to say, like I thought what everybody thought was right and I was wrong. I also felt like I was a waste of space. I mean, who would care if I die?? My mom only probably. But then I thought, why does it matter? I'm gonna be dead anyway? And why does it matter if people don't like me, ok, I know I should think about it, maybe I'm doing something wrong, but if I'm not doing anything and they are picking on me for pure fun? Then I laugh at their faces. I wouldn't do like Carrie and kill everybody, but I would definitely be more sarcastic or just like "cool, I'm ugly, are you gonna kill me? Oohhh, go lick somebody's ass" (not that you are ugly). Pretty, pretty, that's just so afeminate. Not deep. Superficial. So, why does everyone have to be beautiful?? And at least in your case, you had boyfriends when I didn't. I should be feeling a lot worst because I'm also much older than you. But anyway, this is not about me. Seriously, when people used to tell me that I shouldn't care about what people had to say about me, I could never believe them. I was like, how?! It's so damn hard. I love people who don't give a rat's ass about anything, I mean, if someone bothered by you this someone is the only one who has a problem, not you. I mean, he's bothered and you are chillin! You are just fine. I like to think that I'm the most important person, because the others are just like me, some of them are prettier some aren't, oh, some of us will get more sex, whatever, I am who I am and I'm gonna live my life the way I am supposed to live, with my face and all that. If I'm boring, who cares?? It's me. But If I wanna change myself, Ill do it because I want it. Of course, I give my best to look better than I actually am because I feel much better, but not because someone will like me or not. Seriously, WHATEVER TO PEOPLE! YES, TO DOGS! They love you no matter what!

It's like in this message board. Everyone this I'm a dumb clown! Well, it's enough for me to know that I'm not dumb. I never start smart treads, but that's because that's not the way I am. I don't care about showing my intelligence to anyone. And how about if I was dumb as hell? Who the hell cares? Some ignorant people have the most fun in their lives! I actually think it's great what people think of me on this mb, because it's like I can be someone else, not that I'm not like this in real life. I'm silly most of the time. That's just me. It varies. It depends on the person, also. Like, I usually like guys who don't talk much but at the same time has a smiling face and a good guy type. I hate men who talk like chickens and are the most funny people in the world, but some girls love it. Whatever to that.

I'm self-centered.

[alexandra]

Seriously, WHATEVER TO PEOPLE! YES, TO DOGS! They love you no matter what!
word. animals are wonderful.

[Rancid_Beasties]

I trust my dog more than I trust any person outside of my family.

[Ace42X]

People suck.

In the words of Nine Black Alps:
"Drag you down and pull you in and tell you nice you'll never win"

Look at all the dumbass shitheads that have it oh so good. Life ain't nothing but a poker game, and knowing when to hold'em and fold'em don't change what you get dealt. Luck is luck is luck, and you don't make your own.

When plagued with self-doubt, sometimes you just have to let it all go and say "fuck it."

There's no sense to it all, no rhyme or reason. It's chaos, and trying to put yourself into some sort of ranking system, and determine your own worth in relation to other people is a REALLY pointless exercise. Life seldom rewards the qualities that are of the greatest value.

If you need a bit of a self-esteem boost, check some of the Republicans posting in the political section, and content yourself that you are not as worthless and contemptible as they are.

[Lex Diamonds]

i have probably the worst self esteem ever. i dont like anything about myself. i feel stupid, boring, ugly, and incompitant. overall i pretty much see myself as a waste of space. i feel like most people i know would be better off if i didnt exist. i should probably mention now that no, im not saying im gonna kill myself and neither am i fishing for compliments. im wondering if anyone has felt similarly and what they did to feel better about themselves, cause really i feel like a useless shitty person.

keep the smartass comments to yourself thanks. i dont need any help feeling like a loser (y)
Don't think about yourself so much. I never think about myself, but I know if I did I would have far more to hate myself for than you do.

Don't let life get you down, just keep living it. (y)

[Knuckles]

I find that the older I get the more confident and secure I become about just being me. A small price to pay for a few grey hairs. :D

[fucktopgirl]

When i was younger,i had big self-doubts !This reflected to every single level of my life.I was always on the victim side,complianing,self pity about me.I was treating myself like an ennemie,bitching myself,dragging me down when i did not act good or stupid and so on,,,

One day i just stop and decide to be fair to myself and more compassionate towards my mistakes.I decide to stop playing the role of the person who suffer and who nobody understand.I decide stand up for myself and instead of telling myself bad thing, i just did the contrary.Because you have the choice to say "you suck" or "you just rock".So i choose the positive path.Then everything came to place.Pus like Knuckles said ,as you get older,your confident level get higher !IT's a learning process ,but less energy you put in the bad self- though,stronger you get/selfesteem get higher!

[fucktopgirl]

Okay, people say about having a more positive outlook about yourself, or not worrying what others think and just being happy about who you are. Fair enough, until you remember who you actually are, and that you still look the same and haven't changed. You still are the same person you were not happy with. And then it feels like you have been lying to yourself and that you are fooling yourself. So it doesn't work and it makes it worse.


either way ,we are fooling ourself.Nothing is really true.So you have the choice to fool yourself in a good way by making yoou stronger or by making you weaker!YOu create yourself everyday ,so you thoughs determine who you are!Why not choose a a good outlook about yoursefl then!?

[miss soul fire]

Okay, people say about having a more positive outlook about yourself, or not worrying what others think and just being happy about who you are. Fair enough, until you remember who you actually are, and that you still look the same and haven't changed. You still are the same person you were not happy with. And then it feels like you have been lying to yourself and that you are fooling yourself. So it doesn't work and it makes it worse.
Humans tend to compare each other all the time. It's normal, I understand, but just accept the way you are 'cause it's a waste of time to think about what you are not. It's there and that's it. If you really wanna change something about you try hard then. If not. Just accept it. We live in a competition word, but do you know what I do? When everyone is in their position to run I pretend I'm on the same position and then when the run starts I just go slowly as hell and laugh at the others who are killing themseleves to be the best ones. What's next then? It's nice to be good at something, but you don't always have to be like someone else, because you are you and that's it. If you let what people say affect you then do something, like I said, if you wanna change something, do it, if you don't agree with these changes then send this sonofabitches to hell. They are the only bothered ones. Seriously, they are. While they are dispising you and losing their energy on you. You coulld be meeting nice people, do the stuff you wanna do and just forget about this meanigless people. Live your life, man. Be a man!

[insertnamehere]

i dunno i think im gonna have to do something really good to pull myself out of the rut im in. i've really fucked up a lot of stuff. and it doesnt help that i get no encouragment from anyone. i get the opposite. you know i want to stay at the university i'm in now. after everyone found out about my grades all i hear is how i'm gonna fail out, that i cant possibly pull my grades up enough. that maybe i should just go to community college instead. that i've wasted/ruined my life.

my appearance doesnt bother me as much, not like it used to. sometimes it does. i feel very intimidated by other girls. ive thought about (and its been reccomended to me) that i should work on improving my appearance just for the sake of making me feel better about myself, not to impress anyone. i guess i could try it. even if it just helped a little, it would help. i think part of the reason i keep failing at everything is because i dont feel like it matters what i do because im such a fuckup, so i tend to give up easily. but i've had a few people tell me that i should work on my appearance and like, my friend's girlfriend wants to teach me how to fix my hair. actually the first way it came up is that i was told that i had the potential to be pretty, but that i waste it. haha. so that was a little harsh.

its just happened so many times that ive said "ok, now im gonna fix everything i messed up. now im gonna change and be better" and every time i mess up and actually end up worse off than before. so then i kept saying it and not even thinking about it. i like i kind of gave up on making myself worth anything and accepted that im a shitty person and i'll be miserable forever because i dont deserve to be loved, or even treated with any kind of respect.

oh, and thanks everybody for being nice and sharing. i feel kinda stupid for having a big cheesy support group thread but it always helps a little to know that no matter how bad you feel, you're not the only one that has felt that way. and even better to know that people have felt this way and managed to stop it.

[adam_f]

I had low self-esteem until I stopped posting the political forum.

[b-grrrlie]

I've always had low self-esteem. It has nothing to with my looks ,it's more that I don't believe in myself when it comes to career. And now even that carpet has been pulled under my feet and I feel like I can't get up. More and more I'm swept underneath it.
I started my own business with not very good expectations, no own money and couldn't make it work. Then I forgot some essential things and later because of that things just started going totally wrong. Then a month ago I thought things couldn't get worse, but boy was I wrong! This year started off with a great bang and I just feel like burying myself under the rubble. Tomorrow I have to make the final blow and I then do some crawling for people who've made me even worse than I deserve.

[midzi]

it's a hard work to change the way you perceive yourself, really hard work,
it won't change in one day, but it's better to do something about it, better sooner/later than ever

if you get that from time to time, when you're in a bad mood, it's normal
but if you get this all the time better seek help because it can fuck up your life

[BionicEye]

imo the best way to gain confidence is to take the time to take a hard look at yourself.

what do you love about you? don't change those
what are your strengths? enhance them

people will probably think this is terrible, but listen to what people who know/love you say... sometimes the truth can hurt but you've got to be objective about yourself - yeah its hard. it takes balls to call a friend or loved one out about something you might not like about them so if someone is taking that risk for you, try to hear what they're saying. maybe they're completely wrong but ask yourself why you're leaving those impressions. the only reality is that which is percieved.

identify your weaknesses and do something about them!

push yourself out of your own comfort zone - force yourself. ex: you're shy and have a hard time talking to women... MAKE yourself do it. before you know it the new behaviors will become habit, your new way will become more reinforced by results and you will become that outgoing person you always dreamt of being.

and lastly, watch your 'self-talk'. there is always that inner dialogue going on... this is important... make sure that what you are telling yourself is positive. visualize only the best for yourself and equal results will follow.

[DapperDiverge]

As a kid I could'nt understand why people make fun of people they've never met... as a kid I never picked on anyone and always got my ass kicked literally... I was weighing over 210 lbs at 12yrs old and listening to so much radiohead I sounded like a banchee... I couldn't wait to die... I still can't wait to die...

after I took this philosphy class, I read in this book by this guy named Huxley (who wrote "Brave New World" ) that human beings weren't designed to work like drones in a bee hive... we're all independent creatures. Because we're too busy working for the unnecessary "money" we've all lost touch within ourselves and we all need to discover why we are individuals and not just some drone working in a cubicle everyday pushing papers...

we've lost our souls... we've lost compassion... we've lost ourselves.

The book "Brave New World Revisted" also said that if you feel like you don't fit in this world and are going insane remember... you're sane, it's everyone around you that's insane making it seem like you're the wrong one. (y)
just look at our government, the mean popular kids, the fad media

may I also reccomend the movie "patch of blue" with sydney poitier... I think the blind see more than those that can (lb)

[HotAndWet]

I think for some people, self esteem is an ongoing battle. You have to work to get to it. For example, as of right now and off and on for years, I've had problems with my appearance. Sometimes I can be fine, but at other times people will make a comment and make me feel like shit all over again, which has made me seriously consider a nose job. Not only because I hear about it every so often, but just because I just feel so unattractive most of the time about it.
I've been called extremes all my life, usually either hideously ugly or gorgeous and "you could be a model!". But no matter how many times people tell me I look "cute", I always think about the mean comments I've gotten.
I used to be all "plastic surgery is stupid" and to an extent it is, but if it will make someone feel better about themselves, why not? As long as they don't go overboard..................

Sorry I made this entirely about me but I needed to vent.



But like I said, you just need to work at it and try doing things physically and mentally that you know will make you feel better.

[Documad]

I have almost always had high self esteem -- too high, because I fail to see things that need improving. :o

It seems to me that almost everyone else has struggled with low self esteem at some point. It's good to recognize it for what it is. And it's good to know that you're not alone. Lots of beautiful and talented people have struggled with it too. Your problem is NOT that you're stupid and worthless, it's that you FEEL stupid and worthless. I have no idea how you can get a handle on it, but the sooner the better. Low self esteem is crippling and causes all sorts of bad choices as you get older.

It's a difficult balance between sharing your feelings with friends so you get support vs. being the downer who no one invites to things anymore. It would be nice if you had a safe support group that didn't involve a doctor trying to give you drugs.

[alexandra]

this is something that makes me so damn happy, and keeps me going: you always get another chance to make things right. and if you screw up again, you get more chances that you can take or leave. "Dust yourself off and try again", as Aaliyah sung. and "Don't ever fucking give up", as my teacher in math says about everything. guess i could put in a lot of quotes here. people have also said very good things in this thread. (y)

[Rancid_Beasties]

My year 9 maths teacher repeatedly told me to give up and drop out of school...lucky I didnt listen to that asshole :)

[alexandra]

asshole indeed. this teacher i have in math isn't actually a "fully trained" one yet, he's "just" an applicant, but still the best one i've ever had in any subject, and i think that others who also have him would agree.