4 hours into 2006 and already i've slept next to another man

[Bob]

this year is off to a very awkward start.

i wish to hell i was making this story up but i'm not, every moment is horribly horribly true. i wasn't even going to tell it, but then i figured, i didn't really do anything embarrassing, and it's probably pretty funny to anyone who isn't me, so here you go. here's a memory i'll probably be repressing soon, so you can all hold onto it for safekeeping. yeah, long post, whatever, but it's captivating, i swear, so deal with it

we had a new year's party at my apartment, it's a 4-bedroom place, separate bedrooms, a living room, a kitchen, it's all very nice. we got a keg, keg stands were done, bottles of champagne were emptied, the ball dropped, i kissed my beer, everyone threw up and went to bed (unfortunately not always in that order), the point is, everyone is generally very drunk. i'm not too horrible, i'm more drunk than usual, but not so drunk that i'm out of control, i'm still fairly lucid, i can walk, see, speak, keep the contents of my stomach where they are, and so on. so far so good.

i go to bed, it's probably about 2 AM (i've been going to bed early for work all month, sue me, i'm getting old). i fall asleep pretty quickly, but i'm awoken by noises at 4 am. i wake up and my goddamn roommate's standing next to my bed, grinning like an idiot.

i don't know why he's naked.

i don't know what he was looking for in my dresser and desk drawers (no money or anything was missing that i could notice).

i don't know why he decided to break open the package of new sheets that i got for christmas that was sitting on my floor and drape himself (very poorly and rather pointlessly, unfortunately) in one of my bedsheets.

but there he is. "uhhh, do you need something?" i'm still pretty drunk, that seems like the most appropriate thing to say right now.

"move over" he says, still grinning

"what the-" he starts to get into bed, well shit, he's naked, i'm not getting near that, i'd better move over and think of something else to say. at this point, and this is the most horrible part of the story in my opinion, he puts his fucking arm around me!

"what the fuck are you doing, are you sure you're in the right room dude?" that's what i should have said the first time. damn.

he takes his arm off and says "haha, good times" (which he says a lot when he's sober even, he has a lot of catchphrases that piss me off, and that's certainly one of them) steals the pillow out from under my head, steals a bunch of the sheets, and immediately falls into an impossible sleep.

what the

why did

i mean

i don't

WHAT THE FUCK

i think to myself. i'm still drunk at this point (though markedly less so than before), so my brain's still in survival mode as it assesses the situation. it's 4 am, it's snowing, every other soft surface in the apartment has either been puked on, being slept in, or both, maybe his girlfriend puked in his bed or something? the arm thing was fucked up, but whatever, he's keeping more or less to the other side of the bed (it's a queen-size), i don't seem to have a lot of choice here if i want to get more than 2 hours of sleep today. fine, whatever, i'll deal with this in the AM.

after the most uncomfortable hour of my life, i finally fall asleep, and then at 6 am i wake up again; he's shifted in his sleep (which is still impossible to break), now i'm up against the wall and it's impossible for me to move without touching...something, i don't know what, i don't want to know, but this is a really horrible position to be in. i'm sober now, i'm getting out of this. i get up and decide to watch TV, loudly, in the hopes of waking the bastard up, but to no avail. all i manage to do is make him straddle my fucking quilt somehow (thank god i got out of bed).

this is absurd. ok, the sun's out, i'm going for a walk. the walk was beautiful. the snow had stopped and there was a fresh, untouched layer all over campus, save where the plows had been. the only souls alive were myself and the snowplows, i guess 7 am on january 1st at a college campus during the break between semesters is a fairly deserted place to be. anyways it was beautiful and peaceful and it makes me want to get up earlier in the mornings these days. i get back to my room. nope, he's still there, still asleep.

fuck it, where's my coat, i'm sleeping in my car. aside from the fact that it was fucking freezing, this part was actually really cool. there was a blanket of snow on my car, so i couldn't see out from the inside, it was like being in an egg. a freezing egg with upholstery. i wake up with a cough at about 9 am and go back in, mercifully the fucker woke up and went back to his own room. i go to bed, lock the door about 5 times, wake up at noon, clean up a fair share of the LEGENDARY mess that's been made out in the living room (i left the epic mess in the bathroom for drunky mcnaked to deal with, he probably made it anyway) and go home. we haven't spoken at all since. it's so wierd, he's so normal usually.

not that i'm homophobic or anything, but i think i'll be locking my door from now on.

[ToucanSpam]

That is an unbelieveably creepy story.

You should have locked your door in the first place, but now you have more reason to....

[Bob]

no kidding. i never figured i needed to, because the only people it'd be keeping out are people i trust anyway (i've known 2 of the 3 other roommates for 2 years before this, and the other guy's kind of a hermit who's pretty cool when he does come out), but apparently that's not quite enough.

i'd be really curious to hear his side of that story because there's absolutely no justification i can think of for it, aside from maybe he blacked out or something. still, fucked up.

[kleptomaniac]

why did you say "next to"? too afraid to say "with"? :rolleyes:
(cuz that's pretty much what you did. in the literal sense i mean)

[hpdrifter]

It sounds like he was looking for a condom. Digging around in your dresser?

Hmmm. So is drunky mcnaked the hermit or one of the people you've kown for 2+ years?

[The Notorious LOL]

yeah I wouldnt have ever posted this.

[marsdaddy]

Too bad this wasn't Sarky's thread.

[Bob]

why did you say "next to"? too afraid to say "with"? :rolleyes:
(cuz that's pretty much what you did. in the literal sense i mean)

that's exactly why

hp, he's one of the one's i've known for 2 years. i'd better keep my eye on the other one.

LOL i know, but interesting things happen to me so rarely, that i just have to share them with the internet when they do.

[Zonkie]

why did you say "next to"? too afraid to say "with"? :rolleyes:
(cuz that's pretty much what you did. in the literal sense i mean)

ha

sorry man, don't be to laugh in your face..but HA!!

that's funny, it's got me all giddy now. i was sad about a lost love *a thread* but i'm suddenly happier.

[hpdrifter]

Hmmm. 2 years and never an inkling about this before? Does he normally sleep naked? If so, he was probably just confused. Maybe something happened after you went to sleep that necessitated him taking off all of his clothes. Like someone poured beer over his head or someone dared him to streak or he vomited on himself.

[SobaViolence]

that's not too bad.

whatever, it's not like he wanted to have bumsex or touch your penis...




i don't see the big deal. of course me and my brother shared beds many times as kids, and many times during highschool, the only place to sleep after a night of drinking was either on the floor or with your pal(whoever's house it was). no big deal.


the naked thing is a little weird, but often enough, drunk people are allergic to clothes

[Zonkie]

unless, deep down, you liked it and are scared of the possibility that you're a super-homo-fag...

that made me laugh so hard for some reason.

not enough sleep on my part.

and on you're part Bob, maybe you did like sleeping in the same bed at him..hmm?

and maybe he does just sleep naked. i do. it's not uncommon. but of course, him putting his arm around you must have been for something.

you said that you woke up and he was smiling. maybe he was naked and smiling because he did something to you while you were sleeping.

[Lex Diamonds]

all i manage to do is make him straddle my fucking quilt somehow (thank god i got out of bed).
That made me lol.

Good story. But you should probably think about getting that guy castrated. (y)

[Rock]

that's not too bad.

whatever, it's not like he wanted to have bumsex or touch your penis...




i don't see the big deal. of course me and my brother shared beds many times as kids, and many times during highschool, the only place to sleep after a night of drinking was either on the floor or with your pal(whoever's house it was). no big deal.


the naked thing is a little weird, but often enough, drunk people are allergic to clothes
I agree with all of this except for the fact that dude being nekkid at the time being "a little weird". Thats a real weird.

[Bob]

Hmmm. 2 years and never an inkling about this before? Does he normally sleep naked? If so, he was probably just confused. Maybe something happened after you went to sleep that necessitated him taking off all of his clothes. Like someone poured beer over his head or someone dared him to streak or he vomited on himself.

you know, that's not something that's ever come up in converastion, believe it or not. his clothes were on the floor of my room though, so he came in fully clothed, got naked, looked for something in my drawers, ripped open the new pack of sheets that was on the floor, put one on like an open bathrobe and got into bed. there's just absolutely no logic to that course of events, even by drunkard standards.

[kleptomaniac]

why didn't you just go for the gay sex? geez....

[Rock]

you said that you woke up and he was smiling. maybe he was naked and smiling because he did something to you while you were sleeping.
hahahahahahahah. did you have the white poops the next day? Was it like you just had a barium enema?

[Bob]

Good point, and also why was there no reference to him being naked in your title. That's another marketing element that should have been exploited.

because it was going to be a shocking plot twist

[hpdrifter]

you know, that's not something that's ever come up in converastion, believe it or not. his clothes were on the floor of my room though, so he came in fully clothed, got naked, looked for something in my drawers, ripped open the new pack of sheets that was on the floor, put one on like an open bathrobe and got into bed. there's just absolutely no logic to that course of events, even by drunkard standards.

I guess you should be relieved because he must not have wanted to get in bed with you naked either if he went to the trouble to open a new package of sheets and wrap himself in it.

Unless he wanted his man smell all over your sheets for some reason.


...

[Lex Diamonds]

Thats a real weird.
Mama mia!

[Rock]

Mama mia!
Ima Warioooo, Ima gonna weeeeen

[mickill]

...the snow had stopped and there was a fresh, untouched layer all over campus, save where the plows had been.
You don't need to subtly hint to us that your man on man virginity is still intact, however poetic your choice of words were. Relax. We sort of believe you.

[Zonkie]

i think the real issue here is

GAY SEX!!!!!!!! IT'S EVERYWHERE! AND YOU SHOULD HAVE EMBRACED IT FOOL!!!! because it's hot.

And I'm being completely serious about this, I think he did things to you in your sleep.

[Bob]

You don't need to subtly hint to us that your man on man virginity is still intact, however poetic your choice of words were. Relax. We sort of believe you.

haha

you know, i didn't even do that on purpose. must have been one of them subconscientous freudian things

[Lex Diamonds]

Ima Warioooo, Ima gonna weeeeen
:D (y)

[Freebasser]

4 hours into 2006 and I was in a bed with 3 female boardmembers.

True story (y)

[mickill]

I thought he meant that it wasn't "save, where the PLOWS had been."
Oh snap.

27 posts into this thread and cmute's already got you 3 times, Bob.

[Lex Diamonds]

4 hours into 2006 and I was in a bed with 3 female boardmembers.

True story (y)
Do you like having members in your bed?

[Freebasser]

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[zippo]

looked for something in my drawers

what, he was obviously looking for pajamas, i mean if he felt comfortable enough to get naked with you on your bed, then he felt comfortable enough to look for a pair or sweats of yours to sleep in

bob, you shuoldve screamed in his ear to get the fuck off your bed, who the hetero hells gonna sleep comfortably next to a naked person of their own sex?

[Zonkie]

what, he was obviously looking for pajamas, i mean if he felt comfortable enough to get naked with you on your bed, then he felt comfortable enough to look for a pair or sweats of yours to sleep in

bob, you shuoldve screamed in his ear to get the fuck off your bed, who the hetero hells gonna sleep comfortably next to a naked person of their own sex?


maybe he was looking for something else.

astroglide

like i said, i think he did something to you in your sleep

[kleptomaniac]

i can't wait till 2007. i wonder who Bob will be "celebrating" new years with, if you know what i mean.

:rolleyes:

[Rock]

its obvious that he was looking for Bob's cock if his hands were in Bob's drawers.

[Zonkie]

i can't wait till 2007. i wonder who Bob will be "celebrating" new years with, if you know what i mean.

:rolleyes:

adrock, if he's lucky enough.

[ToucanSpam]

This seems like more of a ToucanSpam thread...





...I can't believe I said that.

[ASsman]

Dude , you're a dude.

[miss_bhaven]

Well then...That's a bit odd. But if one of my female *hot* mates did that, I'd be fine with it ;) Haha. I wouldn't be too worried about it dude, just talk to him about it? But then that may be a little uncomfy at the same time :p

[alexandra]

great story. hilarious as hell. LOL at these two posts:
i think the real issue here is

GAY SEX!!!!!!!! IT'S EVERYWHERE! AND YOU SHOULD HAVE EMBRACED IT FOOL!!!! because it's hot.

And I'm being completely serious about this, I think he did things to you in your sleep.
i can't wait till 2007. i wonder who Bob will be "celebrating" new years with, if you know what i mean.

:rolleyes:

[Bob]

Oh snap.

27 posts into this thread and cmute's already got you 3 times, Bob.

this is just not my year, is it

i like how the thread has turned into a literary analysis (LOL anal) of my post. i wonder if other writers do literary stuff by accident too?

[Zonkie]

this is just not my year, is it

i like how the thread has turned into a literary analysis (LOL anal) of my post. i wonder if other writers do literary stuff by accident too?

i know two guys who don't say analisis or analyze around me because of anal. we came to the conclussion that one of my friend's middle names *alan* is just an acronym for anal. he was also named after a gay musician.

but, back to the subject, nope bob, i guess it isn't your year.

i seriously think he did something weird to you in your sleep. you need to ask him, and if an awkward silence comes up, throw a banana at him and jet out of the room. i've done it before, it works.

[hpdrifter]

Some build their whole career on it.

[alexandra]

^ hahaha.
i like how the thread has turned into a literary analysis (LOL anal) of my post.
what did you expect. :D

[Lex Diamonds]

i like how the thread has turned into a literary analysis (LOL anal) of my post.
I like how people say they like things when what they actually mean is it annoys the fuck out of them.

[kleptomaniac]

if it's that easy for you to get a guy, getting a girl will be no problem. you still have time (!)

take that time and use it well.

[Bob]

^you'd certainly think so wouldn't you :(

I like how people say they like things when what they actually mean is it annoys the fuck out of them.

i like when people are sarcastic

no, but seriously, i actually did get a kick out of that, i didn't even mean to do those things, but hey, there they were anyway. i could write a book, i tell ya

[steve-onpoint]

its obvious that he was looking for Bob's cock if his hands were in Bob's drawers.

aw naw.

[burbboi]

sounds like that dude's subconcious thoughts bubble to the surface when he's wasted. That was an unfortunate situation... yikes.

[kleptomaniac]

you'd certainly think so wouldn't you :(

klepto <3's bob


then again, klepto <3's anything that moves...

[kleptomaniac]

bob needs help fast

[Bob]

if anything i'm actually more secure in my sexuality now, if you must know. i mean, i was always fairly confident that i'm not gay, i make jokes about it and all, but i always felt pretty sure that i was straight. but being as uh inexperienced as i am, there was always that little nagging doubt in the back of my mind that well maybe i am gay and i just don't know it or something. not that there's anything wrong with that, i just don't particularly want to be gay, is all. but after this, i can safely say that i'm not into that kind of thing because there was absolutely nothing arousing at all about that situation.

so i suppose there's a silver lining behind every bad situation, if you look hard enough.

[ToucanSpam]

Bob, if you can take anything out of this situation, its the knowledge that you are definately not gay, or even bi-curious.


If anything, it took balls to do what you did. I would have slept in vomit.

[kleptomaniac]

are you sure you're not gay? positive? :(



there's a silver lining behind every bad situation, if you look hard enough.

long and hard (y)

[mickill]

but after this, i can safely say that i'm not into that kind of thing because there was absolutely nothing arousing at all about that situation.

But what if he was someone hot like Val Kilmer or that dude from Dawson's Creek that looked like a young Jay Leno? What then?


so i suppose there's a silver lining behind every bad situation, if you look hard enough.
Whoa. If who looks hard enough? Hard enough how? You gotta watch for these double entendres, man.

[kleptomaniac]

Hard enough how?

long and hard ;) (y)

[Bob]

oh for

[marsdaddy]

This thread is well beyond double entendres.

[ASsman]

It's not gay if you don't tell anyone.

[Zonkie]

It's not gay if you don't tell anyone.

ha

jeeze bob, if you wouldn't have told us, you could be living in the gay moment right now, it wouldn't be so bad

[ASsman]

Life is like a gay bar....

That's all I have right now.

[kleptomaniac]

once you go gay, it never goes away.

^^something to think about (that rhymes beautifully).

[ASsman]

Except it makes no sense, and I've been drinking all night. I give it two (n) .

[kleptomaniac]

Except it makes no sense, and I've been drinking all night. I give it two (n) .

i give you two :rolleyes:

[Freebasser]

But what if he was someone hot like Val Kilmer or that dude from Dawson's Creek that looked like a young Jay Leno? What then?

Exactly! Bob, I suggest you sleep with every man you can - it's the only sure way for you to tell if you're gay or not.

Be sure to make threads about each one and give them a score out of 10 (y)

[fucktopgirl]

hehehe,,bob start is year beeing confuse about is sexuality!

[Lex Diamonds]

This thread is LMAO. Especially this (http://www.beastieboys.com/bbs/showpost.php?p=1099660&postcount=24) post.

[Bob]

you're dead to me padster

[Lex Diamonds]

Don't say that Bob! You know it hurts me when you're like this!

Come on, we can make this work if we both try our hardest!

I LOVE YOU BOB!!! PLEASE SLEEP NEXT TO ME!!!!

[Myu-to]

So Bob, got any plans for New Year's Eve this year?

[Bob]

oh hello past, good to see you again

[Lex Diamonds]

This thread is a solid gold classic. 5 stars.