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View Full Version : I have this crazy friend and I don't know what to do with her


DandyFop
01-12-2006, 04:23 PM
So, my friend, I'll call her J, we've known each other since the drama department days in high school. She's always been kinda out there, but whatever, in high school we were all crazy. The problem is, she's really become one of those friends that you have to babysit everytime you hang out...like it can be embarrassing to bring her to public places.

I'm trying to think of how to explain how she acts...She never understands anything, we always have to repeat things like 12 times and then she still usually doesn't get it. Now, she does have a learning disorder and I think that has something to do with it, but I swear to god, if she would just listen, she would get it. And the worst part is, if she doesn't understand, often times she'll just pretend that she does, and then say things that mean absolutely no sense.

She's completely embarrassing around guys...if they have shaggy hair she practically has an orgasm, though I'm not sure she even knows what an orgasm is (she didn't know what we meant the other night when someone said "penetration"). She wears GALLONS of perfume so that every time she gets in the car it's totally overwhelming and instant headache.

Okay, now the big thing - HER MOTHER. Her mom is bonafide CRAZY. She makes J call her everywhere she goes - and then she will call J's friends at like 1 or 2 in the morning if she doesn't know where J is. Seriously, she did this recently, and I wanted to be like YOU CAN'T JUST FUCKING CALL ME ANY TIME. Her mom bought her a damn expensive bike that J has never/will never use, instead of something she needs like a fucking cell phone.

Here's a story that will show you the craziness - one time we were in southern utah for a drama convention. J had some nightmare and woke up all scared and crying and her mom told us on the phone we had to like bathe her in her swimsuit (i didn't have to so I don't remember very well). Then she calls her mom and we hear her repeating something back to her mom along the lines of "I am a beautiful butterfly...I am God's child". Yeah.

It gets to the point where I have to avoid her a lot of the time because I just can't handle it. She's a sweet girl, but I don't want to babysit a damn 22 year old at this point in my life. Also, we always have to change plans because she never has money (I don't know how, she has two jobs, but I think her lazy fatass mother won't get a real job, she's a crossing guard), so if we're like "oh we're going to the bar", she has a problem paying the 3 dollar cover fee or whatever. BLAH. What do I do?? It's impossible to solve all of these problems, but she's just so damn frustrating and I'm afraid I'm gonna blow up at her at some point. She latches on to me more than anyone else, but I don't feel like she even knows who I am very well. Like, she gave me some keychain that said "If all the world is a stage, men need better lines", but not as a stupid joke, like most people would. She also gave me some guy that you press and says things like "oh honey, I'll make dinner tonight". She has no grip of my sense of humor, she gives this things to me in earnest, like some damn secretary joke. BLAH!

Jesus this is long. Most of you won't read it, I'm sure. I'll try to think of other crazy examples, because I'm not sure it really came across here...

cosmo105
01-12-2006, 04:26 PM
yikes. that's difficult. i guess distancing yourself from this person is the only choice, but that'll be hard to do...unless you want it to keep up like this.

DandyFop
01-12-2006, 04:27 PM
I don't think that's really an option though, you know. I mean that would just be completely heartless...a lot of friends have kind of ditched her, because of the same reasons I'm assuming.

cosmo105
01-12-2006, 04:29 PM
but she drives you nuts! i mean, do you even enjoy being around her? it may sound selfish, but you have to think of yourself here. the friendship isn't beneficial.

DandyFop
01-12-2006, 04:31 PM
She can be fun sometimes. When we're not out in public it's not horrible. I'm trying to think more along the lines of how I can let her know that maybe she should try bringing it down a level, you know? But I doubt she'll really get what I mean.

If you knew her, you'd know that I can't just stop being friends. It's hard to explain, but yeah.

kleptomaniac
01-12-2006, 04:32 PM
doesn't she have any other friends? :confused:
have them take care of her.

or pull her aside and tell her to START ACTING HER AGE! tell her what you really think...

and she latches onto you, hmm? well, if she's that dependent on you, maybe you gotta let her do her own thing.....make space...just for awhile.....that way, she'll have to learn how to cope without you. and you won't have to babysit her anymore.

that's my advice (lb)

cosmo105
01-12-2006, 04:32 PM
at this age, you can't change someone.

cosmo105
01-12-2006, 04:33 PM
cmute rhyme = boring?

DandyFop
01-12-2006, 04:34 PM
Dandy=Skye?

HAhahahahahahhahahah *fart*

kleptomaniac
01-12-2006, 04:37 PM
at this age, you can't change someone.

well, telling her how crazy she acts might bring her back to reality and snap her outta whatever it is she's in. maybe she doesn't realize that she acts that way....that's just what i think....but, hey, i don't have any friends that act like that, so......

don't listen to me :rolleyes:

Bionic
01-12-2006, 05:16 PM
before you wind her up and send her off to hell, be a pal and tell her what you're telling us... maybe she'll thinnk about it and change? what a doof-ball!

enree erzweglle
01-12-2006, 05:51 PM
Oooh, that's tough. I think people who do that are usually lonely and they're excited to be a part of a group and they get out of control.

If you tell her (while it's happening) to tone it down, it'll embarrass her and she'll probably get even more excited in an effort to deflect/dilute that embarrassment. But maybe it's worth it to try that approach in private. Maybe don't do it in front of the people that she's so excited to be with.

Maybe ask her out alone--not as part of some other get-together--so that she knows that you care and are making an effort, then find a very gentle way to tell her this. Try to couch it softly, you know? (It's not easy but it's nice that you care enough to try to help her out.)

hpdrifter
01-12-2006, 06:19 PM
I think the craziness most definitely comes across. I think the paragraph is what did it for me.

"one time we were in southern utah for a drama convention. J had some nightmare and woke up all scared and crying and her mom told us on the phone we had to like bathe her in her swimsuit (i didn't have to so I don't remember very well). Then she calls her mom and we hear her repeating something back to her mom along the lines of "I am a beautiful butterfly...I am God's child". Yeah."

Wow.

I know this is going to sound bad on so many levels, but is there a guy you can hook her up with? If she had a boyfriend she wouldn't depend so much on you.

She doesn't sound really ready for a relationship but...

enree erzweglle
01-12-2006, 06:28 PM
^^^yeah, that part was weird.

I wonder if she's on a medicine that affects her mood. A friend of the family was like that--hyper around friends and in social situations, excitable, loud. She was on a medicine to correct a neurological disorder and that medicine had that side effect. You could always tell when she was back on that drug by the decibels.

kaiser soze
01-12-2006, 06:34 PM
wow

your friend is crazy, I hope I didn't offend you with that comment

GreenEarthAl
01-12-2006, 06:54 PM
I don't see why all you big meanies gotta go pickin on God's beautiful butterfly.

TurdBerglar
01-12-2006, 07:02 PM
lick her cooch

that should help

Tzar
01-12-2006, 10:26 PM
cmute rhyme = boring?
ooooooooooooooooo daaaaaaaaayyymn! :D

DandyFop
01-12-2006, 10:46 PM
I hate to be mean, but this is your friend's problem and not yours. She has to be the one willing to change her life. You cannot force people to change or even help them to change unless they want to change. I suggest you "pull back" from her for awhile to get a clear perspective on things and to give yourself a break.

When you go out with her (if you go out with her I should say), go do things that are free or low cost. You should'nt have to be spotting her as well as yourself.

Maybe you could also gently tell her about her self and how she comes across to people. Do it in private...don't go putting her out in front of every damn body. For it is hard to see the outside of the house in which you reside. It is hard to see yourself as others really see you because you don't have that view. What she does with the information is up to her though.

I have pulled back before though and it doesn't make any difference...it's just like she gets more desperate to hang out. We won't talk or hang out for months, and it never makes any difference. If I was to talk to her, of course I wouldn't do it in front of anyone else, that would just be awful.

You know, as much as everyone has tried to help, i think reading your answers has just made me realize that there isn't much I can do besides try to be her friend...she really needs therapy or ridallin or something.

TurdBerglar
01-12-2006, 10:47 PM
she needs to have an orgasm

DandyFop
01-12-2006, 10:56 PM
Yeah but she scares off all of the guys she meets cause she's so intense...

TurdBerglar
01-12-2006, 10:58 PM
Yeah but she scares off all of the guys she meets cause she's so intense...


i already told you how to help...

fucktopgirl
01-12-2006, 11:00 PM
yea thta right dandy

lick her pussy!

TurdBerglar
01-12-2006, 11:02 PM
lick it good

miss_bhaven
01-12-2006, 11:07 PM
Maybe it's just the way she is? You can't change that. If you can't handle being around her, then simply don't hang around her dude!

Knuckles
01-12-2006, 11:11 PM
A crossing guard is a pretty sweet job (y)

TurdBerglar
01-12-2006, 11:11 PM
miss bhaven can give you tips on the licking

Tzar
01-12-2006, 11:13 PM
miss bhaven can give you tips on the licking
HAHA!!

:o

TurdBerglar
01-12-2006, 11:15 PM
what did she tell you?

Tzar
01-12-2006, 11:18 PM
urhhhhh...


*whistles*

TurdBerglar
01-12-2006, 11:20 PM
uhh what?

does the harmonic resonance of whistling vibrate the clit or something?


im gonna start whistling in the elevators at school now (y)

Documad
01-13-2006, 01:26 AM
I used to carry around pathetic friends because I felt sorry for them. Then in the space of about one year, I cut all of them out of my life. I felt like a bitch at the time, but I have no regrets. You come first, and you can be too kind for your own good.

But as long as you know it's crazy and you set up get togethers like one on one for coffee, if you feel like going on being her friend, that's a good choice too.

DandyFop
01-13-2006, 10:09 AM
The problem with only hanging out one on one is that I would have to constantly lie to her - if there was a party or something I would have to pretend there isn't just so I wouldn't have to be with her in public.