b-grrrlie
01-16-2006, 02:51 PM
This comes from a Catholic elementary school. Kids were asked questions about the Old and New Testaments. The following statements about the bible were written by children. They have not been retouched or corrected (incorrect spelling has been left in).
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1. Adam and Eve were created from an apple tree. Noah's wife was called Joan of Ark. Noah built an ark, which the animals come on to in pears.
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2. Lot's wife was a pillar of salt by day, but a ball of fire by night.
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3. The Jews were a proud people and throughout history they had trouble with the unsympathetic Genitals.
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4. Samson slayed the Philistines with the axe of the Apostles.
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5. Moses led the Hebrews to the Red Sea, where they made unleavened bread which is bread without any ingredients.
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6. The Egyptians were all drowned in the dessert. Afterwards, Moses went up on Mount Cyanide to get the ten amendments
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7. The first commandment was when Eve told Adam to eat the apple.
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8. The seventh commandment is thou shalt not admit adultery.
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9. The greatest miracle in the Bible is when Joshua told his son to stand still and he obeyed him.
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10. David was a Hebrew king skilled at playing the liar. He fought with the Finklesteins, a race of people who lived in Biblical times.
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11. Solomon, one of David's sons, had 300 wives and 700 porcupines.
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12. When Mary heard that she was the mother of Jesus, she sang the Magna Carta.
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1. Adam and Eve were created from an apple tree. Noah's wife was called Joan of Ark. Noah built an ark, which the animals come on to in pears.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
2. Lot's wife was a pillar of salt by day, but a ball of fire by night.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
3. The Jews were a proud people and throughout history they had trouble with the unsympathetic Genitals.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
4. Samson slayed the Philistines with the axe of the Apostles.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
5. Moses led the Hebrews to the Red Sea, where they made unleavened bread which is bread without any ingredients.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
6. The Egyptians were all drowned in the dessert. Afterwards, Moses went up on Mount Cyanide to get the ten amendments
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
7. The first commandment was when Eve told Adam to eat the apple.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
8. The seventh commandment is thou shalt not admit adultery.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
9. The greatest miracle in the Bible is when Joshua told his son to stand still and he obeyed him.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
10. David was a Hebrew king skilled at playing the liar. He fought with the Finklesteins, a race of people who lived in Biblical times.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
11. Solomon, one of David's sons, had 300 wives and 700 porcupines.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
12. When Mary heard that she was the mother of Jesus, she sang the Magna Carta.