Sex Acts For People In Love...Beware this contains explict details

[Dedos]

Dedos's buddy sent him this an I found it very amusing thought Id share it wit ya'll...an why has my post count been reset...enjoy...Knuck If Ya Buck!!!

Access Denied Error - When you and your pal are double-teaming a chick, he's got her from behind, you've got her mouth. Selfishly, he drops his load in her, thus preventing you from using that input later (a.k.a. Blocking the Box, Road Closed Due to Bad Conditions).

The Screwnicorn - When a dyke puts her strap-on dildo on her forehead and proceeds to go at her partner like a crazed unicorn.

Afterburner - Get well-positioned with her. Missionary or doggie works OK, here. JUST as you xXxX, cut a BIG fart and light it with a match. Good for an extra inch or two.

Alaskan Firedragon - Another good take off is one of the angry dragon that is called the alaskan firedragon. When a girl is giving you a blowjob, splooge in her mouth unexpectedly and plug up her mouth immediately after. Then whisper in her ear "I have syphilis" and wait for the man juice to fly out of her nose.

Flooding The Cave - Inserting the penis into a woman's pussy and then urinating inside her.

Fortune Cookie - Get an asian chick, bang her with a condom on, when finished, pull out but leave condom in.

Hot Air Balloon - Farting directly into a chick's mouth

Jawbreaker - A blowjob involving three penises at one time. Two Penises is known as Crossed Swords.

Morning Glory - This occurs the morning after a really good one-night-stand. You wake up sporting morning wood, and instead of getting up and going to the bathroom, you ram into your partner's ass and relieve yourself inside her.

Puerto Rican Fog Bank - While 69ing with your partner, release a cloud of sphincter fog directly into her nostrils.

Redman's Revenge - When a chick give you an indian sunburn on your dick.

Screaming Seagull - While doing her on the beach, pull out, dip the tip of your dick in the sand, and then go right back at it. She'll scream like a Pelican.

Shanghai Stirfry - When a girl gives you a blowjob, pukes all over your xXxX and keeps going.

Sleeping Bag - If you're going down on a really fat girl, you pull her enormous stomach roll of fat over your head.

The Andretti - When receiving road head, swerve the car left and right. Her weight shifting will enhance the sensation. Risky maneuver, so it's best if done with a toothless cocksucker and a open road.

The Dirty Jew - A modified Donkey Punch, after punching her in the back of the head, steal her money and run out the door.

The Divot - Put your hand down the pants of some girl with a huge fur pile, grab on to as much of it as you can, scream "Fore!" and rip every last hair out. A real Golphers favorite.

The Missouri Compromise - When a girl will only let guys xXxX her in the ass because she is still a "virgin".

The One Eyed Redskin - After banging a girl on her period, wipe the blood on her face, come in her eye, and stick a feather in her ear. Then dance around the room, naked with a towel over ur junk, yelling, "woo woo woo woo!!".

The Pepsi Challenge - Stick one finger in a girls pussy and another one in her ass, then stick either one in her mouth and see if she can guess which hole it was in.

The Wounded Pigeon (Strictly for skanks) - After being extremely aggrivated by some bitch, break her arm and make her give you a handjob.

Three Mile Island - When a guy is having sex doggy style, his partner farts and it smells so bad that he has to evacuate.

Whistling Dixie - After you bang a chick, snuggle and let her get comfortable. Right as she is about to fall asleep, scream "The South Will Rise Again!" and shove it in her ass.

[ms.peachy]

Who are you?

[Dedos]

Im Dedos who are you been a member here for like 4 years last time I checked my post count was in the thousands..but today it looks like its been reset...maybe cause its my b-day but what the hell...nice to meet you to holla!!

[voltanapricot]

voltané likes the way Dedos speaks in thrid person.

[Dedos]

voltané likes the way Dedos speaks in thrid person.

Dedos thanks you...its no thing...not like Dedos talks like this in the real world...just when on-line...Dedos is addicted to his 3rd person steez... ;)

[roosta]

Whistling Dixie - After you bang a chick, snuggle and let her get comfortable. Right as she is about to fall asleep, scream "The South Will Rise Again!" and shove it in her ass.

hahaha..roosta laughed at that.

[monkey]

hahaha..roosta laughed at that.

so did pauli. and then she went and decided to try it.

[ASsman]

Haha, some of those are so stupid or vile that I laughed.

I am amused, good day to you sir.

[Mr_Complex]

lmfao

[Chicka B]

HAH! That was hilarious. I printed it out and my mom's reading it and laughing like an evil hyena. :p

[adrock14]

that is funny!!! I aint showin that to my mom cause i know i would get in trouble for readin that. i am 13 and understood everything in those jokes. i AM educated!!!! (y) :D

[ms.peachy]

OK, not to be completely devoid of humour - some of thes are amusing in a very base way - but does it actually bother no one else that some of these are a bit, uh, racial-like?

[Dedos]

Dedos never caught the racialness of these writings...but Dedos never intended for anything racial to come oout of this...Dedos didn't write it sumone sent it to Dedos an Dedos wanted to share it wit all

[Sarky Devotchka]

OK, not to be completely devoid of humour - some of thes are amusing in a very base way - but does it actually bother no one else that some of these are a bit, uh, racial-like?

I'm a bit bothered by the racial stuff, but more so by the way the "jokes" are mostly all about humiliating women. "the wounded pigeon" is horrible, it made me feel sick.

These are the kinds of things written by a person who has seen a lot of porn and action movies, but has never really had sex with an actual person. Or like that one guy I saw on Taxi Cab Confessions that was like a sex addict and he participated in gang bangs and just wanted to "use" women and men to get off all the time, it consumed his whole life. He was basically a sociopath.

yeah, so, I didn't think they were funny.

[Kid Presentable]

This shit is like a lame email.

You guys are fucking weird for finding it funny.

edit: it is a lame email.

[Anne Lauren]

Do I know you cause you seriously sound like some guys I know and grew up with...I'm not kidding either.

Two inparticular...I thought I knew these guys because I've known them a really long time...and they're what a person would view as being a "good" guy you'd take home to mom. But damn, let me tell ya...I've recently hung out with them and I got the inside scoop into "guy talk". It was fucking shocking how badly they had completely degraded some of these little young naive girls...and think it's funny as hell. And I'm not naive at all...I've seen and heard just about everything imagineable. But, I honestly don't see how they could do some of the things they've done to a person and not feel like shit about it.

It's fucking sick almost...they were laughing about how this girl ran out of the room crying covered in her shit and blood. It really bothered me hearing them talk...I was shocked.

[Kid Presentable]

Do I know you cause you seriously sound like some guys I know and grew up with...I'm not kidding either.

Two inparticular...I thought I knew these guys because I've known them a really long time...and they're what a person would view as being a "good" guy you'd take home to mom. But damn, let me tell ya...I've recently hung out with them and I got the inside scoop into "guy talk". It was fucking shocking how badly they had completely degraded some of these little young naive girls...and think it's funny as hell. And I'm not naive at all...I've seen and heard just about everything imagineable. But, I honestly don't see how they could do some of the things they've done to a person and not feel like shit about it.

Guy talk is fucked, for sure. But it gets old.

One time my "Guy talking" got back the woman in question, and mad shit about how dud a fuck I was got all over town. I learned from that one.
And then other girls I'd spoken about got wise, and by the following month I had to buy my hands flowers and chocolates just to tee up a wank.

[little j]

Afterburner - Get well-positioned with her. Missionary or doggie works OK, here. JUST as you xXxX, cut a BIG fart and light it with a match. Good for an extra inch or two.

Shanghai Stirfry - When a girl gives you a blowjob, pukes all over your xXxX and keeps going.


The Missouri Compromise - When a girl will only let guys xXxX her in the ass because she is still a "virgin".



Three Mile Island - When a guy is having sex doggy style, his partner farts and it smells so bad that he has to evacuate.

what I hate most about this thread is that you "bleeped" out cum, dick, and fuck. why? you will say anything else but cum, dick and fuck? grow the fuck up

[Chad the Lad]

why does dedos keep referring to him/herself in the third person all the time?

chad the lad doesnt like that :D

[Dedos]

what I hate most about this thread is that you "bleeped" out cum, dick, and fuck. why? you will say anything else but cum, dick and fuck? grow the fuck up

You fuckin grow up learn to read...Dedos never wrote this as it states at the begining of the thread. :D

[Qdrop]

jesus....what's sad is that virtually ALL of these little acts exist purely in the imaginary realm.
you couldn't pull this shit with any chick without getting your nuts ripped off by her afterwards....

no guy would be stupid enough to attempt this shit....short of a serial rapist or something....

yeah, some guy is gonna wake up and piss in the girls asshole....yeah, that makes sense. sure.

[skra75]

Oh crap this thread is too much for words.
AH Qdrop, how we miss the hilarity.
Shits! I'm supposed to be fixin me a drink.
brb

[Tzar]

yeah i pretty much laughed at all of these.

wounded pigeon hahahaha that's so bad

[Dorothy Wood]

I'm a bit bothered by the racial stuff, but more so by the way the "jokes" are mostly all about humiliating women. "the wounded pigeon" is horrible, it made me feel sick.

These are the kinds of things written by a person who has seen a lot of porn and action movies, but has never really had sex with an actual person. Or like that one guy I saw on Taxi Cab Confessions that was like a sex addict and he participated in gang bangs and just wanted to "use" women and men to get off all the time, it consumed his whole life. He was basically a sociopath.

yeah, so, I didn't think they were funny.


yeah, still agree with myself.



I mean, here are some funny funny jokes I wrote about sexy things you can do with your man:

1. The Fluffer Nutter: so after a BJ, you take the load of cum in your mouth, but don't swallow it, put your mouth over the guy's nose and blow the jizz up his nostrils. plug his nose, cover his mouth and shake his head vigorously until he passes out and frothy saliva and semen leaks out of his face. then shove a spoonful of peanut butter up his asshole. chunky peanut butter.

2. The Pickle: cut off his dick and fucking pickle it. then sneak into the hospital and shove it up his ass.

3. Ape Rape: hide a gorilla mask under your pillow, do it doggie style and put the mask on just as the guy orgasms. then blow a whistle and a real gorilla comes out of the closet and punches him in the throat. bonus: he now associates sexual arousal with both apes and getting punched in the throat and can't get off unless both happen. and nobody else wants to go to the trouble. gorillas are expensive.

[roosta]

3. Ape Rape: hide a gorilla mask under your pillow, do it doggie style and put the mask on just as the guy orgasms. then blow a whistle and a real gorilla comes out of the closet and punches him in the throat. bonus: he now associates sexual arousal with both apes and getting punched in the throat and can't get off unless both happen. and nobody else wants to go to the trouble. gorillas are expensive.

RAPE AN APE (http://youtube.com/watch?v=UpjQx2xjy-Y)

[Jitters]

Whistling Dixie - After you bang a chick, snuggle and let her get comfortable. Right as she is about to fall asleep, scream "The South Will Rise Again!" and shove it in her ass.

That's funny in a childish way. The rest are mostly disturbing.

[TurdBerglar]

look at all the people getting shitty over stupid jokes!


LOOK! LOOK AT THEM! HAHAHAHA

[Bob]

yeah, still agree with myself.



I mean, here are some funny funny jokes I wrote about sexy things you can do with your man:

1. The Fluffer Nutter: so after a BJ, you take the load of cum in your mouth, but don't swallow it, put your mouth over the guy's nose and blow the jizz up his nostrils. plug his nose, cover his mouth and shake his head vigorously until he passes out and frothy saliva and semen leaks out of his face. then shove a spoonful of peanut butter up his asshole. chunky peanut butter.

2. The Pickle: cut off his dick and fucking pickle it. then sneak into the hospital and shove it up his ass.

3. Ape Rape: hide a gorilla mask under your pillow, do it doggie style and put the mask on just as the guy orgasms. then blow a whistle and a real gorilla comes out of the closet and punches him in the throat. bonus: he now associates sexual arousal with both apes and getting punched in the throat and can't get off unless both happen. and nobody else wants to go to the trouble. gorillas are expensive.

feminists :rolleyes:

that's what you are, if you don't think breaking skanks' arms and making them jerk you off is hilarious you're a stupid feminist

[TOY]

I LOL'd at this one:

Sleeping Bag - If you're going down on a really fat girl, you pull her enormous stomach roll of fat over your head.

:o

[Tzar]

look at all the people getting shitty over stupid jokes!


LOOK! LOOK AT THEM! HAHAHAHA
SAVE ME POLITICAL CORRECTNESS, SAVE ME!

[fucktopgirl]

1. The Fluffer Nutter: so after a BJ, you take the load of cum in your mouth, but don't swallow it, put your mouth over the guy's nose and blow the jizz up his nostrils. plug his nose, cover his mouth and shake his head vigorously until he passes out and frothy saliva and semen leaks out of his face. then shove a spoonful of peanut butter up his asshole. chunky peanut butter.

2. The Pickle: cut off his dick and fucking pickle it. then sneak into the hospital and shove it up his ass.

3. Ape Rape: hide a gorilla mask under your pillow, do it doggie style and put the mask on just as the guy orgasms. then blow a whistle and a real gorilla comes out of the closet and punches him in the throat. bonus: he now associates sexual arousal with both apes and getting punched in the throat and can't get off unless both happen. and nobody else wants to go to the trouble. gorillas are expensive.


hahahaha, quite nice, especially the first one, you could alter this version by just kissing the guy afterward when you have your mouth full of cum, then the guy would have a real encounter with his own cum and know are tasty it is...:D

[TAL]

That's just normal snowballing, which isn't a made up thing.

[Lyman Zerga]

barferoni

[Planetary]

lol @ the pickle