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Hiebz
01-19-2006, 06:35 AM
okay, so looking for your opions/responses to this situation:

background - my wife's friend sent us a sort of invitation, she is having what they call here a PACS celebration. It's legally like a marriage because they sign the papers and stuff, but it is usually more low-key: not the big production, only those close are usually invited, quickly done. Not the religous ceremony. (All the same, it's a male - female union for those wondering). My wife and I will be signing witnesses at the town hall (where all the legal procedures are done for marriages and the like before the religous parts or after celebrations). On the letter sent is a date, time, and place for rendez-vous.

situation - normal, yes. However, they have a menu of what is going to be served with the prices and how much it would cost to ride go-carts too, but there is a sunshine below the menu saying all the drinks are not included in the price but offered by the "bride" and "groom".

nice, huh? so, we both are witnesses, and because it is not a regular wedding, they are having it on a Friday. Because it is a Friday and my company works the saturday after, I get vacation time for the Saturday and this will count as two days off. Same for my wife. It's a town half an hour - 45 minutes away, and seeings how at the moment I only have a company car to drive around, we'll be taking the train and catching rides to the events.

ettiquette in me says two things - one, this is normally a once in a lifetime thing, they should have had the ettiquette to offer the meal free (at least).
two, it is normally a once in a lifetime thing, we should be good friends and make extra the sacrifices without complaint, or at least voice our opinion to them afterwards so as not to spoil the mood of the day.

My wife wants to send an e-mail before hand saying she is surprised to be paying all of that since they are nearly playing the PACS up like a wedding and will have a limitted number of people there anyway, also since we are the witnesses too. Do you, BBMB'rs, think it that would be an okay approach or, no complaint, or a note back to them afterwards (i.e. Thanks for the invite and day out, BUT ...)


GO!

jammytastic
01-19-2006, 06:43 AM
its like a civil ceromony?

if i was to mention it id say it before hand because what good is it saying anything after the fact?

i wouldnt say anything at all though.

so basically im no help to you at all.

ms.peachy
01-19-2006, 07:11 AM
I think you and your wife need to discuss how badly you want to be there, and whether or not you can afford it.

If you can just barely afford it, but you really, really want to be there, then you accept that this is what it costs, say nothing, and that's just the way it is. "Thank you so much for asking, we're honoured and we'll be there." Period. Not "Well, we'll be there, but it's really costing us a lot of money, you know." That would just be rude.

If you really, really want to go but simply cannot afford it no matter how much you tighten your belt, then you send a very gracious note saying "We're tremendously honoured that you have asked us and we would love to be able to celebrate with you, but we've reviewed our finances and we regret to say that we cannot make this large a commitment at this time." They will either understand, or, if they really want you there and are able to afford it, they will offer to help defray the costs.

There's no middle ground here. You accept the cost and you go, or you decide you can't and you don't. Keep your opinion about the money to yourself. Forever. No good will ever come of saying anything about it, either before or after, ever.

Loppfessor
01-19-2006, 08:57 AM
Okay I may be way off here but I'm assuming that if it's at a place that has go-carts then it can't be than damn expensive. Quit being a cheap ass, just go and let your friends enjoy their day

jabumbo
01-19-2006, 09:26 AM
^ hahahah, thats a good theory...

most places with go carts serve french fries in a tub and cheese steaks

jammytastic
01-19-2006, 09:41 AM
cheese steak?