How do you know when to throw a fit?

[Nuzzolese]

1. Your fridge in your apartment breaks on Saturday afternoon, by Saturday night your cheese and butter are at room temperature and your ice cream is soup and the maintenance office says they can't give you a new fridge until Monday morning.

Do you demand some money off your month's rent or cut your losses?



2. You dislocate a rib and it hurts to raise your arm above it, you can't sleep on your left side. Your doctor tells you it's a cracked rib and it will heel. But it doesn't heel and you visit a chiropractor who tells you it's dislocated and must be popped back in, which by now is a painful and frequent proceure because you let it remain popped out for so long.

Do you demand anything from the doctor who misdiagnosed you?



I know this sounds like a lame quiz in some women's magazine, but it is something a lot of women have trouble dealing with. When do you throw a fit or demand retribution? When is it worth it to be demanding and when is it just going to make things worse for you? I mean, this is the apartment complex where you live, and this is your doctor who takes care of you. Sure, you could move or switch doctors but that's a big hassle to have to do everytime some little thing goes wrong. You don't want to create tension with these people, you want to maintain a good relationship. But you can't let them walk over you.

[TurdBerglar]

my must you throw a fit? can't something be done in a calm manner?

[cosmo105]

something like the fridge thing, nah. that wasn't anybody's fault. the doctor thing...well...that's iffy. but i don't trust doctors that much anyway.

i really throw a fit when someone

a) didn't do/wasn't doing his or her job

b) didn't treat me with respect


and that's about it really. i hate to throw hissyfits because i always regret them later. but if you fucked up, i mean reaaally fucked up...i'll speak up. but i try to do it in a friendly and calm manner, because i know what it's like to deal with a pissed customer. very rarely have i gone ballistic on someone. except steger.

[abcdefz]

Fridge -- blow it off unless it doesn't come Monday. That's a legitimate turnaround time, especially on weekends.

The doctor thing is more serious. I'd contact their office and either ask them to do the work (including an X-ray to make sure, because all you have are two different opinions) or reimburse you for your other medical visits, etc.

[Sarky Devotchka]

I don't throw fits, I write letters. well, once last summer our landlord hadn't mowed the lawn for like a month and we were having a barbeque and I had already called and asked him to mow the lawn and he didn't, so I called him the morning of the party and left a stern message about how it would be disappointing if we couldn't play badminton and yadda yadda. he showed up soon after, took out our garbage for us and mowed.

that's not as bad as melted butter though.

[mickill]

I shake it off like Mariah.

[abcdefz]

damn you a-z



......can't we agree?

[Nuzzolese]

Well I don't mean to really throw a huge fit, I just mean to demand something. Like Sarky leaving a stern message. When you feel like someone wasn't doing their job or you were being blown off, after it's all over and everything worked out, do you just say "alls well that ends well" and leave it alone or go back and speak your mind?


I usually avoid confrontation at all costs, because a lot of the time, just trying to speak up is a great hassel because some offices and companies specifically make that customer service area difficult so you'll avoid it and they won't have to pay for their mistakes or unreasonable rules. Have you ever tried to place an order with a company and then be overcharged, given the wrong item, ignored on the phone, delayed refund, then for your trouble they offer free shipping on your next order and you're like "NEXT order?! HA!" I know that most of the time, if you do fight back, the person who will end up getting the brunt of your indignation will be someone who didn't even cause any fault to begin with, and is just there to buffer the calls and complaints. But does that mean you have no place to stand up for yourself?

[Qdrop]

DO NOT TRUST CHIROPRACTORS!!
THAT IS NOT A MEDICAL SCIENCE!

YOUR RIBS CANNOT BE DISLOCATED!
NEITHER CAN YOUR SPINE!


there is a reason chiropractors don't have to go to medical school...

http://www.chirobase.org/

[jabumbo]

the handle on my toilet broke about 10 days ago. we have the lid off and the chain hanging on the edge of the tank so that we can still flush it.


my roommate has called 3 times so far in the past 10 days and they still havent come to fix it.


i wish i could call them up and say i won't pay my rent till it's fixed, but i don't think i could leverage that...

[adam_f]

Ever wonder if the water from the toilet makes its way back to where you have to put your hand when you lift the top off? I do.

[Nuzzolese]

DO NOT TRUST CHIROPRACTORS!!
THAT IS NOT A MEDICAL SCIENCE!

YOUR RIBS CANNOT BE DISLOCATED!
NEITHER CAN YOUR SPINE!


there is a reason chiropractors don't have to go to medical school...

http://www.chirobase.org/


They don't make as much money for the pharmaceutical comanies either. They help a lot of people feel better, you know. Who cares if it's not a medical science? Neither is massage but that helps people feel better as well.

[jabumbo]

Ever wonder if the water from the toilet makes its way back to where you have to put your hand when you lift the top off? I do.


it does in a roundabout way


it also makes it back through your tap, so i wouldnt think too hard about it

[adam_f]

I bet Chuck Norris' toilet is working like a dream.

[cosmo105]

that reminds me...i DID throw a fit about our last apartment. they told us when we moved out that we should have about $200 left over from our deposit after what was used to cover the "surface cleaning" that the place needed after we left. after a good month with no word from them, i called, and they told me to call their management company. so i did. and left a message.

a week later, still no response. so i called her again and left another message.

repeat this about, oh...FOUR TIMES. it got so irritating. finally i get ahold of her, and she says "oh, it looks like you owe $160." what?!! we were told that we'd get money BACK. not that it was that much, but still, that was not what we were told during our walk-through. apparently our deposit was lower than the owner thought because we have good credit, and she mislead us. maybe not intentionally, but still...

anyway, it took another two weeks to get the actual apartment complex manager to tell me what the extra expenses were (painting, which she DID NOT mention in her walkthrough and they do every single time someone moves out regardless of the condition, and believe me it was perfect), and then another god knows how many calls to the head office to get ahold of this other woman. i left her message after message, getting angrier each time, saying "i have called you at LEAST five times in the last month and not once have i ever received a call from you." in fact, through this whole ordeal she called me ONCE - when she had to check something and call me right back. and that was it. i was seriously considering legal action. i didn't want some past due bill that i never even received to be hurting my credit. so finally after learning her schedule and barking enough angry messages on her machine, i get her ass on the phone, and she says it was mailed to us within 3 days of us moving out. we check our mail every day. never got one. so she says she'll mail it again. i figure, they're not far from here, should get here in 2 or 3 days.

two weeks later, it's still not here. i call her and she says she mailed it when she said she would. i say enough, email it to me. so finally, almost 3 months after we moved out, i got the bill and paid it in full. UGGH those motherfuckers. grrrrrhg.

[Nuzzolese]

Man, I'm going to have to pay so much in damages this place is falling apart.

[Nuzzolese]

And you know what else? my fish vanished. I had two fish, now I have one and the location of the body of the other one remains a mystery.

[Sarky Devotchka]

I ate it.

[TurdBerglar]

And you know what else? my fish vanished. I had two fish, now I have one and the location of the body of the other one remains a mystery.


i use to have these sucker fish that would suck themselves out the tank

[Nuzzolese]

I totally don't believe you at all. What did he look like?

[Documad]

I don't throw a fit, but I do tell people that I know what they did and it's unacceptable. I don't rag on the clerk or the person who answers the phone, but I do keep asking questions and insist on seeing someone much higher up the chain. If you get high enough up the chain, someone will listen to you unless the place is so corrupt that you decide never to do business with them again. Sometimes it's not worth it, but I've actually gotten policies changed.

But even I--not afraid of confrontation and actually quite good at it--have had situations that drove me crazy and I couldn't get satisfaction. I used to live in a triplex where the landlord would enter my apartment while I was at work for minor upkeep like putting on storm windows. And they never told me even after the fact that they did it. I'd come home and something would have moved slightly, or he would have knocked over my CDs, or there would be a muddy footprint in my bathtub (had to stand there to get to the window). I repeatedly told him it was against the law, I told him what I could ask for in damages, and explained how scary it was to be a single woman and have strangers inside my apartment, that I might have things I don't want his workers to see or steal, etc. The landlord always profusely apologized but said that he wanted to take advantage of his brother's day off or whatever. Then he would do it again a month later. It drove me INSANE. But I was paying under market rent in a really nice neighborhood and I had competed with 50 applicants for the apartment in the first place.

[Sarky Devotchka]

he was the shape of a fish, and smelled like water. I AM NOT A LIAR!

[beastieangel01]

1. cut my losses.

2. no.

And I admit that for both cases, I should say something/comment/complain but I've always been the type that feels bad or asking or saying something.

I'm sure a lot of psychology from my past has affect on that, as it would for most people I imagine.

[Monsieur Decuts]

there's no reason why anyone should have to pay to have walls painted, carpets cleaned or anything like that (within reason). That is normal upkeep that the landlord is responsible for.

[enree erzweglle]

Fridge--I'd let it go. I don't need the ice cream and butter anyway.

Doctor--That's all about building a relationship. She has to come to understand that you're not going to call for every hangnail; you have to have trust that she has your best interests in mind and that she'll respond appropriately. It takes awhile to build that trust and respect.

In your scenario, I would initially follow-up with my doctor and tell her what wound up happening. I wouldn't demand anything from her--I'd work at building the relationship. I would want to know that she understood the situation and I'd want to be confident that she was taking me seriously. If it happened repeatedly (or even just again) or if it felt like she was blowing off my legitimate concerns, I'd find another doctor and I'd probably write a (reasonable) letter to my old doctor explaining this. I have done these very things twice already over the years.

I've been with my GP for at least 15 years. She gets me and moves very, very quickly when I tell her that something is seriously wrong. She has even intervened on my behalf with another doctor to get him to escalate his response to my problem. She trusts me as much as I trust her.

[ms.peachy]

there's no reason why anyone should have to pay to have walls painted, carpets cleaned or anything like that (within reason). That is normal upkeep that the landlord is responsible for.
It depends on what is in the lease. It always amazes me that people will sign leases - that may oblige them to do all kinds of things they wouldn't expect - without reading them.

As a landlord, I do not hold any tenant responsible for repainting UNLESS they have painted themselves in a colour other than white. In other words, everyone who moves into one of my places atarts out with a fresh coat of your basic eggshell. If they want to redo a room or two in another colour of their choosing, that's fine with me, but they will then have to pay for a percentage of the repainting cost, because it means it will cost me more getting the repaint done before the next tenant (more coats required). Also, if they do a crap job and get paint on things like the radiators, wood floors, marble mantles etc that I then have to have dealt with, they will have to pay for that too. But basic repainting, no.

Carpet cleaning, it depends. We will pay for the carpets to be cleaned once per year - they make the arrangements, and can take the money out of the rent (sending us the reciept, of course.) However if they smoke or have a pet(s), we request that it be done every six months, the second cleaning being their obligation. This is put in as a clause in the lease at the time of signing and initialled seperately.

[Astra]

Ensuring that you are not taken advantage advantage of is important.
Helping and not enabling continuation of what you are trying to help them with.
why destroy your peace?

[Qdrop]

They don't make as much money for the pharmaceutical comanies either. They help a lot of people feel better, you know. Who cares if it's not a medical science? Neither is massage but that helps people feel better as well.

umm...

it's fake/hoax.
it's dangerous.

you're spending money on a placebo effect.

[Echewta]

comparing bone crackers to muscle relaxers is not a good comparison.

[Qdrop]

as far as throwing a fit....

shit man...i HATE doing that (hard to believe, eh?)

i'm pretty passive for the most part...and don't like big confrontations or scenes unless absolutely necessary...

jenny is the opposite...she loves to tear people new ones.


i won't let people walk on me...but i remain pretty passive and calm until i reach a boiling point...then i fuckin explode and it gets really fuckin dramatic...over the top.

but the point is, everyone has thier own boiling point. there is no standard.

[Nuzzolese]

I personally think blowing up or "tearing someone a new one" is rarely necessary unless they like, ran over your dog or something on purpose. But yes, there are standards of reasonable behavior. Everyone has their own boiling point but thereshould be a universal etiquette. That's how people get along. Sometimes I think people overvalue honesty and personal expression and undervalue manners and polite society. Politeness gets a bad rap as being superficial and insincere, but since when did it become all about you and what you honestly think? (rhetorical)

[Monsieur Decuts]

It depends on what is in the lease. It always amazes me that people will sign leases - that may oblige them to do all kinds of things they wouldn't expect - without reading them.
.

But...just because its in a lease, doesn't nessecarly mean its legal and binding...that's why there are tenant boards in most states..at least in Vermont there was a state agency that kept landlords in check

[Monsieur Decuts]

I personally think blowing up or "tearing someone a new one" is rarely necessary unless they like, ran over your dog or something on purpose. But yes, there are standards of reasonable behavior. Everyone has their own boiling point but thereshould be a universal etiquette. That's how people get along. Sometimes I think people overvalue honesty and personal expression and undervalue manners and polite society. Politeness gets a bad rap as being superficial and insincere, but since when did it become all about you and what you honestly think? (rhetorical)

sometimes there gets to a point where you know you are right, but there is nothing you can do about it, and that is the point where screaming and yelling feels soooo good.

[ms.peachy]

But...just because its in a lease, doesn't nessecarly mean its legal and binding...that's why there are tenant boards in most states..at least in Vermont there was a state agency that kept landlords in check
Almost all states, as far as I am aware, have an L/T board of some sort. And rightly so. And yes, if your lease contains things which flout the law, those clauses (and only those clauses mind, not the whole lease neccessarily) are non-binding. But with many items regarding things such as maintenance, unless the demands are clearly outrageous, a landlord can ask an awful lot.

The fact is that a lease is a binding contract, unless you as a tenant can prove that you were coerced, forced to sign under duress, or contains wording that is deliberatly written obscurely as to obfuscate the intention of the clause. Why on earth anyone would sign one without reading it and flaggin up any issues that seem 'not quite right' or that they don't agree with, I'll never understand.

[Monsieur Decuts]

Props on being smart and getting into that racket $$, and doing it with some integrity, that's a rare combination.

[enree erzweglle]

It depends on what is in the lease. It always amazes me that people will sign leases - that may oblige them to do all kinds of things they wouldn't expect - without reading them.Yeah, when I was last apartment hunting, this one place came with a lease that stipulated that no bags or boxes (not even groceries) were to be carried through the front door.

The problem was this: the only other door to the building was for fire emergencies only; opening it sounded an alarm that would alert the fire department.

I liked that place, though. It was affordable and had a spiral staircase leading from the livingroom to the top floor, which was all one large bedroom with a skylight. But the lease was too restrictive for tennants and nearly unconditional in terms of landlord's rights, so I didn't take that place.

[abcdefz]

The fact is that a lease is a binding contract, unless you as a tenant can prove that you were coerced, forced to sign under duress, or contains wording that is deliberatly written obscurely as to obfuscate the intention of the clause. Why on earth anyone would sign one without reading it and flaggin up any issues that seem 'not quite right' or that they don't agree with, I'll never understand.



*squinting, re-reads his landlord's "no people" clause*

[marsdaddy]

1) It really depends on where you live. In California, there are laws -- which vary by city -- that require a landlord to maintain and repair items that are considered essential. For example, if your toilet broke, the landlord would not be able to "wait until Monday" to fix it. I'm not sure about the fridge. My guess is your state and/or city has a website regarding renters' rights so you can find out what the ramifications are. Coincidentally, I've encountered many management companies and landlords who don't follow the rules, figuring most people will avoid confrontation.

2) This one is tougher. First, you have an MD and a DCM with differing opinions. Not withstanding Q's blanket dismissal of chiros, they provide different benefits and talk a different language than MD's -- Exoskeletal & Sublaxation, for example. Even with differing opinions from 2 MDs -- you'd need this move forward with any action -- chances are it'd be difficult to prove negligence on your Dr., meaning no ramifications for him/her.

If you talk to your MD about how you were still in pain until the chiro helped, you might be able to determine if you want to keep your MD. Also, if you are in pain after your MD says, "it'll get better" find out a suggested timeframe / pain threshold and use that to follow up with your MD.

Funny that there might be more protections for your fridge than your health.

[Qdrop]

Not withstanding Q's blanket dismissal of chiros, they provide different benefits and talk a different language than MD's -- Exoskeletal & Sublaxation, for example. sublaxations being complete fabrications of reality.....

[marsdaddy]

complete fabrications of reality.....Something with which you're very familiar.

I don't wish a sublaxation on you.