Audio.
01-30-2006, 08:09 PM
I love Boondocks but before taking a spliff you know I started to think what time it was I found out it was like 3am. I must have slept before I usually smoke the cigs.
I flip thru the channels so at 3am i witness these people on tv that are totally like rocking the fuck out.. singing "holy holy holy" and passing around various collection plates with an 800 number scrolling along the bottom of the screen. and i wonder how many people out there in the world are watching? and in blind faith donating their last food money on a credit card they will never pay off, or skipping buying new shoes for their children or leaving their pets out in the cold.... for.blind.faith.
that is something that has always had the ability to reduce me to tears in a weird way..peoples ability to have faith in something so strongly whether its good or bad in my eyes, and also knowing i have been the good and bad entity that certain people have had the blind faith in. and trying to sleep peacefully knowing that ive let people down. and trying to imagine what that feels like.. but also knowing all too well what it feels like to be the caller on the other end with the worn-out-barely-visible-16- digits-on-the-bottom credit card in trembling hand,. listening to the phone ring.. and a speeding heartbeat.. thinking "this could be it".. "this could be the answer to me"
"caller.. you're on the line!"
only i am not referring to myself and church.. i pay for faith
with my heart, (that i wonder if it still exists sometimes).. and knowing exactly what its like to be that person that is let down in the end.
(not even so much by the end result, but by my own actions that have led me there) left wondering "how did this happen AGAIN?!".. when the lights are shut off and im starving. and wondering if.. maybe..
its my own fucking salvation i was paying for. or someone
elses?! (who) and questioning where they are. and why arent
there more people thousands of dollars in debt, just.like.me...and who pays in the end of it all? and to where, to what address do you send that kind of payment to? what department handles those types of collections? what cake-faced bitch at the front desk do i have to face with my face all red, and plead with that i had the best of intentions.. "but i swear i get paid on wednesdays!!" try to make a dollar out of 15 cents. for life
and then i see.. "for years, we've been taking you to places like this, and
showing you the heartbreak.. but for pennies a day, you can save a life".. i have a whole huge container full of pennies (even silver change), and i still feel a little less than alive inside sometimes. ..you tell me?? "call now, you wont regret it... for over 60 years we've been in the business of helping you
save a child that needs you" ..where were the "willing to give it all in the vain sense of giving" savior-types on the christmas morning that my mom showed up 3 hours late with a black eye and smeary makeup? i think courtney love said it best when she said "i dont really miss god, but i sure miss santa clause"
that was long ago.
i used to smoke... a lot... and it did awful things to my health, just as it does to other people, i think it's some fucked up shit, even when smokers pay money to these health killing corporations for a pack of cigs, and if you ask me if I still would like to smoke? hell yeah, it was hard... i won't lie and say it's easy, but I feel good now...
I still love Boondocks. :D
I flip thru the channels so at 3am i witness these people on tv that are totally like rocking the fuck out.. singing "holy holy holy" and passing around various collection plates with an 800 number scrolling along the bottom of the screen. and i wonder how many people out there in the world are watching? and in blind faith donating their last food money on a credit card they will never pay off, or skipping buying new shoes for their children or leaving their pets out in the cold.... for.blind.faith.
that is something that has always had the ability to reduce me to tears in a weird way..peoples ability to have faith in something so strongly whether its good or bad in my eyes, and also knowing i have been the good and bad entity that certain people have had the blind faith in. and trying to sleep peacefully knowing that ive let people down. and trying to imagine what that feels like.. but also knowing all too well what it feels like to be the caller on the other end with the worn-out-barely-visible-16- digits-on-the-bottom credit card in trembling hand,. listening to the phone ring.. and a speeding heartbeat.. thinking "this could be it".. "this could be the answer to me"
"caller.. you're on the line!"
only i am not referring to myself and church.. i pay for faith
with my heart, (that i wonder if it still exists sometimes).. and knowing exactly what its like to be that person that is let down in the end.
(not even so much by the end result, but by my own actions that have led me there) left wondering "how did this happen AGAIN?!".. when the lights are shut off and im starving. and wondering if.. maybe..
its my own fucking salvation i was paying for. or someone
elses?! (who) and questioning where they are. and why arent
there more people thousands of dollars in debt, just.like.me...and who pays in the end of it all? and to where, to what address do you send that kind of payment to? what department handles those types of collections? what cake-faced bitch at the front desk do i have to face with my face all red, and plead with that i had the best of intentions.. "but i swear i get paid on wednesdays!!" try to make a dollar out of 15 cents. for life
and then i see.. "for years, we've been taking you to places like this, and
showing you the heartbreak.. but for pennies a day, you can save a life".. i have a whole huge container full of pennies (even silver change), and i still feel a little less than alive inside sometimes. ..you tell me?? "call now, you wont regret it... for over 60 years we've been in the business of helping you
save a child that needs you" ..where were the "willing to give it all in the vain sense of giving" savior-types on the christmas morning that my mom showed up 3 hours late with a black eye and smeary makeup? i think courtney love said it best when she said "i dont really miss god, but i sure miss santa clause"
that was long ago.
i used to smoke... a lot... and it did awful things to my health, just as it does to other people, i think it's some fucked up shit, even when smokers pay money to these health killing corporations for a pack of cigs, and if you ask me if I still would like to smoke? hell yeah, it was hard... i won't lie and say it's easy, but I feel good now...
I still love Boondocks. :D