in urgent need of ur opinion? wtf shld i do?

[vickista]

i go to an all girl public skool and i have more guy frends then all of my girl friends, and im more mature than them wen it comes to that stuff so wen i flirt and stuff with guys and like tlk to guys i think they might get annoyed coz im making them jealous, is that slutty?or bitchy? coz im not trying to be.

[DJ_Skrilla]

i go to an all girl public skool and i have more guy frends then all of my girl friends, and im more mature than them wen it comes to that stuff so wen i flirt and stuff with guys and like tlk to guys i think they might get annoyed coz im making them jealous, is that slutty?or bitchy? coz im not trying to be.

easy, become a lesbian. problem solved. (y)

[vickista]

eeeewwww! wtf u sick man! no im serious i want real opinions not fucked up 1's.

[miss_bhaven]

easy, become a lesbian. problem solved. (y)

Hahahahaha! CHAMP! Correct answer right there ^^ :p

...

Nar umm...I've been out of highschool for two years now and from what I've learnt, the whole 'social scene' at highschool was f'd up badly. If I were you, I wouldn't care what others thought, especially at your age. Have fun, and if anyone complains, then that's their problem babe. Because once you're out of highschool, things will change - for the better and it won't matter who you spoke to or who you 'hung' out with, trust me ;)

[DandyFop]

You're 13? My advice is blowjobs.

[ms.peachy]

Well, ideally, you should stop being 13 years old. But, seeing as that's probably impossible, you should probably just slow down and actually mature a bit, rather than just thinking that you are. Yes it is (by and large) a fact that as a girl you are probably slightly more emotionally mature than boys of your age, but then again, so is your average chimpanzee. I hate to break it to you, but this is the way life is when you're a young teenager. So just be yourself, but keep your wits about you. If you don't want to be thought of as a slut then don't act like one - in other words, wear clothes that don't have all your bits hanging out of them, and don't 'flirt' with guys in front of other guys just because it gives you an ego boost.

[vickista]

i know wat ur saying and i apreciate it but in my class even though wer kinda the popular 1's wer like different like we dnt care bout popularity. wer kinda the mature 1's but wen it comes to the boys and that im the most mature so its hard coz i wanna tlk bout stuff like that and ther like all immature about it, so i like cnt tlk to anyone bout it. and wen i am wif the guys we just kinda flirt by accident and like wer just ther to hav a good time and my girl friends are like omg vicki's so slutty behind my bak and im just like fuck off u no, coz im kinda a rebel i do my own thing and im not a goody 2 shoes i swear and i've had vodka and im not a good influence but i still get good grades and im just myself and its like u no, i wanna tlk wif sum1 bout this shit but ther isnt neone mature enough its like grow up already! i mean i hug guy frends and kiss em on the cheek as like a greeting and me girl frends are like omg!slut!whore! and u no wat i mean?

[vickista]

Well, ideally, you should stop being 13 years old. But, seeing as that's probably impossible, you should probably just slow down and actually mature a bit, rather than just thinking that you are. Yes it is (by and large) a fact that as a girl you are probably slightly more emotionally mature than boys of your age, but then again, so is your average chimpanzee. I hate to break it to you, but this is the way life is when you're a young teenager. So just be yourself, but keep your wits about you. If you don't want to be thought of as a slut then don't act like one - in other words, wear clothes that don't have all your bits hanging out of them, and don't 'flirt' with guys in front of other guys just because it gives you an ego boost.


but see i dont wen i flirt its nofin that bad but its mutual betweem me and who im flirting wif and its kinda accidental and i dont wear clothes like that and the only make up i wear is a weeny bit of eyeliner and lipgloss, and i am mature im not just syaing it.

[Ace42X]

iwer kinda the mature 1's

The spelling right there should tell you everything you objectively need to know about your maturity.

Stop trying to make excuses to legitimise your behaviour, and think about it rationally. If, at the end of the day, you enjoy behaving like you do, then by all means continue, but don't embark on a massive campaign of self-delusion to do it, otherwise you'll just end up fucked in the head, and feeling like a silly little tramp.

And quite possibly a mal-adjusted man-hater

[vickista]

wat do u mean keep behaving like i do?

[Ace42X]

wat do u mean keep behaving like i do?

However you behave that is causing you such consternation.

I had trouble reading the first post, so only skimmed it. Diabolical spelling and pisspoor grammar give me a headache.

[vickista]

sorry, i was just trying to go quicker by using short hand, however i can type properly if you prefer it.



but back to the main topic whats wrong with how im behaving?

[Medellia]

Diabolical spelling and pisspoor grammar give me a headache.
Half of this thread is illegible.

[vickista]

are you going to continue to critisize my spelling or will you help me with what i asked you to?

[Medellia]

Well Peachy already did an excellent job of helping you. Now it's up to you to decide if you're going to take her advice or not. Either way all that's left is to comment on your spelling.

Just slow it down, you're still a kid no matter how mature you think you are. And trust me, EVERY teenager thinks they're so mature at the time. If you keep acting like this you'll probably regret it in ten, twenty years.

[Ace42X]

but back to the main topic whats wrong with how im behaving?

Nothing, technically. However, you must consider there is something wrong with it, otherwise you'd not've made this thread.

Flirting with guys for your own ego boost is going to cause problems though, it is unavoidable at any age, even more so at yours when emotions run high.

You don't turn on the ignition unless you want to go for a drive. And as you aren't old enough to go for a drive yet, and you claim that you aren't a slut, it seems you don't WANT to go for a drive.

So playing (yes, playing, like a kid) with boys' feelings can be a dangerous game. It is easy to bite off more than you can chew, and easy to get a reputation for doing so.

Now, I have nothing against horny 13 year old sluts fucking their horny 13 year old friends, etc. Controversial, maybe, but kids do what kids want to do, fact of life. But I do dislike it when chicks do this, and come back with a shitload of emotional baggage.

Maturity involves taking responsibility for your actions, weighing up the pros and cons. In this case the pros of giving your ego a stroke by making a load of spotty teens hard (not exactly a challenge...) are balanced against the cons of you coming across as either a slut or a tease.

You can rationalise this anyway you want. "Oh, but I don't MEAN it like that..." and the ever faithful "One thing led to another, It ... just ... happened..." and "He should've KNOWN that when I was flirting, I didn't actually MEAN any of it..."

But, to be honest, anyone that believes that crock is a stupid naive kid, and that goes double for you if you end up believing it.

[ms.peachy]

However you behave that is causing you such consternation.

Cut her a little bit of slack; at 13, it's pretty much impossible to have a full capacity for self reflection. (As has been clear here on many occasions, come people never get a grip on it.)

vicki, what I think he is saying is that at the end of the day, the only control you have over how people react to you is your own behaviour. So whilst you might think 'hey I'm just hugging my friends to say hi and flirting a bit',and you think it's all OK and pretty much innocent, the way it might appear to your peers is that you coming across as too physically friendly, and too forward. Part of this may well be a reflection of their own insecurities, but in the real world, you will have to deal will all kinds of people coming at things from their own angles. This is part of what maturity IS - recognising that not everyone will interpret things the same way as you do, because eveyone works within their own frame of reference.

Say, for example, you see one of your guy friends, and run over and throw your arms around him. You think "hey it's cool, we're just friends." What you maybe don't realise is that although he may be trying to play it cool on the outside, he (bless his little hormone-addled heart) is thinking "oh my god oh my god girl touching me oh my god her boobs are touching my arm through her shirt oh my god please god dont' give me a boner right here now in front of everybody oh no too late oh god girl touching me". But all he actually says "Oh hi Vick how are you." And then you are maybe a bit flirty with him and he's like "oh god what do I do" and to you he seems like he's being a bit flirty back but actually he's still thinking about when your boobies touched hhis arm. But then all the other signals he gets from you is that you are "just friends" and "not into him in that way" which, you really need to understand, is pretty much torture for the poor boy.

So, you maybe just need to back off a little bit, and be a bit less eagerly friendly, is what I'm saying. Not stop being who you are, but maybe turn your volume down a little.

[vickista]

acting like what? waht is it exactly that i've said i've done in my posts that agrivates you all so much, i thank ms.peechy for attempting to help but im still not exactly clear on what it is i have to change ur all making it sound like im a prostitute who smokes weed, drinks and fucks all day. and im not like that!

[vickista]

Cut her a little bit of slack; at 13, it's pretty much impossible to have a full capacity for self reflection. (As has been clear here on many occasions, come people never get a grip on it.)

vicki, what I think he is saying is that at the end of the day, the only control you have over how people react to you is your own behaviour. So whilst you might think 'hey I'm just hugging my friends to say hi and flirting a bit',and you think it's all OK and pretty much innocent, the way it might appear to your peers is that you coming across as too physically friendly, and too forward. Part of this may well be a reflection of their own insecurities, but in the real world, you will have to deal will all kinds of people coming at things from their own angles. This is part of what maturity IS - recognising that not everyone will interpret things the same way as you do, because eveyone works within their own frame of reference.

Say, for example, you see one of your guy friends, and run over and throw your arms around him. You think "hey it's cool, we're just friends." What you maybe don't realise is that although he may be trying to play it cool on the outside, he (bless his little hormone-addled heart) is thinking "oh my god oh my god girl touching me oh my god her boobs are touching my arm through her shirt oh my god please god dont' give me a boner right here now in front of everybody oh no too late oh god girl touching me". But all he actually says "Oh hi Vick how are you." And then you are maybe a bit flirty with him and he's like "oh god what do I do" and to you he seems like he's being a bit flirty back but actually he's still thinking about when your boobies touched hhis arm. But then all the other signals he gets from you is that you are "just friends" and "not into him in that way" which, you really need to understand, is pretty much torture for the poor boy.

So, you maybe just need to back off a little bit, and be a bit less eagerly friendly, is what I'm saying. Not stop being who you are, but maybe turn your volume down a little.


thank you! you are the only person in this whole thread who got a tiny grasp on the situation, although sadly it has been blown way out of proportion, im not ALL OVER them and YES it is MUTUAL these guys have been my frends for ages were close and WE ARE NOT like little tramps and man whores running around everywhere. i DONT flirt for an ego boost, it just happens and ur right my frends are looking at me like a slut because they are insecure about that stuff. i wanna no how to avoid the "im insecure so ill call vicki a slut" part of highschool which is why this thread was started so please if you dont mind help me out.

[miss_bhaven]

vickista: Sounds like you just need to relax dude, take things as they come. Don't flirt because you find it 'fun', because it's not nice to have your heart broken, as you'll soon learn. Just relax chiq!~ You're only young - one thing I regret when I was in highschol was stressing over practically nothing! You probably won't realise it now, but you will eventually. So just take the advice we've given you and think it through :)

[Ace42X]

i DONT flirt for an ego boost,

Then why do you flirt? To secure a sex partner? As a signal to the guy that you want a bit of a kiss and a cuddle?

It's an ego boost, face it.

[vickista]

hey! im greek i kiss everyone on the cheek so what!and i dont go hugging and kissing randoms its close frends, and i no wat its like to hav ur heart broken(in a manner of speaking) i dont lead them on, its just like we meet up we enjoy ourselves and we flirt a bit its not i wanna get inside ur pants, or i wanna lead you on its just normal flirting that u do as a person my age.

[Ace42X]

i dont lead them on, its just like we meet up we enjoy ourselves and we flirt a bit its not i wanna get inside ur pants, or i wanna lead you on its just normal flirting that u do as a person my age.

And there is the crux of your problem.

"We flirt... It's not "I wanna get inside your pants.""

That's like saying "So I sucked him off, it's not like I was leading him on or anything... And I don't do it with just anyone..."

As Peachy said, "look, but don't touch" is torture for a guy. Of course YOU don't see it, you're not the one who is constantly getting mixed messages.

I'm sure it's all perfectly clear in your head, but you have to understand that guys are horny. Pretty much all of them, pretty much all of the time. Saying "Look, this is just platonic..." while giving them a lapdance doesn't cut the mustard.

[vickista]

i dont lap dance!or any of that shit! you're making out to just be me but its them flirting tooo!ok i just dont u know they do too and its not like u guys are saying you're blowing it out of proportion.

[jammytastic]

eeeewwww! wtf u sick man! no im serious i want real opinions not fucked up 1's.

since when is it fucked up to be a lesbian??

[Ace42X]

you're making out to just be me but its them flirting tooo!

Of course they do. They want to fuck you. Everything about them at the moment is compelling them to do the sexo. Hormones galore. The difference is that, if you presented the opportunity in the right way, they'd jump at the chance.

They're flirting because its the closest anyone will let them get to their cooch. That's an entirely different reason to you flirting, which you're doing because it makes you feel better about yourself and more popular. Presumably because you have some (rather typical and common) security issues, resulting in you being concerned with identity (popularity, rebellion, conformity, etc) and how you are perceived (as a slut, for example). None of this is your fault, of course. Modern society compels all women to be concerned about their physical appearance and social status. It's fitting that you'd feel the need to continually mark out your place in your social group by public displays of adoration.

And don't bother asking them about this, a guy at that age would rather pluck his own eyeballs out than admit to any sort of weakness, and that includes being a slave to their passions, which are entirely driven by pieces of tail.

[Ace42X]

since when is it fucked up to be a lesbian??

When you're a man?

[DandyFop]

As Peachy said, "look, but don't touch" is torture for a guy. Of course YOU don't see it, you're not the one who is constantly getting mixed messages.


Oh man I was such a tease in high school.

I'm not even gonna bother with this. I was like that too at her age.

[Ace42X]

Oh man I was such a tease in high school.


I have had my revenge on womankind by being a dick to every chick that gets on the wrong side of me. And a few that haven't. Of course, I'm also a dick to guys that annoy me too. And a few that haven't.

I guess that makes me a dick.

[vickista]

well i dont hav issues with popularity and that but yea i no wat u mean about the it makes me feel better about myself, but not because i get all the attention i just even wen i wa little made better frends and connected better with guys than girls im a total tomboy, im just not into all that girlie shit.

[ms.peachy]

See vicki, this is where that 'maturity' thing comes in. If you post because you want help with how you think you are being perceived, you can't fly off the handle and accuse people of 'taking it all out of proportion' when they start telling you things you may not want to hear.

It seems like what you want to hear is people tell you that you're fine, your behaviour is perfectly reasonable, and it's everyone else's problem. To an extent, that's true, but that doesn't mean it's not then your problem too. It doesn't sound to me, and I don't think to anyone else, that what you are doing is in fact overly slutty, and I'm sure you are probably a very nice, cute young girl who just wants to have a little fun and get noticed by boys and have some laughs, without getting into anything too deep. And, truly, there is nothing wrong with that. But you do have to realise that what you see as innocent flirting may well appear to other people - rightly or wrongly - as "being a tease". And you can say "oh they just don't get it, I'm just being friendly with my mates" until you are blue in the face, and I'm sure you mean it, but that does not actually change people's perceptions.

Again, you may think these guys don't think of you any differently than you think of them. For some that may be true, but I promise you that if you put yourself in a position where they think it might be OK for them to touch your goodies, 99% of them will. Not because they are bad people, and not because they don't respect you, but because they are teenage boys. It's what they do. That's not wrong or bad thing, it's just the way it is.

As I said, I'm not telling you not to be yourself, just to be yourself perhaps a little less exuberantly.

What you will find is that someday, probably about 10 years from now in your early 20's, is that you will be able to have guy friends that you can hug/kiss hello and goodbye, and be wee a bit on the flirty side with, and have it be platonic and everyone be OK with that. They will still be thinking about trying to get it on with you though for sure, but by that age you'll all be old enough know the rules of the game a bit better and how to handle it; where the line is and when it's crossed.

[vickista]

thnx ms. peechy. ur right and thanx. i am a bit overly exuberant in everything so yea i shld calm down a little, i apreciate the advice and wen i read that it got me thinking of this one time i hugged my mates bubi and tom was fine aiden ws fine but yuan squeezed me into his chest so hard i thought i was gonna break and i was like wow!wat was that 4 ? and he did reply so i figure thats wat u mean sum r totally decent and sum are decent but ther hormones get in the way sumtimes.

ill be more careful with stuff like that from now on, thanx again, vicki.