Ask rirv

[rirv]

Ask me anything you want!
This is a bit like Echewta's 'Ask Echewta' thread from a few years back but with me instead of him.

[Planetary]

which two episodes of futurama am i about to watch?

[jackrock]

Will tonight go well for me?

[rirv]

I can't predict the future but I can recommend you watch the one where they get the intergalactic bee's honey and also watch the one with the limbp contest.

[rirv]

Will tonight go well for me?
I'm afraid I do not know what you are doing tonight but I will say: be confident, be yourself, and it cannot go badly!

[Planetary]

ok. what d'ya think i'll do tommorow on my day off?

and will i pull?

[rirv]

ok. what d'ya think i'll do tommorow on my day off?
I have a day off tomorrow too! I'm going to fix my bike, finish my painting and maybe go for lunch with a friend. Those are my plans. I'll probably end up sitting at home wanking over porn all day though. I think you'll do the same.

[Planetary]

I'll probably end up sitting at home wanking over porn all day though. I think you'll do the same.

*crys*

[jackrock]

I'm afraid I do not know what you are doing tonight but I will say: be confident, be yourself, and it cannot go badly!
I'm going to a high school open house haha... not really much that i can do wrong,though

How will my team do in the track meet this weekend?

[tracky]

Have you seen my keys?

[roosta]

should i go to college in the morning? its the most boring class in the history of mankind and it makes me want to claw my eyes out, but i do want a first.

[kll]

rirv,

do you prefer the top or the bottom?

do you put cereal or milk in the bowl first?

[rirv]

I'm going to a high school open house haha... not really much that i can do wrong,though

How will my team do in the track meet this weekend?
You'll come in the 75th percentile.

[rirv]

Have you seen my keys?
Yes, they're right where you left them.

[rirv]

Rirv, which should I join? The Royal Artillery, the Royal Armoured Corps, the Royal Tank Regiment or one of the Infantry Regiments? I await your advice.
The tank regiment. Tanks are pretty cool.

[rirv]

should i go to college in the morning? its the most boring class in the history of mankind and it makes me want to claw my eyes out, but i do want a first.
Do not go tomorrow morning. If you deserve a first you'll be able to pull one out the bag. If you need to go to all your classes to get a first then you don't deserve one.

[rirv]

rirv,

do you prefer the top or the bottom?

do you put cereal or milk in the bowl first?
Either.

Cereal.

[Echewta]

Was I the first one to start this? Man. I use to be really cool back then.

[rirv]

Was I the first one to start this? Man. I use to be really cool back then.
Yes you were. And no you weren't.

[Echewta]

The last one wasn't a question you fraud.

[rirv]

It wasn't even a proper sentence either you moron.

[Freebasser]

Why are you a twat?

;) ;) ;) ;)

[rirv]

Why are you a twat?

;) ;) ;) ;)
Because I don't like you.

[ericlee]

I responded to your thread about porn with all types of porn avaliable. Did you read the different forms?

Damn, "girls drinking horse cum" what is this world coming to?"

[fucktopgirl]

I responded to your thread about porn with all types of porn avaliable. Did you read the different forms?

Damn, "girls drinking horse cum" what is this world coming to?"


i am shure you enjoy thoses disgusting things!

[ericlee]

i am shure you enjoy thoses disgusting things!

I don't enjoy thoses. I enjoy Moses. And the girls that drink cum from all the animals that traveled on Noahs arc. I'm religious like that..

[mickill]

Hey rirv, if I beat the everliving shit out of my supervisor at work with a aluminum bat, will he likely try to get me fired and/or keep me from eating in the lunch room?

[Freebasser]

Because I don't like you.

And why is that, cuntfeatures?

[paul jones]

should I get a chicken curry egg fried rice on the way home from work tomorrow night?

I haven't had one of those for fuckin ages

thanks

[2sweet2Bsour]

Should I quit working for a paycheck and try to win the lottery instead?

thanks.

[Lindsey_1535]

HOWWW do you do?

[DandyFop]

Are you disgusted by fat naked women?

What's your oral technique, if you have one?

Is venus really that hot in real life?

Are you?

[tracky]

Yes, they're right where you left them.

oh, i know where they are. I was just asking if you'd seen them. They're good keys, they are. This one here, I got for free off a guy I work with whos brother is a mobile locksmith, and one morning I see trevor getting out of this locksmith van, and I'm like "yo trev, can you hook us up with a key?" and he was like "hang on i'll just ask my bro" and I was gonna pay him, but then he was like "oh you work with trev? nah no charge mate" he though I was just some random guy off the street asking for a key cut. This one here is for my shed at my old house, cause I still have stuff in there. This is for the removable hard drive bay on my computer. I need to keep this key with me because otherwise I'll get home with the hard drive and you need the key to power it up. This non-key looking thing is my car remote locking thing. I press this little button here and the doors automatically unlock, or I press this button here and the doors will lock. Also, it's got this button for the boot. Now this key, this is for my old club lock. I don't use the club lock anymore because I don't need to. I only used that on my old corolla. My old corolla had some good keys. They were like 30 years old and the loop was almost worn through. This is my least favourite key, only because I can't remember what it opens. I like to keep it though in case one day I find that thing. This one time I had my keys when

[rirv]

Hey rirv, if I beat the everliving shit out of my supervisor at work with a aluminum bat, will he likely try to get me fired and/or keep me from eating in the lunch room?
Not only will you lose your job, he'll sue you and you'll also end up in prison. I know it's unfair, but that's the way the world works these days.

[rirv]

And why is that, cuntfeatures?
Because I was a little drunk last night.

[rirv]

should I get a chicken curry egg fried rice on the way home from work tomorrow night?

I haven't had one of those for fuckin ages

thanks
No, because it's made with stray dogs and foxes. Have brown rice and broccoli instead.

[rirv]

Should I quit working for a paycheck and try to win the lottery instead?

thanks.
How would you buy lottery tickets if you didn't have a job to bring in money? Think about it...

[rirv]

HOWWW do you do?
How do you do
What you do to me?
I wish I knew,
If I knew how you do it to me
I'd do it to you.

How do you do
What you do to me?
I'm feeling blue,
Wish I knew how you do it to me
But I haven't a clue.

You give me a feeling in my heart,
Like an arrow piercing through it.
I suppose that you think you're very smart,
But won't you tell me how do you do it?

How do you do
What you do to me?
I wish I knew,
If I knew how you do it to me
I'd do it to you.

You give me a feeling in my heart,
Like an arrow piercing through it.
I suppose that you think you're very smart,
But won't you tell me how do you do it?

How do you do
What you do to me?
I wish I knew,
Wish I knew how you do it to me
I'd do it to you.
Wish I knew how you do it to me,
I'd do it to you.
Wish I knew how you do it to me,
I'd do it to you.

[rirv]

Are you disgusted by fat naked women?

What's your oral technique, if you have one?

Is venus really that hot in real life?

Are you?
-Yes I am.
-I lost my tongue in a ski lift accident. Horrific.
-No.
-No.

[Planetary]

well, it's 10.20am rirv and i havn't rubbed one off yet.

i'm starting to think you were wrong.

[rirv]

well, it's 10.20am rirv and i havn't rubbed one off yet.

i'm starting to think you were wrong.
The day is long...

[Planetary]

maybe, but i've got quite a few non-arousing tasks to complete.

[Matt]

how's my speech going to go today?

[rirv]

how's my speech going to go today?
Badly. Really badly.

[Matt]

Badly. Really badly.

fuck.

[mickill]

Not only will you lose your job, he'll sue you and you'll also end up in prison. I know it's unfair, but that's the way the world works these days.
You seem to know a lot about the law. I guess I should maybe try talking to him instead, to see if we can perhaps come to an amicable resolution without me feeling I should have to resort to extreme violence first. Thanks for the advice.

[Sarky Devotchka]

can I touch your boobs?

[rirv]

can I touch your boobs?
Yes, but be gentle. I'm lactating.