Your funny sex stories here..

[ericlee]

Don't be shy fuckers. Alot of times when nature calls, funny situations happen..

One time while having sex with this girl I used to see, she was wearing a black hoodie. During our time that day, she said, "I'm want to make you cum" and when it came time for me, I pulled out and she kept her word..

Well, her word happened to land all over her black hoodie and she walked around with a trail of my final glory all over the front of her hoodie.

Of course all of my friends knew what was goin' on and were making comments such as, skeet skeet and squirt and other things that come to mind..

[B4BY 4NN]

I've done worse. But for my upcoming BIRTHDAY (forget New Years) resolution, I'm no longer going to act/say stuff that is gross. Just stupid.

[alexandra]

you can come up with all kind of "phrases" while having sex.


"I'll be downstairs if you need me."


:D

[Echewta]

The two times I've had sex has not been funny.

[ms.peachy]

Once I was giving this guy a blowjob, and he got a little eager with the hip motion and stabbed me in the eye with his prick, which knocked my contact lens out.

I never wear contacts anymore. Which isn't directly related really, but might as well be.

[Rock]

Last night me lady was impersonating my sexing face and movements. If I look anything like she said I do, I'm never scrumping with the lights on again.
So everytime I have had sex with her it was probably funny to her.

[yeahwho]

Once I was giving this guy a blowjob, and he got a little eager with the hip motion and stabbed me in the eye with his prick, which knocked my contact lens out.

I never wear contacts anymore. Which isn't directly related really, but might as well be.

You could've gotten eye pregnant! Sex w/o contacts is risky biznest.

[hpdrifter]

This guy I used to date always looked like he was going to vomit when he was about to finish. It always made me want to laugh.

I don't really have an embarassing sex story, I have a story that may have led to sex but didn't.

I was at a bar and I was looking at this guy and he was looking at me and he made his way across the bar till he was kind of dancing next to me and watching the band. We were both kinda shy and neither of us really knew how to initiate conversation. Anyway, I was wearing one of those shirts that was popular a few years back, it has no back, just crisscrossing laces. Someone must have pulled out my carefully tied bow because the shirt had slipped down while I was dancing and my boob was showing. I looked down, noticed that it was showing, and when I looked up, hottie was gone. :(

[enree erzweglle]

when I was in college, my dad walking in on us

He had a key and thought that I was in class and was bringing over soup (?) for me. Which he left on the steps and then ran out of there. :o

[Sarky Devotchka]

wait, I don't have any funny sex stories, except for maybe the night I lost my virginity and my boyfriend lit candles and put on the Last of the Mohicans soundtrack, then couldn't get it up because he was too nervous. that was hilarious. we eventually sorted things out.

or this exchange when my friend drove me home the morning after we fooled around after our friends' wedding:

me: so, terrible hand jobs, huh?

him: yeah, right, what's wrong with you?

me: hey! what's wrong with you?!

him: I know, ha ha, we are terrible in bed.

me: I blame the whiskey.

then laughs all around, high fives.

[ms.peachy]

when I was in college, my dad walking in on us

He had a key and thought that I was in class and was bringing over soup (?) for me. Which he left on the steps and then ran out of there. :o

My dad never walked in on me, but once, shortly after I'd moved into my first apartment, my dad came by to take me out to dinner. I'd also just recently gotten a dog, and my dad hadn't met her yet. So I answer the door and let my dad in, and then the dog runs out to the living room, drops an empty condom wrapper at his feet, and squats and pees.

[ScarySquirrel]

I always thought "when nature calls" referred to having to use the restroom.

[Knuckles]

While I was out in what I thought was a "secluded area" a police officer shined his light on my bare pumping rump. (n)

[ericlee]

I always thought "when nature calls" referred to having to use the restroom.

sex is a natural thing. When you get horny, you have sex therefore, I think when nature calls would be a correct term for it.

[hpdrifter]

I think "final glory" was the one that did it for me.

;)

[beastieangel01]

maybe funny to everyone but me: once the guy was just SO awful, I kinda rested my chin on my hand, moaning here and there because I felt obligated, and kinda rolled my eyes and repeating in my head "please finish already, please finish already, please finish already, so you can get the hell off me and go home." Yeah, he tried to stay the night too. I kept dropping hints about how I needed to go to work early and yada yada. Finally I just said "leave."

[hpdrifter]

maybe funny to everyone but me: once the guy was just SO awful, I kinda rested my chin on my hand, moaning here and there because I felt obligated, and kinda rolled my eyes and repeating in my head "please finish already, please finish already, please finish already, so you can get the hell off me and go home." Yeah, he tried to stay the night too. I kept dropping hints about how I needed to go to work early and yada yada. Finally I just said "leave."

HOw was he awful? Was he one of those that just pounds away way too fast and hard?

[Rock]

I don't know if i have shared this tale.

When I lived at my parents house I stayed in the basement and no one ever came down there. My girlfriend bought me these new boxers for christmas and asked me to try them on. So I did, and she proceeded to give me some dome. Next thing I know I hear someone coming down the stairs and my girl (fully clothed mind you) got up and ran to the bathroom (she doesn't know why) leaving me sitting there with a raging hard on, no shirt, and my boxers around my ankles. Luckily I was quick enough to pull my boxers up.
It happened to be my sister who came around the corner and saw me sitting in front of the tv on the couch with my boxers on bent over and hands on my crotch to cover my dick, and a box of tissues that happened to be at my feet.
She probably thought I was jerking off cause she didn't know my girl was there. It was pretty embarrassing but funny.

[beastieangel01]

HOw was he awful? Was he one of those that just pounds away way too fast and hard?

Well, yeah, actually. He was severe ADD it turns out, oddly enough. So everything was super rushed, so I didn't feel much or derive much pleasure out of it.

[mickill]

I don't know if i have shared this tale...

That's awesome. What was on the TV? If it was a John Mayer music video, your story just got 10 times better.

[Rock]

Some Bugs Bunny. But it happened to be the episode when he dressed up as a female Tazmanian Devil. You know the one.

So so hot.

[mickill]

Yeah, I can totally see why you were jerking it to that.

[ericlee]

This one time, I was at a buddies house with some girl. At first, we did it in my friend's parent's bedroom while they were on a tow truck mission.

My friends got paranoid that the parents were gonna get home and we would still be in their bedroom so, we finished that little session.

We ended up going upstairs to my friend's bedroom. Well, all of my friends happened to be in there, including my friend's sister.

Anyway, all my buddies asked me to get it on with that girl with everybody in the room.. I was like, "Aww, hell no."

Well, she started sucking me and I couldn't turn back and I mounted.

I just blocked the fact that everyone was watching. The lights were off anyway and it was night time and dark so they really couldn't see.

About an hour into it, she got on top for about 5 mins and queefed.

I really didn't know queefs existed at the time and thought she farted on me so I rolled her off of me.

Everyone in the room was laughing after that..

[Rock]

What a slut.

[ericlee]

What a slut.

yeah, I've calmed down a bit since I've been married


edit: yeah, I know you're talking about her. She was a big time floozie

[fucktopgirl]

well,when i travel in france,i was virgin and i met this nice french dude.So basically we made love everywhere we could.THis one time we where in the platane tree and try to make out,,hahah did not work.Or on the ancient aqueduc(they are very narrow),,no succes there too,,mostly laughing!

[alexandra]

falling out of bed and continuing on the floor.


enough said. :D

[cookiepuss]

hummm...I don't know if it's actuall haha funny but it's a little humourous...


When I was in college we use to frequent Denny's after going out and getting wasted. well this one night the waiter was really very cute and flirting with us. It was about 3 am and my friend and I invited him back to my friends apartment for beer and strip poker. He lost at strip poker. :D My friend was really drunk and decided to go to bed. leaving me alone with Denny's man. we started making out and decided we wanted to have sex, but I was concerned my friend would hear us and come into the living room and catch us in the act...so we headed to the bathroom. we did it standing up and I was holding on the the towel rack for leverage...things got pretty wild and I accidentally ripped the towel rack out of the wall. :o So then we had to try to figure out some sort of quick fix and just hoped that my friend didn't have any really heavy towels. My friend never mentioned the broken towel rack and I never told her what we had done.

I actually ended up dating the Denny's waiter on and off for about 8 months. Good sex, but he was the biggest alcoholic slut ever.

[bigblu89]

The best story I have is getting a BJ in my car in the parking lot where I used to work from a co-worker, and getting caught by my boss.

This was after the placed closed for the night, around 1 am, and he came out to lock the main doors.

Oddly enough, a few months later, I got a promotion to floor manager. Part of my closing duties were to go and lock those doors, and I caught another co-worker getting head from his girl. She didn't see me, so he and I just exchanged thumbs up, and I went on my way.

[Rock]

Wouldn't it be cool if HE got promoted and had to lock up and caught someone and so on and so on. WHOA! I got the Fridays...forgive me.

[bigblu89]

As far as I can remember, he quit before getting any promotion.

He's still with the girl though, and that was about 8 years ago or so.

[beastiegirrl101]

As far as I can remember, he quit before getting any promotion.

He's still with the girl though, and that was about 8 years ago or so.

must be the head.

[Echewta]

I had to hide in a shower for about 1/2 hour one time when the girls parents suddenly showed up at her place when we were busy. I don't believe in God but I did pray that neither of them would have to use the bathroom. I know, I should have ran for the closet. Forgive me, I wasn't thinking with that head at the moment.

[insertnamehere]

oh man..... haha. i've fallen off the bed before (pretty much thrown myself off in attempt to quickly change places and ended up sprawled out naked across the floor), i was once pushed off, but not all the way, just such that from my waist up was hanging off the bed, and he kept trying to hold on me to so i didnt fall anymore and kept going. ive hit my head on various things (the worst of which was one of the old kind of electrical outlets thats a metal box sticking out of the wall). the most embarrasing thing i can think of (for him not me), i was giving head, and i mean, this was my finest moment, he was shaking and moaning like id never seen before, and i had been at it for a good long while and neaded a break, so i started to just use my hand (very luckily) because, when he should have jizzed... umm... yeah.... he peed. ive yet to figure out how that happened. i was a good sport about it, i laughed cause i mean, what else is there to do but laugh or freak out? and then we washed up. kinda killed the mood though, and i never got mine that day :mad:

[like2_drink]

and here i thought it was impossible to piss with a boner..

[fucktopgirl]

haha yea,,it happen to girl too,supposedly.In a porn clip thta my bf brother send,,thta girl is coming while pissing!!kinda gross!

[insertnamehere]

and here i thought it was impossible to piss with a boner..

yeah, thats what i thought too. theres a mechanism to keep pee from coming out when you ejaculate because the acid kills sperm. we talked about it in anatomy!

he could never get off from a blow job after that, when he got close he'd be too nervous and it woudlnt happen.

[Freebasser]

One of the most embarrassing situations I've ever been in all started when this girl in my class asked if she could come over to my house and study, because she felt she didn't know enough for the big test we had coming up.

I was all "yeah, ok" because this girl was totally hot - all my friends thought so too. In fact, they thought she was so hot, that they couldn't resist setting up a webcam in my bedroom so that they could see the outcome of whatever might arise when she came over.

I reluctantly agreed, and let them place the webcam with a link to the live feed sent to their email addresses. They went over to one of their houses down the block from mine, and prepared to watch.

Sure enough, right on time, this hottie comes into the bedroom and I excuse myself while she changes out of her gym clothes. I run over to my friend's house and there she was, on-screen. I was all for watching her undress when she suddenly got on my bed and started rifling through my drawers. Well, I couldn't believe it, she found my collection of porn mags, and instead of being disgusted she immediately started pleasuring herself to the images inside.

I was so turned on I couldn't think, and just wanted to watch her moan with pleasure, when my friends made me run back home and try it on with her. I didn't want to, but they insisted, so sure enough, I run home and quickly enter the room, closing the door behind me. I lean over her, and I'm all "Do you need a hand?" and she's all "What are you doing?" but she soon turns around to the idea of getting some goddamn poontang.

She makes me strip and I oblige, before getting in bed with her. Everything is going great, when BAM! I've shot my load all over my boxers. She immediately gets up and begins to dress herself. I beg and plead with her to give me another try, and she gives in. She strips naked and shows me her pussy and asks me to touch it. Just as I do... BAM! I shoot my load again! As if it wasn't an embarrassing enough situation already, I get to class the next day to find out that the e-mail with the webcam link in got misdirected, and sent to every kid in class!

:( :( :(

[fucktopgirl]

haha did that really happened?

it seem like a scene from american pie,sort off!

[Knuckles]

haha did that really happened?

it seem like a scene from american pie,sort off!
really?

[Freebasser]

No but really, Becky and I did fuck in front of our parents yesterday.

They gave us 8.5/10.

[fucktopgirl]

nice,,so did your parents go at it at the same time?

[Freebasser]

Sure did.

Me and my old man got some good spitroastin' going on.

[fucktopgirl]

man,you have really tighs bonds in your family!

[zorra_chiflada]

i had sex in a tent at a music festival, and people kept walking in and going out like nothing was happening.

actually, me and a friend tried to spy on another one of our friends having sex in a shed. aren't we sick and perverted?

[Zonkie]

not really sex story, but i was coursed into hours of groping and making out with a friend in the shower. i was in 6th grade, she says "it's a game i like to play" i had to stall as long as i could, which was 13 minutes, i had to talk about how i don't like how some people pronounce certain things. i was so uncomfortable that i even stalled by saying, wouldn't it be more comfortable in bed? that was a stupid move, so we get out to the bed, and i said, maybe it'll be more comfortable back in the bathroom, where no one could see.

not a joyus story for me, but it gets lots of either laughs or gasps when i tell it. people enjoy giggles in the misery, and so do i most of the time.

[ericlee]

One of the most embarrassing situations I've ever been in all started when this girl in my class asked if she could come over to my house and study, because she felt she didn't know enough for the big test we had coming up.

I was all "yeah, ok" because this girl was totally hot - all my friends thought so too. In fact, they thought she was so hot, that they couldn't resist setting up a webcam in my bedroom so that they could see the outcome of whatever might arise when she came over.

I reluctantly agreed, and let them place the webcam with a link to the live feed sent to their email addresses. They went over to one of their houses down the block from mine, and prepared to watch.

Sure enough, right on time, this hottie comes into the bedroom and I excuse myself while she changes out of her gym clothes. I run over to my friend's house and there she was, on-screen. I was all for watching her undress when she suddenly got on my bed and started rifling through my drawers. Well, I couldn't believe it, she found my collection of porn mags, and instead of being disgusted she immediately started pleasuring herself to the images inside.

I was so turned on I couldn't think, and just wanted to watch her moan with pleasure, when my friends made me run back home and try it on with her. I didn't want to, but they insisted, so sure enough, I run home and quickly enter the room, closing the door behind me. I lean over her, and I'm all "Do you need a hand?" and she's all "What are you doing?" but she soon turns around to the idea of getting some goddamn poontang.

She makes me strip and I oblige, before getting in bed with her. Everything is going great, when BAM! I've shot my load all over my boxers. She immediately gets up and begins to dress herself. I beg and plead with her to give me another try, and she gives in. She strips naked and shows me her pussy and asks me to touch it. Just as I do... BAM! I shoot my load again! As if it wasn't an embarrassing enough situation already, I get to class the next day to find out that the e-mail with the webcam link in got misdirected, and sent to every kid in class!

:( :( :(

yeah, my pops walked in on me fucking a warm apple pie once..

Too bad the words, "It's not as it looks" never help

[TAL]

So the girl was on her back in the bed, I was on top tittyfucking her. She told me that she wanted to try a facial, and I said that I should be able to fix that. So she lifted up her head when I told her that I was close to finish, but I guess she changed her mind at the last moment. Because she tilted her head back so I shot it up her nose. Not everything, but enough.


We laughed after she blew her nose.

[fucktopgirl]

So the girl was on her back in the bed, I was on top tittyfucking her. She told me that she wanted to try a facial, and I said that I should be able to fix that. So she lifted up her head when I told her that I was close to finish, but I guess she changed her mind at the last moment. Because she tilted her head back so I shot it up her nose. Not everything, but enough.


We laughed after she blew her nose.


haha,that the proof i needed:you are definitely a perv! :D