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lyneday

02-09-2006, 02:03 PM

http://www.cbs.com/latenight/lateshow/exclusives/wahoo/

Wednesday, February 8, 2006 -- Show #2506
by Michael Z. McIntee
(Mikemack@aol.com)
News From The Late Show Home Office

Stupid Human Tricks; Rachel Weisz; and Beastie Boys.
PLUS: a Grammy Award announcement; Zales Jewelry; Biff at the Grammy Awards; a Grammy Award Timeline; and Dave and Paul work a camera.
During the taping of the show, I sit about 20 feet away from Dave in a small room called "the shack." You would think being so close to the center of the show that I would see and hear every little nuance of the night's episode. If you think this, you would be wrong. Even though I was less than a first down away from Mr. Letterman, I saw and heard nothing last night. Lots of stuff was done on the fly during the show. Lots of tinkering. Plus, the copier in the shack was busted. Lots of changes, plus a busted copier makes for a dangerous mix. I decided I would have to watch the show at home that night. After watching some of the Grammy Awards, it was time to put my girls to bed. As a bedtime story, I told them about growing up listening to Sly and the Family Stone. I went to the basement and found an old cassette tape of their greatest hits. I put it in a cassette player on low. Minutes later I was snoozing away. I didn't wake up till 4:55 AM. So for the Wahoo Gazette sake, I'm going to pretend I saw the show last night and write all about it. It'll be our little secret.

On the show tonight, Rachel Weisz, Stupid Human Tricks, and the Beastie Boys. Beastie Boys have a new CD, "Solid Gold Hits," and a concert-film which will be released March 31st. The film was shot entirely by their fans. At a 2004 concert at Madison Square Garden, 50 video cameras were given to fans before the show and THEY shot the performance. The footage they got was used in the movie. Their instructions were to start shooting at the top of the show and not to stop until the tape ran out or the show ran out. And tonight, some of our audience members will have a camera, including Dave and Paul, and they will shoot the Beastie Boy performance. Dave has his camera at the top of the show and he shows what it will look like when he is taping. You know, I bet three years ago Dave didn't know how to use a video camera, but now that he has a little one at home, daddy had to learn. I went through the same thing.

The Grammy Awards are at the Staples Center in Los Angeles tonight and we sent our own Biff Henderson out there to cover the event. Dave talks to him LIVE.
How's it going? "Biff says it's still early."
Has he seen anyone famous? "Not yet."
See any stars? "It's not dark yet."
How's the weather? "eh"
Is it nice weather? "It's . . . weather."
Where you staying? "At the Red Roof Inn."
We'll check in again later.
Paul is baffled by all this, claiming he saw Biff earlier in the day. How could he be in Los Angeles?

Actually, by the time our show aired for broadcast, the Grammy Awards were already held. Dave was amused at one announcement they made before the show that was to benefit the older audience members. We had a clip of that announcement. Announcer:

"Good evening and welcome to the 48th Annual Grammy Awards. Please keep all acceptance speeches brief and kindly limit uses of the phrases: 'off the chains', 'she's a dime-piece shorty with a bangin' booty, yo', 'my flow be bumpin, beyotch', and 'pass me the strap, I'm about to murk this foo.' Thank you and enjoy the show."
Back to Biff at the Grammy's. Dave continues questioning Biff about the weather but he can't, or won't, say much about it. Paul continues to be confused, believing he saw Biff just an hour or so ago. Dave tells Paul he is mistaken and must have seen him on the monitor. Dave keeps on about the weather and Biff finally says it's "maybe about 40, 50 degrees." It's not easy covering an Award show LIVE like this. We'll check back in later.
Dave says people have been noticing the big diamond ring Hillary is wearing, an apparent gift from husband Bill. Everyone is talking. And Zales jewelry story didn't miss a beat.
Zales commercial:

"Hillary Clinton has been catching a lot of eyes with her dazzling new 3-carat diamond ring. It's the perfect stone for the man who wants to say, 'Sorry I nailed that 22-year-old whore.' It's a diamond we here at Zales call, 'The Kobe.' Zales: We'll keep you getting' laid."
Dave takes a moment to play around with his issued-video camera. He has a bit of trouble focusing in on Paul. From Dave's camera we see Tony, some stagehands, a stage manager. At one point Paul cries out, "I saw Biff on your camera!" Dave again assures Paul that he is mistaken. We then get some extreme close-ups of Dave, self-shot.
And since it's Grammy night, how about a Grammy Timeline.
7:00 PM: With no Federal Reserve obligations, Alan Greenspan arrives as a member of 50 Cent's entourage.
7:15 PM: Rolling Stones call to make sure they haven't been put in the dead artists tribute again.
7:30 PM: Courtney Love rehearses her incoherent ranting and flashing.
7:45 PM: Jessica Simpson finishes giving interview on red carpet.
8:00 PM: Nick Lachey finishes shift as a parking valet
8:15 PM: Osama wins Best Spoken Word Grammy for latest audio tape.
8:30 PM: After a costly battle and occupation, the Foo Fighters apologize for failing to locate weapons of mass Foo.
8:45 PM: Humanitarian Bono begs Regis Philbin to never release another Christmas album.
9:00 PM: On behalf of entire recording industry, Kanye West thanks Michael Jackson for moving to Bahran.
9:15 PM: Special tribute to the 14 different iPod models introduced in the past two hours.
9:30 PM: The Broadway show "Stomp" performs a musical number using torture devices from Gitmo.
9:40 PM: Coldplay wins the Grammy for "Hardest to Open CD Case"
10:00 PM: Black Eyed Peas win Best Performance by a Duo or Group with Humps-related Vocals.
10:30 PM: Always one to shock, Madonna stuns the audience by breaking hip onstage.
11:00 PM: Brooks and Dunn shock viewers with a graphic tribute to "Brokeback Mountain."
And finally,
Midnight: Britney Spears throws her baby in the trunk and drives home.

Back from commercial, let's see how Biff is doing in Los Angeles.
Are we having a problem with the satellite delay? "no"
Been to the buffet? "no"
We'll check in later.

STUPID HUMAN TRICKS
SHT#1: James Berggren of Houston, Texas. He's a senior pastor of Holy Cross Lutheran Church. The pastor is wearing his collar. What can he do? James Berggren can drink a glass of beer while doing a handstand upside down. Hey, how about that? A priest who can drink a beer while upside down. We watch, or most of us do, as James Berggren, the senior pastor of Holy Cross Lutheran Church, drinks a glass of beer while standing on his head. Congratulations, James.

After James the pastor in his collar exits, Dave exclaims, "Jesus Christ, did you see that!?" Very funny. But Dave's not allowed to say that on TV. Those in the audience did get to hear it. I have a feeling it was taken out. Hey, it's not Dave's fault. It's the rules. I don't know, maybe he can say it on TV but people higher up won't allow it . . . and when I say "higher up," I don't mean way way higher up, I mean TV people higher up. To tell you the truth, I didn't hear Dave say it either. I was running here and there and sensed the first trick was over. I then heard a big laugh. Someone had to tell me what Dave said.

SHT#2: Mark Alexander of Charlotte, North Carolina. How does Mark like New York City? Mark describes it as "big and noisy." Sounds like my first wife.
Buh-dum-bum.
What does Mark have for us? He can hop around Dave on one stilt. Mark gets up on his stilts, using two of them to get started. I again wasn't watching but he may have fallen once. Mark is up on his two stilts and asks Dave to hold one. Mark then balances himself on the lone stilt and hops around Dave. He returns from where he started and completes the journey. Nice job, Mark.

SHT#3: Betty Bell of Tulsa, Oklahoma. She's currently going to real estate school and will be getting her license in another month. What can Betty do? She can make music with her toes. Hmm. Tonight, she'll perform the theme song to the Andy Griffith Show.
Betty sits and removes her shoe. She sticks her toes in her mouth and whistles the Andy Griffith Show theme. Close your eyes (like many people did) and you can almost see Andy and Opie skipping rocks on a lake.

As Betty leaves, Dave suggests, "And that answers the question, 'Is there a lot to do in Tulsa?"

Hearing Betty perform the Andy Griffith theme, it made me think of that lake in the opening to the show where Andy and Opie skip a rock. So where is that lake? In California? In Mayberry, North Carolina? (or is it South Carolina?) How come that lake has never been revisited, or have I just missed it in one of those Mayberry reunion shows? Doesn't every Marberry fan want to skip a rock in that lake? It could be like one of those baseball fantasy camps, you know, like, "want to spend a day in Mayberry?"
You could skip a rock in the lake, get a haircut at Floyd's, get your toaster fixed by Emmit, talk local politics with Howard Sprague, sit down to a meal with Aunt Bee, let Barney drive you around in his squad car. I wouldn't pay, but I'm sure others would.

RACHEL WEISZ: She's nominated for a Best Supporting Actress Academy Award for her work in "The Constant Gardener." I did not see a bit of this interview.
We were trying to lock down an ACT 4 with Biff. Some of what Ms. Weisz talked about:
-she's with child
-enjoys being pregnant
-taking classes on how to breathe
-she's engaged; not married
-won a Golden Globe
-others also nominated in the Supporting Actress category:
Amy Adams: "Junebug"
Catherine Keener: "Capote"
Frances McDormand: "North Country"
Michelle Williams: "Brokeback Mountain"
-"The Constant Gardener" was shot in Kenya
-we see a clip
-"The Constant Gardener" - now out on DVD

Back from commercial, we visit with Biff once again at the Grammy Awards. Going to the 'After Party'? "No"
Got anything for us? - "Yes, I have a very special musical guest." The camera widens to reveal the woman playing the Andy Griffith theme on her toes. Paul exclaims, "See, that's what I'm talking about!"

ACT 5: It's Dave working the camera. This is what he sees when he is doing the show.

BEASTIE BOYS: From their "Super Gold Hits" CD, Beastie Boys performed "So What'cha Want." Catchy tune. Dave's future as a cameraman is . . . . suspect.
And that was our show for Wednesday, February 8, 2006.