View Full Version : So, I bought a porno for Valentine's Day
to give to the b/f and we were watching it and I am shocked at the size of these big ass, hanging clits... what the hell? HOW do these things get so grotesquely huge? Maybe mine is unusually small. I dunno. Hmmm...
Amelie*
02-16-2006, 12:51 PM
because they are worn out, i dont know....just a hunch.
They usually use those clit pumps before scenes.
ASsman
02-16-2006, 12:57 PM
WTF.
Also, props on the porno for the boyfriend. But why did you buy "Sausage Sized Clits 4" , maybe I'm just watching the non-normal porn.
You haven't seen those vag pumps? Think penis pump, but in the shape of an oxygen mask. Put said pump on vaginal area, and pump til desired effect is reached.
You haven't seen those vag pumps? Think penis pump, but in the shape of an oxygen mask. Put said pump on vaginal area, and pump til desired effect is reached.
you aren't kidding, are you?
Also, props on the porno for the boyfriend. But why did you buy "Sausage Sized Clits 4" , maybe I'm just watching the non-normal porn.
Yeah, I misread it. Thought it was "Sausage Sized Tits 4"
Well....i don't know if thats why gigantor clit was in your porno or not...but I know they have vaginal pumps.
I like how Dandy's anal sex thread and this one are touching now.
ASsman
02-16-2006, 01:08 PM
Anal clit fucking. Insane.
instigator7022
02-16-2006, 01:08 PM
I like how Dandy's anal sex thread and this one are touching now.
ewwwww....
Echewta
02-16-2006, 01:09 PM
All girls are different. Some have stuff hanging out, some dont. Pink, brown, tan, loose, tight, blah blah.
mickill
02-16-2006, 01:15 PM
mickill: so you want your b/f to massage himself to that dvd?
mickill: that's kinda kinky of you
mickil: do you just sit there with a bowl of popcorn and watch while he pleasures himself?
kll: bowl of jello
DandyFop
02-16-2006, 01:21 PM
Nothing will ever be as horrifying as Chyna's clit (http://www2.hu-berlin.de/sexology/ECS1/CLIT.jpg) (NSFW)
cosmo105
02-16-2006, 01:24 PM
thanks, barb. seriously.
Nothing will ever be as horrifying as Chyna's clit (http://www2.hu-berlin.de/sexology/ECS1/CLIT.jpg) (NSFW)
WHAT IS THAT??????????????????????? i mean, WHAT?????
Schmeltz
02-16-2006, 01:39 PM
One of the ancient Roman writers mentions a noblewoman with a clit so big she used it to bang other women - and sometimes male slaves as well. Maybe I'll look that up later.
Anne Lauren
02-16-2006, 01:48 PM
to give to the b/f and we were watching it and I am shocked at the size of these big ass, hanging clits... what the hell? HOW do these things get so grotesquely huge? Maybe mine is unusually small. I dunno. Hmmm...
Beef Curtains!
ms.peachy
02-16-2006, 01:52 PM
mr.p and I bought one as well but we found it a bit disappointing. A bit too soft-core. The cover was very misleading. (n) Shame too because the people in it were pretty hot looking and the sex looks rather good, for what you can see of it, but it's all a bit soft-focus and at a distance. It's like 'starter porn' for people who aren't ready to leap into the hard stuff right away or something, I guess.
I still can't believe that people still buy porno these days.
Anne Lauren
02-16-2006, 01:59 PM
I love pornos. They do it for me everytime...quick and to the point, no obligations afterwards, no feelings of guilt, for the most part they're never a let down, and they don't talk. They Rock! (y)
beastiegirrl101
02-16-2006, 01:59 PM
Beef Curtains!
pastrami flaps
Anne Lauren
02-16-2006, 02:00 PM
pastrami flaps
Hahaha! I haven't heard that one.
jabumbo
02-16-2006, 02:07 PM
banquet tv dinner?
at least it wasnt the circus freaks. that one is a bit disturbing
ASsman
02-16-2006, 02:12 PM
Fake boobs, big clits, airbrushed asses. Not my cup of tea really. Amatuer stuff is the way to go, for real.
(y)
Unless Sylvia Saint, Alisha Klass, or Jenna Haze are involved. If thats the case I can go with some professional.
ASsman
02-16-2006, 02:16 PM
Yeah, there are overlaps. A lot of less mainstream (I suppose you could call it) really erotic/cute looking girls kinda stuff. Probably because I don't go out to the store and buy it there, where there is usually a very poor selection.
Fake boobs, big clits, airbrushed asses. Not my cup of tea really. Amatuer stuff is the way to go, for real.
(y)
uhh, there was no airbrushing here. i wish there had been. one chick had a weird rash on her ass and another had ingrown hairs in the pubic region.
ASsman
02-16-2006, 02:43 PM
uhh, there was no airbrushing here. i wish there had been. one chick had a weird rash on her ass and another had ingrown hairs in the pubic region.
Wow, who needs high def porn then.
Where did you buy this stuff? A dark alley?
That's what you get when you go the economy route when purchasing porn.
Yah, the 99cent bin, a no no.
Anne Lauren
02-16-2006, 02:46 PM
One of the ancient Roman writers mentions a noblewoman with a clit so big she used it to bang other women - and sometimes male slaves as well. Maybe I'll look that up later.
How would that be physically possible? It wouldn't be hard enough for penatration...and it would have to be really hard in order to get the job done, especially with the male slaves.
How would that be physically possible? It wouldn't be hard enough for penatration...and it would have to be really hard in order to get the job done, especially with the male slaves.
You obviously haven't seen a true large clit before. Its possible. At least it looks like it would be.
ASsman
02-16-2006, 02:53 PM
The clitoris becomes erect when excited.
DandyFop
02-16-2006, 02:53 PM
Y'all need to read the Horrors of Porn on somethingawful.com - http://www.somethingawful.com/horrorsofporn/. Hilarious.
My personal favorite is "Clown Porn", when they have a video of a mime "spanking" a woman - pic (http://i.somethingawful.com/horrorsofporn/clownporn/mimespank.jpg)
Anne Lauren
02-16-2006, 02:54 PM
You obviously haven't seen a true large clit before. Its possible. At least it looks like it would be.
Well, no, actually I haven't...but I have one and I don't think I could do it. Then again, I'm always amazed by some people's "talents"...for lack of a better word.
DandyFop
02-16-2006, 02:55 PM
Go on the previous page and check out Chyna's clit. You'll believe.
ms.peachy
02-16-2006, 02:56 PM
I still can't believe that people still buy porno these days.
Oh, buying it is all part of the fun. It usually falls to me to do it, as mr.p gets all a bit shy and embarrased in the adult shop, bless him. I like going into the shop and having a browse, then catching the tube home smiling to myself and wondering who else is riding home with "Big Cock Craving 38" in their handbag.
Anne Lauren
02-16-2006, 02:56 PM
The clitoris becomes erect when excited.
Really?? I didn't know that...so that's what's really going on when I get that tingleing feeling down there.
Anne Lauren
02-16-2006, 02:58 PM
Go on the previous page and check out Chyna's clit. You'll believe.
I dunno...that chick has a straight up dick.
Oh, buying it is all part of the fun. It usually falls to me to do it, as mr.p gets all a bit shy and embarrased in the adult shop, bless him. I like going into the shop and having a browse, then catching the tube home smiling to myself and wondering who else is riding home with "Big Cock Craving 38" in their handbag.
Then you run the risk of one good scene in the whole movie. Its a waste. Thats why I bit torrent it up. And burn to VCD or DVD.
I understand the shy and embarrased feeling. I am the same way, if I'm by myself in the store. But if I'm with my woman, I walk a bit taller and tap strangers on the shoulder and say..."yeah, im not lonely, i get to go home and use these toys on her. Wanna smell my finger?"
DandyFop
02-16-2006, 03:01 PM
When I was buying my vibrator, we were trying to find the cheapest one and some creepy dude in the store that didn't even work there, was listening to us and grabs one and is like "here this is 30 dollars". It was weird :(
Wow, who needs high def porn then.
Where did you buy this stuff? A dark alley?
Yah, the 99cent bin, a no no.
It was $20.00. I would guess it was budget compared to the $60 dvds. They were out of Edward Penishands though, which was my first choice. I live in Nevada, where there are porn shops on every block. No need for a dark alley.
ASsman
02-16-2006, 03:03 PM
I understand the shy and embarrased feeling. I am the same way, if I'm by myself in the store. But if I'm with my woman, I walk a bit taller and tap strangers on the shoulder and say..."yeah, im not lonely, i get to go home and use these toys on her. Wanna smell my finger?"
HAhahaha.
Really?? I didn't know that...so that's what's really going on when I get that tingleing feeling down there.
Yes ma'am. :D
When I was buying my vibrator, we were trying to find the cheapest one and some creepy dude in the store that didn't even work there, was listening to us and grabs one and is like "here this is 30 dollars". It was weird :(
Thats fucking creepy. I would have just stared at him with a "what the fuck is wrong with you" look. Just so he knows porn store etiquette.
p.s. They have porn shops in Utah?
When I was buying my vibrator, we were trying to find the cheapest one and some creepy dude in the store that didn't even work there, was listening to us and grabs one and is like "here this is 30 dollars". It was weird :(
there are seriously the most random social rejects in these shops... one guy was like a 3 1/2 foot tall hispanic dude. another was an old man who had to hold that weird thing to his throat to talk. since it was just before V-day, there were also normal people. funny to see the car in the front parking spot with 2 baby seats in the back seat though.
DandyFop
02-16-2006, 03:06 PM
They were out of Edward Penishands though, which was my first choice.
Trident! (http://i.somethingawful.com/horrorsofporn/penishands/trident.jpg)
Anne Lauren
02-16-2006, 03:07 PM
When I was buying my vibrator, we were trying to find the cheapest one and some creepy dude in the store that didn't even work there, was listening to us and grabs one and is like "here this is 30 dollars". It was weird :(
When I was married, Scott and I used to go in the stores together and it's funny cause the check out girl is so nonchalant about it...and at first I'd be like walking up to the counter giggleing, all embarrassed...and the girl would be like, "Did you check out our discount table...dildos half off and, uh, the certain marked pornos are a third off with every K-Y jelly tube you buy..." It was hilarious!
beastieangel01
02-16-2006, 03:29 PM
I like how nonchalant the employees are at those kinds of stores. I think you have to be when working there. I always feel comfortable asking questions too because they speak freely. I ended up getting this rockin ass toy that is my new best friend (when alone).
Anyway, yeah. I always thought the dangly meat curtains were kind of unattractive. It freaks me out a bit.
Although who's snatch is actually attractive? They are all ugly, really. However, I was told my area was "cute" once. I wasn't sure what to make of that though.
They are all ugly, really.
You crazy.
beastieangel01
02-16-2006, 03:36 PM
well they may be attractive in the sense that "oh I stick my penis in there and it's going to feel awesome, YAY"
but really, genitalia isn't "pretty." Regardless of them feeling good when put together :p
Anne Lauren
02-16-2006, 03:37 PM
I like how nonchalant the employees are at those kinds of stores. I think you have to be when working there. I always feel comfortable asking questions too because they speak freely. I ended up getting this rockin ass toy that is my new best friend (when alone).
Anyway, yeah. I always thought the dangly meat curtains were kind of unattractive. It freaks me out a bit.
Although who's snatch is actually attractive? They are all ugly, really. However, I was told my area was "cute" once. I wasn't sure what to make of that though.
One of my best friends is a Labor and Delivery nurse and she's basically seen them all...and she said it's amazeing all the different shapes, sizes, and colors they come in. She said beef curtains are not that uncommon...some women have their shit stretched way the fuck out there.
adam_f
02-16-2006, 03:38 PM
Originally posted by Anne Lauren
some women have their shit stretched way the fuck out there.
To Nashville?
cosmo105
02-16-2006, 03:38 PM
yeah, vages are definitely not that pretty. seriously - blueeaagghh. yeaaah, baby. you like that? (http://www.slashfood.com/images/2005/11/roastbeef.jpg)
and penises, while not exactly ugly, definitely aren't beautiful. i mean, their intrinsic worth, totally. but they're just not pretty. and nutsacks? tim allen said it best: god had extra elbow skin.
ASsman
02-16-2006, 03:41 PM
Yah, whats with that. Whatever the case might be, the head is silky soft. And there is nothing cuter than a little pink snatch in some white panties.
Mmm, roast beef.
Anne Lauren
02-16-2006, 03:43 PM
To Nashville?
All over...
And yeah, sure, why not...I'm sure Nashvile is home to some big clits, as well.
beastieangel01
02-16-2006, 03:46 PM
man, I'd hate it if I had the long beef curtains. Ick. That shit would snag on something wouldn't it? get caught in something? I imagine it'd be problematic.
I have a small cooter. Thank god. Not like 10 year old small but yeah. I don't even know what I am saying anymore.
Anne Lauren
02-16-2006, 03:46 PM
Yah, whats with that. Whatever the case might be, the head is silky soft. And there is nothing cuter than a little pink snatch in some white panties.
Mmm, roast beef.
DAMN! Someone is getting a little too worked up over this thread and might need to take a cold shower.
Down Boy!
ms.peachy
02-16-2006, 03:46 PM
yeah, vages are definitely not that pretty.
and penises, while not exactly ugly, definitely aren't beautiful.
I soooo disagree. I mean there are definitely some that you think 'oh, no, no thanks', but in general, I rather like all those bits.
Anne Lauren
02-16-2006, 03:50 PM
I soooo disagree. I mean there are definitely some that you think 'oh, no, no thanks', but in general, I rather like all those bits.
Yeah, I admitt it too...seeing an erect penis turns me on.
beastieangel01
02-16-2006, 03:51 PM
my point (I don't know about cos) was that even though seeing one can make you horny it's not... attractive in the sense like a gorgeous sunset is or something. I guess I cannot explain it well enough.
OH well.
Anne Lauren
02-16-2006, 03:54 PM
my point (I don't know about cos) was that even though seeing one can make you horny it's not... attractive in the sense like a gorgeous sunset is or something. I guess I cannot explain it well enough.
OH well.
I totally gotcha...I see what you're saying.
ASsman
02-16-2006, 03:59 PM
Yeah, I admitt it too...seeing an erect penis turns me on.
And you expect me to calm down. Pfff, you ask to much of me woman.
Anne Lauren
02-16-2006, 04:06 PM
And you expect me to calm down. Pfff, you ask to much of me woman.
Vagina...Vagina...Vagina :eek:
ASsman
02-16-2006, 04:13 PM
Where?...Where?...Donde?
These threads bring out the freaks. Lovin' it.
marsdaddy
02-17-2006, 12:22 AM
Plastic surgery. Ask Kid Presentable.
that silhouette girl in the shake your rump (http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=lbGjqt5fyLM) video (which i stumbled upon after hearing cosmo's neighbours have sexual relations), after close examination, seems to have some beef curtains.
paul jones
02-17-2006, 07:11 PM
to give to the b/f and we were watching it and I am shocked at the size of these big ass, hanging clits... what the hell? HOW do these things get so grotesquely huge? Maybe mine is unusually small. I dunno. Hmmm...
can I borrow it ?
Kid Presentable
02-18-2006, 11:29 AM
man, I'd hate it if I had the long beef curtains. Ick. That shit would snag on something wouldn't it? get caught in something? I imagine it'd be problematic.
I have a small cooter. Thank god. Not like 10 year old small but yeah. I don't even know what I am saying anymore.
You see porn with women whose "Cooters" look like spat-out original flavour Hubba-Bubba, or even Wizards' Sleeves. It's not a bad thing. (y)
ericlee
02-18-2006, 12:51 PM
man, I'd hate it if I had the long beef curtains. Ick. That shit would snag on something wouldn't it? get caught in something? I imagine it'd be problematic.
I have a small cooter. Thank god. Not like 10 year old small but yeah. I don't even know what I am saying anymore.
It bugs the hell outta me when my scrotom sticks to my legs. I don't even want to imagine how a lady feels.
Cooter? That's so California. Right Echewta? Right?
Freebasser
02-18-2006, 01:10 PM
even though seeing one can make you horny it's not... attractive in the sense like a gorgeous sunset is or something.
OH well.
Hahahaha... I can see it now: "Hey baby, let's watch it go down together"
ericlee
02-18-2006, 01:20 PM
which brings the old joke into perspective..
Why did God put legs on ladies?
So they don't leave tracks like snails.
Oh yeah, that's right. I'm on a role.
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