extremely distasteful jokes

[mikizee]

i love distasteful jokes. lemme get the ball rolling.

what color does a baby turn in the microwave?

i dont know, i was too busy masturbating.

whats better than winning gold at the paralympics?

walking.

what do u call a prostitute's kids?

brothel sprouts.

anybody got any good ones?

[Tzar]

hahahahahaha

[discopants]

How do you spot a paedophile?
He's the guy with no pubes between his teeth.

[zorra_chiflada]

what do you get when you chainsaw a five year old in half?


an erection

[Lex Diamonds]

I don't know, what is funnier than dead babies?

[Lex Diamonds]

OMG NAZI

[zorra_chiflada]

i actually have a lot of these jokes because i used to have a friend that would constantly tell them. i don't think i'll post any of the others

[Freebasser]

Why did the little girl fall off the swing?

She had no arms.

[BangkokB]

Punchline: Putting the clownsuit back on

[burbboi]

A man with no arms or legs is on a nice tropical beach..

As he is in the sand by the water, a beautiful blond walks by and says ; "Aww, poor you...I wish I could do something for you"

The man with no limbs then says ; "Actually, I would really like a kiss on the cheek by a beautiful woman"

She says; "Sure!" and gives him a peck on the cheeck.



A brunette walks by, says almost the exact same thing and the guy says;
"Well sure, i'd love to have my groin rubbed by a beautiful woman"

The brunette happily agrees then rubs him down briefly.


A redhead walks by and states the exact same thing...
Then he asks; "Well, i'd love to be fucked by a beautiful woman.."

To which she replied; "I would, but the tide is coming in so i'd say you're fucked already" Then casually walks off

[ericlee]

a guy's wife has had a very terrible car accident. With that in mind, he rushes the hospital

He consults with the doctor for a bit and asks the doctor of her conditon...

The doctor proceedes to tell the guy after being asked of her conditon..

"She's pretty much a vegtable. You can talk to her all you want but she won't acknowledge."

The guy hears that and starts shedding tears.

The doctor then proceeds, "You'll have to feed her, wipe her ass"

The guy is then in frantics, crying "Oh why, why her, why me"

The doctor then slaps the guy on the back and says, "Just fuckin' with ya, she's dead"

[Schmeltz]

A pedophile and a nine-year-old girl are walking in the woods late at night. There's a chill in the air and the wind starts to pick up a bit, and the girl looks up at him and goes "Mister, I'm really scared." The pedophile looks down and replies "You're scared? I have to walk back alone!"

[Knuckles]

Why did a-z cut a hole in his pocket?































So he could run his fingers through his hair!

[ericlee]

a guy wants to join the mafia. There's a process you need to go through during the interview. It involves taking a gun into a room where their wife is and shooting her.

The first guy steps up. He grabs the gun and walks into the room with his wife. He comes back out in tears and says, "I just cant do it"

The second guy comes, grabs the gun and goes into the room. He gets as far as pointing the gun to her head, pulls a little on the trigger and stops. He comes out of the room saying, "I love her. The mob's just not my thing I guess.."

The third guy grabs the gun and walks into the room where his wife is..He pulls the trigger and "BOOM!!!" a minute later, the mob bosses hear blood curdling screams from the room and then they stop.

The guy walks out of the room and the mob bosses ask him what the hell went on in there.

The guy replies with, "Well I went to shoot her but I guess it was a dud so I had to strangle the bitch"