I've lost hope

[QueenAdrock]

I don't know what to do. Everyone says it'll get better, but it's been 7 weeks and I just feel worse and worse, because I realize that it's really over. I'm so upset and the only person I can talk to about how I really feel and who can make it better is the person who caused it in the first place.

I just don't find joy in life anymore. Everything I look forward to (events, class, going to work) is over just as soon as it started. I come home at night to nothing. I had motivation before, now I just don't care. I miss him a lot...he's my best friend and won't talk to me.

I don't even know why I'm posting this, this board is notorious for flaming. I guess I don't have many people to really talk to about this, because I'm almost sure my friends are sick of hearing it because the whole situation makes them depressed.

:(

[g-mile7]

I don't know what to do. Everyone says it'll get better, but it's been 7 weeks and I just feel worse and worse, because I realize that it's really over. I'm so upset and the only person I can talk to about how I really feel and who can make it better is the person who caused it in the first place.

I just don't find joy in life anymore. Everything I look forward to (events, class, going to work) is over just as soon as it started. I come home at night to nothing. I had motivation before, now I just don't care. I miss him a lot...he's my best friend and won't talk to me.

I don't even know why I'm posting this, this board is notorious for flaming. I guess I don't have many people to really talk to about this, because I'm almost sure my friends are sick of hearing it because the whole situation makes them depressed.

:(



Life is about rejection, but it is also learning to accept and grow from the things that make us low. You might not believe that now, but sooner or later you will and then you will come to realize that anybody whose heart is not strong enough to make things work does not deserve your tears and pain. You will find someone who does really love you (since love is about facing challenges together not running away) and when you do you will see what a waste of time this person was. Granted I don't know the whole story, but from what I have seen it seems like a sterotypical sitution of someone being weak, in this case it's not you. Sharing your thoughts are never wrong, espically when you know that some on here actaully won't try and bring you down.

[Bob]

maybe it'll take longer than seven weeks. I'm no relationship guru, but you were with him for 4 years, right? that's a long time to be with someone, especially someone you love so much. maybe it takes a long time to get over it, too.

it's hardly helpful, but what i'm saying is, maybe you're so far from the end of the tunnel right now that you can't see the light, but it's there. ok, that's depressing, but in the meantime we're always here to hear you whine :) i really don't think anyone's going to flame you for it. and if they do they're gay.

[hpdrifter]

I don't know what to do. Everyone says it'll get better, but it's been 7 weeks and I just feel worse and worse, because I realize that it's really over. I'm so upset and the only person I can talk to about how I really feel and who can make it better is the person who caused it in the first place.

I just don't find joy in life anymore. Everything I look forward to (events, class, going to work) is over just as soon as it started. I come home at night to nothing. I had motivation before, now I just don't care. I miss him a lot...he's my best friend and won't talk to me.

I don't even know why I'm posting this, this board is notorious for flaming. I guess I don't have many people to really talk to about this, because I'm almost sure my friends are sick of hearing it because the whole situation makes them depressed.

:(

Sweetie, hang in there, you're in a really hard part of it right now.

Everyone thinks that the worst moment of the breakup is right when it happens. But its really about 2-3 weeks later when you start to realize that he's not going to call and he's not going to show up at your house. You start to lose the hope that you have the first few days after it happens. And that's when reality sets in. When it really really hurts.

Its like waves, for real. Sometimes you'll feel so empty you think you're going to implode and other times its just a dull ache but you can function. Eventually it'll even out and start an upswing. The lows won't be so low and the highs will be a little higher.

So sorry, dude. The first cut is the deepest.

[DroppinScience]

I really don't know what to say, Diana.

I'm terribly sorry you're going through all this, but you have to try to move on. Easier said than done, I know. But I think you're left with no choice.

I don't even understand why Wayne isn't even talking to you. You'd think he at least owes you that much.

I wish you well, Diana. And I'm sendin' you a great big e-hug. You need it!

[ToucanSpam]

You'll be fine, you're a smart girl.


Almost as smart as me. :D :D

[CrankItUp!]

Stand tough through this and stay convinced that good times ARE on the way ! (y)

[yeahwho]

I've heard it said before that the length of a relationship divided in half is the amount of time it takes to get over that relationship. So say you go out with someone 5 years it will take 2 1/2 years to fully heal...still have scars, but heal. In the midst of the early onslaught of the emotional rollercoaster it may seem overwhelming....yet you convey so much energy in life when you post I hope you do continue to post here.

Become a self help book maniac, I did that for a few years, it's cheesy and sometimes pathetic but it only damaged me slightly and is much more fun than grief. You deserve the best, IMHO.

I automatically thought of Scott Peck (http://www.amazon.com/gp/reader/0671673009/ref=sib_dp_pt/103-9979708-4847820#reader-page) when I read your post.

I'm a bit of a goofball. :rolleyes:

[CJM]

you're young, and it's early, you'll get over it. in the meantime, do something that you love to get your mind off things, if even for a minute.

[Documad]

It will truly get better with time, but it takes a long time.

You need to keep reaching out to people. Your friends might not know what to say (nothing they say can make it better) and that makes it difficult for them. Don't worry about that. Tell them you just need to talk it out and you don't expect them to fix it. You will pay them back by being there for them someday.

I spent most of the past weekend propping up one of my friends. It was a drag, but she was there for me a couple of years ago. The hardest thing for me is asking for help, but it's always a mistake to keep it inside.

Sorry for the lame platitudes. If I lived near you, I'd kidnap you and take you to a bar (or coffee shop if you're not old enough).

[yeahwho]

Sorry for the lame platitudes. If I lived near you, I'd kidnap you and take you to a bar (or coffee shop if you're not old enough).

Whats with chicks? Dudes go to strip clubs and stuff....take her to a Chippendales show. I need to realize my dream as a male dancer. Coffee?

[Bionic]

i'm sure people've told you but it takes about half of the length of your relationship to get completely over it, as in you don't think about that ex for weeks on end as opposed to days. so for now, ya just hafta wait and let everything between today and then just happen. so long as your goal remains trying to do the best for yourself, everything you feel is natural and necessary to make you ready for right person. time will pass and that day will come.

[Documad]

We have previously established that I have fun within limits. My girl friends and I drink wine at someone's house and play silly games.

I could take her to a college basketball game, or a Ray Davies concert. Woo hoo. Drinking coffee is better. I tried to let my friend vent during the opening act at a show a few weeks ago and all it got me was a sore throat. :(

Chippendales always reminds me of Mr. Mom.

[cookiepuss]

the bottom line with relationships is that when they end, we have to go through a greiving period. and the more deeply we loved someone the deeper the loss we feel. it takes as long as it takes. you'll probably go through many phases of this grief, sometimes it will feel like anger,remorse,angst,acceptance, until it slowly fades away.

it's hard to function as a normal person when you are depressed. try to set small simple goals for yourself. Pick one thing per day that you are going to do just for you. Maybe it's making yourself go for a walk; anything that you can motivate yourself to do that will help you exercise, will help your body release endorphines that will fight your depression.

hang in there.

[Bob]

i don't know how popular the 5 stages of grief theory is these days, but here it is, it might help;

The Five Stages of Grief Are:

1. The Denial Stage (This isn't happening to me!)

This is the time when you cannot accept the loss or change in your life. Disbelief and denial cause you to think "This is not happening to me!" If your partner has died you find yourself waiting to hear from him or catch yourself picking up the telephone to call him. If your partner has left, you may believe you can repair the relationship and seek to change her mind.

2. The Anger/Resentment Stage.(Why is this happening to me?)

You may feel angry from the beginning or your anger may not arise until you have experienced some other emotions like confusion, shock, sadness, yearning, guilt, humiliation and despair. Anger and resentment are powerful emotions that can be aimed at the circumstances, your partner, and even others who may or may not have a role in your situation. Your anger may be masked or misdirected unless you acknowledge it.

3. The Bargaining Stage (I promise I'll be a better person if...)

This stage often branches out from the denial stage. You find yourself making deals to restore your relationship or change the situation. With the death of a spouse you many bargain with God for a time. In a broken relationship you may try to negotiate a reunion or make promises in order to repair the relationship.

4. The Depression Stage. (I don't care anymore)

Once you accept the situation and that it isn’t going to change, that aknowledgement can lead to depression. Feeling down, sad and hurt are absolutely normal emotions when you've suffered a personal loss. This kind of depression is normal, and not alarming. However, if you have feelings of unrelenting lethargy, suicidal thoughts, or are unable to function reasonably you should seek medical attention and follow doctor's orders for treatment of your depression.

5. The Acceptance Stage (I'm ready for whatever comes next.)

You are beginning to heal and have positive feelings about your ability to move forward. You find peace and the ability to enjoy yourself or others without guilt or remorse. You realize you may have setbacks and feel pain from time to time, but you are surviving and regaining your sense of self.


so you're on stage four, you're doing ok. stage four sounds like the hardest one, though, and the most natural one.

[cookiepuss]

^the thing to remember about the 5 stages of grief is that they don't always go in that order. a sometimes you may sort of teter totter between a few stages.

[Bionic]

they also sometimes combine with eachother and become one big mess. that one's called stage 5x

[b-grrrlie]

I've heard it said before that the length of a relationship divided in half is the amount of time it takes to get over that relationship. So say you go out with someone 5 years it will take 2 1/2 years to fully heal...still have scars, but heal. In the midst of the early onslaught of the emotional rollercoaster it may seem overwhelming....yet you convey so much energy in life when you post I hope you do continue to post here.


The last time I was in love it took me two years to come over a three month releationship...
It was so painful I decided never to fall in love again and since then I've only had crushes on unreachables which I've known would never lead to anything, and I'm OK with that.

[SobaViolence]

things work out, my dear.

you can either dance with your devils, or run from them.

[Sarky Devotchka]

when I broke up with my boyfriend, I sobbed and sobbed so hard for so long. I broke out in tears at work and had screaming arguments with him on the phone. we dated for 8 months and it took me about a year to get over it, and I was the dumper. now we're okay, but we don't ever hang out, just see eachother in social situations every now and again. but I still get kinda sad when I see him because he was my world for a time, I seriously thought we were gonna get married. we can joke around now though, when before I was a straight up bitch to him all the time because I was really angry about how things ended and the fact that he started dating a 19 year old like a month after we broke up.

anyway, what I'm saying is that I can't really remember what it felt like to be so upset and feel like you'll never be happy again or like no one will ever love you again. I know that it was intense pain, but it went away, or at least dulled after time passed.

the way he's acting is really hurtful and selfish, you deserve better than that.

[hpdrifter]

anyway, what I'm saying is that I can't really remember what it felt like to be so upset and feel like you'll never be happy again or like no one will ever love you again. I know that it was intense pain, but it went away, or at least dulled after time passed.



I think this is the most important thing to remember. I know its small consolation now but you will get over it. Its probably a good thing he won't talk to you, it'll give you the space you need to really get over it.

I split with my first boyfriend and, though I was the dumper, it was extremely difficult to get over him. I paged him, called him, and he always called me back. It would have been so much easier if he had just let me go.

[yeahwho]

The last time I was in love it took me two years to come over a three month releationship...
It was so painful I decided never to fall in love again and since then I've only had crushes on unreachables which I've known would never lead to anything, and I'm OK with that.

The half life of a relationship is just a guideline for many and I am no lovelorn advice guy. I have been cautious to a fault many times in my dealings with fellow humans. It is a good thing to throw caution to the side on occaision.

I do think those Chippendale guys are sorta gay....but I do enjoy wearing the collar with bow and cuffs when I work out at the gym.

is that gay?

[hpdrifter]

I guess if I were brokenhearted I'd be more inclined to go to see female strippers. Male strippers are just corny to me. Or if I wanted sexy attention from guys to make me feel better, I'd go to a club or something.

Thats kind of the thing about strip clubs that sucks. The ones made for girls (with guys taking their clothes off) just don't do it.

You know what would be great, is a club where the guys get naked but don't dance around. Where they just take their clothes off and shower or lift weights or something. Or bring you drinks naked and tell you you're pretty and flirt with you.

Guys trying to look sexy is not sexy to me.

[yeahwho]

So my idea of the bare pickle 10 minute lube and oil change is a go then?

[hpdrifter]

Naked man working on car=hot.

Seriously, though, there is little sexier to me than a guy with grease on his hands from working on a car.

[yeahwho]

I know, I like the idea of scantily clad chicks washing my car. All bubbly and soaking wet!

[King of Rock $]

It'll get better eventually, I don't know what else to tell you. Try to keep busy and don't give in to the sadness.

[QueenAdrock]

It's over now. Sure, I still have some pain from time to time when I go by places that were 'our' spots or whatever...but I've got someone much better to look forward to and the thoughts go away just as easily as they came. :)

[King of Rock $]

Wait, I didn't realize this was an old thread... I gotta stop visiting threads through "who's online" :mad: