Why is this...

[Anne Lauren]

Well, yesterday evening I'm at the mall browsing around looking at stuff that I can't afford, but, really want...and randomly one of my girl buds gives me a call on my cell and asks if I wanna meet her to grab a beer somewhere and just chill. So, I said sure, why not...however, I wasn't planning on really going out anywhere, so I looked like shit. I was wearing a hoodie, a pair of athletic shorts that I mainly wear to go jogging in, flip flops, and my hair was all messy pulled back in a pony tail. Anyway, we meet up and next thing ya know...we're busy talking and one beer leads to another...then to a couple of shots, and so on... and we start getting kinda fucked up. So, what do we all the sudden get an urge to do, at this point...go clubbin'! (y) Now keep in mind, I'm totally not dressed for the occasion and, actually, a lot of places have dress codes and won't even let you in if you're dressed like that...and then there's my friend, who's dressed all cute. Plus, all the little hotties at these clubs are basically dressed to get laid...wearin' just enough clothing to cover their nipples and that's about it. But, fuck it...who cares, right?! I felt like going...so I went. I just felt like shakin' my booty to some music somewhere.

Anyway, to my utter amazement (and finally getting to the point)...I seemed to have more guys hitting on me last night, then I ever have before, when I was all sluttin' it up wearin' my "clubbin' clothes". Seriously, it was bizarre...cause I completely was not expecting that, at all. And a couple of these guys were hot as hell, too. There was just something in the air last night, I guess...a full moon or something? Or these particular men just dig chicks that look like they've just rolled out bed or something...who knows? If only I wasn't in a relationship with somebody already...hell, I'd be all about a little one night stand. :D

But, seriously, I wonder why that is...because, maybe, I seemed more approachable and laid back or something? Has anyone else ever really noticed that happening to them before, too? Maybe I just had really good lighting or something? Or, maybe, it was the fact that I had a pretty good little buzz goin' on...and actually all these guys were really ugly as shit...haha?!

Anyway, just curious, more or less...just something to discuss, I guess.

[Medellia]

The other girls probably seemed too high maintenance and you didn't.

[Anne Lauren]

The other girls probably seemed too high maintenance and you didn't.

Yeah that's exactly my take on it, too.

[diget]

A girl thats too done up can be a turn off. You probabley looked natural and hot. The others probabley looked high-maintennce and slutty.

[Anne Lauren]

A girl thats too done up can be a turn off. You probabley looked natural and hot. The others probabley looked high-maintennce and slutty.

A lot of girls (and I'm sure I've been guilty of it too sometimes), will almost try too hard to set off a certain personna, in particular settings...like trying to come across as being sexy and "desireable", especially in nightclub scene type places because, for the most part, clubs are basically just "meat markets" for hornballs. However, as a result, they end up coming across as something completely different than what they intended...such as, just being a skanky lush with a push-up bra and thickass make-up. It's completely just false advertisement.

[Justin]

Maybe when you dress up all fly guys get scared away because your so beautiful. The guy may feel very very intimidated and see no chance in you liking him.

[Sarky Devotchka]

once I went out for a beer looking like crap and I got asked out. the guy was cute, but he came on too strong. I gave him my number and he called, but I never called him back. he liked pantera and seemed pretty dumb.

I don't dress super fancy anyway though. only for events.

[TAL]

Full moon is on the 15th.

[SobaViolence]

men just dig chicks that look more approachable and laid back.

[Anne Lauren]

Maybe when you dress up all fly guys get scared away because your so beautiful. The guy may feel very very intimidated and see no chance in you liking him.

See, that's what I don't get about all you silly guys...you all hang out where all the fine-ass ladies are and follow them around town. Wherever they are...ya'll are. Why? In hopes of being able to do something with one...whatever that might be.:eek: However, ya'll are too damn scared to talk to them...so, you all stand in your little groups of guy friends, with maybe the occational one or two girls as part of some of the groups. And, during this time, you all are basically working on getting that "liquid courage", while you scope out the women. Then, around midnight to 1 am, most of you all are fairly drunk, at this point...so, that's when you all set out on your "missions" to meet some hotties. And it's basically a trial and error, pick and choose sorta thing...you may get shot down by one, so you move to your second choice. If that one is all about you, you stick with her..however, constantly keeping your eyes open and options open to see if there's something better you might have overlooked. Then, suddenly, as soon as "last call" is announced, you all that don't have a girl yet start to panic because you know the bar is getting ready to close...so, ya'll quickly scatter out like roaches...trying to find a girl that's not already "taken" yet. Around this time, your pretty shit-faced...so, your not really "picky" anymore. And once the bar is finally closed, those of you that managed not to find anybody, are usually the drunk guys out in the parking lot...involved in some sort of fight or something. I think, subconsciously, you all just wanna look tough...in some last ditch effort hoping that there's some stray girl out there that thinks your macho and wants to leave with you...haha. And, if that doesn't work (which it never does)...then, you go home and start dialin' the numbers of some hoes, basically, asking them to come over for a booty call.

So predictable...everytime. :D

[TAL]

After reading that story I'm sure I'm not a silly guy.

[Anne Lauren]

After reading that story I'm sure I'm not a silly guy.

You're not getting all serious and defensive on me now...are ya?!

Hahaha...I was really just being humorous and sarcastic about the whole thing. (y)

And, yeeees, Thomas...I'm sure you're not a silly guy.

[TAL]

I know you were funny. And I am a silly guy, but not in that way.

[Anne Lauren]

I know you were funny. And I am a silly guy, but not in that way.


Yeah right! I bet you're calling (or e-mailing...haha!) your ho booty-call right now...aren't ya?! :D

[TAL]

It's 10am, so it's a bit late (early?) for a a booty-call. I could IM you though.

[Anne Lauren]

It's 10am, so it's a bit late (early?) for a a booty-call. I could IM you though.

Hooold up a second, now, fella...I said a ho booty-call. Those days are over for me ;)...I'm part of those in the "taken" group now.

And, yeah, you're right...10am is too early or about 7 hours too late, maybe. Those girls are doing the "walk of shame" right about now.

[TAL]

Too bad it's Monday morning, so the only people walking now in on their way to work. Not so exciting.

[Anne Lauren]

Too bad it's Monday morning, so the only people walking now in on their way to work. Not so exciting.

Well, no, I think it's more like that the guys that the hoes were with are having to go to work, now...that's why the hoes can't sleep in today (or during the week) until noonish or maybe even until the early afternoon, depending on how good they were. Yeah, that luxery is only saved for weekends. (n)

[wrongwayandugg]

Well, no, I think it's more like that the guys that the hoes were with are having to go to work, now...that's why the hoes can't sleep in today (or during the week) until noonish or maybe even until the early afternoon, depending on how good they were. Yeah, that luxery is only saved for weekends. (n)

not my hoes

[Anne Lauren]

not my hoes

So, are you a "as soon as I wake up to take a leek, you better be outta my bed" type guy? Or a "make yourself at home and stay here on through into the next night, when I might need you again" type guy?

[Justin]

anne,

ive quit trying to have nice convo's with chicks at bars/chicks. It just doesnt work. Its to noisy.

I just usually start dancing with chicks, you know? We are all their to have a good time. I honestly never go to meet someone for sex. I just like being around lots of people and just to have a good time.

I dont even like going with anyone, cause if im with my friends i usually have to babysit them. So i go with the only one i can trust, myself.

[Justin]

Also i think its funny for guys to dress up and try to look like eminem. Or black guys dressed up like usher or kanye. With the glasses and whole nine yards.

How the hell can you see in a dark club with dark freakin glasses on

[Anne Lauren]

anne,

ive quit trying to have nice convo's with chicks at bars/chicks. It just doesnt work. Its to noisy.

I just usually start dancing with chicks, you know? We are all their to have a good time. I honestly never go to meet someone for sex. I just like being around lots of people and just to have a good time.

I dont even like going with anyone, cause if im with my friends i usually have to babysit them. So i go with the only one i can trust, myself.

Hey, like I mentioned earlier, I'm just merely being sarcastic and humorous...please don't take any of that literally.

Not that there's anything wrong with being like that...infact, I like for my men to be a little immature, shallow, and use me just for sex. ;)

[Justin]

Hey, like I mentioned earlier, I'm just merely being sarcastic and humorous...please don't take any of that literally.

Not that there's anything wrong with being like that...infact, I like for my men to be a little immature, shallow, and use me just for sex. ;)

Awesome. Thats why guys like us have to say that to "butter the chicks up". Then when you hear the chick use the word "sex"...score!

[Justin]

theres a club here thats sorta like miami style. They play trance/progressive music. I think im getting addicted to this stuff.

[DandyFop]

jesus I hate trance music. Last time I was at a "club" was that shit. Luckily last night we went to a hole in the wall with a bunch of laid back folks. If I was looking for someone to meet I'd much rather do it in a place like that.

not that I'm looking...

:D

[Justin]

Im not gonna start collecting albums or anything, but to me its the first time ive heard it in an environment like that. So its new.

and some of the chicks really get down on the dance floor (y)


Well ok. The real reason i like this club is because the bar usually has 50 cent and 1 dollar drinks for like 3 hours.

[Anne Lauren]

Awesome. Thats why guys like us have to say that to "butter the chicks up". Then when you hear the chick use the word "sex"...score!

Not to rain on your little parade here...but, uh, we're on the internet. I don't think sex is physically gonna be possible to do here. But, don't stop...keep "buttering me up"!

[Justin]

Not to rain on your little parade here...but, uh, we're on the internet. I don't think sex is physically gonna be possible to do here. But, don't stop...keep "buttering me up"!

lol no no..i wasnt doing it to you. I was just meaning in general guys do that.

We say things to bait girls into doing things.

cept me :D

[TAL]

No, a gloryhole.

[Anne Lauren]

jesus I hate trance music. Last time I was at a "club" was that shit. Luckily last night we went to a hole in the wall with a bunch of laid back folks. If I was looking for someone to meet I'd much rather do it in a place like that.

not that I'm looking...

:D

Yeah, I'm starting to like little "hole in the wall" places...where you can shoot pool and just hang out. It's just so much more relaxing...and that's what I'm all about, now days!

I don't know what came over me saturday night...I all the sudden was in the mood to fight the crowds...shake it on the dance floor, while obnoxious drunk guys try to dry hump me from the back and end up spilling beer all over me cause they're fucking clumsy ass re-tards...and, then, proceed to push bitches out of the way, so I have room to dance all up in the cage like a stripper. Hahaha...it was fun, though! (y)

[Justin]

I HATE smelling like smoke! I may stop going

[Anne Lauren]

lol no no..i wasnt doing it to you. I was just meaning in general guys do that.

We say things to bait girls into doing things.

cept me :D

Well, that's too bad...cause usually those damn sly drunk guys were able to bait me with their cunning ways...they were always just so clever and tricky, for the most part. You just never really knew their true intensions...

[Justin]

Well i guess thats good if you want a one night thing. For me, im sick of those days (which sums up my relations with females in college).

I want something more nowadays.

Calling all Classy chicks (y)


ok my energy pill's effect is starting to die...so to bed i go...peace (y)

[Anne Lauren]

Well i guess thats good if you want a one night thing. For me, im sick of those days (which sums up my relations with females in college).

I want something more nowadays.

Calling all Classy chicks (y)


ok my energy pill's effect is starting to die...so to bed i go...peace (y)

I was being sarcastic, btw. ;)

[enree erzweglle]

A lot of girls (and I'm sure I've been guilty of it too sometimes), will almost try too hard to set off a certain personna, in particular settings...like trying to come across as being sexy and "desireable", especially in nightclub scene type places because, for the most part, clubs are basically just "meat markets" for hornballs.I know this person. Lots of makeup and jewelery, dyed hair, WEIRD clothes--I mean, kind of strange combinations of pieces. And she wants a guy in her life, so she's going to places where the guys she'll meet probably aren't going to be the kinds of guys who will treat her well.

The thing is that she feels GREAT doing these things and she likes getting praise, so she's got this LOOK AT ME attitude, but it doesn't come off as confidence, it comes off as insecurity that needs reassurance.

When she doesn't feel good about the way she looks, the LOOK AT ME aura fades and THAT'S when she looks and seems great to me.

You can't tell someone that, though.

For all I know, she might be posting on a board somewhere about how she's got this plain friend who doesn't do clubs/nightlife, doesn't do anything with her hair, doesn't wear jewelery, etc etc etc :)

[Anne Lauren]

I know this person. Lots of makeup and jewelery, dyed hair, WEIRD clothes--I mean, kind of strange combinations of pieces. And she wants a guy in her life, so she's going to places where the guys she'll meet probably aren't going to be the kinds of guys who will treat her well.

The thing is that she feels GREAT doing these things and she likes getting praise, so she's got this LOOK AT ME attitude, but it doesn't come off as confidence, it comes off as insecurity that needs reassurance.

When she doesn't feel good about the way she looks, the LOOK AT ME aura fades and THAT'S when she looks and seems great to me.

You can't tell someone that, though.

For all I know, she might be posting on a board somewhere about how she's got this plain friend who doesn't do clubs/nightlife, doesn't do anything with her hair, doesn't wear jewelery, etc etc etc :)

Does this really remind you of an actual person you know in your life? Or were you just figuratively-speaking?

Cause, actually, I was invisioning one of my best friend's, Angela, in my head when I made that comment.

[enree erzweglle]

Does this really remind you of an actual person you know in your life? Or were you just figuratively-speaking?

Cause, actually, I was invisioning one of my best friend's, Angela, in my head when I made that comment.No, it's an actual friend, not a hypothetical situation.

She's going through a lot of stuff--a kind of awakening--and she's transforming herself from someone that she was to someone that she wants to be now.

Maybe it's the female mid-life crisis. When guys get that, they seem to go after younger girls and buy tiny cars. When women get it and when they internalize it, they seem to get conservative, loud spoken, and generally kind of negative. When they externalize it, they seem to buy tight, sequined clothes and do weird things to their hair, nails, and eyebrows. :)

[Praying Mantis]

Its strictly an intimidation factor for most guys. Its kinda like usually in strip clubs the hottest chick is the bartender (who has her clothes on). Also...its the same way women approach married guys. There is no stress. Ive been hit on more times married then before. And even after I tell someone im married that usually doesnt stop them. IM like Look IM wearing the ring still....

[Anne Lauren]

Its strictly an intimidation factor for most guys. Its kinda like usually in strip clubs the hottest chick is the bartender (who has her clothes on). Also...its the same way women approach married guys. There is no stress. Ive been hit on more times married then before. And even after I tell someone im married that usually doesnt stop them. IM like Look IM wearing the ring still....

It's sounds like your "hoochie followers" are really just a bunch of teases. (y)

[Anne Lauren]

For me, if a man is married, he is completely off limits...I take the sanctity of marriage very seriously. I guess, I'm old school like that...because, honestly, sometimes it seems like society as a whole doesn't seem to take it as seriously as it used to. It's seems like people around me are just marrying and divorcing people at the drop of a hat...like, it's no big deal or something.

Now, granted, I fairly recently just got a divorce...got married too young and it only lasted 3 years. However, honestly, us not taking our marriage seriously was never a factor in it not working out.

[Praying Mantis]

Not all were hitting on me some just shooting the breeze. IM just talking approachability. I just think that once the pressure is off its easier for most people to interact w/o the liquid courage.

[Anne Lauren]

Not all were hitting on me some just shooting the breeze. IM just talking approachability. I just think that once the pressure is off its easier for most people to interact w/o the liquid courage.

Wait, do you work with a bunch of women or something? Or are you referring to times that you went out to clubs, without your wife? Who are all these women?

Seriously, I'm just wondering what particular situation you're referring to here.

[Praying Mantis]

Either a guys night out or even with a group of people out Sometimes we still go to clubs(friends with wives). Very rare, we all have kids. No not at work.

[Nuzzolese]

I guess you figured out why they all liked you so much looking so casual. The most attention I ever got at a bar, I was in a denim mini skirt and stilettos and a tight Jack Daniel's t-shirt. Sooo, you know, skank meets rodeo.

To divert the topic just slightly, why would a woman in a relationship get dressed up to go out to a bar to get attention? My friends want to do this and it pisses off their boyfriends. The girls admit that the point of it is to get dressed up to get attention from guys, but not to talk or dance with any of them except maybe brief brush-off laughs. It's not just to get dressed up to dance. My friend admitted the whole point is to go out looking hot and getting eyes all over you and ignoring guys who try to hit on you.

[Sarky Devotchka]

when I was in a relationship, I wore what ever wacky bullshit popped into my head because I figured I had no one to impress but myself (the boy didn't care what I wore). short pants and striped socks? yes please!

although, when I became single I started wearing heels a lot. but if I end up wearing chucks, I usually have a better time because my feet don't hurt and I can dance for hours. and I can give more piggy back rides.

[Ace42X]

Without reading the rest of this thread, the explanation is simple. You were an easy prospect. Girls who dress up too much are intimidating, and only the wankiest cockiest, and most disgustingly self-important arses have the guts to go up to them and lay a line on them. Someone in casual clothes is not someone out on a birthday jaunt, or a hen's party, or in any sort of social situation which would mean that flirting would be doomed to fail, or be interupted, or generally more difficult than necessary.

It says "this girl isn't here for a big pre-planned night out, which means she doesn't have any expectations that would be thwarted by me approaching her."

[abcdefz]

A girl thats too done up can be a turn off. You probabley looked natural and hot. The others probabley looked high-maintennce and slutty.

[Anne Lauren]

I guess you figured out why they all liked you so much looking so casual. The most attention I ever got at a bar, I was in a denim mini skirt and stilettos and a tight Jack Daniel's t-shirt. Sooo, you know, skank meets rodeo.

To divert the topic just slightly, why would a woman in a relationship get dressed up to go out to a bar to get attention? My friends want to do this and it pisses off their boyfriends. The girls admit that the point of it is to get dressed up to get attention from guys, but not to talk or dance with any of them except maybe brief brush-off laughs. It's not just to get dressed up to dance. My friend admitted the whole point is to go out looking hot and getting eyes all over you and ignoring guys who try to hit on you.

Skank meets Rodeo...hell yeah, you go girl! (y)

I'm like picturing you walking into some redneck biker bar...you're walking in slow motion while all the big hairy tattooed men are checkin' your hot-ass out :D , like scene from a some movie or something.

And, honestly, now that I think about it, I guess...oddly enough, the women are my top reason for wanting to look "attractive" out at a club. I mean, don't get me wrong, every girl loves to get flirty attention from guys...but, for the most part it's almost like an instinctive competitive thing, almost...you just can help it. I'm not talking "cat fight", pullin' hair, jealousy type shit...it's more like something you'd see between two brothers growing up or something...you only want "to win" or be seen as the hottest girl there, or whatever the particular situation is at the time...just to see if you can do it or not. No grudges or hard feelings, at all. It's not like that...it's more about proving it to myself, I guess.

[Nuzzolese]

It was kind of a biker bar, but there were also a lot of construction workers and truckers there too, and a few college people and other such scattered throughout. Mostly mid-thirties bleach blonde good-time gals.

But how would you know who the hottest girl is, or who wins I should say, if there weren't guys there to give their reaction? And whether you're looking for attention and validation from guys or girls, isn't it basically the same impulse - attention and reinforcement that you look good? So even though it's a self-affirming behavior - adorning yourself and FEELING attractive, it's totally dependent on other people to work for you.

[abcdefz]

...I'm not sure women always know when they really look most attractive, just like men probably don't know, either.

One of the greatest looks for a woman can just be a grey sweatshirt, hair pulled back, and faded jeans. Like maybe she was out in the garden or something, I don't know.

-- or kicking your ass in a game of hoops. :D

[Anne Lauren]

Without reading the rest of this thread, the explanation is simple. You were an easy prospect. Girls who dress up too much are intimidating, and only the wankiest cockiest, and most disgustingly self-important arses have the guts to go up to them and lay a line on them. Someone in casual clothes is not someone out on a birthday jaunt, or a hen's party, or in any sort of social situation which would mean that flirting would be doomed to fail, or be interupted, or generally more difficult than necessary.

It says "this girl isn't here for a big pre-planned night out, which means she doesn't have any expectations that would be thwarted by me approaching her."

Ok. So, explain to me...what are guys so scared will happen if they are shot down by a girl they approach, and have essentially "failed"? What is this "big fear" and why is it so intimidating...I mean, the point I'm trying to get at is, basically, what is the worst that can happen? She and her friends call you out in front of everybody and they all stand around you...spitting out cutdowns the whole time, making you feel like a loser, while every else is just bursting out laughing at you? I mean, come on, that's like a scene from a movie...more than likely it would not be that "painful". If she acts disinterested...fuck her! (No, not literally! ;) )

And, actually, I've noticed that some guys tend to read way too much into how a girl is behaving towards them...maybe, they're nervous, too.

[Praying Mantis]

Knowing how my friends were in college, if they saw you get shot down, the laughing that they would give you was more harsh then being shot down. As for not with a group of friends, guys just don't want to be shot down.

[Anne Lauren]

It was kind of a biker bar, but there were also a lot of construction workers and truckers there too, and a few college people and other such scattered throughout. Mostly mid-thirties bleach blonde good-time gals.

But how would you know who the hottest girl is, or who wins I should say, if there weren't guys there to give their reaction? And whether you're looking for attention and validation from guys or girls, isn't it basically the same impulse - attention and reinforcement that you look good? So even though it's a self-affirming behavior - adorning yourself and FEELING attractive, it's totally dependent on other people to work for you.

Yes, your exactly right. That's why if I went out to a club and was wanting "attention"...I'd wear my hoochie attire to attract the guys...whom are mainly being used as "tools of measurement" to determine who is the "winner" of this instinctive competion. The outfits are merely a ploy ;) .

And I guess it's human nature to want to feel attractive and gain positive reinforcements for yourself.

[abcdefz]

Yeah... I don't agree with Ace's analysis. I'm not at all intimidated by women dressed like sluts.

[Ace42X]

Ok. So, explain to me...what are guys so scared will happen if they are shot down by a girl they approach,

As Schopenhauer suggests, when someone is romantically rejected, the person doesn't feel loss based on a few words, but on the rejection of an entire state of affairs, and the happiness that could thus occur. So, a rejection isn't just "no I don't like you" or "no I don't want to talk to you." But also "No, you will not have a lifetime of bliss and romantic pleasure that a relationship with me could theoretically bring you."

That is also why getting dumped hurts so more. You do not just lose the person, but the future.

And, actually, I've noticed that some guys tend to read way too much into how a girl is behaving towards them...maybe, they're nervous, too.

Men have been emasculated by feminists. And women are generally rude and self-important. They have the position of power in the sexual dynamic now, and this makes interaction strained to say the least.

Men now have to not only raise interest in the opposite sex, but also do it without seeming:

Shallow, rude, insecure, arrogant, shy, insincere, heart-on-sleeve, strange, boring, frigid, lecherous, sleazy or horny, violent or macho, or weedy, etc etc.

Navigating the web of contradictions that typifies the modern woman's expectations is frankly a mammouth and totally impossible task.

So you bet men are nervous, when women mess them around so much. You try approaching a girl, not knowing if she is gonna scream rape and throw a drink in your face because she is a total nut-job! I've seen guys dragged out of a club because a chick told a bouncer he was harrassing her, turns out him "harassing her" was refusing to buy her a drink when she drunkenly and crudely tried it on with him!

Not to mention the risk of an irate boyfriend slogging you in the face.

This is before we get started on the social paranoia, and other psychological factors that can amplify the effect.

And GUYS read too much into things? HAHAHAHHA, T&F.

[Anne Lauren]

Knowing how my friends were in college, if they saw you get shot down, the laughing that they would give you was more harsh then being shot down. As for not with a group of friends, guys just don't want to be shot down.

Yeah, That's pretty much what my brothers have told me, too...the whole gettin' hell from your buddies, shit.

[Nuzzolese]

"You can't be going to no clubs to meet nice women. You got to go to nice, quiet places to meet girls like libraries, and churches - there's good women there..."

[Praying Mantis]

Yup...Guys can be brutal....

[Ace42X]

"You can't be going to no clubs to meet nice women. You got to go to nice, quiet places to meet girls like libraries, and churches - there's good women there..."

I think the same is probably true of men.

[Anne Lauren]

I think the same is probably true of men.

Yeah, but some of us really are looking for those "bad boys"...that will completely act lika an animal in the bedroom :D ... with "no strings attached" in the end.

At least, for me, I wasn't going to a club to "bond" with someone...I knew the rules up front. And, I wasn't a slut, either.

[Praying Mantis]

Very few people male or female consider "the upfront" rules when deciding on picking up at a club. WHen I was dating I knew first hand who I was looking for and where she could be found.

[Ace42X]

"bad boys"...that will completely act lika an animal in the bedroom

I think that's a myth too. An illusion brought about by sheer quantity. You have enough one night stands, you'll get the odd good one. Long term relationships, by definition, don't happen every day, so you are statistically less likely to get a demon in the bedroom.

In my experience, though, all of the girls I've known have found that one-night stands have been the less satisfying, due to the guys being of the Panda variety.

[Anne Lauren]

I think that's a myth too. An illusion brought about by sheer quantity. You have enough one night stands, you'll get the odd good one. Long term relationships, by definition, don't happen every day, so you are statistically less likely to get a demon in the bedroom.

In my experience, though, all of the girls I've known have found that one-night stands have been the less satisfying, due to the guys being of the Panda variety.

Duely noted. However, more than likely, by the time your leaving to have your little one-night stand...you're probably shit-faced because you've probably been drinking for several hours now...and, hell, everything sounds like a brilliant and origional idea and everyone is gorgeous! (y)

[Praying Mantis]

some of the best looking women Ive been with were when I was drunk...lol
Besides...IM sure there are times that the club/bar scene is all anyone is looking for.

[Anne Lauren]

some of the best looking women Ive been with were when I was drunk...lol

haha! (y)

Actually though, I can honestly say that I don't regret in any way, at all...any experiences that I've had, so far. I don't really have any crazy "horror stories" to tell.

[Praying Mantis]

I agree. I don't have any horror stories...just some ah..shit!! stories.

[diget]

He liked pantera...

Just walk away then, just walk away.

[wrongwayandugg]

So, are you a "as soon as I wake up to take a leek, you better be outta my bed" type guy? Or a "make yourself at home and stay here on through into the next night, when I might need you again" type guy?

who said i was a guy?

[ms.peachy]

Ive been hit on more times married then before. And even after I tell someone im married that usually doesnt stop them.

Yeah now, what is up with THAT?

I don't wear a wedding ring, so I can see how, if I'm chatting with a guy, how he might think "Hey, I should go for it here." When that happens, I just say "I'm really very flattered, but I have to tell you that I'm married." Some of them don't believe it I suppose and presume I'm lying to blow them off. But then every so often there's one that just shrugs and says "That's OK, I don't mind."

Huh?

[Nuzzolese]

Why don't you wear a wedding ring?

[ms.peachy]

Why don't you wear a wedding ring?
We got married a week before we moved to the UK. So we decided we'd rather not spend the money on rings and would rather use it for travelling around a bit, splurge on a nice Parisian hotel, etc etc. We just figured the rings weren't all that important. I get that they're quite important to some people, just not to us. We keep saying that we'll maybe get some for some significant anniversary or something.

[Nuzzolese]

They're mostly for other people to see anyway.

[enree erzweglle]

People treat you so differently when you're married and when they know that you are.

I've known women who wouldn't give me the time of day when I was single yet when I was married or seriously dating, they let their guard down fast. It's sad that some women make it about competition.

And guys--I've known several who dropped me as a friend FAST when I started to date or after I married. Crap that that was about all they saw in me.

I've always hated the way most jewelery feels next to my skin. Constricted. I wear earrings occasionally.

[Justin]

Id rather pay extra money for porno than for extra jewelry for a girlfriend.

[miss soul fire]

People who don't give a damn about things tend to be attractive. I know that I only get asked out when I'm not thinking about it at all.:p

[Ace42X]

And guys--I've known several who dropped me as a friend FAST when I started to date or after I married. Crap that that was about all they saw in me.

No, it was because they realised that you were using them as intellectual whores (http://www.intellectualwhores.com/).

[enree erzweglle]

No, it was because they realised that you were using them as intellectual whores (http://www.intellectualwhores.com/).
Are you serious?

[Ace42X]

Are you serious?

Quite serious, why else would "friends" run a mile when you got hitched?

[enree erzweglle]

Quite serious, why else would "friends" run a mile when you got hitched?
I can't speak to their motives; I know that my own were pure.

I was not doing what you suggested that I was doing.

[Ace42X]

I was not doing what you suggested that I was doing.

Hah bullshit. You didn't KNOW (or care to know) that you were doing it, because then you'd feel bad about yourself.

Many women want to argue this point and say things like " I have lots of guy friends." Maybe. There are exactly 3 cases Intellectual Whores has identified whereby a guy and a girl can be friends:

1. The guy is gay
2. The guy does not find you attractive.
3. The guy already has a woman much higher than you on the ladder

Even Nietzsche knew this. Most guys know this intuitively. Most girls doubt. I have a challenge for all of you girls who still doubt. Pick a guy who does not meet any of the criterion on the above list that you think is your friend. Then ask yourself this question: If you were both alone at his place one night, and you excused yourself to the bathroom and came out naked and asked him to have sex with you would he:

1. Tell you he doesn't want to risk the beautiful friendship you have created with messy physical entanglements.
2. Comply

Remember this only works if you are honest with yourself. Number one is of course something that guys hear all the time. Intellectual Whores refers to it as the Kiss of Death. It is more likely that he will jump you eagerly.

http://www.intellectualwhores.com/masterladder.html

[hardnox71]

The other girls probably seemed too high maintenance and you didn't.
Bingo.

To most guys 'high maintenance' translates directly into 'fucking pain in the ass.' I don't care how good the woman might look. That's what we see.

[Anne Lauren]

Bingo.

To most guys 'high maintenance' translates directly into 'fucking pain in the ass.' I don't care how good the woman might look. That's what we see.

Wow! Now, there's a random, blast from the past! Whatcha been up to? Granted, I tend to go in cycles, as far as, being on this board...so, I might have just missed ya.

[hardnox71]

I've been away for about four months. How you been?

[Anne Lauren]

I've been away for about four months. How you been?

Graduated from school, finally...moved to Atlanta, for a job...and, basically, I have no life because I, literally, work all the time. However, I'm makin' that money...so, it's all good! (y)

Well, I'm glad your back. :)

[hardnox71]

Good to be back. Thank you.

Lemme ask you, if you had realized earlier (before you got into a realtionship) this 'dress down' thing would have had the effect that it had, would you have tried it then?

[Sarky Devotchka]

wait, why can't you be friends with a guy and also have them be attracted to you? or be attracted to them? well, I suppose #3 answers that sometimes.

to the topic though, I went out after work on mardi gras in a sweatshirt and jeans caked with plaster of paris and nobody hit on me. :( although I did get a lingering hand on the back feel up pass by, and some rockabilly boys stared at me...but that always happens on account of the dark hair and bangs.

[hardnox71]

wait, why can't you be friends with a guy and also have them be attracted to you?
Because invariably the guy will eventually find a way to fuck that friendship up by trying to take it a step further.

[Sarky Devotchka]

Because invariably the guy will eventually find a way to fuck that friendship up by trying to take it a step further.

hmm. maybe I'm just lucky. once I hooked up with a friend and he called me the next day and was like "was that okay? are we still friends?" and I said, "sure dude, no probs." and it was fine. we hooked up after our friends' wedding too and we're fine, still friends. although there is an element of sexual tension now, which is fun actually. he's a nihilist though, I suppose that helps? a little make out every now again with a friend isn't so terrible.

[hardnox71]

hmm. maybe I'm just lucky. once I hooked up with a friend and he called me the next day and was like "was that okay? are we still friends?" and I said, "sure dude, no probs." and it was fine. we hooked up after our friends' wedding too and we're fine, still friends. although there is an element of sexual tension now, which is fun actually. he's a nihilist though, I suppose that helps? a little make out every now again with a friend isn't so terrible.
Wait and watch.

[Sarky Devotchka]

Wait and watch.

you mean for when he gets drunk and says, "I love you" and I say "what?" and he says, "nevermind" and I say, "you said you love me, ha ha", and he says, "I'll kill your family"? because that's happened. and we're still fine. well I am...I suppose for all I know he really does love me. then that's a shame.

[hardnox71]

you mean for when he gets drunk and says, "I love you" and I say "what?" and he says, "nevermind" and I say, "you said you love me, ha ha", and he says, "I'll kill your family"? because that's happened. and we're still fine. well I am...I suppose for all I know he really does love me. then that's a shame.
Tell me you're kidding.

[b i o n i c]

you mean for when he gets drunk and says, "I love you" and I say "what?" and he says, "nevermind" and I say, "you said you love me, ha ha", and he says, "I'll kill your family"? because that's happened. and we're still fine. well I am...I suppose for all I know he really does love me. then that's a shame.



ha!

[Anne Lauren]

Good to be back. Thank you.

Lemme ask you, if you had realized earlier (before you got into a realtionship) this 'dress down' thing would have had the effect that it had, would you have tried it then?

Hmmm...good question. Honestly, and I've thought about this...for me, personally, when I dressed/dress up, drawing attention to my body, (mainly, only in a club-like setting and, trust me, it's almost considered conservative compared to a lot of other women there) I'm solely only doing it for my own self-esteem (yes, I have a high self-esteem and that doesn't really affect it...as far as, what's important in life). But, like, I had discussed with Nuzzo, earlier in this long-ass thread...it's, almost, like an instinctive-competitive thing between me and other women, as to who's the "hottest", sexiest woman there. Almost, like a friendly competition between two brothers, close in age, playing a game of basketball or something....there's no grudges, hard feelings, etc....you just really wanna win (whatever that means). Honestly, men don't really play as big a part in the whole..."why I might dress provocative-thing", at least for me.

I have never gone to a club or bar to get attention from men, for the most part...unless I'm using them for purely sexual reasons, then that's it...it's merely just sex. And, yes, women do that too...and that doesn't mean they're a slut. I believe a lot of it has to do in the way you carry yourself. As far as, any "relationship" I've had with a man...the only reason why they were attracted to me, as far as, wanting to take it to that next level...was soley only because they saw me "as a person". They saw me "dressed down" and "natural" and they saw my insecurities...what made me laugh, what hurt my feelings, etc.

[hardnox71]

They saw me "dressed down" and "natural" and they saw my insecurities...what made me laugh, what hurt my feelings, etc.
They also saw you as real.

[Anne Lauren]

Wait and watch.

Yes, I strongly agree...sex complicates relationships. Friends do not need to be doing acts that are specifically designed for lovers. Once you cross over, it will never be the exact same...I don't care what anybody says or what examples they might throw out there.

[Anne Lauren]

They also saw you as real.

Yes, which is an attractive quality in itself because you are now something someone can relate to...not just some random "it" (female) that a guy might wack off to in some porno mag.

[hardnox71]

Yes, I strongly agree...sex complicates relationships. Friends do not need to be doing acts that are specifically designed for lovers. Once you cross over, it will never be the exact same...I don't care what anybody says or what examples they might throw out there.
No it will never be the same. Women can have friends that are guys that they find attractive and live their entire lives without trying to find out anything more. For some reason we can't do that. We gotta give it a shot and see what happens which will create such an awkward situation no matter which way it goes.

If the advance is accepted then the friendship is compromised when the relationship doesn't work out and if the advance is rejected, well......enough said.

We can't leave well enough alone.

edit-Sleepy. Going to bed. Talk to you later.

[Anne Lauren]

No it will never be the same. Women can have friends that are guys that they find attractive and live their entire lives without trying to find out anything more. For some reason we can't do that. We gotta give it a shot and see what happens which will create such an awkward situation no matter which way it goes.

If the advance is accepted then the friendship is compromised when the relationship doesn't work out and if the advance is rejected, well......enough said.

We can't leave well enough alone.

edit-Sleepy. Going to bed. Talk to you later.

(y)...good night.

[enree erzweglle]

Hah bullshit. You didn't KNOW (or care to know) that you were doing it, because then you'd feel bad about yourself.edit: forget it.

You don't even know me.

[ms.peachy]

edit: forget it.

You don't even know me.

Don't sweat it Enree. He barely knows about girls, let alone grown women.

[Anne Lauren]

Hold up, Ace...I disagree with your whole "Intellectual Whore" theory. Mainly, because you are making it into an "absolute"...has a lot of truth behind it, granted. But, NOT, an "absolute".

The one factor that you are leaving out...is that of maturity. Honestly, that whole "way of thinking" truely shows your age and the various degrees and types of experiences you've had with relationships, so far. It's a very juvenille type mentality.

Believe it or not, as one gets older...their views on "relationships" with the opposite sex, do become a lot more complex. A person, begins to have more "respect" and understanding towards what it means to have a "relationship" with another person and/or just merely be attracted to them...marriage is one, for example. A man, for the most part, will "end a friendship" with another woman...solely due to an "unspoken repect" towards the other man. It becomes almost no longer proper. As you get older...it's not just about sex, physical attributes, etc. anymore. That's way too simple and adolescent.

[enree erzweglle]

Hold up, Ace...I disagree with your whole "Intellectual Whore" theory. Mainly, because you are making it into an "absolute"...has a lot of truth behind it, granted. But, NOT, an "absolute".

The one factor that you are leaving out...is that of maturity. Honestly, that whole "way of thinking" truely shows your age and the various degrees and types of experiences you've had with relationships, so far. It's a very juvenille type mentality.

Believe it or not, as one gets older...their views on "relationships" with the opposite sex, do become a lot more complex. A person, begins to have more "respect" and understanding towards what it means to have a "relationship" with another person and/or just merely be attracted to them...marriage is one, for example. A man, for the most part, will "end a friendship" with another woman...solely due to an "unspoken repect" towards the other man. It becomes almost no longer proper. As you get older...it's not just about sex, physical attributes, etc. anymore. That's way too simple and adolescent.This is a whole lot of what I wanted to get into, but I didn't have the time or the drive, really, to articulate it well.

I can't speak for why some of my male friends cut off our friendship. I can speculate, but that wouldn't be fair to them for a lot of reasons. You're right in that real-life experiences--extended across 10-20-30 years--those experiences trump textbook philosophy/psychology.

[Anne Lauren]

Yeah, I can definately tell the difference between a man in his 20's and a man in his 30's...especially, if they have children. Now, granted, a person's personality is their personality...however, they tend to have a more passive, low-key, and respectful "air" about them, almost.

[ms.peachy]

...however, they tend to have a more passive, low-key, and respectful "air" about them, almost.
I don't know that I'd say it's 'passive', but it's just to do with the difference between a guy who's never seriously considered females much beyond the tip of his own penis, and one who understands when it's not "all about him" anymore.

[Anne Lauren]

I don't know that I'd say it's 'passive', but it's just to do with the difference between a guy who's never seriously considered females much beyond the tip of his own penis, and one who understands when it's not "all about him" anymore.

Well, by passive, I meant...more "toned-down", almost, I guess. They're not so "insecure" and more comfortable in their own skin, I guess. I don't know...hard to describe.

But, yeah, you're right...I guess that's why...because they understand when "it's not all about them" anymore. I mean, heck, you'd definately know over me. (y)

My boyfriend's 33 (granted he's an attorney that's waaay too uptight and needs to relax a bit...but, that's just his personality, I guess. We kinda balance each other out)...but, man, I can tell a huge difference between him and my ex. They have 2 totally different mind-states, almost. I, honestly, just won't put up with that shit anymore, in a relationship. We just have nothing in common.

[Nuzzolese]

My boyfriend is 19. He's more mature than most guys my age that I've met. Maybe I'm immature and he's on my level, but in any case he's the most respectful, polite, smart, generous and understanding boyfriend I've ever had, and the most mature.

[Anne Lauren]

My boyfriend is 19. He's more mature than most guys my age that I've met. Maybe I'm immature and he's on my level, but in any case he's the most respectful, polite, smart, generous and understanding boyfriend I've ever had, and the most mature.

Cool! (y)

I, honestly, wasn't trying to stereotype or anything.

Aren't you in your mid-twenties? Just curious...cause I've never dated someone really, signifigantly, younger than me before.

Tell me about it and what makes it work for both of ya'll...seriously, I'm genuinely curious. I mean, only if you want to and feel comfortable discussing it.

[Nuzzolese]

Just to say so, I wasn't trying to base an argument on my personal experience because I know there are always exceptions with individuals. I just turned 26. He'll be 20 next month. I don't know exactly how it works. It just does. It's been great. I was more worried about our age difference than he ever was. I know that he had to grow up quickly and assume a lot of responsibilities as a teenager. Maybe that's why it works. Other than that, it's nothing more than the typical reasons people get along: communication, kindness, compromise...

[Anne Lauren]

Don't take this the wrnog way but it was probably because you were tipsy and they knew they could get some out of you.

Hmmm...maybe?! :D

[Anne Lauren]

Just to say so, I wasn't trying to base an argument on my personal experience because I know there are always exceptions with individuals. I just turned 26. He'll be 20 next month. I don't know exactly how it works. It just does. It's been great. I was more worried about our age difference than he ever was. I know that he had to grow up quickly and assume a lot of responsibilities as a teenager. Maybe that's why it works. Other than that, it's nothing more than the typical reasons people get along: communication, kindness, compromise...

Oh, no biggy! That's what I figured, for the most part. Just, I don't know...startin' a conversation, I guess. (y)

[Nuzzolese]

Oh, no biggy! That's what I figured, for the most part. Just, I don't know...startin' a conversation, I guess. (y)

Oh, oh I get it, you want a piece of me?! Huh? Tough gal? Huh? Pshhh you don't even know me bitch. Step.

[Anne Lauren]

Oh, oh I get it, you want a piece of me?! Huh? Tough gal? Huh? Pshhh you don't even know me bitch. Step.

Bring it, girlie!! I'll run you over with my piece of shit Ford! Oh, wait, that's right, my wheel's falling off...that's right, I can't!