i think i have a hemorrhoid

[TurdBerglar]

my heart acting all goofy, now this shit? i falling apart, man!


i woke up in the middle of the night and it felt like there was a decent size marble lodged in my asshole. i just thought i had to shit so i went back to sleep. when it was time to get up in the morning it still felt like that so i went to take a shit but nothing happened. so while in the shower i did some investigateing. and it did fell like there was a marble in between my asscheeks! i kinda freaked out a bit. i hurried my shower and went back to my room with a hand mirror leaned back in my chair with my legs spread eagle and peered. there's like this large purple looking raisin thing just chillin on the rim of my anus. aren't i too young for this bullshit? it hurts!

[ToucanSpam]

Squeeze it.

[TurdBerglar]

Squeeze it.


just becuase you want to give me a rim job on my hemorrhoid infested anus doesn't mean i have to squeeze it for your sick and twisted pleasure

[ToucanSpam]

Cut it off with a knife.

[TurdBerglar]

should i mail it too you

[ToucanSpam]

No thanks.


Does it hurt to sit down?

[TurdBerglar]

i don't feel comfortable talking to you about this

[ToucanSpam]

You shouldn't feel comfortable at all if it's really a 'hemorrhoid', dumbass.

[TurdBerglar]

are you a hemorrhoid professor?

[ToucanSpam]

Yes, I happen to be a master of the ass. Is that what you want me to say?


It's probably just an ass pimple or a sore from not cleaning your ass properly.

[TurdBerglar]

A hemorrhoid is a swollen inflammed vein in the ass not a "marble". You may have a cyst or perhaps hidradenitis supurativa. Check out this site here (http://www.hidradenitissuppurativa.net/) . Frequently the lumps end up in the ass or the groin or the armpits.


no it's a hemorhhoid

[fucktopgirl]

hahahahahaha

preparation H,,your friend!

[jackrock]

did you sit on a marble?

[ggirlballa]

wow u sound pretty concerned, but then again who wudn't be freaked out to see a marble up their ass :eek:

[Beckalina]

sounds like a haemoroid to me, but then again I am not a doctor.

[jackrock]

sounds like you sat on a marble to me...

maybe you should go to a toy store or something, see if they could help you out?

[HotAndWet]

One time at the gyno's office while getting my exam, she exclaimed, "oh you have a little hemoroid!" :(
I was confused and scared. I had heard about people having to get surgery for it, and then I thought I would need preparation H, but my mom just told me everyone gets them and they go away on their own. :)

[B4BY 4NN]

My dad had them so bad, he had to go in for surgery. My mom said they tied, like, rubber bands around them until they popped.

[Medellia]

Five star thread.

[Knuckles]

Five star thread.
CRAZY!!!

I voted right before you posted this!!! :eek:

[jabumbo]

probably from zorrraaa

[Beckalina]

you know, its a little known fact that haemorhoids, as well as some sleeping disorders and addictions are contagious.

[zorra_chiflada]

probably from zorrraaa

yep it was me alright

[Knuckles]

Turd, I think I'm gonna keep bumping this thread every single day for the next month.

[TurdBerglar]

good


i could use the publicity

[Knuckles]

This is your best thread in quite some time. (y)

[Ace42X]

This is your best thread in quite some time. (y)

I demand you do an artist's impression of the offending ailment.

[Bob]

i, on the other hand, demand that you do not

[Knuckles]

I demand you do an artist's impression of the offending ailment.
perhaps Turd would like a hemorrhoid avatar?

[Ace42X]

perhaps Turd would like a hemorrhoid avatar?

Even if he wouldn't, I am sure there are plenty of people who'll sport a "Turdy 'roid avatar".

[zorra_chiflada]

yess!

[Medellia]

Even if he wouldn't, I am sure there are plenty of people who'll sport a "Turdy 'roid avatar".
I would!

[TurdBerglar]

what is wrong with you fucks

[Ace42X]

what is wrong with you fucks

I guess you cheesing off posters has come back to bite you in the ass.

[TurdBerglar]

why the hell would i put cheese on posters for


i don't even have any posters

[Ace42X]

why the hell would i put cheese on posters for

Perhaps you should try some yoghurt on your anus to relieve discomfort. It works on thrush, I gather.

i don't even have any posters

Obviously you did a very poor job of de-cheesing them.

[TurdBerglar]

i don't even like dairy

[zorra_chiflada]

yogurt only works on thrushy vaginas

[Ace42X]

yogurt only works on thrushy vaginas

You've tried it anally? What about cheese?

[TurdBerglar]

i would of thought this thread would of been too low brow for ace

[Ace42X]

i would of thought this thread would of been too low brow for ace

As a professor of anatomy, I find the subject fascinating. Same with the treatment. Let me know how the cheese works out for you.

And it is "would have" not "would of".

[Medellia]

i would of thought this thread would of been too low brow for ace
Hahahahaha!

[Knuckles]

So, who wants the Turd Hemorrhoid avatar?

[zorra_chiflada]

me!

[TurdBerglar]

wow

[zorra_chiflada]

you wanted this

[Knuckles]

wow
*takes a bow*

[zorra_chiflada]

ha!

[Medellia]

So, who wants the Turd Hemorrhoid avatar?
I didn't get to see it. :(

Hahahaha, nevermind!

[Knuckles]

I have an idea! We can all use it!

[jennyb]

OMG! Zorra, I dunno if I can look at your posts right now! LOL

[TurdBerglar]

you people have odd fascinations with me

[Knuckles]

you people have odd fascinations with me
Not me, I'm Qdrop's stalker. Don't you remember?

[jennyb]

Pfffffhhhaaaaaahahaha! 5 star rating? Wow.

[kaiser soze]

shut the f*ck up bitz

[Knuckles]

How's the rump-bump doing Turd?

[TurdBerglar]

im afraid to shit

[Knuckles]

you can't hold it forever :(

[Tzar]

*points and laughs at turd*
hahahaha suck it, cunt :)

[Lindsey_1535]

loooks gross ewww kuncuksssslesllelslle avtar o ok loos grosss sorrty for drunk typing. oik ewwewww is all i had to say .

[Knuckles]

Have you had to use this (http://images.amazon.com/images/P/B0000VLX1E.01._SCLZZZZZZZ_.jpg) yet?

[instigator7022]

i bet its a boil

[beastiegirrl101]

I remember when I was younger someone told me if you sat on cold cement you got hemorrhoids.

[Anne Lauren]

my heart acting all goofy, now this shit? i falling apart, man!


i woke up in the middle of the night and it felt like there was a decent size marble lodged in my asshole. i just thought i had to shit so i went back to sleep. when it was time to get up in the morning it still felt like that so i went to take a shit but nothing happened. so while in the shower i did some investigateing. and it did fell like there was a marble in between my asscheeks! i kinda freaked out a bit. i hurried my shower and went back to my room with a hand mirror leaned back in my chair with my legs spread eagle and peered. there's like this large purple looking raisin thing just chillin on the rim of my anus. aren't i too young for this bullshit? it hurts!

Seriously, not making lite of the subject...but, you're funny to me! Are you a hyperchondriac? Just, honestly, curious...because you always seem to be suffering from some physical disorder.

[Freebasser]

It'll probably pop and then you'll die.

Here's hoping (y)

[TurdBerglar]

Seriously, not making lite of the subject...but, you're funny to me! Are you a hyperchondriac? Just, honestly, curious...because you always seem to be suffering from some physical disorder.


maybe it's just my heart migrateing to my anus

[g-mile7]

must have just had a shit that was pretty hard to pass, and as a result made the junk round yo area swell up. It's natural just have to wait it out and drink more water, eat more fiber and get off the board and excerise.You can have an operation where they remove them but I don't know how safe that is given the people like Peperation H and so forth still have a thriving market.