View Full Version : The Zombie Apocalypse Has Begun
http://news.aol.com/topnews/articles?id=n20060306100709990009&cid=936
Hearse Driver Arrested for Biting Policeman
Reuters
BERLIN (March 6) - A drunken hearse driver has been arrested in the western German town of Krefeld after biting a police officer taking him in for an alcohol test, police said on Monday.
Police had called for a hearse at a funeral home to transport a body to the cemetery.
"The hearse driver nearly fell over when he got out of the car. Then he had to hold onto everything he could find as he stumbled to the house," said police spokesman Dietmar Greger.
Police decided to take the man to the station to test his blood alcohol level, but when they tried to get him out of their car he started a fight and bit an officer several times in the hand.
The man was confined to a cell until he sobered up and has been charged with civil disorder and drunk driving.
**********************************************
They always think zombies are drunk at first.
Everyone get their zombie survival guide if you haven't already.
Qdrop
03-07-2006, 09:25 AM
FINALLY!
it begins.....
aim for the head.
Nuzzolese
03-07-2006, 09:42 AM
My friends and I have a plan. We rush to the Walmart on the River, we loot the place for food, supplies, weapons and ammo. We hijack the riverboat casino and get the eff outta Dodge. Zombies can't swim, of course. We'll live on the boat and fight off the zombies from there. We'll hit the Mississipi and head down to the Gulf of Mexico and Florida where we'll get an even bigger boat, a cruise liner, and head out to sea. We'll gather more supplies in the Caribbean, and make for a tiny Island that we will make our new home. Flying is too risky, would take too long to arrange, and could possibly leave us trapped in a dangerous altitude with zombie stowaways. At least on a ship you can throw them overboard without losing cabin pressure and causing some kind of deadly suction. Plus, none of us know how to fly. We can manage a ship though, and it's much more spacious and we won't necessarily die right away if we run out of fuel before reaching our destination. We'll have lifeboats.
Qdrop
03-07-2006, 09:48 AM
My friends and I have a plan. We rush to the Walmart on the River, we loot the place for food, supplies, weapons and ammo. We hijack the riverboat casino and get the eff outta Dodge. Zombies can't swim, of course. We'll live on the boat and fight off the zombies from there. We'll hit the Mississipi and head down to the Gulf of Mexico and Florida where we'll get an even bigger boat, a cruise liner, and head out to sea. We'll gather more supplies in the Caribbean, and make for a tiny Island that we will make our new home. Flying is too risky, would take too long to arrange, and could possibly leave us trapped in a dangerous altitude with zombie stowaways. At least on a ship you can throw them overboard without losing cabin pressure and causing some kind of deadly suction. Plus, none of us know how to fly. We can manage a ship though, and it's much more spacious and we won't necessarily die right away if we run out of fuel before reaching our destination. We'll have lifeboats.
pshh...
don't hide from the problem, nuzz.
jeesh.
Zombies can't swim, of course.
You are right they can't swim. But they can probably just walk the bottom of the pond/lake/ocean or whathaveyou. Its not like they need to breathe. And its not like they are scared of the water a la Signs.
Otis Driftwood
03-07-2006, 10:10 AM
Man, this is not the post-apocalyptic challenge I had in mind. Drunk zombies in cars? What will they think of next?
Nuzzolese
03-07-2006, 10:44 AM
You are right they can't swim. But they can probably just walk the bottom of the pond/lake/ocean or whathaveyou. Its not like they need to breathe. And its not like they are scared of the water a la Signs.
When have you ever seen them walk the bottom of a river or the ocean? How are they heavy enough to stay at the bottom? Their bodies are basically cadavers, and dead bodies float, right? Maybe they fill up with water, but they can't fight the current because they lack the motor skills to maintain a single direction, and don't they sometimes just get lost and give up when they hit tangled weeds and things? Do they smell human flesh through water? How do these things work, anyway? Do they have memory and a sense of direction or do they just follow their noses and eyes?
Nuzzolese
03-07-2006, 10:45 AM
pshh...
don't hide from the problem, nuzz.
jeesh.
You have to be prepared to face the option that the world is over. Stay and fight for your loved ones but get them out of there and then you can fight like the navy. Or better yet, get with the Navy and shoot bombs and cannons and blow them up while watching from a safe distance. We'll just drink coconuts and make grass skirts until this whole thing blows over.
When have you ever seen them walk the bottom of a river or the ocean? How are they heavy enough to stay at the bottom? Their bodies are basically cadavers, and dead bodies float, right? Maybe they fill up with water, but they can't fight the current because they lack the motor skills to maintain a single direction, and don't they sometimes just get lost and give up when they hit tangled weeds and things? Do they smell human flesh through water? How do these things work, anyway? Do they have memory and a sense of direction or do they just follow their noses and eyes?
Im just going with the trailer of Land of the Dead. They were coming out of the water and shit in that movie.
Plus they would probably decompose faster in the water so they would walk into nothingness, but thats a point against me not for me.
If that wasn't an issue...they could just walk and walk and walk after filling up with water. If they get tangled in weeds, they just keep trying to get out until the end of time.
Zombies basically follow their noses and eyes. I think they got some Predator like heat/blood/life sensing thing going on. But I just say that because I remember the local zombie expert saying something like that.
As for memory.....in 'Day of the Dead', Bubba saluted an officer in the Army because he was in the Army at one point. So there was some signs of his past lifes memories coming back. Or maybe that was more of a embedded instinct for him.
Anyone remember when Tubbs from Miami Vice turned into a zombie?
If it was the end of the world...and you were on an island with about 15 - 20 other people, and you didn't know if the rest of the world was zombified or not. would you work on semi-repopulating the world and raising some zombie killing badass motherfuckers to regain planet earth...or would you just let mankind die with your group?
Depending on resources....I say lets get scrumping.
Qdrop
03-07-2006, 11:09 AM
you know.....i wonder how far/long the whole zombie thing would go?
i mean, in ALL of the living dead movies....the zombies are taking/have taken over...and it's just a few rag-tag survivors left to fend for themselves.
but how long will it go? eventually, the zombies will just rot into nothingness and die....effectively dying out...right?
then the few pocket survivors can reclaim the earth.
now that's assuming that the zombie virus is only spread by fluids...not by air.
if it's airborn...then i guess it will continue, once someone else dies from natural causes?
but, in most movies i've seen, the virus (after initial nuclear mutation) is spread through fluids (bites, etc).
so if the survivors just wait it out, on an island or whatever....the zombies will just rot away and die out on thier own.
right?
we need a plan, people.
oh i am so ready to kick some face
Nuzzolese
03-07-2006, 11:13 AM
We'd repopulate the earth with badass motherfuckers, and a few sheltered sensitive artists back in the tree huts. We'll let them out once we know it's safe for them. The problem is that there are just SO many damn people in the world. I'm assuming small pockets of survivors would last for centuries, and so could the zombie virus if we didn't contain it.
Qdrop
03-07-2006, 11:41 AM
I'm assuming small pockets of survivors would last for centuries, and so could the zombie virus if we didn't contain it.
as long as the survivors can avoid infection indefinately (island! hello?!), then the virus will just kill itself off once the last zombie rots away.
Monsieur Decuts
03-07-2006, 11:46 AM
They just need some Topical Cream for their Pink Eye.
Qdrop
03-07-2006, 11:49 AM
How long wiil that take? And who is to say animals won't get infected? I don't want to swim in a sea full of zombie sharks!
if decomp to the state of unusable tissue....i'd say about 2 months per zombie, tops.
so 2 months after the last infection.
yeah, does anyone know if animals can be infected? they can, right?
hell, what about plants for that matter?
Zombie tulips!?
Nuzzolese
03-07-2006, 11:51 AM
Zombie killer bees!
Qdrop
03-07-2006, 11:52 AM
and zombies and sharks are the only things that scare me anymore.
to imagine a zombie shark, is to realize that i have soiled my pants.
Nuzzolese
03-07-2006, 11:52 AM
Fuck this rock, we're going to Mars until Zombie Martians hit.
Qdrop
03-07-2006, 11:53 AM
Zombie killer bees!
eh...i think it's been pretty well established that insects are resistant to zombie-ism.
science still doesn't know why....
Qdrop
03-07-2006, 11:55 AM
Fuck this rock, we're going to Mars until Zombie Martians hit.
wait....didn't zombies take over mars too?
what was that john carpenter movie....ghosts of mars?
yeah.
zombies are fuckin everywhere.
that movie fuckin sucked.
Nuzzolese
03-07-2006, 11:58 AM
eh...i think it's been pretty well established that insects are resistant to zombie-ism.
science still doesn't know why....
No, no no wait. Insects aren't resistant to zombie-ism, it's just that they don't bite or sting dead bodies, right? Which makes me wonder, why aren't zombies constantly covered in flies? You'd have zombie maggots and zombie flies then zombie fish and birds and then zombie bears and so on. I guess they are immune to it. We need to genetically modify the new race of humans by adding bee DNA.
Qdrop
03-07-2006, 12:00 PM
We need to genetically modify the new race of humans by adding bee DNA.
now you're just mixing B-movies.
THE MADNESS MUST END!
Qdrop
03-07-2006, 12:00 PM
Fucking zombies, damn you Bob and your zombie prophecy! I wonder if a zombie squirrel would still taste like chicken, or would it taste like a zombie chicken?
it would taste like rotting flesh.
which does NOT taste good.
no way.
Nuzzolese
03-07-2006, 12:00 PM
now you're just mixing B-movies.
THE MADNESS MUST END!
Tha madness has already begun, don't you see that?! *shakes Qdrop violently before slapping him*
Anne Lauren
03-07-2006, 12:01 PM
Im just going with the trailer of Land of the Dead. They were coming out of the water and shit in that movie.
Plus they would probably decompose faster in the water so they would walk into nothingness, but thats a point against me not for me.
If that wasn't an issue...they could just walk and walk and walk after filling up with water. If they get tangled in weeds, they just keep trying to get out until the end of time.
Zombies basically follow their noses and eyes. I think they got some Predator like heat/blood/life sensing thing going on. But I just say that because I remember the local zombie expert saying something like that.
As for memory.....in 'Day of the Dead', Bubba saluted an officer in the Army because he was in the Army at one point. So there was some signs of his past lifes memories coming back. Or maybe that was more of a embedded instinct for him
Anyone remember when Tubbs from Miami Vice turned into a zombie?
No..no...
You need base your facts off the Michael Jackson, Thriller, video.
They can rip through walls and always manage to catch up with you...no matter how slow they are walking with their arms stuck out in front of them, and no matter how far away you get.
And...they can break out into a random dance.
Qdrop
03-07-2006, 12:02 PM
Tha madness has already begun, don't you see that?! *shakes Qdrop violently before slapping him*
*pushes nuzz away*
"SHE'S A ZOMBIE, SHE'S A ZOMBIE! SHOOT HER! KEEP HER AWAY FROM THE TULIPS!"
Qdrop
03-07-2006, 12:04 PM
*Slaps Q too* Not that he needed it, but for a bit of comic relief.
I'M NOT YOUR CLOWN! GET OFF MY ISLAND!
Nuzzolese
03-07-2006, 12:04 PM
It's me, it's Nuzz! What are you doing with that gun?! What are you...wait...no, it's me! See? Remember that time we argued about science being a religion and you told me about What the Bleep Do We Know?! and ....
Nuzzolese
03-07-2006, 12:06 PM
This is when I back slowly away from everyone, saying with wide panicky eyes how you've all gone mad and you're just turning on each other and I'm not safe with you, and then I grab a bazooka and make a break for it, to attempt it out there on my own, yelling a cynical good luck to you maniacs.
This is so much fun. The zombie apocalypse is going to KICK. ASS.
My life will finally have meaning.
Qdrop
03-07-2006, 12:06 PM
It's me, it's Nuzz! What are you doing with that gun?! What are you...wait...no, it's me! See? Remember that time we argued about science being a religion and you told me about What the Bleep Do We Know?! and ....
"WAIT....SHE'S NOT A ZOMBIE...look, on her back....wings?....and antenna on her forehead?....SHE'S A BEE-WOMAN! IT ALL MAKES SENSE!"
Nuzzolese
03-07-2006, 12:07 PM
Does that make me a Human Beeing? Oh I slay me. But then I lose my stinger afterwards and die.
damnit everyone, we need to stay calm if we're going to get through this! stop panicking!
Freebasser
03-07-2006, 12:37 PM
My mate and I have a plan.
We take Pete's car, we go to mum's, kill Phillip, grab Liz, go to the Winchester, have a nice cold pint, and wait for all of this to blow over.
cosmo105
03-07-2006, 12:45 PM
My mate and I have a plan.
We take Pete's car, we go to mum's, kill Phillip, grab Liz, go to the Winchester, have a nice cold pint, and wait for all of this to blow over.
:D
see guys, i've injected myself with minute quantities of the zombie t-virus, so my blood is full of antibodies. i'm our species' last salvation. i just need to get to a clinic where i might synthesize more and create a vaccine for it. let's just hope that no zombies spear me through the chest, leaving me in a crucifixion-like pose draped across a fountain offering my blood as a lifesaving communion! *crosses fingers*
Freebasser
03-07-2006, 12:57 PM
final destination 3 was crap
The Omega Man wasn't though.
Monsieur Decuts
03-07-2006, 01:00 PM
If I get bit I'm going to be the Blade of Zombies and take out as many of those fuckers as I can. I'll just make a daily trip to the Hommel plant and get a little head cheese sandwich to supress my brainzzzzzzzzzzzzz addiction. I'm pretty sure brainz and munster on rye with honey mustard will empower me to save at least some of the human race.
cosmo105
03-07-2006, 01:02 PM
The Omega Man wasn't though.
here...use my blood! take it! save yourself, foxy black lady!
Freebasser
03-07-2006, 01:04 PM
I'd hate to be trapped in an underground bunker like in Day of the Dead.
Mutilated corpses, reanimated dead bodies chianed to walls and puddles of blood everywhere.
It'd be just like staying over at Cosmo and Boomin's again :(
cosmo105
03-07-2006, 01:11 PM
we got it all at Zombie Barn.
..this is a joke right?
its not a fucking zombie, he was probably so drunk that the only thing he could think of as in a "good" way to attack back was to bite. plus, if he was a zombie they'd know right away cause his skin would be pail and blueish..plus there's no such thing as zombies, dead people cant still be active, unless they've been tested with medical science stuff.
:rolleyes:
i actually had a dream not that long ago that the goverment, they leerd people into this big.. BIG buidling, where they put chips into people, and in the dream i had to attack one of the body built dudes who held us back from escaping, and everyone started running for there lives down these kind of staircases (that you had to run in circles to keep going down), and when everyone basicaly got out of the building the whole town infront of us was flooded, so we all went to some pizza place that was coverd in water.. we were basicaly walking through a pool. and animals were in cages up on top of shelfs, and we were all zombies by then cause they desies kept spreading, and it was so weird too. in my dream, being a zombie was like you couldn't move any muscle correctly, your whole body feels numb and it feels like your filled up with morphien and havent walked in 203284234 years.
beastieangel01
03-07-2006, 04:27 PM
I always evaluate every new building I go in to, house, or not, to decide whether it's good enough to hold up in during a zombie attack.
Turns out, my new apartment sucks ass. At least I have my survival guide.
cosmo105
03-07-2006, 06:56 PM
..this is a joke right?
its not a fucking zombie, he was probably so drunk that the only thing he could think of as in a "good" way to attack back was to bite. plus, if he was a zombie they'd know right away cause his skin would be pail and blueish..plus there's no such thing as zombies, dead people cant still be active, unless they've been tested with medical science stuff.
no, it's totally real.
DandyFop
03-07-2006, 06:59 PM
They're coming to get me, Barbara!
:(
Pres Zount
03-08-2006, 03:09 AM
In "Guitar Wolf" two zombies got together and I guess they mated. So you couldn't just wait for them to rot.
You need to start a new civilisation and invade the zombies with flamethrowers, MG'42's and cricket bats.
Medellia
03-08-2006, 03:14 AM
..this is a joke right?
its not a fucking zombie, he was probably so drunk that the only thing he could think of as in a "good" way to attack back was to bite. plus, if he was a zombie they'd know right away cause his skin would be pail and blueish..plus there's no such thing as zombies, dead people cant still be active, unless they've been tested with medical science stuff.
:rolleyes:
i actually had a dream not that long ago that the goverment, they leerd people into this big.. BIG buidling, where they put chips into people, and in the dream i had to attack one of the body built dudes who held us back from escaping, and everyone started running for there lives down these kind of staircases (that you had to run in circles to keep going down), and when everyone basicaly got out of the building the whole town infront of us was flooded, so we all went to some pizza place that was coverd in water.. we were basicaly walking through a pool. and animals were in cages up on top of shelfs, and we were all zombies by then cause they desies kept spreading, and it was so weird too. in my dream, being a zombie was like you couldn't move any muscle correctly, your whole body feels numb and it feels like your filled up with morphien and havent walked in 203284234 years.
Killjoy.
*eats your brains*
zorra_chiflada
03-08-2006, 03:36 AM
..this is a joke right?
its not a fucking zombie, he was probably so drunk that the only thing he could think of as in a "good" way to attack back was to bite. plus, if he was a zombie they'd know right away cause his skin would be pail and blueish..plus there's no such thing as zombies, dead people cant still be active, unless they've been tested with medical science stuff.
:rolleyes:
haha!
haahaaha!
hahahahaahaa!
vBulletin® v3.6.7, Copyright ©2000-2025, Jelsoft Enterprises Ltd.