Opinions, please

[ms.peachy]

This is probably more for the ladies, but guys, feel free to chime in too (esp the dads):

Our baby is due in just under five weeks now. Essentially, we kind of need to be prepared for labour to start more or less any time now. although it probably won't for at least another 3 weeks, but you never know, blah blah blah.

Mr.p has two unavoidable trips out of the country he has to make in the next 3 weeks: on Monday, he has to fly to Kazhakstan, and will be back Thursday. Then the following week, he has to fly to the US on Thursday and will be back the following Sunday.

So this means that if something kind of crazy happens like, this kid decides she's coming to the party early and I go into labour in that time, I'm kinda on my own, unless I line up a stand-by birthing partner. and of course, being expats, I have no family here, so it's not like my mom or sister can stand in.

Now, that's kind of a big thing to ask of somebody to do, right? "Hi, will you come to the hospital with and hold my hand while I scream and push a small human being out of my vagina?" I have one really close friend here in England that I would ask, who I know would absolutely be there for me if she could, BUT she lives 2.5 hours outside of London, and has a 2 year old herself, so she couldn't really drop everything and come running.

My other closest friend here, I love her to death and she'd likely say yes if I really needed her, but honestly, I do not know how helpful she would be. Lovely woman, but is not really interested in having kids of her own, I imagine would be horrified by the whole birthing process, and although she'd want to be supportive, I'm not sure she'd really know how in this situation, ya know?

So there's another friend, whom I am not quite as close to, but who lives close by, and who is very down-to-earth and has a slightly older child. I'm kind of thinking I should ask her, since she has 'been through it', and although as I said we're not super-close friends, I really like her and enjoy her company on the occasions we do socialise. But I don't know how to ask this, you know? On the one hand, I could just phone her, explain, and see what she says, but I kind of feel like that's putting her on the spot to reply right away. On the other, I could send her an email, but then does that seem kind of offhanded and too casual?

What to do?

[Ace42X]

Go with your best friend, and see if you can sweeten the deal with offering to put her up for the few weeks hubby will be absent.

[ms.peachy]

Go with your best friend, and see if you can sweeten the deal with offering to put her up for the few weeks hubby will be absent.
I'd love to be able to, but I can't really ask her now on Friday night to leave her job for all of next week though, can I? Plus what about her 2 year old?

[roosta]

mr. p is an international assassin.

[ms.peachy]

mr. p is an international assassin.
Great. Now that you've told everyone, you do realise we'll have to have you killed, right?

[abcdefz]

You know what you could do? Find a local organization that maybe has someone who likes doing this midwifery stuff. For instance: in my old church, there was woman woman who was definitely into it and really nurturing and warm and helped new moms out a LOT.

This way, you wouldn't be asking anyone that you're kind of on the fence about, and you might make a new friend, too.

[Ace42X]

I'd love to be able to, but I can't really ask her now on Friday night to leave her job for all of next week though, can I? Plus what about her 2 year old?

Two year olds travel well, would be an adventure for the kid too. Bribery is always an effective tactic, and is next week a likely time for you to go into labour? See if she can book holiday time for week after. Can at least approach her and see if there is anything you could do that might facilitate things.

[marsdaddy]

mr.p should be ready to cancel his trip. Life is going to change and this is your first test.

Or, you could hire a doula/mid-wife?

[monkey]

ask the woman with the older kid to lunch or dinner and ask her. it's a just in case thing, and it's nice to be prepared. im sure it wont be weird, especially if you ask her if theres anything you could do for her in case?

[roosta]

Great. Now that you've told everyone, you do realise we'll have to have you killed, right?
ha...he'll have to find me first.




the game begins!

[ms.peachy]

mr.p should be ready to cancel his trip. Life is going to change and this is your first test.

Or, you could hire a doula/mid-wife?
well, I do have a midwife; that's kinda how they do things here. For an uncomplicated pregnancy, you have a midwife - you only see an obstetrician if there are complications.

If I said to mr.p "please don't go", he wouldn't. And if it was withint the 'two weeks of due date' window, he wouldn't. But I don't want to ask him not to go when the odds I'll be fine and nothing will happen, I just sort of feel like, if we plan for things to go wrong, they'll be fine; but if we don't and just assume it will all be fine, it won't. You know?

[enree erzweglle]

edit: actually, it doesn't matter :)

[marsdaddy]

well, I do have a midwife; that's kinda how they do things here. For an uncomplicated pregnancy, you have a midwife - you only see an obstetrician if there are complications.Whatever the crazy brits call it, some women here hire a doula to participate in the birth process like a coach. Seems like it might be an option for you. I'd never heard of such a thing until mrs. mars was preggers.
If I said to mr.p "please don't go", he wouldn't. And if it was withint the 'two weeks of due date' window, he wouldn't. But I don't want to ask him not to go when the odds I'll be fine and nothing will happen, I just sort of feel like, if we plan for things to go wrong, they'll be fine; but if we don't and just assume it will all be fine, it won't. You know?I was being flip and judgemental, but you might be missing my point. What would he do if you gave birth whilst he was gone? Fly home right away?

[buddylee]

Tell the MR P. that unless it's going to get him fired that thier is no way he can leave at this time. I don't know about were you live but here men get maternity leave from work . if so tell to start that early .
Thier is No way I would have missed that . It's a big part of you and his life , he will be sorry to miss that . then again I worked a 1/2 day the day my first kid was born.

[ms.peachy]

What would he do if you gave birth whilst he was gone? Fly home right away?

There is not much he can do if he is in Kazhakstan. It's not like many flights go in and out of there every day. In fact, it's not like flights go in and out of there every day. He is cutting that trip as close as is possible with the flights that are available. And I can't really stress how important this project is to his career at the moment. Yes yes, I understand of course, a child is more important than a career, but you have no idea how hard he has worked to get this set of meetings to happen and what an accomplishment it is to get together the set of people he has managed to. It's major, and I am willing to risk that I will probably not go into labour before Thursday. But I do want to be prepared, just in case.

When he is in the US, yes, he will go immediately to the airport.

[buddylee]

well in that case , send a a jet blue ticket and I step up. or a Photo and I mite pay my own way. J/K

[venusvenus123]

first, most first births are overdue, so you will probably be ok.

you could drop a hint to that friend with the older kid and see if she picks up on it.

your husband should probably stick around to be honest. but, that's your personal choice, obviously. however, i think it's a bit mad that he's planning to travel over the next few weeks... and would it be just for your sake that he is there for the birth?

[adam_f]

edit: God probably wouldn't like that last comment, and I don't want Him ass raping me when I have kids.

[ScarySquirrel]

I think venusvenus123 should do it.

[QueenAdrock]

Can you induce birth in the time that you know he will be here? That's what a friend of mine did. And then he got to go to Iraq and not see his daughter grow up and will see her next when she's walking. /debbydowner

[ms.peachy]

Oh no, I wouldn't dream of inducing this early. The baby will come when she's ready; I'd only induce on my midwife's recommendation if we went way overdue or something.

As I said, I'm not actually worried that she will come while he's away; the ods are very much against it. But, I just know if I don't plan for 'just in case', I'll start having contractions ten seconds after the wheels fold up into the plane as it takes off. So if I have a 'Plan B', I'll never need it, see?;)

[enree erzweglle]

first, most first births are overdue, so you will probably be ok.
My kid was the exception to that rule. He came exactly on the due date.

EVERYONE told me that he'd be at least 10 days late, probably more like 14. So when I went into labor, I was mostly unprepared--I had a crib and a tiny yellow winnie the pooh bear (which my kid still has). I came home with him the next day and then went to the shops for kid supplies.

So maybe don't assume, because she's your first, that she'll be late. She might be very schedule oriented like my kid was (and is still).

[ms.peachy]

So maybe don't assume, because she's your first, that she'll be late.
I assume she'll be late because she's half mr.p's genetic material, and the man's never been on time for anything in his life. I mean, the man nearly missed his own wedding... oh, but that's a whole other story...:D

[mickill]

Or, you could hire a doula/mid-wife?

That's what I was gonna say!

first, most first births are overdue, so you will probably be ok.

I was gonna say that too!

you could drop a hint to that friend with the older kid and see if she picks up on it.

And that!

Can you induce birth in the time that you know he will be here?

Okay, I wouldn't have said this.

[venusvenus123]

yes... i think the title of the thread should be... "question for parents please"

inducing is terrible, terrible!!

ps. mickill your baby is adorable! but you knew that

pps. yes ez, i agree. my friend's first was 3 weeks early.

i think that a midwife is really all you need, after the husband. i just can't imagine having gone through that without mine. he still has the tshirt he wore on the day/night/day... it has big hand print in the middle of it, where i pressed my hand all through those crazy pains. i think i made an indent on his chest.

[mickill]

"We" were a week late. At the time, we still considered induction as sort of a last option.

Thanks venus! And thanks for not sounding all surprised when you said she was adorable. Generally, people preface their compliments with "I can't believe....." like the chances were just so slim or something.


I don't wear the shirt I was wearing the day Ava was born anymore. Just want to keep it as it was. I also stole the little baby hospital gown thingy they put on her.

[Documad]

If you would feel better having the down to earth woman who had a kid around while you're delivering, then you should ask her. I think that you should have a back up person on call, even if she doesn't want to go into the delivery room, because at a minimum you would want someone to relay messages to your family and be an extra set of ears if anything unusual happens.

I had a medical procedure and asked someone I'm not particularly close to because she's calm. She waited around with me during the tense waiting time and then went to the waiting room when I wanted privacy. My much better friend is hyper and would have stressed me out.

People will really surprise you at how they're willing to help out if you just ask--especially down to earth older women.

[Knuckles]

The answer is simple...































PAUL JONES!

[kaiser soze]

choose the person you trust the most, I'm sure anyone who cares about you will help

I hope?

[venusvenus123]

"We" were a week late. At the time, we still considered induction as sort of a last option.

Thanks venus! And thanks for not sounding all surprised when you said she was adorable. Generally, people preface their compliments with "I can't believe....." like the chances were just so slim or something.


I don't wear the shirt I was wearing the day Ava was born anymore. Just want to keep it as it was. I also stole the little baby hospital gown thingy they put on her.
i think i'm going to ask my husband to stop wearing his. it's getting holes in it!

and yes, your baby is the spit of you :)

documad has given really practical advice. i tend to see the situation a little too emotionally. i had my whole bleeding (scuse the pun) family outside the delivery room as i was rushed to hospital with an emergency situation. that was NOT that great; i really didn't want my dad popping in to see how i was doing every so often!

i think the woman with the older kid would be really flattered you asked her.:cool:

[Planetary]

i'm sorry i don't really have any useful advice, but i'd just like to say good luck with it all :)(y)

[Documad]

I hope that you have that back up woman.

My best work friend is in the hospital having her baby way early and her husband was out of town on business and his plane landed a few minutes ago. I'm biting my nails.

[ms.peachy]

I hope that you have that back up woman.

My best work friend is in the hospital having her baby way early and her husband was out of town on business and his plane landed a few minutes ago. I'm biting my nails.
Aw, good luck to them both.

Mr.peachy's probably sitting around Newark Airport right this moment, waiting to board his flight back to London. He should be home in about 8 or 9 hours. I'm pretty sure I'll make it until at least then. But, on Saturday I had lunch with a bunch of friends including all three of my mates that I mentioned at the beginning of this thread, and we talked about it and I'm sorted with backup:) just in case.

[Documad]

Aw, good luck to them both.

Mr.peachy's probably sitting around Newark Airport right this moment, waiting to board his flight back to London. He should be home in about 8 or 9 hours. I'm pretty sure I'll make it until at least then. But, on Saturday I had lunch with a bunch of friends including all three of my mates that I mentioned at the beginning of this thread, and we talked about it and I'm sorted with backup:) just in case.
I'm glad you have the backup. Everyone needs backup.

My friend's husband arrived and then her labor stopped (after about 12 hours and much to the surprise of her doctor). She may even go home on bedrest. It's a good thing if she can hold off the baby for at least another week.