adventures in failure

[Bob]

(1999, in algebra class in freshman year of high school, all parties involved are within earshot)

kelly: say bob, would you ever consider asking sarah (girl i'd had a crush on all year) out?

me: (nervously) haha! haha! haha! only if she asked me out!

sarah: :( :( :( ................

(2001, at a summer job)

kari: bob, have you ever had a girlfriend?

me: ...

kari: you haven't, have you?

me:....

kari: i'll be your girlfriend

me: ...

kari: i'll be your girlfriend bob, just say yes

me: ...

(2005, at a party)

michelle: i'd totally make out with you, and i'm not even drunk

me:....

michelle: ...ummm, do you wanna make out?

me:...i'm confused right now


although in my defense, in that last scenario, i had gone to the party with the intention of hooking up with the other girl i'd gone to the party with...michelle was a friend of hers that she'd brought along, it turns out i'd hilarously misinterpreted girl A's intentions and i went home holding it in my hand

but what i'm trying to say is, in my position, you'd basically have to TRY to stay a virgin to actually stay a virgin. maybe i'm gay or something. i don't [i]think[i/] i'm gay but i've had bigger surprises in my life.

the last girl i had a crush on was a virgin. how many attractive female virgins do you meet at a party college? i met one. she liked me, she thought i was funny. she went out of her way to mention the fact that she broke up with her boyfriend in my presence. yet i somehow managed to bore her into never talking to me again. all jokes aside, i'm not THAT boring. even if i'm not trying to be entertaining, i can convince a crowd to like me without a whole lot of effort in a social setting. yet somehow i choked in epic proportions when it really mattered.

something is hilariously wrong with me and i don't know what. maybe i'm possessed or something. shit's upsetting and all i can do is post about it on the internet

[voltanapricot]

I wish you'd get over yourself Nobby because I honestly believe you could do great with the ladies.

Bob's pain is my pain, clart.

[Bob]

this is the kind of thread that people post drunkenly for sympathy and positive attention by the way, so the more and the sooner the better, really

[kaiser soze]

start a myspace account

[voltanapricot]

I wasn't trying to pay you sympathy willy-nilly. You're not the only guy who has ever experienced this awkwardness around the gals, there's nothing wrong really, just the way you see yourself from what I gather.

[Bob]

I wish you'd get over yourself Nobby because I honestly believe you could do great with the ladies.

Bob's pain is my pain, clart.

yeah that's what i'm saying, and i know it, yet i don't follow through, which leads me to believe something terrifically sinister is happening, which is disconcerting to say the least

i have more adventures in failure by the way, i'm just waiting until i'm sober enough to remember them

[Knuckles]

How often do you think about having sex with women?

[Bob]

How often do you think about having sex with women?

not terribly often

not sparsely, mind you, but probably not as often as i'd think about it as i would if i'd ever actually had sex with one

if you need a number, probably about once a night. something about being horizontal. i don't know. i don't give it a ton of thought during the day

[Knuckles]

Well, I suppose that rules out you being gay. Which is probably a good thing. I think Bob is about the worst name for a homosexual man.



I really don't think that if you should worry too much about this "problem". The time will come when you meet the right girl and things will just naturally happen. Penis in vagina. (y)

[Medellia]

Back when you had the avatar of Rik from the Young Ones you made a thread about your awkwardness around girls, and I thought "maaaan, Bob's turning into Rik!" I was wrong, you ARE Rik.

Not that that's a bad thing, first time I saw the Young Ones I had a weird little crush on the People's Poet because he was so damn funny and cute in an odd way.

I wish you'd get over yourself Nobby because I honestly believe you could do great with the ladies.
I cosign this.

[Bob]

Back when you had the avatar of Rik from the Young Ones you made a thread about your awkwardness around girls, and I thought "maaaan, Bob's turning into Rik!" I was wrong, you ARE Rik.

Not that that's a bad thing, first time I saw the Young Ones I had a weird little crush on the People's Poet because he was so damn funny and cute in an odd way.





hahaha! i won't lie, part of what i love about the young ones is rik, he's such a prick, but he's one in such an admirable way, like he couldn't be more of a prick if he tried to be, but if you think about it, he might be trying to be, who knows. i just love the idea of being a phony collge anarchist, etc. i like the episode where he hosts a party, and he talks to some guy who's like "me and some lads are gonna blow up a panda" (referring to a police car) and rik says "haha, bloody zoos, who needs 'em?"

i want a jacket like his, just to walk around in for irony purposes

[Medellia]

i want a jacket like his, just to walk around in for irony purposes
Hahaha. I used to have a jacket like that without all the buttons. But I got rid of it because it was a dude's jacket and was too big for me.

[roosta]

women are shitbags.

[rirv]

I thought you lost your virginity Bob? You said you came so hard you thought you were going to shit yourself?

[Sarky Devotchka]

bob, I know 3 people who were virgins until they were 26 (one still is a virgin), one of which was a guy. they're all attractive, smart and interesting, but for whatever reason just didn't get laid due to circumstance or not trying hard enough or not being ready, etc.

[Ace42X]

This is a true story, and may be the only circumstances that a completely random girl has properly came onto me. I may have told this story before, so if you know it, disregard:

I was out with my house-mates at the student union bar. As usual, this involved a lot of drinking, and playing House of the Dead 2. I was doing my patented dual-wielding trick, and because I was even more intoxicated than usual, I was doing TERRIBLY. I was losing credits left right and centre. So, this REALLY hot girl and her friend came up to me, and said "You're really good."

Now, I thought she was taking the piss... So I was like... "Yeah... I'm having a bad day... I play better when I am sober..."

And she decided to follow-up with "I'm really good at this game..." And I was like "Hmmm... She's trying to scam a free game out of me as the second player, 'cause she's seen my dual-wielding..." So I was like "Uh... K..."

And then she made another tactical error. She said "You must be really strong..."

Now, I'm not particularly. I'm not a scrawny weakling by any stretch, but I am also not a rippling-muscled weight-lifter. And how she could tell under my leather jacket and shirt, I really do not know. So yeah, I thought she was taking the piss. I thought this was even the more case when she said:

"You must be in the army or something..."

Now, I was totally thrown by this... What would a soldier be doing in a student bar? And what on earth possessed her to say such a thing?!? So, trying to make polite and friendly conversation, and thinking "Maybe she just wants some people to talk to, maybe buy her a drink or something." I pointed over to where my housemates were sitting and said "Actually, those guys are in the OTC (Officer Training Corps, which is nothing like the US recruitment service, incidently.) they're always running around with guns and stuff."

So she just gave her friend and odd look, and went to the side of the dance floor and started talking to her friend.

And that was it... It was only after a few minutes I thought "was she trying it on?"

I think it was a case of Sherman vs Donald there, and I ended up firmly in the Sherman catergory.

[Lyman Zerga]

me + 23 = virgin

[ToucanSpam]

Wow.


I hate to say it Bob, but you and I are a lot alike. Not in the 'I'm an idiot on the internet' kind of way, but the way with the women. I have about the same kind of luck as you do. I think the problem is that we're kind of picky. Beggers can't be choosers either, but that doesn't really apply if sex isn't a top priority.

Honestly, I have zero luck with women either. I know, no big surprise eh? Get your ribs in while you can... but anyways, don't let it bother you. The fact is that some people don't meet anyone interesting enough until graduate school. By the time you go do your MA or in your case the lawyer thing, you might meet an incredibly intelligent, sexy woman who wants to be a lawyer, and shares a similar love-life history. Then you'll be knocking boots with someone who deserves you and vice versa.

I figure that I personally have all the time in the world to find someone, because right now if I want to be the best in my field, I need complete concentration, and taking the time to seek out love is a big distraction. I guess I'm saying if you want it enough, go for it, but I personally think you're not really looking very hard because there's more impportant things on your mind right now. I could be wrong though.

[ericlee]

Seriously Bob, you might not see it but I do. You're not jumping on every opportunity there is to get hooked up and I think it's a good thing.

It's better that way because if you're picky or what not, the chances that you finally do decide to date then, maybe it will be that the first one you open up to will be the right one. Just take your time, there's nothing wrong with the way you approach it.

I wouldn't think of it as failure either, it's just taking your time and with that, an accomplishment will come.

Failure is jumping on the first one that comes and then deciding she's not the right one for you and then you decide you have to break it off.

[Lyman Zerga]

*asks bob nicely if we can have some sweatyaggressivehardcore fuck*

[paul jones]

Bob

google


search


porn

(y)

[Bob]

crap! i need to stay away from the internet when i'm drunk, i post the most embarrassing things. i got so madly drunk last night, i barely remember posting this. i'm impressed by my legibility, though.

ace, your story reminds me of what i do, generally when i get hit on, or talked to or whatever, i get paranoid and think they're making fun of me too. it's a silly insecurity, but it's what i do. odd, and annoying. some day i'll stop doing that, i hope.

thanks for the attention everyone

[cosmo105]

i tell you, bob. you're going to meet a lioness of a woman that's going to suck the life out of you until you can't do anything BUT love her madly and do her bidding.

[ms.peachy]

i tell you, bob. you're going to meet a lioness of a woman that's going to suck the life out of you until you can't do anything BUT love her madly and do her bidding.
yep. prolly.

When I was about 22 or 23, I used to have this boss who was a really cool guy, great sense of humour, very smart, lots of fun to hang out with, OK maybe not the best dress sense but not a total slob, a genuinely good, nice guy. We used to call him O-Man, sometimes though, the "O" standing for "oblivious", because he seemed completely incapable of recognising when a woman was interested in him. Worse still, on the rare occasions when he did sense that maybe, just maybe one was, it was like something in his brain would go "oh my god! Female! talking! to ME! run away, run away!"

So, this guy was still a virgin and he was like 27 or 28. Anyway, eventually, he left the place where we both worked and moved away (to where the new job was) and a few months later turned up with this lovely woman whom he clearly was 75 different kinds of in love with, and now they're married and have two gorgeous kids and as far as I can tell from the family-photo Christmas cards, are a disgustingly smiley happy bunch of people.

[Freebasser]

I'll fuck you, Bob.

[Cooky Puss]

Dude, you're 21. It's ok. It's worth something just waiting till you find the right person and not just fuck around because everyone else does.
Love is worth waiting for.

Heck, I'm 20 and won't do any shagging for a loooong time, but at least that means I'm not a cheap whore (y).
(not saying that any of you that do lots of shagging are, but eh...oh well.)

[Freebasser]

My offer still stands.