Failurific failuredom

[Nuzzolese]

I am secure in my awesomeness but I want to lay in my filth too. It's not self-loathing, I assure you...it's an exorcism of failure.


With each year I feel increasingly alienated and repulsed by popular young ladies' fashion.

I painted two and 3/4 of an oil painting and quit. Does that sound right? It means I painted two complete ones and 3/4 of a third one. It's math.

I'm a failure at math.

I said I was going to make the 2nd biggest thread ever and I failed.

I failed to make it to the county spelling bee

I quit tap dance

I failed at learning to play the flute

Our soccer team lost all the time

I didn't pass the Golden Horseshoe test of State Knowledge, which if passed, awards you a trip to the state capitol and a ceremony at which you are made either a knight or a lady of the golden horseshoe. My brother made it.

I failed algebra 2 in high school.

I failed Honors English in high school. I started off on the wrong foot, okay, I didn't know about the summer reading.

I failed my driving test the first time, and the second time.

I failed Composition 2 in College.

I failed my experiment in adult living when I shared an apartment with my boyfriend. You could also call that relationship a failure.

I failed to attain my certificate of Foreign Language during my France Study Abroad program. - Because I skipped too many classes.

I got fired from Eddie Bauer for using my discount to buy clothes for my mom.

I said I wasn't going to come back to this board and I did.



Don't be shy! Don't parade around in your veils of achievement without occasionally flashing your naked disappointments to the schocked onlookers.

[Rock]

....at which you are made either a knight or a lady of the golden horseshoe.

To be a lady of the golden horseshoe around here means you are a stripper at the titty bar called...you guessed it, The Golden Horseshoe.

I don't think I can say I failed at anything in my life, but rather stopped trying.

[Qdrop]

another great thread, nuzz.

i shall compile my own failures in a desparate attempt to be as cool and interesting as you...though i will fail.

[Nuzzolese]

I don't think I can say I failed at anything in my life, but rather stopped trying.

= Failure

[abcdefz]

I made a movie years ago called "Ghosts of Failures, Barking."

I think that's still my favorite title I've ever come up with.

[Nuzzolese]

another great thread, nuzz.

i shall compile my own failures in a desparate attempt to be as cool and interesting as you...though i will fail.

No, I'm pretty sure this thread is a failure. Just because irony is a success most of the time, and I'm not aiming too high. I am neither cool nor interesting and you know it.

I have a lame-o job, live in a lame-o town in a lame-o apartment, driving a totally lame-o car and wearing my lame-o shoes every day, with my lame-o hair and watching movies and failing to fully enjoy them.


My resolution last year I just remembered! To become a better cook and enjoyer of food! Failed.

[Rock]

= Failure
doesn't that depend on why you stopped trying? Stopped trying because you lost interest isn't the same as stopped trying because you couldn't reach whatever your goal was.

[ms.peachy]

I still haven't finished writing my great novel. Or, for that matter, started.

[Bob]

there's these (http://www.beastieboys.com/bbs/showthread.php?t=65081) for a start (if you've seen this before the edit, then you'll see that i've failed to close my tags properly, and also failed to hide it well)

then some others, probably. i don't fail a whole lot, but only because i don't try to do much. i suppose lack of initiative can be considered a failure. i fail regularly at that.

i failed to keep exercising, i haven't done anything remotely strenuous for a month at least.

i bought running shoes a week ago but i've failed to use them

i've failed to keep my resolution to start waking up earlier. kind of minor, but still disappointing

[Nuzzolese]

doesn't that depend on why you stopped trying? Stopped trying because you lost interest isn't the same as stopped trying because you couldn't reach whatever your goal was.

Listen, what are you trying to do, rub my face in it? Oh okay you are a big winnner, big winner in the house tonight. Go jerk off, please, I'm going to go pour beer on myself.

[Nuzzolese]

i've failed to keep my resolution to start waking up earlier. kind of minor, but still disappointing

There's nothing so minor that it can't be a great source of disappointment.

[Bob]

Listen, what are you trying to do, rub my face in it? Oh okay you are a big winnner, big winner in the house tonight. Go jerk off, please, I'm going to go pour beer on myself.

i bet you won't. i bet you'll fail to follow through with that

[Qdrop]

i failed to beat up my first major bully.

i failed to ever connect with my ex-step father.

i failed to finish about 5000 art projects, drawings, paintings, ect...

i failed at my first major relationship with the first woman i loved.

i failed at finding comfort away from my hometown.

i failed my first driving test too.

i failed at learning karate.

i failed at sticking with wrestling.

i failed at sticking with soccer once i got to highschool.

i failed at beating a 6th grader at one-on-one basketball when i was a junior in highschool. he was big for his age, though.

i fail at golf every god damn time i try it.

i failed at sticking with jogging. twice.

[Rock]

Listen, what are you trying to do, rub my face in it? Oh okay you are a big winnner, big winner in the house tonight. Go jerk off, please, I'm going to go pour beer on myself.
How about I jerk off whilst thinking of you pouring beer on yourself? The end result will make me feel like a big winner for sure...even if its only for a few seconds.

[Cooky Puss]

- I've been bullied for my weight my entire life.
- I remember being 4 years old and crawling away, crying, because I hated that I was so fat.
- Everyone said I was so smart, yet I couldn't get through highschool. Some teacher thought I was stupid and eventually I had to quit.
- I can only get shit jobs that mean nothing.
- I've just been dumped by the only person I ever loved.
- I haven't got any real friends, because I always fail to contact them on time and they forget about me.
- The only thing I have an interest for is music, and I can do nothing with that. I can't play anything, I can't sing, I don't know shit about recording...
Same with any other artform. I'm rubbish.

Now if you dont mind I'm going to crawl away and die.

[Nuzzolese]

I've failed all of my friendships. Every.Last.One.

[enree erzweglle]

Lots of stuff. Failure at being the kind of ma I probably should have been, should be being. Being too much of some things, not enough of other things. Failing friends. Not hitting fitness goals. Not pursuing challenging formal education as aggressively as I should have & should be. And still, after all of my years, being too sensitive. Investing myself when/where I shouldn't or with people who see me as a non-entity, disposable. Not stopping to think before I react.

[Nuzzolese]

I am the biggest failure in my immediate family, that is for sure. I'm the only one who ever had discipline problems. I've had the worst grades, the least extracurricular activities, the least friends, the worst attitude, and I'm the dumbest and least talented for sure.

And, I'm pretty sure I'm pure evil because I'm constantly thinking mean thoughts or fantasizing briefly about doing something bitchy if not just plain cruel, even to people I like. Always have been this way. I've always been convinced that I'm secretly a horrible, horrible evil person, worse than anyone has ever seen in me.

Slow to mature and catch on, theres that too. I'm a late-to-never bloomer.

[cosmo105]

I stopped going to karate sixth months before my black belt test. Now all I have to show for it is a rack of belts with one missing and weapons that lie in a corner in my closet and a big pile of shame.

I failed AP English (okay that was partly the professor's fault, she was a horrible teacher but i'll take the blame) and Honors Chemistry in high school because I simply stopped going. I remember taking the AP test for english and looking over and seeing my best friend writing a story about "Jose the Cow." that's how shitty our teacher was. intead of having us read Moby Dick, she read us a PICTURE BOOK of the plot because we ran out of time. So I traced my hand and drew a turkey. Bye bye, $72 test!

I dropped out of about half of my classes at the start of senior year and went to homeschooling. I made up the credit and all but I gained tons of weight and lost all my friends.

I basically stopped existing for a while then and drifted in and out of depression. I was 190 pounds at the worst, bulimic, in a mental hospital, and felt like shit for putting my mom through all of it. That's got to be the worst thing for a parent. I still feel awful about it and want to make it up to her.

I had a horrible, life-sucking relationship that I said would never happen to me and I stuck with it for 3 years. It eventually put not only me but my family in danger.

I have about three friends now that call me back, and that's a big deal. It used to be one.

I've been at my new school for a semester and a half now and I'm just barely making new friends. These are the first friends I've really made since about junior high, not counting about three at my old school that I don't talk to anymore.

I was on the water polo team because my dad forced me and I hated it. I was absolutely terrible. I'm not very athletic, and I was devoted to karate anyway. I was always on the sidelines, freezing. Fucking boys got to have their season in the summer. Girls? Winter. Our game had a perfect losing record. We won one game I didn't attend at some conference that didn't count toward the season. The only amazing thing I ever did was score a behind-the-back goal against a deaf goalie. The entire team, varsity and coach, went crazy. We still lost though. But everyone remembered me for that, and just that. At the banquet dinner at the end of the season, the coach made sure to come up to me and my mom and say how she had thought of me in HER game at college the other day because I was so "scrappy."

I'm not very memorable.

I, too, said I wouldn't come back here and I did.

I have very little willpower when it comes to certain things.

I've always been a complete sucker and pussy when it comes to love.

When I misspelled "religious" (why is there that second fucking i in there anyway) in the fourth grade spelling bee semi-finals I cried. Every teacher said I was the best speller in school and I was the designated editor for first drafts in my class. I didn't have to edit mine because I never made mistakes. When I stepped down from the stage I sat with my class and cried. Cried and cried. Michael Lundstrom brought it up and teased me about it for years.

Regardless of my super-healthy self-punishing vegan organic trip, I sometimes give in and eat Del Taco or Red Robin or Johnny Rocket's. And I hate myself for days afterward.

I always feel like a terrible girlfriend.

I can't stand any of my clothes. I can never find an outfit that I feel really looks fantastic on me. I'm sure it's just an internal thing and I look fine, but I'm a perfectionist lol so I'm never satisfied lol.

I'm a fucking hermit.

Oh, I'm constantly thinking about doing evil in the world too. I'm always stopping myself thinking "I could push this girl down the stairs right now and no one would know" things.

[Nuzzolese]

I spend way too much money. I'm in debt.

[Nuzzolese]

I hurt people I love, I remain distant from my family, I've risked my life and health and safety for no reason whatsoever.


I'm starting to think it's never too late to be a good person, and all these failures and shortcomings can make someone endearing. But...ehhh

[cosmo105]

oh i'm fucking terrible with money. i get a paycheck and go oooh! forever 21 time! and buy shit i don't need. i have a savings account that's probably filled with rats and cobwebs by now.

[DandyFop]

I have failed in doing any assignment this entire semester up untill now, and I have three weeks to complete them all.

My mother has a liver disease, and I can't even bring myself to keep my own room not looking like shit, much less help her clean the kitchen or cook dinner or do anything like that. The disease causes her to be extremely tired and yet I still get annoyed with her and yell at her when she is too tired to be alert.

I spent a lot of money filming something last semester that i have not touched since, and probably will never finish.

I fell in love with someone and was not smart enough to be compatible with him.

I have two incompletes that I have to finish in the next three weeks or I won't graduate this semester.

I have had a gym membership that cost around 1,000 dollars (a three-year contract), and I have gone maybe 20 times in the past 2 1/2 years.

Every time I really really like someone, I scare them off because I'm too intese.

I want to do comedy more than anything but I've only had the balls to do stand-up once.

[DandyFop]

When I misspelled "religious" (why is there that second fucking i in there anyway) in the fourth grade spelling bee semi-finals I cried.

In the Office, Dwight misspelled the word "failure" in front of the entire school.

[Nuzzolese]

I feel like I've done this thread before, and that reminds me of how uninventive I am.


And it's odd, reading other people's failures like cosmo and dandy, I still see them next to their accomplishements and they don't seem so bad, all things considered.

[cosmo105]

what accomplishments? not going to UCSD when i had the chance and sticking around for a guy that treated me like shit and taking too much time off school and wasting all the academic talent i had and going to community college for 3 years, then fucking around with different majors and wasting time and money in photography? fuck :(

[Nuzzolese]

No, you know all thise stuff about nutrition and health and you are a vegan and you have this great relationship with your boyfriend, you seem to really know what you like, you have confidence to walk around in nonmainstream style and you did do karate for as long as you did, and you get to act all cute and everyone thinks you're funny.

[Bob]

When I misspelled "religious" (why is there that second fucking i in there anyway) in the fourth grade spelling bee semi-finals I cried. Every teacher said I was the best speller in school and I was the designated editor for first drafts in my class. I didn't have to edit mine because I never made mistakes. When I stepped down from the stage I sat with my class and cried. Cried and cried. Michael Lundstrom brought it up and teased me about it for years.

that reminds me of this time in i think 5th grade, where we used to play this game called "around the world". basically all the kids arranged their desks in a circle, and one kid would stand up, stand behind someone's desk, and the teacher would ask a math question. if the standing kid got it right, s/he moved onto the next desk. if the sitting kid got it right, s/he stood up and started going from desk to desk. if you made it all the way around the world, you got a free ice cream at lunch. i was ALMOST the only kid to ever make it all the way around. i got to the very last desk and that bitch amy rollins beat me at 8+7. that SLUT.

[Nuzzolese]

I'd probably fail that game today against a bunch of 5th graders. It took me...too long, to think of what 8 + 7 is.

[Justin]

"you gotta take the good with the bad"

[Nuzzolese]

Weren't you from WV last time? That states a failure if I ever grew up in one.

[Bob]

I'd probably fail that game today against a bunch of 5th graders. It took me...too long, to think of what 8 + 7 is.

against today's 5th graders? no, no way, not even you could fail that hard. there might be one or two kids in the room that give you a run for your money but you could literally run circles around the bulk of most kids these days. hell, i know college kids who would get stumped by that question. 5th graders don't stand a chance.

[cosmo105]

No, you know all thise stuff about nutrition and health and you are a vegan and you have this great relationship with your boyfriend, you seem to really know what you like, you have confidence to walk around in nonmainstream style and you did do karate for as long as you did, and you get to act all cute and everyone thinks you're funny.
i wouldn't say i have confidence. sometimes i'm really confident and think, shit, i'm pretty awesome, but usually it's when my little sister's telling me how awesome she thinks i am. heh. at least she thinks i'm a badass.

oh, and when i'm drunk.

but seriously most of the time i'm really, really insecure and second-guessing myself. you should see my livejournal! why am i sharing this?


once in fifth grade we had this big joke in class about retarded teachers and everyone thought it was hilarious and we were all standing in our chairs shouting about how funny it was. then i went to the bathroom and apparently while i was gone the teacher told everyone that was pretty insensitive and we shouldn't be using words like that. when i came back i raised my hand and stood up and said i just wanted to say NO MORE RETARDED TEACHERS HAHAHA and everyone glared at me and i had no idea why. i still sink in my seat when i think of that.

[DandyFop]

I'm a failure because as we speak, I should be attending my Third World Cinema class, which I didn't go to once last week, and have had probably less than 50% attendance the entire semester. I'm paying thousands of dollars, he's one of my favorite teachers, and yet I'm still not there.

[Randetica]

I'd probably fail that game today against a bunch of 5th graders. It took me...too long, to think of what 8 + 7 is.

yeah same
and im still counting with my fingers

[cosmo105]

I'm a failure because as we speak, I should be attending my Third World Cinema class, which I didn't go to once last week, and have had probably less than 50% attendance the entire semester. I'm paying thousands of dollars, he's one of my favorite teachers, and yet I'm still not there.
i'm home sick from school! what the fuck! the naturopathic doctor's assistant is sick! probably because i've been really stressed about something lately and haven't been getting more than 5-6 hours of sleep for about a week. but anyway that's not good for business. and i forgot i had a class that ran until noon yesterday so i had to cancel the appointment i had with my native american studies professor to talk about my paper and i missed his class today and my chemistry class (in which we had a quiz) and my chemistry lab (which i probably won't be able to make up). woo failure!


also: i make little cutesy squeal noises sometimes when i sneeze. I HATE THAT. i try so hard not too but sometimes i can't help it.

[Qdrop]

this is the Zoloft thread.

[Cooky Puss]

This thread made me listen to the cure.

"...Booooys don't cryyyyy!"

[kll]

does a failed marriage count? yeah? ok. good.

[zorra_chiflada]

ooh fun!

i failed a subject in first year, and one in second year too!
i still haven't got my licence
or a job
i spend all my time on the computer
i can't be bothered doing things
i have a project due tomorrow that isn't anywhere near finished
i never do the dishes
i always borrow books from the library and don't read them
i've still have cigarettes occasionally
i started pilates. but nah, fuck it.
i don't see my friends as much as i should. and i don't keep in contact with the ones that have gone away.

[Kid Presentable]

I'm about to fail a project. I've failed to do anything about it but complain loudly, and can now see an entire chasm of prospective failures opening up in front of me. So I guess I'm failing at being optimistic, and failing at holding myself accountable.

But it's not my fault.....

[Nuzzolese]

I fail to adequately express my likes and dislikes in ranking board members. I am a terrible decision maker. I fail to confidently come to conclusions about people.