OK, ladies:

[ms.peachy]

(not to exclude you boys, but seriously I doubt you are interested)

I was always under the impression that to be asked to be a bridesmaid in someone's wedding is something of an honour. Although the bride might organise and pay for someone to do the hair and make-up and the flowers, paying for the shoes and the dresses is up to you as a bridesmaid. That's part and parcel of what you are agreeing to if you choose to accept the offer.

However, I have been resoundly told by a group of women that bridesmaids should not be expected to pay for anything, as they are doing the bride a favour by agreeing to be a bridesmaid. I mean, if the bride is paying for it all, what is the big 'favour' the bridesmaid is doing, walking down the aisle ahead of you?

Now, all of the other women in this conversation were English. So is this maybe a cultural thing?

I just can't imagine how I would react if I asked someone to be a bridesmaid, and they had the cheek to turn around and expect me to pay for everything, and tell me they were 'doing me a favour' by just showing up!

Is it just me?

[DandyFop]

I've never been a bridesmaid, or in a wedding party except for being a flower girl when I was little, but I've always been under the impression that the bridesmaid bought their own dress...

[Qdrop]

(not to exclude you boys, but seriously I doubt you are interested)

I was always under the impression that to be asked to be a bridesmaid in someone's wedding is something of an honour. Although the bride might organise and pay for someone to do the hair and make-up and the flowers, paying for the shoes and the dresses is up to you as a bridesmaid. That's part and parcel of what you are agreeing to if you choose to accept the offer.

However, I have been resoundly told by a group of women that bridesmaids should not be expected to pay for anything, as they are doing the bride a favour by agreeing to be a bridesmaid. I mean, if the bride is paying for it all, what is the big 'favour' the bridesmaid is doing, walking down the aisle ahead of you?

Now, all of the other women in this conversation were English. So is this maybe a cultural thing?

I just can't imagine how I would react if I asked someone to be a bridesmaid, and they had the cheek to turn around and expect me to pay for everything, and tell me they were 'doing me a favour' by just showing up!

Is it just me?

my poor girlfriend is going through this right now.
her spoiled rotten selfish friend asked jenny to be a bridesmaid (maid of honor)....
and it's bankrupting her....

she's throwing the bachelorette party on saturday...had to rent out a bar and everything.
she's miserable and her friend is so unappreciative.

[Nuzzolese]

I'm with you. I think the bridesmaids are supposed to be like the traditional hand maidens to a lady. They buy their own dresses and shoes and they also do things to help out the bride. Like one would be in charge of ordering flowers, one would be in charge of assembling gift bags, one would help the bride get dressed and do her nails...etc. It is asking a favour but it's also supposed to be an honour to do that favour. Yesh?

[Qdrop]

I've never been a bridesmaid, or in a wedding party except for being a flower girl when I was little, but I've always been under the impression that the bridesmaid bought their own dress...

they do, usually.
at the very least, they have to pay for any tailoring.

[Nuzzolese]

We should consult Emily Post.

Or this
http://www.bwedd.com/CEBride/CEBNewsletter_49.asp

[sab0tage]

(I am a guy by the way)

My wifes bridesmaid (she had 2 but one kinda invited herself but as she was her room-mate at the time and her boyfriend was my best man, we let it go)

She paid for her own outfit from top to bottom, she also replaced my wifes shoes for the wedding when she left the first pair in a cab, she paid for countless other things and helped with a lot of organising - not to mention mediating during several rows. We didn't expect any of this but she is a very generous person who loves her friends and would do anything to see them happy.

Does this help at all?

[DandyFop]

If I get married I am not looking forward to the whole choosing bridesmaids thing. One of my friends said a while ago "if you don't choose me as a bridesmaid, bla bla bla" because she never gets to be one and I'm like "guess what? It's MY fucking wedding".

Girls suck.

[enree erzweglle]

Weddings, in general, and the rules about who pays: so weird.

I've always thought that bridesmaids paid for their own dress, shoes, & accessories. (Which puts a lot on the bridesmaid even if the bride has awfully cheap/inexpensive taste. In my experience, reasonable-looking bridesmaids dresses tend to be fairly expensive.)

[ms.peachy]

Does this help at all?
LOL well it's not something I really need 'help' with per se - it's more that I was just totally shocked at how adamant these other women were that bridesmaids should pay for nothing whatsoever because they were doing the bride a favour. I was like, WHAAAAAT? I mean, if it had been just one of them, I'd have just thought maybe she just wasn't entirely right in the head, but they were all so resolute in their rightness on this matter. So it got me to wondering if this is one of those surprise American vs. British things that pop up in my life from time to time, even though I've been here quite some time now.

[abcdefz]

I think the wedding party is expected to foot their own bill, and then a gift is also given to each member of the party as a token of thanks.

That being said: there was a time when one of my friends wanted me to be a groomsman and I just couldn't afford the tux rental and such. There was no way. But he wanted me in the party, so he paid for it. I think that's cool, and also fair, and not an insult to anyone. But whoever is being asked has to be upfront about it.

[Ace42X]

Now, all of the other women in this conversation were English. So is this maybe a cultural thing?

I just can't imagine how I would react if I asked someone to be a bridesmaid, and they had the cheek to turn around and expect me to pay for everything, and tell me they were 'doing me a favour' by just showing up!


I was under the impression that the bride's family paid. I'd be put out if someone expected me to turn up to a boring ceremony in a church god-knows-where, and I had to take time out of my routine to fit in with *their* special day. Bonds of familiar obligation aside, it *is* doing them a favour, and I would weigh the monetary costs of doing them that favour into the balance if I had to decide whether to pay or not.

[sab0tage]

LOL well it's not something I really need 'help' with per se - it's more that I was just totally shocked at how adamant these other women were that bridesmaids should pay for nothing whatsoever because they were doing the bride a favour. I was like, WHAAAAAT? I mean, if it had been just one of them, I'd have just thought maybe she just wasn't entirely right in the head, but they were all so resolute in their rightness on this matter. So it got me to wondering if this is one of those surprise American vs. British things that pop up in my life from time to time, even though I've been here quite some time now.

Nah, we're both British, but I think the Bride/Groom normally buy the bridesmaid dresses. Just depends on the situation I think.

[hpdrifter]

The bridesmaid agrees to pay for their own dress, shoes, everything when they agree to be a bridesmaid.

That's my perspective.

[ms.peachy]

So, I just did some poking around and looked at a couple of 'wedding etiquette' sites, doing seperate searches for UK based sites and US based ones.

Definitely a cultural thing, is what I've learned.

Thank god I got married in the good old US of A (even though I didn't have any bridesmaids) instead of this country full of cheap wankers :p

[Ace42X]

instead of this country full of cheap wankers :p

Conversely, we're not so hard up for entertainment that we have to pay to get into a wedding.

[ms.peachy]

Conversely, we're not so hard up for entertainment that we have to pay to get into a wedding.
Yes I'm already aware that you are quite the expert in matters of social etiquette, so I'll start just deferring to all of your sound advice, mmkay?

[sab0tage]

Thank god I got married in the good old US of A (even though I didn't have any bridesmaids) instead of this country full of cheap wankers :p

Ouch

[CrankItUp!]

The sole purpose of having a bridesmaid at a wedding is to give the groom a last minute choice to decide to possibly start dating her in case she's hotter than his soon to be ex wife. :D

[Documad]

The worst part about my mid 20s was all the fucking weddings. If you're a bridesmaid you buy an ugly dress you can't ever wear again (generally with died to match shoes), you have to go to multiple bridal showers, you have to sit at the most boring table in the place, and you can't tell the bride that she's marrying an asshole. I hated it so much that I made it known I wouldn't even attend weddings, muchless be in one anymore.

Then my very best friend decided to get married. She took me out to a nice restaurant, broke the news to me that she had set a date, and asked me to be the maid of honor. I was so surprised at her fear and grovelling that I said yes without thinking it through. She promised a reasonable dress (we weren't kids anymore) and shoes. I wound up in an evergreen colored shiny dress with balloon arms and a gigantic bow on my ass. This bow was at least 18 inches across. And I had to go to four showers. Oh, and the only shoes I could find that matched the description were from Nordstroms and cost $200.

The good part was that I took her out the night before and basically held her hand up until the ceremony, including having our hair done at a salon and walking out laughing hysterically with hair so big we had to bend over in the car.

When it was all over, she gave me a lovely pen because I have a pen fetish. I really treasure that pen.

[Randetica]

never been to a wedding yet
though
my younger sister is gonna have a wedding next year

[venusvenus123]

So, I just did some poking around and looked at a couple of 'wedding etiquette' sites, doing seperate searches for UK based sites and US based ones.

Definitely a cultural thing, is what I've learned.

Thank god I got married in the good old US of A (even though I didn't have any bridesmaids) instead of this country full of cheap wankers :p
i think it's pretty cheap of the bride to expect the bridesmaid to pay for a dress she is never going to get any use out of again for her special day at HER wedding.

i think the bride is also supposed to buy her bridesmaids gifts.

wedding etiquette is all round kind of gay. which is why i avoided it and got married on a beach.

[na§tee]

Now, all of the other women in this conversation were English. So is this maybe a cultural thing?
maybe it is, as i have never heard of a bridesmaid having to pay for anything over here.
it is an honour to have be a bridesmaid at a wedding - which is why, i guess, the bride says "yo, i love you so much and want you to be in the bridal party that i am going to pay for your dress and stuff! because, you know, after all i am picking the dresses and y'all gotta wear what i want you to!"
imagine - if the bride was really fussy but her friend was really poor? what's gonna happen then? i would happily pay the bill if i was the bride. it's my party, after all! it's not about taking part in a "favour". it's just about being there. you are basically a bride's accessory in the bride's maybe-expensive-more-simple-dress.

well, all i can say it's a bargain at my wedding, then!

[Sarky Devotchka]

I think the english have it right!

I had to shell out over $300 to be in my childhood friend's wedding a couple years ago. Not including travel expenses. I had to buy a shower gift, a bachelorette party gift, and a wedding gift. I paid $45 for a hairdresser to make me look like a poodle (when I could've done my own hair) because she made appointments for the bridal party. and all I got was a disgusting faux rhinestone necklace and matching earrings. I love my friend, but she has no taste. It was a decent experience though. girl bonding and all that. especially since all the bridesmaids were virgins squealing over penis-shaped plasticware and playgirl.

it was also a dry wedding. no booze whatsoever. but I danced and had a good time. the bride's sister's boyfriend felt me up during the conga line though. ew.

[ampm]

(not to exclude you boys, but seriously I doubt you are interested)

I was always under the impression that to be asked to be a bridesmaid in someone's wedding is something of an honour. Although the bride might organise and pay for someone to do the hair and make-up and the flowers, paying for the shoes and the dresses is up to you as a bridesmaid. That's part and parcel of what you are agreeing to if you choose to accept the offer.

However, I have been resoundly told by a group of women that bridesmaids should not be expected to pay for anything, as they are doing the bride a favour by agreeing to be a bridesmaid. I mean, if the bride is paying for it all, what is the big 'favour' the bridesmaid is doing, walking down the aisle ahead of you?

Now, all of the other women in this conversation were English. So is this maybe a cultural thing?

I just can't imagine how I would react if I asked someone to be a bridesmaid, and they had the cheek to turn around and expect me to pay for everything, and tell me they were 'doing me a favour' by just showing up!

Is it just me?


What wuold Madonna dou?

[hitmonlee]

in australia i'm pretty sure the bridesmaid is supposed to pay
also organise the hen's night (and her and the other hens pay for that)
and sometimes organise the bonbonerie (the lolly bags the guests take home)

if i was to get married i'd probably offer to pay for my bridesmaid's dress though

[Rock]

I did a bunch of research on this for groomsmen. And here in the states, they are supposed to pay for the tux rentals themselves (as are the bridesmaids and thier dresses). But I know one of my groomsmen is kinda strapped for cash so I have no problem picking up the expenses. So basically, I say the bride and groom shouldn't expect the wedding party to pay for their gear, but if they do...bonus.

[beastieangel01]

I don't know what impression I got, but I know that I always planned on paying for everything...

[ScarySquirrel]

When I was in my friend's wedding, I had to pick up the tab on my own tux. I don't see what the big deal is. Of course, dudes get to just rent their suits and ladies actually have to purchase all of theirs, so I can see how that might be more of an issue.

Anyway, I think it's customary for the people in the party to pick up their own tab seeing that it is such an honor to be in someone's wedding and, face it, the people getting married already have enough stuff to pay for (assuming that someone's parents aren't picking up the whole thing).

[insertnamehere]

i dread ever having a wedding. dont get me wrong, id like to be married. just not have a wedding. ick.

[kll]

(not to exclude you boys, but seriously I doubt you are interested)

I was always under the impression that to be asked to be a bridesmaid in someone's wedding is something of an honour. Although the bride might organise and pay for someone to do the hair and make-up and the flowers, paying for the shoes and the dresses is up to you as a bridesmaid. That's part and parcel of what you are agreeing to if you choose to accept the offer.

However, I have been resoundly told by a group of women that bridesmaids should not be expected to pay for anything, as they are doing the bride a favour by agreeing to be a bridesmaid. I mean, if the bride is paying for it all, what is the big 'favour' the bridesmaid is doing, walking down the aisle ahead of you?

Now, all of the other women in this conversation were English. So is this maybe a cultural thing?

I just can't imagine how I would react if I asked someone to be a bridesmaid, and they had the cheek to turn around and expect me to pay for everything, and tell me they were 'doing me a favour' by just showing up!

Is it just me?

I've been a bridesmaid 7 times. I paid my way (travel, dress, shoes, hair stylist, shower gifts, bachelorette party and wedding gift) every time. One bride did pay for my airfare to attend her shower, since I was already going to be flying down for the wedding. A friend of mine was asked to be a bridesmaid for a wedding in Italy and the bride did pay for airfare/hotel expenses from the States to Italy, but she paid for her own dress/shoes.