Life as a vacation

[Nuzzolese]

I'm tired of trying to be a cool, smart, self-challenging adult who listens to new music and reads good books, watches good movies, tries to dress respectably and maintain a grown-up living space. I'm tired of trying to avoid mainstream commercial culture in favor of deep thinking, irony and art. I'm tired of trying to seem interesting and sexy and mature so as not to scare people away or arouse their disdain. I'm tired of worrying about alienating men and getting along with tough chicks.

I just want to surround myself in fluffy teddy bears and pink flowers and unicorn figurines and kittens in baskets. I just want my whole life to be like that. And I don't want to feel embarrassed.

Last Christmas when I went to see the Nutcracker Suite, I was SO jealous of all the little girls in their white tights and black patent leather maryjanes and their little dresses. I want to dress like that!!

[sab0tage]

If it wasn't for advertising, media etc, and ironically the internet, you could do that quite happily and it wouldn't bother you a bit.
I know exactly what you mean, modern life and all that...

[Nuzzolese]

Why is it ironic that the internet is an influence?

Anyway, I think you're right and this is who I would be if I didn't have the influences of the outside world, or the influences of my parents and especially my older brother. This is who I really am!! And my anger and disdain at the world comes from my frustration at being forced to feel ashamed of who I really am.

And you know what ELSE?! I feel like I was exposed to sexuality and the culture of COOLNESS at too young of an age, and it imposed on my innocence at that time, stunting it and repressing it and forcing me to grow up with that blunt edge of broken innocence cutting into my consciousness and making me feel like regressing. This is what happens to kids who are given too much sex and coolness too young. You lose your childhood. I mean, I know Barbie and Nintendo are made for kids and may seem relatively innocent, but there is this whole culture of the cool kid now and it's not enough to just be a kid, you have to be a cool kid with the newest toys, just like you will as an adult, with the coolest car or whatever.

[chrisd]

i think you call that neoconservatism

[mickill]

I don't try, I just do. These days, anyway. Which is why I pretty much only shave twice a week, have been buying a lot of mainstream movies on dvd and listen to lots of Southern rap lately.

[Nuzzolese]

i think you call that neoconservatism

Maybe, but I'd hate to confine this to a political group if that's what it would do.

[sab0tage]

Why is it ironic that the internet is an influence?

Anyway, I think you're right and this is who I would be if I didn't have the influences of the outside world, or the influences of my parents and especially my older brother. This is who I really am!! And my anger and disdain at the world comes from my frustration at being forced to feel ashamed of who I really am.

I think very few people are 100% themselves because of all the influences around us but DO NOT be ashamed of who you are (as long as you're not a bad person or anything). If there are things you want to change then change them, if not don't. Its all easier said than done I know, I'm far from happy with who I am.

[Sarky Devotchka]

that's why I say, "fuck it, I'm watching The View".

[chrisd]

adorno says we can't free ourselves from larger tendencies in society

[Nuzzolese]

I don't try, I just do. These days, anyway. Which is why I pretty much only shave twice a week, have been buying a lot of mainstream movies on dvd and listen to lots of Southern rap lately.

But you make it seem cool, right? Apathy.

What do you think of those ladies with kitten sweaters and corduroy dresses and headbands?


I'm also convinced that I've grown to hate my own sexuality and I have a strong desire to be as unsexy as possible while remaining clean and presentable.

[chrisd]

i agree with sabotage; if it's ethical then it's all good or what means the same: it becomes an esthetical question, like that song on tt5b... all lifestyles, sizes, shapes and forms

[Nuzzolese]

Another idiot from the masses? Sigh...sigh,sigh,sigh. Now will you excuse me while I go and discuss the metaphysical relationship between Picasso, James Joyce and John Cage with people of high respect.

I did basically that for four years and it never meant anything important to anyone's lives. It was as meaningless and masturbatory - in essence if not in detail - as gossping about the latest celebrity weddings or playing an online video game.

[hpdrifter]

I used to be that way, took myself waaaaay too seriously, watched only independent art house films, some because I liked them and some because I thought I should. I had a vision of what I wanted people to see me as and it was partly me and partly not.

Thankfully I grew out of it. And I think its really just that simple.

[Nuzzolese]

I think very few people are 100% themselves because of all the influences around us but DO NOT be ashamed of who you are (as long as you're not a bad person or anything). If there are things you want to change then change them, if not don't. Its all easier said than done I know, I'm far from happy with who I am.

It's weird to try to change these things though, because people who trust you start to wonder why you're changing and they think it means you're not the same person anymore and they start to wonder what else - like their foundations for trust in you - was just a social response.

[Nuzzolese]

I used to be that way, took myself waaaaay too seriously, watched only independent art house films, some because I liked them and some because I thought I should. I had a vision of what I wanted people to see me as and it was partly me and partly not.

Thankfully I grew out of it. And I think its really just that simple.

I have had a vision of who I wanted to be, not just to be seen as. Maybe I can combine it all. Some arthouse movies I sincerrely like and then some ones I just like without feeling the need to justify myself to critics. It's just, I get so sick of people who are interested in me for the wrong reasons or they start talking to me because they think we have something in common and then I privately dicover that I cannot stand them and I don't fit in and I don't want to and I'm like "why am I around these people?"

Yeah, I'll grow out of it. But when I do, I have a feeling I'll still be ashamed of it.

[Nuzzolese]

I rather do that than gossip about celebrity weddings and playing online games. Though playing old games is fun.

Yes, you rather do that, but it's no better or worse. It's not that I want to gossip about celebrities. I don't want to watch TV. I don't want any culture at all sometimes, at least nothing modern or post modern or neomodern or whatever the fuck comes next.

[sab0tage]

It's weird to try to change these things though, because people who trust you start to wonder why you're changing and they think it means you're not the same person anymore and they start to wonder what else - like their foundations for trust in you - was just a social response.

Do these people who trust you do the kind of things that you no longer want to do. Is your friendship based on these things, if you see what I mean?

[Nuzzolese]

Do these people who trust you do the kind of things that you no longer want to do. Is your friendship based on these things, if you see what I mean?

I think it's hard to find people who will like you without needing to enjoy what you enjoy. It's not who you are but what you like. An entire friendship can be based around having the same cultural preferences, watching the same movies and shows, liking the same music and style. Maybe not with legitimate grownups though.

[Sarky Devotchka]

every now and again it's fun to be an intellectual, but usually it's pretty tedious.

I had one of the best days of my life when it was the superbowl, in the car on the way to a party, two of my guy friends started arguing a little bit and I said, "since when did you guys get vaginas?" and then we all talked about their fake vaginas and got really gross and laughed a lot. it was just me and the friends from the car at this superbowl party with people I knew, but don't really know that well, and we had no place to sit and couldn't see the t.v., so we were really bored and just started getting silly. I'm talking piggy back rides, poking, slapping, jokes about poop, etc. We got into such a silly frenzy that we just kept going and going with it until absolutely everything made us laugh. We went to this fancy hipster/yuppie bar and made fools of ourselves, making fart sounds and laughing way too loud.

good times. but that can't happen every day, if it did it wouldn't be special anymore.

[cosmo105]

i'm much happier being boring and lame sitting on the ikea loveseat with my boyfriend in our ordinary apartment watching animal planet and freaking out at the Puppy Bowl than i ever was when i was a fashion photography art student indie rock fag hipster that had to dye my hair every two weeks.

[hpdrifter]

I was just using the art house movie thing as an example. What's important is that at that time I didn't know who I was.

I had this group of friends in college, this group of guys who I always sort of looked down on secretly. They weren't good looking or charming or popular with girls, they were kind of geeky and awkward. I thought I was better than them and hanging with them made me feel good about myself because I knew that they all thought I was attractive and cool.

Anyway, it sounds like you know what the problem is. If you're hanging out with people who seem to like you for the wrong reasons, that's something you're putting out there.

[Nuzzolese]

I've got to stop putting that out there.

This is pretty pathetic, isn't it? The emotional developmental plight of the middle class moderately cultured and educated over-saturated with media. I should just be happy.

[Sarky Devotchka]

yeah, stop complaining jerk.

[paul jones]

I'm tired of trying to be a cool, smart, self-challenging adult who listens to new music and reads good books, watches good movies, tries to dress respectably and maintain a grown-up living space. I'm tired of trying to avoid mainstream commercial culture in favor of deep thinking, irony and art. I'm tired of trying to seem interesting and sexy and mature so as not to scare people away or arouse their disdain. I'm tired of worrying about alienating men and getting along with tough chicks.

I just want to surround myself in fluffy teddy bears and pink flowers and unicorn figurines and kittens in baskets. I just want my whole life to be like that. And I don't want to feel embarrassed.

Last Christmas when I went to see the Nutcracker Suite, I was SO jealous of all the little girls in their white tights and black patent leather maryjanes and their little dresses. I want to dress like that!!


yeah,I get yor point

If I win the lotto I'll make sure you can do that(y)

[monkey]

i think about a year ago i went through that... and i just decided to fuck it. now i listen to what i like. and i do what i like. and i wear what i like. i almost like me a lot right now, except im a few pounds bigger than what i like.

anyway.. the point is, sometimes you have to say fuck it and start reading what you like, regardless of outside "noise", and the same with music and thoughts. and if you want to watch all my children, then do it. (y)

[Bob]

i wanna be high all the time

and wash my clothes in a bathtub

but instead i feel compelled to have a sweet wife, a jetpack, and even my own boat!

[cosmo105]

did you weigh 500 pounds?

[Bob]

did you weigh 500 pounds?

i also stuck pennies up my ass

[cosmo105]

we didn't live in the best neighborhood...no offense mike, but there were a lot of astronauts

[Bob]

eat the cheeseburger, astro boy! eat the cheeseburger astro boy!

[cosmo105]

all right, all right!

i'm just going to need a blender

[Bob]

that was just a little...humor joke

[cosmo105]

*cracks an egg on your head* YOU LOOK RIDICULOUS!

[Nuzzolese]

I started talking about this to my boyfriend and it was funny because I felt like he'd think I was strange or pathetic but instead he got into it and was enthusiastic. I started saying how I didn't want to feel cool or stylish, I just wanted to bake and have cute things and do innocent domestic childhood things and his eyes got huge and he said "I LOVE THAT STUFF!" So we baked cookies and played boardgames and watched Jurassic Park. And he thinks kittens are adorable. Good times. noodle salad.

[cosmo105]

that's what life is really about. at least, what it should be about.

[thegoodmrbrodie!]

but what if all that stuff becomes cool? and everyone starts baking cookies and shit. would it be a victory? would you be happy? or would you grow tired of that and start someting else?

[Ημισκούμπρια]

Life isn't as difficult as you make it out to be. Like what makes you happy. You turn it into a complex situation.

[na§tee]

what's so unique and individual about trying to be unique and individual and cool? because that's what everyone is trying to be! i would probably have more respect for all the "mainstream" people cos they don't really give a shit. doing something purely because it is a bit left-of-centre is just as bad as being, er, "centre" because, like them, you are only doing it for the status.

i'm not saying this is you, just in general!
i say just do the things you enjoy. i enjoy baking cookies and shit!

and you're a GIRL! i guess i was wrong. woops. sorry!

[SobaViolence]

you're damned if you do and you're damned if you don't.

apparently even Bob Dylan wanted to settle down and have a house in the suburbs with a white picket fence...


keep fightin' the good fight.

[Nuzzolese]

I'm sincerely disgusted with people who don't try to educate and culture themselves and try new things. I guess sometimes I just want to feel sheltered from the world. I do like odd movies or literary criticism and theory, or going to museums or trying new food...and then I don't want to ruin my appreciation of the finer things so I want to alternate that with - not so much feeling mainstream, but instead feeling like a child; like I've never had sex, never tried to be cool, or do drugs, or ever had a thought in my head.

I mean it's not that I want to dumb things down to the masses level. I want to dumb them down to a 2-year old's level.

[SobaViolence]

and you've never done drugs?

[Nuzzolese]

No, I HAVE done drugs, that's what I'm saying...I want to feel like I never did anything like that. It doesn't matter. This thread is all really stupid. I kind of regret it.

[Pres Zount]

I'm sincerely disgusted with people who don't try to educate and culture themselves and try new things. I guess sometimes I just want to feel sheltered from the world. I do like odd movies or literary criticism and theory, or going to museums or trying new food...and then I don't want to ruin my appreciation of the finer things so I want to alternate that with - not so much feeling mainstream, but instead feeling like a child; like I've never had sex, never tried to be cool, or do drugs, or ever had a thought in my head.

I mean it's not that I want to dumb things down to the masses level. I want to dumb them down to a 2-year old's level.

I know exactly what you mean sort of. I get that feeling too. Except i've never done drugs, gotten drunk..

[hpdrifter]

I often feel guilt for spending so much time here rather than doing something more enriching with my internet time. Like reading the news in Russian to keep my language skills up. Or reading about music theory or something.

But yet, I always stop by here first.

[SobaViolence]

what's with all this regret?

you are you. if you didn't make the choices you did, you would be intrinsically different, henceforth, not you

learn from your ways, don't regret them.

[marsdaddy]

If I win the lotto I'll make sure you can do that(y)If you win the lotto, you'll be too deep in cocaine and hookers to remember that promise!

[paul jones]

If you win the lotto, you'll be too deep in cocaine and hookers to remember that promise!

you are always right(y)