opinions?

[vickista]

i have a music project in which i have to present a song that i wrote and made the tune to, its due this friday and i hadnt doenit yet thinking it was due nxt friday, so in the last 15 minutes i've done the lyrics but i dno whether there any good, so im asking for ur opinions before i do the tune.

lyrics:

No one understands why I love you.
But they don’t see you like I do,
They can’t see that side to you.
The secret side that stole my heart,
The side that’s light amongst the dark.
But you’re not mine to kiss and touch
Even though I love you so much.
You're all i've never had,
You're everything i need,
if i wanted you all to myself,
would you call that greed?

Kiss it better and mend the cracks.
Before you misjudge me get the facts.
I love you much more than you know,
I just can’t bear to let you go.

I watch you etch cracks deep into my heart.
Knowing that leaving would tear me apart.
And the worst part is you have no clue,
Of just how much I’m in love with you.

So all the days we spent together
And all the nights we spent apart.
I never told you my true feelings,
You never saw into my heart.

Kiss it better and mend the cracks.
Before you misjudge me get the facts.
I love you much more than you know,
I just can’t bear to let you go.
So all the days we spent together
And all the nights we spent apart.
I never told you my true feelings,
You never saw into my heart.

I wish I had the guts to show you,
But I’ve been hurt too many times.
And so instead I sit hear dreaming
And singing all these cheesy lines.

You're all i've never had,
You're everything i need,
if i wanted you all to myself,
would you call that greed?

Kiss it better and mend the cracks.
Before you misjudge me get the facts.
I love you much more than you know,
I just can’t bear to let you go.


if it's no good dont just tell me its shit tell me what needs improvement.

thanks, vickista!

[Pres Zount]

I don't want to live
after reading that song
something something something
that song was really wrong.

[vickista]

I don't want to live
after reading that song
something something something
that song was really wrong.


well what are ur sugestions on improving it then?

[Pres Zount]

I don't know I was just being nasty. It's only for grade eight music class or something, right? Don't worry about it, just chill.

[vickista]

I don't know I was just being nasty. It's only for grade eight music class or something, right? Don't worry about it, just chill.

yeah i no but i have to PERFORM it aswell! so i want sum feed back coz if u guys think it stinks my class probubly will 2.

[Pres Zount]

I'm sure your classmates don't give a shit.

[alexandra]

damn, you can actually spell. props.

[kleptomaniac]

No one understands why I love you.
But they don?t see you like I do,
They can?t see that side to you.
The secret side that stole my heart,
The side that?s light amongst the dark.
But you?re not mine to kiss and touch
Even though I love you so much.
You're all i've never had,
You're everything i need,
if i wanted you all to myself,
would you call that greed?

Kiss it better and mend the cracks.
Before you misjudge me get the facts.
I love you much more than you know,
I just can?t bear to let you go.

I watch you etch cracks deep into my heart.
Knowing that leaving would tear me apart.
And the worst part is you have no clue,
Of just how much I?m in love with you.

So all the days we spent together
And all the nights we spent apart.
I never told you my true feelings,
You never saw into my heart.

Kiss it better and mend the cracks.
Before you misjudge me get the facts.
I love you much more than you know,
I just can?t bear to let you go.
So all the days we spent together
And all the nights we spent apart.
I never told you my true feelings,
You never saw into my heart.

I wish I had the guts to show you,
But I?ve been hurt too many times.
And so instead I sit hear dreaming
And singing all these cheesy lines.

You're all i've never had,
You're everything i need,
if i wanted you all to myself,
would you call that greed?

Kiss it better and mend the cracks.
Before you misjudge me get the facts.
I love you much more than you know,
I just can?t bear to let you go.

it's good for a song written in 15 minutes :cool:
sounds like a love letter or something. does it got a name?

[Planetary]

it's good for a song written in 15 minutes :cool:
sounds like a love letter or something. does it got a name?

you would say that

[Beckalina]

far too many cracks if you ask me.

[kleptomaniac]

you would say that

but i did hahaha

you couldn't write something just as good in 15 minutes (!)

[Chicka B]

And singing all these cheesy lines.


True dat. No no no, just kidding. I just don't like love songs. :p But I swear, I couldn't do any better. Can you do a rap song? Because if you rapped that it might sound cool, just put a beat to it and flow. :cool: Ok I'm sorry, I'll shut up now. I'd be such a bad critic, I feel too bad.

[Bitchamachacha]

You sooo stole that from Bryan Adams or Michael Bolton.

[ericlee]

it's not too bad and you still have time to edit it. For one thing it's a love song so, minus the word "cheesy." Putting that word there kinda makes the song cheesy.

Fish for better words to substitute for cheesy, diagnose it a little more, change a few things and you should have a perfect song.

It took 15 minutes, you can't really get a sense of perfection from such a limited time frame and alot of the singers nowadays didn't record their songs from something they sat and whipped up right away.

Good luck with it.

[vickista]

it's not too bad and you still have time to edit it. For one thing it's a love song so, minus the word "cheesy." Putting that word there kinda makes the song cheesy.

Fish for better words to substitute for cheesy, diagnose it a little more, change a few things and you should have a perfect song.

It took 15 minutes, you can't really get a sense of perfection from such a limited time frame and alot of the singers nowadays didn't record their songs from something they sat and whipped up right away.

Good luck with it.


when u say change a few thing could u be a bit more specific?

[vickista]

I just don't like love songs.
funny thing is i dont paticularly like them either especially not those pop ballads about love.EWWW:eek:

Can you do a rap song? Because if you rapped that it might sound cool, just put a beat to it and flow.
nah we arent allowed, but i dont think i can rap anywayz, i can rhyme but i cant rap.


I'd be such a bad critic, I feel too bad.
lol dont feel bad i asked for it.:)

[vickista]

You sooo stole that from Bryan Adams or Michael Bolton.

you'd like to think so wouldnt you.:cool:

[vickista]

it's good for a song written in 15 minutes :cool:
sounds like a love letter or something. does it got a name?


thanks.

umm well it kinda started off as a love song, but them morphed kinda into a song, umm no thats the next thing i gotta do think of a name. do u rekon u guys could help me with that 2?

[Medellia]

TBH I didn't really like it. NO real reason why, just not my cup of tea. It is pretty good for being written in fifteen minutes though. Maybe go over it again and do a bit of fine tuning. Don't worry about it too much though since it's due so soon. I assume you haven't written the melody yet, so you need to worry about that more than the lyrics right now.

[Freebasser]

Did Mick Hucknall help you write that?

[vickista]

TBH I didn't really like it. NO real reason why, just not my cup of tea. It is pretty good for being written in fifteen minutes though. Maybe go over it again and do a bit of fine tuning. Don't worry about it too much though since it's due so soon. I assume you haven't written the melody yet, so you need to worry about that more than the lyrics right now.


nah i've got the meoldy, but im totally hopeless with musical notes etc, so im getting someone else to write it for me.

[Medellia]

nah i've got the meoldy, but im totally hopeless with musical notes etc, so im getting someone else to write it for me.
Ah, okay. Still, don't think you need to worry too much about it. It's fine for a school project that you've rushed on.

[Kid Presentable]

If you have to rap it, I suggets you call your music teacher a 'Faggot' (if female, and elderly), otherwise, simply spray urine all over your class mates. Then shout "Born Akademikz in the Higgadale", and hand out flyers promoting www.nanastillfucks.com.

[Justin]

i say you should do a demo (using your computer mic)...save it..and upload it..then give us a link to it so we can hear you.

anyways when you do this song, you should be very confident. Act as if its the best song in the world and your the best performer. Just act like you dont give a shit.

For extra credit: Throw a few F bombs in there;)

[vickista]

Did Mick Hucknall help you write that?


i dno if ur trying to make a joke, but if so not funny. i dno what ur on about.

[vickista]

Ah, okay. Still, don't think you need to worry too much about it. It's fine for a school project that you've rushed on.

alrite kool, now i can focus on the other 3 projects i have on monday.
*sighs with relief*

but umm anyone got suggestions for a name, thats all i've got left but i dont know what to call it?

[vickista]

i say you should do a demo (using your computer mic)...save it..and upload it..then give us a link to it so we can hear you.

anyways when you do this song, you should be very confident. Act as if its the best song in the world and your the best performer. Just act like you dont give a shit.

For extra credit: Throw a few F bombs in there;)

i will ill sound like shit, but i dont give a fuck!

thats how i always am with my class, lol. i might have been throwing up for half an hour before the performance but when i go up there in front of them they look at me like they no i can do sumthing great, they actually believe in me and i give the god damn show of their lives!(even if i cant sing for shit) god i love my class:rolleyes:

[vickista]

well i took in ur feed back abt less cracks etc. and i've changed it so im hoping you'll like it.

-special thanks to ace for doing a great job on fixing it up with me-

so here it is the new improved version:

No one understands why I love you.
But they don’t see you like I do;
they can’t see that side to you.
The secret side that stole my heart,
the side that’s light amongst the dark.
But you’re not mine to kiss and touch
Even though I love you so much.
You're all I’ve never had,
you’re everything I need,
if I wanted you all to myself,
would you call that greed?

Is it real or are you faking?
You do the giving, he the taking,
Perhaps it’s just your virgin eyes
Caught you up in lullabies.


And the worst part is you have no clue,
of just how much I’m in love with you.
You’re slowly tearing hole in my heart.
And I can’t leave coz it would break me apart.
So all the days we spent together
and all the nights we spent apart.
I never told you my true feelings,
you never saw into my heart.


Is it real or are you faking?
You do the giving, he the taking,
Perhaps it’s just your virgin eyes
Caught you up in lullabies.


So all the days we spent together
and all the nights we spent apart.
I never told you my true feelings,
you never saw into my heart.

I wish I had the guts to show you,
But I’ve been hurt too many times.
And so instead I sit here dreaming
and singing all these cheesy lines.
You're all I’ve never had,
you’re everything I need,
if I wanted you all to myself,
would you call that greed?


Is it real or are you faking?
You do the giving, he the taking,
Perhaps it’s just your virgin eyes
Caught you up in lullabies.

so wha'd ya think?

im thinking because of the chorus it would be best to name it something like:
"virgin eyes"-although thats a bit suggestive. or "caught in lullabies" i dunno something like that any one else got name suggestions?

P.S its not a pop ballad or anything like that its more like punky emo stuff, which probly makes it sound crap but its like "the all american rejects" kinda stuff.

[Kid Presentable]

well i took in ur feed back abt less cracks etc. and i've changed it so im hoping you'll like it.

-special thanks to ace for doing a great job on fixing it up with me-

so here it is the new improved version:

No one understands why I love you.
But they don’t see you like I do;
they can’t see that side to you.
The secret side that stole my heart,
the side that’s light amongst the dark.
But you’re not mine to kiss and touch
Even though I love you so much.
You're all I’ve never had,
you’re everything I need,
if I wanted you all to myself,
would you call that greed?

Is it real or are you faking?
You do the giving, he the taking,
Perhaps it’s just your virgin eyes
Caught you up in lullabies.


And the worst part is you have no clue,
of just how much I’m in love with you.
You’re slowly tearing hole in my heart.
And I can’t leave coz it would break me apart.
So all the days we spent together
and all the nights we spent apart.
I never told you my true feelings,
you never saw into my heart.


Is it real or are you faking?
You do the giving, he the taking,
Perhaps it’s just your virgin eyes
Caught you up in lullabies.


So all the days we spent together
and all the nights we spent apart.
I never told you my true feelings,
you never saw into my heart.

I wish I had the guts to show you,
But I’ve been hurt too many times.
And so instead I sit here dreaming
and singing all these cheesy lines.
You're all I’ve never had,
you’re everything I need,
if I wanted you all to myself,
would you call that greed?


Is it real or are you faking?
You do the giving, he the taking,
Perhaps it’s just your virgin eyes
Caught you up in lullabies.

Bitch, hit the floor,
Start confessin'
I'm a teenage girl
With a Smith and Wesson

so wha'd ya think?

im thinking because of the chorus it would be best to name it something like:
"virgin eyes"-although thats a bit suggestive. or "caught in lullabies" i dunno something like that any one else got name suggestions?

P.S its not a pop ballad or anything like that its more like punky emo stuff, which probly makes it sound crap but its like "the all american rejects" kinda stuff.
It's good.(y)

[kleptomaniac]

i think you're ready (y)

[ericlee]

when u say change a few thing could u be a bit more specific?

good job, I just read the rewrite. You still put cheesy in it but if you think it will work, then you can make it work.

You're ready, go get 'em(y)

[vickista]

i didnt have to do it our teqacher was away so we arent doing it til wednesday!

but thank you all for ur help:D (y)