dear creepy old men

[cosmo105]

(my own thread about guys!)


Dear Old Dudes,

look. i don't care what your intentions are. i do not like being called "sweetheart," "beautiful," "goddess," or whatever other stupid-ass name you want to call me. show me some goddamn respect. you don't know me, and it's really fucking rude. and DON'T fucking grab my arm and squeeze it for half a minute telling me how great it is to see me with a crazed look in your eyes and a grin as you lick your lips. (you're a rude motherfucker anyway, you asked me a question then proceeded to hold up your finger and answer a phone call before i even opened my mouth to answer, and i had to wait through your stupid-ass call to answer you as other people are waiting for my help. and you ALWAYS stand way, WAY too close when i'm helping you, and stare at me uncomfortably long. and you know i can't do anything about it because i don't want to lose my job.) don't give me your card, and say "if you ever need a loan or a date ;)." it's not flattering, it just makes me EXTREMELY UNCOMFORTABLE.

if you're not my grandpa's age, and you're not calling me "dear" or "little lady" or something because that's how you were raised and you're not REALLY polite, then go bother someone else. like your kids that hate you.



:mad:

[Freebasser]

HATER!

[Kid Presentable]

(my own thread about guys!)


Dear Old Dudes,

look. i don't care what your intentions are. i do not like being called "sweetheart," "beautiful," "goddess," or whatever other stupid-ass name you want to call me. show me some goddamn respect. you don't know me, and it's really fucking rude. and DON'T fucking grab my arm and squeeze it for half a minute telling me how great it is to see me with a crazed look in your eyes and a grin as you lick your lips. (you're a rude motherfucker anyway, you asked me a question then proceeded to hold up your finger and answer a phone call before i even opened my mouth to answer, and i had to wait through your stupid-ass call to answer you as other people are waiting for my help. and you ALWAYS stand way, WAY too close when i'm helping you, and stare at me uncomfortably long. and you know i can't do anything about it because i don't want to lose my job.) don't give me your card, and say "if you ever need a loan or a date ;)." it's not flattering, it just makes me EXTREMELY UNCOMFORTABLE.

if you're not my grandpa's age, and you're not calling me "dear" or "little lady" or something because that's how you were raised and you're not REALLY polite, then go bother someone else. like your kids that hate you.


:mad:

You sound like my Mum right before she married my Dad. At least, as far as I can tell.

[Lex Diamonds]

Don't hate the playa, hate the game.

[Yeti]

(my own thread about guys!)


Dear Old Dudes,

look. i don't care what your intentions are. i do not like being called "sweetheart," "beautiful," "goddess," or whatever other stupid-ass name you want to call me. show me some goddamn respect. you don't know me, and it's really fucking rude. and DON'T fucking grab my arm and squeeze it for half a minute telling me how great it is to see me with a crazed look in your eyes and a grin as you lick your lips. (you're a rude motherfucker anyway, you asked me a question then proceeded to hold up your finger and answer a phone call before i even opened my mouth to answer, and i had to wait through your stupid-ass call to answer you as other people are waiting for my help. and you ALWAYS stand way, WAY too close when i'm helping you, and stare at me uncomfortably long. and you know i can't do anything about it because i don't want to lose my job.) don't give me your card, and say "if you ever need a loan or a date ;)." it's not flattering, it just makes me EXTREMELY UNCOMFORTABLE.

if you're not my grandpa's age, and you're not calling me "dear" or "little lady" or something because that's how you were raised and you're not REALLY polite, then go bother someone else. like your kids that hate you.



:mad:

OK Honey

[HotAndWet]

At my last job, there was this old, at least 60 yr old guy who was stalking a girl I worked with. He would stare at her and keep saying how pretty she is and he even asked her out and gave her his card! She told him she has a boyfriend and a baby but he was all "well if you ever change your mind".....
right because he is too much of a catch to let go....ughI think he had emphysema or something, he would breathe really wheezily....eew. :(

[marsdaddy]

But you're cute as a button.

[monkey]

ewwwwwww that is creepy and scary. you know whats scary too... knowing that there's guys like that here and they prey on young girls :(

i wanna kick all creeps like that in the balls.

[enree erzweglle]

I thought you were addressing a subset of this group. :)

A friend works in a hospital and those old guys and their 1) lame ass jokes; 2) flirting: :rolleyes:

[Kid Presentable]

ewwwwwww that is creepy and scary. you know whats scary too... knowing that there's guys like that here and they prey on young girls :(

i wanna kick all creeps like that in the balls.
Do you mean 'Here' as in members, or what?

[cosmo105]

But you're cute as a button.
a button with razor-sharp edges that will CUT! YOU!! :mad:


if it's a sweet little old guy just making silly jokes or something, laughing at himself...and we get a lot of those...i don't mind. when i know that there's a possibility that this guy could rape me, i do.

i almost want to speak to the management about it, and see what the best way to handle it is. if they could have seen the look on my face when he grabbed me like that...i was probably as white as, uh, christina aguilera. i was stunned and speechless for a few seconds. i do NOT like being touched by people i don't know. and he wayyy overstepped my boundaries. what's a good, professional way to say, "i'm sorry you fuckstick perv, but you're invading my personal space and i'd much appreciate it if you backed the fuck off my jock"?

[Echewta]

I like how people quoted Cosmo's post like she wouldn't realize you were responding to her.

[Kid Presentable]

I like how people quoted Cosmo's post like she wouldn't realize you were responding to her.
Yeah, but cosmo, you're in service. And that's what they're trying to get into, too.(y)

[Yeti]

I like how people quoted Cosmo's post like she wouldn't realize you were responding to her.

OK Honey

[monkey]

Do you mean 'Here' as in members, or what?

yes. super creepy bbmb members. to be fair, theres only one or two i ever think of fitting into that category. but it's creepy and gross enough to mention.

[Kid Presentable]

yes. super creepy bbmb members. to be fair, theres only one or two i ever think of fitting into that category. but it's creepy and gross enough to mention.
Who? I remember NurfBall used to post 'Scrumptious' and 'Ooooh Lala' a lot after girls posted in sureshots.

You'd be much better off naming names, specifically due to it making you uncomfortable.

[cosmo105]

oh, of course it goes both ways. at the store in which i used to work, we had an employee that is now 18, a really sweet kid. i never thought he was particularly cute but the older women just adored him. i guess because he was really athletic. anyway, they'd always tell me things like, "my goodness, you have such a fine-looking young man washing the window, why just look at those muscles!" and i'd look at him and he'd be bright red and kind of shrinking into himself. he'd run in the back for a few minutes. once i even told one lady that was being particularly creepy, "um, he's only 17, and i don't know if he appreciates that kind of attention" and she got offended that i said something and snapped, "how dare you say that to me! i am just admiring a beautiful thing, you have no place to blah blah i'm a big stupid cow."

poor guy. sweetest kid you could imagine. it's really about treating people with respect and not as objects.

there was one old guy that shopped there that was really, really obviously in love with me. all my coworkers teased me mercilessly about it. every time he came in, he'd have a huge grin and just talk sooo gently and sweetly to me. i was always polite but kept my distance and whatnot. at least he was shy...it made me uncomfortable but i could laugh about it because i knew he respected me and wasn't going to actually try anything.

[marsdaddy]

"Ashton" in your "Demi" fantasy.I thought you were over 30?! :confused:

It does go both ways. If you didn't wear those hot little aprons and that "have you tried the colon blow" button, you wouldn't have peaked my interest.

[g-mile7]

Good ol grandpa...would do the same thing hahaha even though he is married. Guess that gives you some insight to where I get it from.

[cosmo105]

It does go both ways. If you didn't wear those hot little aprons and that "have you tried the colon blow" button, you wouldn't have piqued my interest.
i'll admit, the apron's pretty damn cute. i'm asking for it what with baring my forearms.


i thought it was only fair to correct the corrector :p

[ericlee]

here I was thinking it made women feel warm when I called them sugar tits and pussy puff.

Dammit!! That's my normal stare too.

[enree erzweglle]

SNL had a skit about weirdos on the internet: One of the regulars was teaching a "Welcome to Myspace" class to maybe 10 people: one woman (who was about my age) and maybe 9 creepy guys (who also appeared to be my age). The woman wanted to learn more about myspace because of her daughter; the men had interesting reasons for taking the class. One of them asked the woman about her daughter's interests and then subscribed to related myspace forums. :) Funny, too, the screen names the guys chose. :D

[buddylee]

If you sit back and take it that what you deserve, step up and say something.

I was delivering to a walgreen once and I saw an old guy grab the cashears tit.
I asked her why she wouldn't do anything .... again "I mite get fired.: line of crap. I knew the store manger for years so I spoke to her and never let that old guy in the store again.
if you don't make a stand with this guy it will get worst.

[beastiegirrl101]

I have a problem with the landscaping men in my neighborhood. UGH....they are so CREEPY! They lick their lips and blow kisses and will actually drive next to you really slow while you are walking down the block, hollering at you in Spanish. (not generalizing all landscaping peeps, just the ones in my area)

[b i o n i c]

SNL had a skit about weirdos on the internet: One of the regulars was teaching a "Welcome to Myspace" class to maybe 10 people: one woman (who was about my age) and maybe 9 creepy guys (who also appeared to be my age). The woman wanted to learn more about myspace because of her daughter; the men had interesting reasons for taking the class. One of them asked the woman about her daughter's interests and then subscribed to related myspace forums. :) Funny, too, the screen names the guys chose. :D




That was a good skit. I loved the moral at the end "just keep your kids off the internet". They don't need it.

[abcdefz]

(my own thread about guys!)


Dear Old Dudes,

look. i don't care what your intentions are. i do not like being called "sweetheart," "beautiful," "goddess," or whatever other stupid-ass name you want to call me. show me some goddamn respect. you don't know me, and it's really fucking rude. and DON'T fucking grab my arm and squeeze it for half a minute telling me how great it is to see me with a crazed look in your eyes and a grin as you lick your lips. (you're a rude motherfucker anyway, you asked me a question then proceeded to hold up your finger and answer a phone call before i even opened my mouth to answer, and i had to wait through your stupid-ass call to answer you as other people are waiting for my help. and you ALWAYS stand way, WAY too close when i'm helping you, and stare at me uncomfortably long. and you know i can't do anything about it because i don't want to lose my job.) don't give me your card, and say "if you ever need a loan or a date ;)." it's not flattering, it just makes me EXTREMELY UNCOMFORTABLE.

if you're not my grandpa's age, and you're not calling me "dear" or "little lady" or something because that's how you were raised and you're not REALLY polite, then go bother someone else. like your kids that hate you.



:mad:





...I'd just tell your manager what's going on, and say you'd like to pass off this creepy old man to a (preferably male) co-wprker, who can "better assist" him.

[ericlee]

some guys have names for other men that I find annoying.

If you don't know my name, just a sir or guy or even dude is ok to call me by.

It annoys the shit outta me when they think the must call me buddy, champ or hero.

[b i o n i c]

...I'd just tell your manager what's going on, and say you'd like to pass off this creepy old man to a (preferably male) co-wprker, who can "better assist" him.


its more fun to talk about how creepy the guy is and to see it happen again and again than to do something effective to make it stop.

[abcdefz]

some guys have names for other men that I find annoying.

If you don't know my name, just a sir or guy or even dude is ok to call me by.

It annoys the shit outta me when they think the must call me buddy, champ or hero.



Sorry about that, Friend.

[abcdefz]

its more fun to talk about how creepy the guy is and to see it happen again and again than to do something effective to make it stop.


A recurring theme.

AA's definition of insanity is doing the same thing repeatedly and expecting different results.

That's not exactly always true, but you get the idea.

[abcdefz]

^

They were probably referring to the Ring Lardner short story "Champion," in deference to your wife-beating prowess.

[ericlee]

Sorry about that, Friend.

that one doesn't bother me a bit. Actually it's a customary greeting in the mid-east. "Hello My Friend."

Oh, while living in the south, the one that annoyed me even more was "haus."

[abcdefz]

I really, really hate being called "pimp." It blows me away when I get that.

[g-mile7]

I really, really hate being called "pimp." It blows me away when I get that.



Don't fight yo destiny.


It be funny if half those old men did that shit on purpose just to see the reactions on some these girls faces...I hope I am that demnated and cool when I grow old to still want to piss off girls who want attention but not from the wrong people.....be like "yo shit is aight but I can make it tizzzaite if you holla at me" :) me and my grandpa had a discussion on feamles today, I learned alot that day.

[buddylee]

Boss . that what all the indian store owner used to call me , so I'd call them it back.

I still do it if I'm in a store and need help "hey boss you know were the XL condoms are"

[mickill]

I find don't mind when older women call me dear. Or deer. Whichever way they mean it.

[ericlee]

I find don't mind when older women call me dear. Or deer. Whichever way they mean it.


maybe their quite fawn of you.

Oh!!

[ericlee]

In high school I played Buddy Layman in "The Diveners" for our One Act Play competiton where I was voted to the 4A All-Star cast. I later won the school's "Outstanding Performer" Award where they put my first name, then "Buddy", then my last name. So now it looks like my nickname was Buddy.:(


eww. That sucks.

I was working corrections once and an inmate decided to call me buddy. It's a wrong move and they know it. I told him, "see these stripes on my collar? See my name tag? (which says Smith).

I told him that all of his buddies are in the cellblock and he'll join them if he forgets my name again.

[voltanapricot]

My 63 year old maths tutor interrupted me in a mock exam last week just so he could say "I say, looking beautiful tonight."

Nasty, inappropriate twats.

[ericlee]

but yeah, cos is right for one thing, if you don't know anybody, especially an old man as such, you don't know what they're thinking when they decide to call you those sweetening names.

For all you know, it could be a manipulation tactic, starting with small flirtatious acts such as cute nicknames and then working their way up.

[kll]

(my own thread about guys!)


Dear Old Dudes,

look. i don't care what your intentions are. i do not like being called "sweetheart," "beautiful," "goddess," or whatever other stupid-ass name you want to call me. show me some goddamn respect. you don't know me, and it's really fucking rude. and DON'T fucking grab my arm and squeeze it for half a minute telling me how great it is to see me with a crazed look in your eyes and a grin as you lick your lips. (you're a rude motherfucker anyway, you asked me a question then proceeded to hold up your finger and answer a phone call before i even opened my mouth to answer, and i had to wait through your stupid-ass call to answer you as other people are waiting for my help. and you ALWAYS stand way, WAY too close when i'm helping you, and stare at me uncomfortably long. and you know i can't do anything about it because i don't want to lose my job.) don't give me your card, and say "if you ever need a loan or a date ;)." it's not flattering, it just makes me EXTREMELY UNCOMFORTABLE.

if you're not my grandpa's age, and you're not calling me "dear" or "little lady" or something because that's how you were raised and you're not REALLY polite, then go bother someone else. like your kids that hate you.



:mad:

you have been called "goddess"????????????

[marsdaddy]

i thought it was only fair to correct the corrector :pIt was a pun. Only kll and I would get it?




I know it's been done to death but...
some guys have names for other men that I find annoying.

If you don't know my name, just a sir or guy or even dude is ok to call me by.

It annoys the shit outta me when they think the must call me buddy, champ or hero.Don't be a Loretta, Hoss.

[b i o n i c]

be happy while you get them. you won't be young and, erm, girly forever

[cosmo105]

...I'd just tell your manager what's going on, and say you'd like to pass off this creepy old man to a (preferably male) co-wprker, who can "better assist" him.
unfortunately, i'm the only person there that CAN assist him at night.

bionic: i'm not happy about the compliments. i don't LIKE that kind of attention. even if it was from a guy that i was attracted to, i wouldn't. because it's disrespectful. i'm a person, a human being, and i do NOT put myself out as a sexual object. that's a personal, private thing that i would only share with someone with whom i'm intimate. and to have someone step into that boundary and say things about me that make me uncomfortable...isn't that harassment? i don't have to put up with that.

bgril101, yeah, it's an aspect of that culture that i just can't accept. i remember being 12 - that's right, TWELVE and walking to the local shopping mall with my best frend, and getting hollered and honked and whistled at by landscapers. it's really the mexican culture...it's just a normal thing for them, and the women just accept it. i'm not one to judge cultural norms as immoral or whatever, but it still is fucking demeaning and gross. different values, i guess.

and once at work i was so flustered and mad when i came in because some guys doing a roofing job adjacent to our parking lot were whistling, clucking their tongues, and yelling and hooting at me. I WAS WEARING SLACKS AND A BAGGY POLO. so i flipped them off and stormed inside. i told the owner (a very elderly lady) and her daughter, the manager, about it, and the owner said, "oh, you should be flattered!" my jaw dropped. later on her daughter told me, "she's rather old-fashioned and doesn't understand that those guys were really sexually harassing you, and not complimenting you." sigh.

and i really WANT to say something, to not let it go on. but when you're in customer service, you have to bend over backwards (don't say it) to keep your job sometimes. i am uber-polite, and i've still had people misunderstand me as being rude and fly off the handle to my higher-ups. as vital as i am to that place...i've gotten enough talking-tos in my career to want to tread lightly.


p.s. kll, yeah, it was this one guy that thought he was really smoove. he had an expensive suit. he probably cries alone every night.

[Sarky Devotchka]

this is why I'm glad I work in Boys Town. although my poor boss gets sexually harassed sometimes. there's this crazy old lady who calls him her "boyfriend", she's harmless though. but there's a man who's an old homo who talks in a very affected professorial voice who's pretty creepy. My boss said, "okay, lay it out on the table" and he said, "you want me to lay on the table?" in a sleazy tone. "uhh, no, your artwork, ha, uh". and then the guy kept throwing in little creepy sexually related comments. gross! My boss' face was bright red the whole time.

I mostly just get guys staring at my tits if they're not gay. there's one gay-seeming guy that winks at me all the time though. he's british. maybe he's not even gay, it could be just the twee accent.

[b i o n i c]

UGHGHGH!!!!


Give the old man a friggen break! He's about to die, he sees something that makes him smile and reminds him of his youth and he tries to do what he remembers worked. maybe the old fucker used to be handsome. well 65 years later he's lost it physically and maybe he;s beginning to mentally. get over it. what's it to you?

maybe he was more handsome that any dude who would pay attention to you today. why ya gotta hate?

take it with some grace and never forget that you too will be an ugly old balding fuck someday. you might be ten times creepier at ten years younger than he is. get off it. give the old fucker a break. are you that weak?

and if ya REALLY hate it THAT much.... walk away. Sheesh!

i;m off to the gym to delay my oldness

yes it's 24 hrs

[g-mile7]

if he crosses the line least you dont have to worry bout having him overtake you....he old for a reason (that much closer to death).

Like one of my homegirls saids:


"you dont even need to sleep with them, most of the time they just looking for a prize to show off to their friends (old men), so they willing to pay already."


true story, this girl travels the world cuz she knows how to manipulate the right sugar daddies.

[befsquire]

amen, sista. it is not a compliment at all.

i swear to god, if i hear one more time how i'm the prettiest attorney someone has ever had, i'll puke all over the dude's orange jail jumpsuit. i'm getting phone calls from the jail from people who aren't my client but want me to take over their case. :(

[g-mile7]

i swear to god, if i hear one more time how i'm the prettiest attorney someone has ever had, i'll puke all over the dude's orange jail jumpsuit.

but you are:) *waits for puke to hit my orange jump suit*:(

[Yeti]

amen, sista. it is not a compliment at all.

i swear to god, if i hear one more time how i'm the prettiest attorney someone has ever had, i'll puke all over the dude's orange jail jumpsuit. i'm getting phone calls from the jail from people who aren't my client but want me to take over their case. :(

Beth behind bars. It sounds like a cinemax after dark film.

[befsquire]

^ the crazy ones jack off in front of you. :( it doesn't matter what you look like, only that you're female.

[g-mile7]

:( ^ the crazy ones jack off in front of you. :( it doesn't matter what you look like, only that you're female.


now thats just awful:( :(

[Medellia]

and i really WANT to say something, to not let it go on. but when you're in customer service, you have to bend over backwards (don't say it) to keep your job sometimes. i am uber-polite, and i've still had people misunderstand me as being rude and fly off the handle to my higher-ups. as vital as i am to that place...i've gotten enough talking-tos in my career to want to tread lightly.
Say something to your boss if you feel unsafe around him. They'll have to take it seriously, they'd be setting themselves up for a lawsuit if they don't.

[cosmo105]

UGHGHGH!!!!


Give the old man a friggen break! He's about to die, he sees something that makes him smile and reminds him of his youth and he tries to do what he remembers worked. maybe the old fucker used to be handsome. well 65 years later he's lost it physically and maybe he;s beginning to mentally. get over it. what's it to you?

maybe he was more handsome that any dude who would pay attention to you today. why ya gotta hate?

take it with some grace and never forget that you too will be an ugly old balding fuck someday. you might be ten times creepier at ten years younger than he is. get off it. give the old fucker a break. are you that weak?

and if ya REALLY hate it THAT much.... walk away. Sheesh!

i;m off to the gym to delay my oldness

yes it's 24 hrs
go fuck yourself. the dude's more like 45. he's a perv and a creep and he grabbed my fucking arm and makes me uncomfortable. i don't care if he's missing something he remembers from his youth. i'm a person worthy of respect and treating me as anything less than that - just because i'm a woman? - is unacceptable. i'm not going to "give him a break." he can go to a strip club if he wants someone that's willing to let him think of her sexually for her job. that is not what i get paid to do. and if i get old and ugly, i'm sure as hell not going to be a fucking creep-ass perv that makes young boys uncomfortable.

and i have a very handsome dude that pays attention to me every day...that i WANT to pay attention to me. he's called my boyfriend, who happens to be my age.

[g-mile7]

younger then I thought but that is grounds for him being arrested. Espcially if he is wanting to get in yo draws. You need to let the powers that be handle it or curse the shit out of him outside of work.

Have the Boomin lay down the BOOM on his ass.

[cosmo105]

heh. matt's never been one to get involved in this sort of thing. he's definitely protective of me, but he knows i can take care of myself. and can actually kick ass a lot harder than he can.

[g-mile7]

heh. matt's never been one to get involved in this sort of thing. he's definitely protective of me, but he knows i can take care of myself. and can actually kick ass a lot harder than he can.


Quote of the night haha

[cosmo105]

don't get me wrong, he's a strong, strapping youth. but see, i'm a fucking ninja.

[Tzar]

i don't really care if some old cuntbag calls me "love" or "sweetie". does through me off (in a good way) a bit if they're hot and between the ages of 20-25 (y)

i saw the title of this thread and thought of the creepy old guy with the whistley accent on Family Guy. that cunt's twisted.

[DandyFop]

don't get me wrong, he's a strong, strapping youth. but see, i'm a fucking ninja.

See, dude, if we were on MY board, you could use a smiley for that shit.

[LongDuckDong]

younger then I thought but that is grounds for him being arrested. Espcially if he is wanting to get in yo draws. You need to let the powers that be handle it or curse the shit out of him outside of work.



How is that grounds for being arrested?

[abcdefz]

Cosmo -- you complain about the man treating you as "less than that," and I'd agree, but, frankly, you're complying.

You can handle this; you can handle yourself.

Tell your manager what's going on, preferably with dates and times of any incidents along with the description. Then the next time the man comes in and behaves that way, tell him that he's crossing the line from customer to something much less pleasant, and that you've spoken to the manager about the situation, and he'll need to stop. And he will. If not, tell your manager you want permission to bar the customer from the store. Go above the manager's head if you have to, but get it done. then the next time the guy comes in, explain that his business is no longer welcome there and he's trespassing and you'll call the police.

Yeah, it's all a pain, but it's not hard to nip in the bud if you really want to. You can't proclaim your dignity and back up your case with a defense of utter helplessness. You're as helpless as you let yourself be.

[ericlee]

Does it bother you when I (http://z.about.com/d/animatedtv/1/0/g/B/grampa.jpg) say seeeeeeexxxxxxxx?

[enree erzweglle]

Cosmo -- you complain about the man treating you as "less than that," and I'd agree, but, frankly, you're complying.

You can handle this; you can handle yourself.

Tell your manager what's going on, preferably with dates and times of any incidents along with the description. Then the next time the man comes in and behaves that way, tell him that he's crossing the line from customer to something much less pleasant, and that you've spoken to the manager about the situation, and he'll need to stop. And he will. If not, tell your manager you want permission to bar the customer from the store. Go above the manager's head if you have to, but get it done. then the next time the guy comes in, explain that his business is no longer welcome there and he's trespassing and you'll call the police.

Yeah, it's all a pain, but it's not hard to nip in the bud if you really want to. You can't proclaim your dignity and back up your case with a defense of utter helplessness. You're as helpless as you let yourself be.It's frightening and risky to do this. Some people retaliate unpleasantly when you do what you describe.

cosmo, you're not complying with anything. You're trying to deal with something that you didn't bring on or encourage.

[b i o n i c]

go fuck yourself. the dude's more like 45. he's a perv and a creep and he grabbed my fucking arm and makes me uncomfortable. i don't care if he's missing something he remembers from his youth. i'm a person worthy of respect and treating me as anything less than that - just because i'm a woman? - is unacceptable. i'm not going to "give him a break." he can go to a strip club if he wants someone that's willing to let him think of her sexually for her job. that is not what i get paid to do. and if i get old and ugly, i'm sure as hell not going to be a fucking creep-ass perv that makes young boys uncomfortable.

and i have a very handsome dude that pays attention to me every day...that i WANT to pay attention to me. he's called my boyfriend, who happens to be my age.

I'm sorry, I thought we were talking about old men. 45 is a little different because he should know boundaries. and touching you is not ok. I just get a little edgy when young people call old people creepy - we all age and we'll all get there some day... it would be nice to not go around feeling all 'creepy'.

You should get Slater to come fuck shit up on these guys. If it really bothers you and you let it go on, it just seems like you don't really want it to stop. Why not go ahead and...

Cosmo -- you complain about the man treating you as "less than that," and I'd agree, but, frankly, you're complying.

You can handle this; you can handle yourself.

Tell your manager what's going on, preferably with dates and times of any incidents along with the description. Then the next time the man comes in and behaves that way, tell him that he's crossing the line from customer to something much less pleasant, and that you've spoken to the manager about the situation, and he'll need to stop. And he will. If not, tell your manager you want permission to bar the customer from the store. Go above the manager's head if you have to, but get it done. then the next time the guy comes in, explain that his business is no longer welcome there and he's trespassing and you'll call the police.

Yeah, it's all a pain, but it's not hard to nip in the bud if you really want to. You can't proclaim your dignity and back up your case with a defense of utter helplessness. You're as helpless as you let yourself be.

and sheeeeuddup. i will go fuck myself at my own leisure.

[abcdefz]

Your advice is not bad, but it is kind of like you're blaming her for bringing it on herself. Sometimes some men will mess around with any female under the age of oh let's say 40 no matter how she looks or acts. Just being female is enough sometimes. I agree that she needs to let her boss know about this and perhaps get his old ass banned before it escalates, but be careful cosmo as some people do not know how to handle being put in their palce.


I'm not saying she's bringing it on herself, but I am saying she's permitting it to continue.

"Silence means security/Silence means approval."

I was thinking about something like this last night. Are men becoming more sensitive? I dunno -- maybe a tiny bit. Mostly, I think men know they won't get away with certain shit anymore that maybe a generation or two ago would've flown by. Why? Because women have stood up, basically.

As long as women don't stand up -- however legitimate the reasons -- fear, shame, inconvenience -- some men will keep doing this shit. Why do you think so many men think they can date rape? Because the woman won't prosecute. Do you think if we had a culture in which men knew they couldn't get away with this crap, Cosmo would be regularlly harassed by this guy? No.

Look at strip clubs. They don't put up with that shit, and some awfully, awfully drunk men have got it through their skulls.

If Cosmo feels like she can't handle this guy herself, she should ask management for a rent-a-cop until this is settled. Believe me -- management might think Cosmo is a bit of a hassle, but it's their duty to handle this in a way that makes Cosmo comfortable; if not, she should discuss a severance package or something.

My point is, if the extent of what she's willing to do is post on a message board, she's not going to get what she says she wants. And if what she wants is less-hassle-per-gallon, then she needs to make some sort of peace with this gropey old guy -- say, keeping a counter between them at all times. Easy enough to do, if she's the only one there: "I have to stay by my register, but you'll find what you're looking for down aisle five on the right." Keep behind the counter off limits -- every customer in the world understands that.

[enree erzweglle]

^^^ It's a sort of naive response.

If you've ever been through it at the workplace, you'll know that fighting it is life-changing and if you don't do it JUST SO, you could find yourself out of a job and a career and it could be very difficult to find lucrative employment after such an event.

I know that that sort of discrimination is against the law. I also know that a lot of employers are VERY crafty about how they respond to people who claim harassment. They're not stupid enough to fire a woman or a man outright for making the claim, but man, they can force you out in other ways and it's awful.

In my observation, about the only thing that's changed wrt sexual harassment is that people are a little more sneaky about doing it and some employers are not upfront about dealing with it.

All of that said, I'm not saying that someone who is being harassed lke that should withstand it. I am saying, however, that if you do try to stop it, don't go into it with a naive "it's against the law so this will be a no-brainer" sort of attitude.

[cosmo105]

who ever said i was letting this go on and on? i was planning on talking to the managers/owners about it today when i got in, actually. they're probably not going to make him stop coming in or anything. unfortunately, he spends a lot. what i really want from them is how they want me to respond or speak to him if he does something like that again. and i'm sure he will.

i don't work as a cashier at night, so unfortunately i can't really keep a counter between us. i have a department that i have to stay in. so there's no real physical barrier there. i just want a way to politely say to him to keep his hands to himself that he wouldn't be able to complain to the management about and get me fired. i think enree's the only one that really gets it. if i was confronted with that sort of thing where i was in a position of greater control of myself, outside the workplace, i wouldn't have hesitated to react in kind. but when that happens to you when you're in a different role or have to worry about your actions, then you sort of freeze up and can't think of the right empowering badass response in an instant. when he did it i was so shocked i couldn't even say anything to him about it. i was so creeped out and scared that i froze.

a-z, what you're saying makes perfect logical vulcan sense, but things aren't that law & order simple in a small workplace like this. it's hard to explain. i wouldn't be surprised if they just told me to deal with it. god, i know the elderly owner would.

(one other thing i hate about this guy is he comes BEHIND the counter and grabs his stuff out of the cabinet we keep behind the register for expensive products HIMSELF. without even asking. he just does it. i guess he's been doing it for so long, and no one stops him, and now it's too late to say, uh, don't do that.)


when i really think about it, i like this job, and it works well with where i am in life right now. but i'm not going to be here forever, and i know of several other places i could very easily get a job (probably with more pay, too) that i wouldn't have to worry about dealing with shit like that because they're bigger operations. the reason i'm there is because of the experience it gives me for the career i'm hoping to go into one day...and because i know they really need me. if i just up and left right now, well, they'd be pretty fucked. and they've given me no reason to do so.

[enree erzweglle]

a-z, what you're saying makes perfect logical vulcan sense, but things aren't that law & order simple in a small workplace like this. it's hard to explain. i wouldn't be surprised if they just told me to deal with it. god, i know the elderly owner would.That was my reaction too. Maybe this is something that you have to experience firsthand to understand it and its subtleties entirely. The absolute right and logical thing, in a utopia, would be to use the appropriate channels to correct things to a happy ending, but this doesn't always work in the way it's modeled and it puts the victim in a terrible position. Sometimes, you're damned no matter what: if you fight it, you risk getting blackballed; if you tolerate it, well, the obvious happens.

A female friend of mine was having problems with an enormously high-ranking co-worker. When she brought her concerns (casually) to HR, the head of HR took her out for coffee and told her to 1) consider that guy's advances as flattery given that he was so worldly and intelligent; 2) tolerate his advances, shrug off his comments. When she resisted that, he advised her to start talking about her husband (she was unmarried) or a boyfriend (she was not dating). She wound up quitting that job.

I know of SO many situations where, after women reported harassment, they were denied obvious promotions, they were denied offices or they were moved from reasonable ones to awful ones, their flex-time was revoked, their salaries frozen. I've seen situations where rules that were not applied to members of the general workforce suddenly got applied to a particular woman who claimed harassment. Most commonly, the woman who complained suddenly became professionally inferior or subpar--her performance reviews suddenly declined, valuable projects were given to other, less-deserving/less-qualified people. That's the sort of retribution that's very real and very likely in some corporations.

A savvy employer won't fire someone outright for filing a suit or reporting harassment, but a lot of such places will view that person as trouble and will do ^^^ to "encourage" her (or him) to look at other employment options (i.e., leave their company). It's not legal for them to do that and you can fight it, but if your employer is resistant, you'd better have limitless resources and an expendable career.

[Pres Zount]

What department are you in, cosmo?

[Sarky Devotchka]

yeah, I think the boys in this thread just don't realize what it's like to be harassed. they think, "oh, it's harmless", and usually it is, but it doesn't make it any less creepy. women have to deal with harassment practically every day...whether it's being called "sweetie" by the guy who's gonna change your oil, or some guy shouting comments at you or honking at you while you walk down the street. it's just demeaning.

just yesterday, this man called me "honey" in the store and stared at me and said, "make sure you do a really good job on this" when I was only putting wire on the back. and he lingered and tried to make conversation until I finally just had to walk away and pretend to do something else.

I don't think anybody has a right to make anyone else feel threatened, no matter what their age.

and listen to enree.

[ericlee]

as I've mentioned earlier, you don't know the person and you don't know their intents which is why you need to settle the matter prompt.

Who knows what they're up to. They could be working their way from innocent greetings to see how you react and then if they feel that it doesn't bother you, they will eventually work their way up to more gruesome things.

[abcdefz]

yeah, I think the boys in this thread just don't realize what it's like to be harassed. they think, "oh, it's harmless", and usually it is, but it doesn't make it any less creepy. women have to deal with harassment practically every day...whether it's being called "sweetie" by the guy who's gonna change your oil, or some guy shouting comments at you or honking at you while you walk down the street. it's just demeaning.




Well, I know what it's like to be harassed, and I know how to deal with it. I also know what it's like to be attacked and stalked, and dealing with police in the matter. I think I'm fairly informed, Honey Booch. :)

[enree erzweglle]

Hi, Sarky. :)

I wonder if it's that some maybe people think that because there are laws surrounding this stuff that that makes it solvable.

It's like saying that you can stop a bully cold by telling the teacher. That model usually only works in after-school specials. In real life, telling the teacher usually just exacerbates things.

The nature of sexual harassment is tricky. It's hard to define, it's hard to prove, it's often hard to believe. It's just a tough sort of problem and managers HATE to deal with it. And man, you would not believe the numbers of people (men and women alike) who still (still, in this day/age) think that women bring these problems on themselves with the way they dress or act. As if that somehow justifies the offense.

[TAL]

and listen to enree.
I always do :)

[enree erzweglle]

Hi, Tal!

I owe you an email. :o :)

[Sarky Devotchka]

Well, I know what it's like to be harassed, and I know how to deal with it. I also know what it's like to be attacked and stalked, and dealing with police in the matter. I think I'm fairly informed, Honey Booch. :)

alright alright. but I'm talking about the little subtle things that happen that slowly chip away at you day after day. DON'T CALL ME HONEY!

luckily I'm unfriendly and have perfected the apathetic "you don't exist to me" facial expression that usually puts an end to any attempts at flirting. and I've been known to say, "get away from my friend, she doesn't like you" at clubs when a friend is cornered by some creep. or NO WE WILL NOT GO TO DENNY'S WITH YOU! ha ha. Calling someone Jimmy over and over does the trick too.

[cosmo105]

What department are you in, cosmo?
supplements. i'm the entire supplement department when i'm there.


so i spoke to the manager about it, and she was very understanding. she said, "unfortunately, that's just a part of dealing with customers...what i do when that sort of thing happens is put up a wall, and become very unfriendly, just sort of shut down. you said he never really needs your assistance, he knows where things are, so feel free to just walk in the back or help someone else. cross your arms, put up a barrier. people will try and do the touchy-feely thing to you to see if you'll do it back and see how far you can get...and when that happens, you just put up that stone face and they usually get the hint. let me know if it happens again, though, or if he starts really getting aggressive."

so i'm pretty happy with that response. :)

[abcdefz]

alright alright. but I'm talking about the little subtle things that happen that slowly chip away at you day after day. DON'T CALL ME HONEY!

luckily I'm unfriendly and have perfected the apathetic "you don't exist to me" facial expression that usually puts an end to any attempts at flirting. and I've been known to say, "get away from my friend, she doesn't like you" at clubs when a friend is cornered by some creep. or NO WE WILL NOT GO TO DENNY'S WITH YOU! ha ha. Calling someone Jimmy over and over does the trick too.



It's unfortuante, but, yeah -- you can't always be friendly (or even polite) and ward often letcherous people.

[beastiegirrl101]

So yesterday I went to Whole Foods and the guy in the supplement department was NO HELP at all. I think it was his first day because I was asking a ton of questions (carb blocker stuffs) and he kept having to go to the help desk to get answers. I finally got fed up and walked away, minus the carb blockers. Ametures.

[cosmo105]

^heh. well, yeah. the people that work there, in my experience, are usually just people that want a job, and don't have a lot of training in the biz. people always ask me where i learned all that i have, and really, i'm just familiar with the products. and over the years i've done a lot of researching. pick up a book off our shelves, and i've probably read through it. anytime someone asks me something that i don't know, i look it up until i get it.

[Echewta]

http://www.bearbearcity.com/video-clips/

[b i o n i c]

UGLY DUDE = CREEPY

GOOD LOOKING = OK


come on now.

[cosmo105]

i never said anything about him being ugly. i call him creepy because a man hitting on a woman 25 years his junior in a very aggressive manner is CREEPY. even if he looked like harrison ford i would still be completely disgusted and offended.

[b i o n i c]

even if he looked like harrison ford i would still be completely disgusted and offended.


AWWW COME ON NOW!

that little earring thing he has is a little weird but i dont believe you

[abcdefz]

i call him creepy because a man hitting on a woman 25 years his senior in a very aggressive manner is CREEPY.



Wait -- this is a KID hitting on you?

[cosmo105]

seriously. that's just way overstepping my bounds. i don't care how attractive a guy is. if he makes a pass at me like that, i'm barfed out. looks don't factor into it.

[cosmo105]

Wait -- this is a KID hitting on you?
you hush.

[abcdefz]

25 years younger than you? I didn't even think you were 40.

How old are we talking about?

[kll]

hi faithbanks

[enree erzweglle]

Well I see your point. But if cosmo was ugly, most men wouldn't give her the time of the day.cosmo is gorgeous (not that you said otherwise). I'm just saying.

A woman could have shit looks but if she has even a remotely reasonable body, most guys would not only give her the time of day, they'd give her their damn watch.