Your sympathy group

[Nuzzolese]

Take a minute and think of all the people in your life whose death would leave you truly devastated. You don't have to name them, just tell how many people you thought of.

I thought of 5 right away, then with careful consideration decided on four more.

I think that's a small number and it makes me wonder why I remain so closed off from so many people, and if that makes me an insensitive person. Do I avoid the responsibility of tight relationships or do I just have a really low capacity for emotional exertion?

The first 5 was a no-brainer.

I was really reaching for those other four. And then when I tried to recall the other four again, I could only think of 3 of them!

[TurdBerglar]

2

people in my family have died and i didn't give a shit. it shocked me how much i truly did not care

[Randetica]

1

oh wait do e-people count?

[cosmo105]

dozens.

[Nuzzolese]

it shocked me how much i truly did not care

Do you ever find yourself trying hard to care when you know you should, because everyone else around you is making you feel like a block of wood?

[TurdBerglar]

is that from a song?

[Nuzzolese]

dozens.

Honestly? TRULY DEVATSTATED? Looking deep into your heart, your life and happiness is dependant on the lives of DOZENS of other people?

[Nuzzolese]

is that from a song?



Wow. I didn't even intend that to rhyme. I had no idea I was so naturally lame.

[Nuzzolese]

Five years ago the number would have been different and so would the people. If I would have been devastated at the time, if they had died then, but I wouldn't be devastated if they died now...then what does that say about my feelings for them back then? Could they really have been so deep?

[Sarky Devotchka]

my mom, cort, a few close friends.

my mom finds out if she has lady parts cancer today, but she probably won't die. if she does I might kill myself. HAHAHAHA!

[TurdBerglar]

i've had a grandfather die. i was more relieved than anything else. i was about 14 and i was just glad that we didn't have to deal with his cranky ass anymore. i've had a couple of great uncles that died too that i spent a lot of time with as a kid and it didn't affect me one bit. i was just like "oh well". both my grandparents on my mom's side aren't all that healthy and can go at any time. this aswell does not bother me one bit. my family sort off cracks jokes on their situations. my whole family is extremely insensitive.

[mickill]

I could be your tenth.

It's surprising how much you realize someone does mean to you once they pass away. I really don't know how many. But I'm concerned with the lives of approximatley 9 or 10 people regularly. Other things factor into it. Like, I don't particularly LOVE my mother-in-law, but it would be devestating because of the people it would truly upset.

[cosmo105]

okay, maybe a dozen. i'm very close with my family. that's about 8 right there. (i get so sad when i think that my grandparents are really getting old and they might not be around for my wedding. fuck, i'm going to cry right now.) i have four best female friends that mean the world to me, and one guy friend that means the same. and i honestly don't think i could go on if something should happen to my boyfriend. it's one of my biggest fears.

[enree erzweglle]

Truly devastated? ...as in I would find it nearly impossible to function? None unless there was an element of surprise, prematurity involved in the death or if the person died what seemed to me to be horribly painfully. Those would be very hard for me to let go.

Otherwise, I think I'm prepared for normal (timely) deaths happening with the people who matter lots to me. It's not that I don't treasure them, but I see timely deaths not as a bad thing when they sort of punctuate the end of a well-lived, productive, happy life.

[Nuzzolese]

The people I thought of are relatively young and healthy, not near death, and I guess I was imagining some sudden unexpected death like an accident or a murder. And I wasn't trying to think of their manner of death being devastating, just the loss.

[Bob]

probably just two very obvious choices. at least i hope i would be. i'm sure i would.

[abcdefz]

"Devastating"? None.

[Nuzzolese]

I probably shouldn't say this, if you didn't already know, because it might influence you.

But the average person's list is 12 people, and psychologists determine that most people become incapable of deepening relationships with over 17 people, that that seems to be the emotional threshold beyond which people can't feel strongly tied to others without some of the relationships suffering - or at least weakening a little.

Knowing that that's the average, does that influence how you feel about the size of your group?

[befsquire]

2 would destroy me, 6 would devastate me, and about 11 more would be really hard to get past for a long time.

[Bob]

the AVERAGE person? either everybody's lying or nobody knows what "devestated" means, that seems really really high. i can't even think of 12 people that i LIKE (you guys excepted of course)

[enree erzweglle]

The people I thought of are relatively young and healthy, not near death, and I guess I was imagining some sudden unexpected death like an accident or a murder. And I wasn't trying to think of their manner of death being devastating, just the loss.So if we're talking that, then it would be very hard for me if untimely stuff happened to two people that I know. Maybe two and a half. Untimely death for them would imply recovery and then would bring about a major shift in the way that I live my life.

Then there's this secondary ring of people and I would miss them terribly but it would be okay. I think it would be an untimely loss of those 2 or 2.5 that would cause big ripples in my life.

[Nuzzolese]

From Science & Theology News:

Researchers in the United States, China, England and France working together analyzed social circles in 61 countries. In the journal Science, the scientists reported that every social network expands outward in a fixed hierarchy: from the close-knit family to the much larger tribe. The fact that each social ring is three times larger than the previous one may be of evolutionary significance, they said.

...

Each social group follows a distinct hierarchy. In our social, religious and cultural circles, the three to five people we typically call in times of distress make up the “support clique.” These include friends, family and clergy. Nine to 15 people generally form a “sympathy group” with whom we have some special tie but don’t closely interact.

Okay, so that article made it sound like the sympathy group is not made up of people you'd be necessarily devasted to lose, but there is mention of a special tie and I think they mean beyond just work aquaintances. Mine still only includes 8 but that does make me feel okay that the general public averages about 9-15. Still, I'm not extra special close with these 3, although their loss would impact my life hugely.

It's hard to determine in your own feelings how close you want to be or should be with other people.

[Nuzzolese]

the AVERAGE person? either everybody's lying or nobody knows what "devestated" means, that seems really really high. i can't even think of 12 people that i LIKE (you guys excepted of course)

I've also read that the average is between 9 and 15, and I've also read where they don't use the word "devastated"

The problem with talking about ethics and ideas is that words always get in the way.

[Kid Presentable]

The lady I had known as long as I'd known my parents died on Monday. I thought all was good, and held my shit together for my mother, who was floored by the news. By Tuesday I wasn't able to study, or think about anything.

I don't think that was the point of the thread, but 2 of the 5 people in my group are already dead.

[SobaViolence]

personally, it's either upset, devasted or nothing.

8 people would make me sad for a significant time. 4 close family and 4 friends that are my brothers. i think those would depress me for a significant while. everyone else would make me kinda despondent for a week or so.

i lost an uncle when i was 15, but because he lived so far away, i barely saw him, and didn't feel much. when my granpa (his father) died when i was 19, i cried my eyes out, moreso than i thought, but i was close with him.

i think i would know that they were at rest, and watching over me (sorry, somethings stick from church/catholic school)

[Kid Presentable]

i think i would know that they were at rest, and watching over me (sorry, somethings stick from church/catholic school)
Do you think dead people can see you in the toilet?

[Sarky Devotchka]

dead people see me in the toilet and I'm not even religious!

[wanton wench]

3
1 would put me in a mental ward. 2 i would never get over.

[abcdefz]

1. To lay waste; destroy.
2. To overwhelm; confound; stun: was devastated by the rude remark.



Oh. I thought "devastated" meant 1 rather than 2.

Hell, any number of people I know or don't know would "devastate" me if it's meaning #2.

[na§tee]

hummmmmm. this is sorta weird.

with family, i don't really think i'll be devastated. let me explain here. i guess i love my parents, but i don't really miss their company and have to go and visit them because i get upset, and i don't - ever - talk to them about anything remotely personal. and i don't want to. does that sound strange? i like them as parents, i don't want them to be my best friends. of course i'd be upset if they died, but it wouldn't be life changing.

my boyfriend i guess i would be the most sad if he died. not only cos he's, uh, my boyfriend but because he's such a pure, lovely soul with a kindkindkind heart.

my flatmates i would be sad to go too.

devastated? nah, i'm sort of independent. i'm a bit of a loner really.

(!) actually a lot of a loner.

[monkey]

my shrink made me do this "exercise" with her. i thought it was terribly morbid but it really puts the good, healthy friendships in focus, as well as the things that dont matter. and it shows you who you really love.

[SobaViolence]

Do you think dead people can see you in the toilet?

only the horny ones who aren't relatives.


kinda hot in a twilight zone kinda way.

[cookiepuss]

my boyfriend always says i"f you want sympathy look between shit and Syphalis in the dictionary."


I would be pretty devastated if he died. espcially if like I woke up next to him and he was cold. yuck. there's a few other family members and frineds as well, but I don't feel like adding them up at the moment.

there are two non-human deaths that would/will devastate me. my dog and my cat. they are key elements of my support group. they are good listeners.

[Gareth]

people in my family have died and i didn't give a shit. it shocked me how much i truly did not care

mother died today. or maybe yesterday. i can't be sure.

[cosmo105]

i dealt with death at a pretty formative age, so i have a somewhat morbid view of life. at the same time it's taught me just how short it is and precious and all that bullshit so i'm thankful for the view it's given me. at the end of the day, i always think to myself, if this was to be the last day i had on earth, would i have regrets? and most of the time i can say no. (y)

[enree erzweglle]

i dealt with death at a pretty formative age, so i have a somewhat morbid view of life. at the same time it's taught me just how short it is and precious and all that bullshit so i'm thankful for the view it's given me. at the end of the day, i always think to myself, if this was to be the last day i had on earth, would i have regrets? and most of the time i can say no. (y)I feel this way too. Do some good stuff, learn some things, show kindness, atone for the shit that you did that you shouldn't have done, and then move on. At the end of the day if I did that then it was a good day and that's as good as any a day to move on, I guess. Sometimes it takes me a few days to get it right and together but if I keep it simple, it works better/easier and simple is okay for me. I have a feeling that it's taken me a long, long time to finally get that.

[BangkokB]

One more advantage of being antisocial

I keed I keed

My parents, wife, my friend in the states that I talk to about every 2 weeks, and my best friend that's a Vietnam vet~As far as this board goes, I would be pretty broken up if something happened to Dr. Def, so God willing nothing bad happens to him

In that order...Or since we're talking about dead people odor

[Lo_Lyfe]

Why the tread starter got a Posh Spice avy?

[zippo]

everything is relative, nothing matters. people change, we change, me, them, you, us. one day its like this and another day its how you never imagined it. today its certain people. tomorrow its others. so is time really the one who rules? what are we so concentrated on giving a higher god such recognition when Time is the one that rules the human race...molding us, destroying us, playing with us, deciding everything for us, changing us...Time creates relationships, breaks them, transforms our hopes into reality, crashes them into the ground, separates us from what we want and then decides to bring it back together, it makes us suffer, it makes us yearn, it makes us learn,it makes us heal, it makes us regret, it makes us stronger, it makes us better, it makes us worthless, it makes us powerful. There is no stronger ingredient in life than Time, it makes and breaks you. and then does it again.

Sometimes days play like weeks and weeks play like months, stepping on the boundaries that outline each one of them. confusing us and making us doubt if they actually exist. because, in the end, they dont, theyre in our minds. we feel them, and have a certain idea of when they commence and finish, but what goes on in between all that is relative. a day can seem eternal for an urgent phone call to be recieved while three months can seem insginificant if its how much time youve got left to live. you can almost hear the screams of satisfaction or moans of depression or claps of celebration or noise of laughter, mixed all together into the same minute, the same second, existing simlutaneously, because that is Time, it permits everything to exist at once, the ying and the yang, closed firmly together in one. in one. my happiness is your sorrow. my success is your loss.

so then, what is today? what was yesterday? tomorrow. whats tomorrow. i am not who i was, and i wont be who i am today forever. well, then, who am i, i ask of this leader, this king, this prophet, if im being dragged along by the leash of Time, continously changing and changing, as are you.

a signature on a contract suddenly seems so useless. maybe its about going through life without ever signing one that will help us survive. being conscious that nothing is definitive.

Time is the highest pedestal, stronger than any god the religions could hope for.

[zippo]

i always think to myself, if this was to be the last day i had on earth, would i have regrets? and most of the time i can say no. (y)

up till now, me too, cosmo

[CrankItUp!]

damn Zippo, you are so el-correcto. (y)

[zippo]

the beautiful process of communication. the beautiful process of analysis and understanding between Person X and Person Y. that goal is reached daily. and yet we still wonder what we were put on this earth for? the answer is right there. i would be content if instead of what life turned out to be,with the cars and jobs and schools and traffic, instead it would have turned out to be centuries of people sitting around a table, conducting continous analysis and just that. ofcourse a few functional things like clothes for warmth and food for survival. in the end, there is nothing that makes us feel more whole or human then when we participate in a conversation and the person on the other end, understand us. because i live in the same life you do, you live in the same life i do. and were in this together. communication and understanding are our tools to deal with Time. use them.


um...or in other words crank: :)

[Cooky Puss]

3. Just my closest family.
Loss of friends would sadden me, but not devastate.
But ofcourse I can't say how I'll really react untill something like that would happen.

[fucktopgirl]

everything is relative, nothing matters. people change, we change, me, them, you, us. one day its like this and another day its how you never imagined it. today its certain people. tomorrow its others. so is time really the one who rules? what are we so concentrated on giving a higher god such recognition when Time is the one that rules the human race...molding us, destroying us, playing with us, deciding everything for us, changing us...Time creates relationships, breaks them, transforms our hopes into reality, crashes them into the ground, separates us from what we want and then decides to bring it back together, it makes us suffer, it makes us yearn, it makes us learn,it makes us heal, it makes us regret, it makes us stronger, it makes us better, it makes us worthless, it makes us powerful. There is no stronger ingredient in life than Time, it makes and breaks you. and then does it again.

Sometimes days play like weeks and weeks play like months, stepping on the boundaries that outline each one of them. confusing us and making us doubt if they actually exist. because, in the end, they dont, theyre in our minds. we feel them, and have a certain idea of when they commence and finish, but what goes on in between all that is relative. a day can seem eternal for an urgent phone call to be recieved while three months can seem insginificant if its how much time youve got left to live. you can almost hear the screams of satisfaction or moans of depression or claps of celebration or noise of laughter, mixed all together into the same minute, the same second, existing simlutaneously, because that is Time, it permits everything to exist at once, the ying and the yang, closed firmly together in one. in one. my happiness is your sorrow. my success is your loss.

so then, what is today? what was yesterday? tomorrow. whats tomorrow. i am not who i was, and i wont be who i am today forever. well, then, who am i, i ask of this leader, this king, this prophet, if im being dragged along by the leash of Time, continously changing and changing, as are you.

a signature on a contract suddenly seems so useless. maybe its about going through life without ever signing one that will help us survive. being conscious that nothing is definitive.

Time is the highest pedestal, stronger than any god the religions could hope for.


Aleluia!!:D (y)

And i will try to add my thoughs on the matter!

Time definetely exist and his pushing us toward our own death at one extent , our own destiny, it is too an illusion as there is no cut in time, it is a continuous line where nothing really intercept it, there is no barriers , it is indefinite, a constant evolution and transformation of life. Like you said sometime a minute/ a day can appear longer then a month. THIs is due to our perception on things, our vision and our understanding.

So yea, time might be an important factor in our life ,as everything nowadays evolved around the TIme. NO minute can be waste as everybody is searching for more second to accomplish their daily life. That is maybe why we think it is so important but let's not fooled ourselves by it as it is ungraspable(cannot be touch and cast as..) and in the end it rely on our mental vision of it, how we observe it, the quality of our live will determine the unwinding of time.

NOW it time for me to shut up!

[King of Rock $]

This "exercise" is depressing the hell out of me

[zippo]

nuzzolese did you even read my post *is strangled by anonymous hand*

[Bob]

hahahaaaaaa, is that who that is?

i thought it was emma peel. although nuzz is a huge spice girls fan, so

i never liked that whole "live each day as if it's your last" thing. if i knew it was my last day alive, i'd be so depressed. there's a universe full of cool stuff to do, no way that any one person could ever hope to do all of it in one lifetime, let alone one day. it's easier just to not want to do it. be happy with what you've got, when you die, you won't miss being alive

[Nuzzolese]

I'm all about the girl power. And I do, indeed, love to slam my body down and wind it all around (zig-a-zig ahhh)