He's Just Not That Into You

[hpdrifter]

Anyone here read this book? I found it in the lunch room yesterday and I read about half of it.

I think its spot on.

[alexandra]

i know i know, but i like him anyway.

[enree erzweglle]

I've seen that book, but I haven't read it. I have a hard time with most self-help books. They bug me.

I think that whole "He's Just Not That Into You" thing came from sex/city and it seemed a little forced at the time. A little contrived. I don't know which came first, that episode or the concept of that book. I had a feeling that the writer wanted to push that at us and embed it, instantly, into our culture, our lexicon but to make it seem like it was accidental, like it took off because it was wildly popular.

[mickill]

Gimmick. And I agree with enree.

Common sense could do the same for you. Why would someone need someone else, or a book for that matter, to tell them what they already know about themselves?

[kll]

Not even knowing what that book is about, I would guess that one of my friends/co-workers needs that book. You would think people aren't clueless, but, umm... yeah, this girl is... What's it about?

[DipDipDive]

I know nothing of that book, but it seems like reading it would be boring and pointless. Would I ever waste my time reading a book explaining why cake is delicious? No, because I already know it is. That fact is pretty self explanatory and so is this concept.

To me though, this whole phrase and theory has less to do with male interest in women and more to do with the female tendency to fantasize and convince themselves that emotions exist when they don't, so I hope that's what the book is actually about.

[enree erzweglle]

I know nothing of that book, but it seems like reading it would be boring and pointless. Would I ever waste my time reading a book explaining why cake is delicious? No, because I already know it is. That fact is pretty self explanatory and so is this concept.

To me though, this whole phrase and theory has less to do with male interest in women and more to do with the female tendency to fantasize and convince themselves that emotions exist when they don't, so I hope that's what the book is actually about.Based on what I remember from that episode of that show, it was supposed to be this gestalt sort of a thing for one of the characters. She was lamenting the fact that this guy that she'd had a date with hadn't called her. She was going on about it to the girls and one of their (new) boyfriends and he casually said something like, "Maybe he's just not that into you." And this (lb) moment happened for her--this 30-something, mature, professional woman had this (lb) moment, as if such a thought had never, ever occurred to her before. "He's just not that into me." She spent the rest of the episode flitting back/forth between disbelief over such a simple yet powerful (!) concept and feeling empowered (blech) by it. And all the while she was flitting, she kept repeating it like a mantra: He's just not that into me. He's just not that into me? He's just not that into me!

[hpdrifter]

Well I think its a good thing. I had a conversation with a girlfriend recently and she said (literally) "He doesn't call me so I called him and asked him to hang out and he said he just wanted to stay in and watch TV. What do you think that means?" I am getting her a copy of this book for her birthday.

I guess my friends are not as highly evolved as the chicks in this thread who have never made excuses for a guy or hoped something was more than it is.

[hpdrifter]

To me though, this whole phrase and theory has less to do with male interest in women and more to do with the female tendency to fantasize and convince themselves that emotions exist when they don't, so I hope that's what the book is actually about.

This is what the book is about.

[Echewta]

Maybe he's just small.

[enree erzweglle]

I guess my friends are not as highly evolved as the chicks in this thread who have never made excuses for a guy or hoped something was more than it is.Sarcasm?

Are you referring to me? Because if so, you stuff into me that you shouldn't have.

I did not say that I have never made excuses for a guy and I don't know if anyone in this thread said that either. Maybe someone did and I missed it.

I did, however, imply that to me, it was a big stretch that this particular concept had never before dawned on that particular sex/city character.

[enree erzweglle]

^^^ that should have said "you read stuff into me that you shouldn't have."

Thanks to mister x for pointing that out. :)

[DipDipDive]

I guess my friends are not as highly evolved as the chicks in this thread who have never made excuses for a guy or hoped something was more than it is.

I've never made excuses for a guy, no. I don't make excuses for people, period.

Have I hoped something was more than it was? Sure. Everyone has, but never to the point that I'd complain about it incessantly to my girlfriends or resort to reading self-help books.

[Sarky Devotchka]

I think it'd be a good thing for teenager girls to read. I know I was a complete retard about boys back then.

like, omg, he totally touched my arm in the hall, but then ignored me at lunch, but then later he hit my car on purpose in the parking lot!!! omg omg omg, I think he likes me.


shit, who am I kidding, I'm still like that.

[*HOTWIFE*]

A friend of mine who was perpetually single read the book and turned a ladies man into her husband like 6 months later. This girl was relationship retarded. There might be something to this book after all.

[kate]

it was written by an unfunny stand up comic, wasnt it? why the fuck are you gonna listen to a guy like that? women are retarded, i'm glad i'm not a real lesbian

[Echewta]

gosh darn it my joke was funny. Now all of you pillow fight.

[kll]

Have I hoped something was more than it was? Sure. Everyone has, but never to the point that I'd complain about it incessantly to my girlfriends or resort to reading self-help books.

you are probably very level headed and realistic then, but there are some girls (i.e. my friend/co-worker) who is oblivious, so there's never complaining... complaining would mean she understood the signals the guys were sending her... this girl simply has a mental block when it comes to understanding men...

[enree erzweglle]

you are probably very level headed and realistic then, but there are some girls (i.e. my friend/co-worker) who is oblivious, so there's never complaining... complaining would mean she understood the signals the guys were sending her... this girl simply has a mental block when it comes to understanding men...It's funny. I see that lots with some women. She'll dissect and analyze the hell out of a guy who sneezes wrong and her conclusions are usually so, so off base. But then the women she's complaining to? ...she'll turn around the next time around and give the damn most sound advice to THEM when THEY analyze their guy for sneezing wrong. It's odd.

That woman at my work who I've been puzzling about--she is a sound thinker, very logical, and she gives EXCELLENT relationship advice to other people (men and women). But when it comes to her own situations, she turns into jello and reverts to being high schoolish. "I walked past him and he didn't say hi but he seemed to go out of his way to say hi to that brunette I was telling you about. What do you think that means?!?!" What's he trying to tell me?!"

[kll]

It's funny. I see that lots with some women. She'll dissect and analyze the hell out of a guy who sneezes wrong and her conclusions are usually so, so off base. But then the women she's complaining to? ...she'll turn around the next time around and give the damn most sound advice to THEM when THEY analyze their guy for sneezing wrong. It's odd.

That woman at my work who I've been puzzling about--she is a sound thinker, very logical, and she gives EXCELLENT relationship advice to other people (men and women). But when it comes to her own situations, she turns into jello and reverts to being high schoolish. "I walked past him and he didn't say hi but he seemed to go out of his way to say hi to that brunette I was telling you about. What do you think that means?!?!" What's he trying to tell me?!"


OHMYGOD. You are so spot on. This friend/co-worker of mine said something to me after we saw the movie, The Breakup, that was one of the only times in my life where a lightbulb went on... I was saying that Jennifer Aniston's character listing all of the shit that she does for Vince Vaughn (i.e. grocery shopping, cooking dinner, washing clothes, putting them away, decorating, etc etc etc) was totally me in the relationship. I do EVERYTHING, I said. She said, "who asked you to?" Doh. My b/f certainly didn't. It changed everything for me. Now, if only she could see the Klingon for what he really is... hmmmm....

[hpdrifter]

See some of us do dumb relationship stuff without even realizing it. That's why sometimes people have a lightbulb moment all of a sudden about things they should have known all along. Its not such a big stretch.

And, like kll, I have had more than a few girlfriends over the years who would benefit from reading this.

[yeahwho]

Self Help books rule! I haven't read any the past few years, but I find I become self important and kind of ridicoulous when I don't change the way I think or grasp what happens around me.

I have boxes full of bat crazy ass self help books, even have the whole "Tony Robbins" program on tape with charts and graphs!

I take it all with an grain elevator of salt, much of the info is hysterical and obvious...and every once in awhile I'll catch somebody who's actually subscribing to a certain self help guideline and it's "cool".