where's my biggest dork in the world award?

[cookiepuss]

it will shock no one here that I am a big dork. but if you want to know exactly why I'm the biggest dork in the world, it has to do with the fact that I got bored at work and just emailed the following letter to comedian Dane Cook. *vomits*

Dear Dane:

I've been a fan of yours since Harmful if Swallowed and my boyfriend and I came to see you perform at Berekeley. I have personally taken the time to turn many of my friends on to you. you're talented damn it, so for god sake....PLEASE DO NOT START DATING JESSICA SIMPSON! I'm pretty sure she's the devil. :)

Now I know your personal life is personal and I shouldn't beleive the gossip colums, but I assure you a vast majority of your female fans will be most disapointed by your decision to copulate with that dimwit. So while you're high-fiving your male friends and fans, leigons of your young female fans will begin burning your autographed headshots in effigy. I'm sure your publicist will agree with me on this and I fully plan to contact them when I finish this email. If I can't do it, maybe they can talk some sense into you.

Now I know she hasn't been with alot of dudes and by hollywood standards that's a pretty rare find. So you probably have a desire to have all kinds of kinky condomless sex with her. and thats ok. if you gotta bang her, do it. just make sure you dump her the next day. Because i swear to you, she'll suck your soul dry. This is a high maintence girl we're talking about here. The kind who is going to wine and pout if she doesn't get her way. Haven't you ever watched her newlyweds show? eek. I'm telling ya, your long term goal in finding a mate has got to be someone way cooler than Jessica Simpson.

Also, she's dumb. and even if she isn't, EVERYONE thinks she is. now your core demographic is college students. that's right, people who are going to school to hopefully become smarter. these are young people who value education and intelligent thought. Now you get serious with Simpson and you're going to alienate a majority of your intelligent fan base. except for the frat boys. you'll still have them. but whatever.

I hope you'll take these arguments into consideration, Dane. I only have your best interests in mind. I wanna see you make it to the top, but not on the coat tails of a pop princess. ok? ya feel me?

most sincerely,
c.puss (except i signed my real name)

I know I know, most people aren't a fan of his around these parts and quite frankly I think I'm starting to fall into the former fan category myself. fame fucks people up. I liked him better before he became the "it" thing on college campuses. (n) (n)

well I gotta go email his publicist now. if these two get together it will bring about the end of the world. you can thank me later.;)

[Lex Diamonds]

You're not the biggest dork in the world. (http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=L3HSpnB1tpc)

[Sarky Devotchka]

nah, I'm pretty sure she is.

[cookiepuss]

damn it. can i be runner up then? and like if somethig happens to those guys i get to take over?:o

[Lex Diamonds]

Well Sarky is the official judge, so you're the biggest dork after all. Sorry to get your hopes up.

[cookiepuss]

nah, I'm pretty sure she is.


yay! thank you. wouldn't it be great if like someone wrote me back?

dear ms. cookiepuss:

We regret to inform you that while your opinion is valued, dane is a moron and he fully intends to stick his dick in jessica simpson. we appologize for the inconvenice but there is nothing we can do. here's a free t-shirt.

Sincerely,
the staff at dane cook headquarters


man that would rock.:o

[Sarky Devotchka]

yeah, I don't know. I don't think any of it's worth it. but I can see how writing an email and getting a response would be exciting. kind of like the time I wrote to a radio station to complain that they played too much Steely Dan and not enough Rush. the dj AND the producer both wrote me back and said "thanks for listening, but people really like Steely Dan, they're one of the most requested bands to play. Not many people request Rush, but we'll see what we can do." then I cried.

[cookiepuss]

<3


oh yeah none of it is worth the effort, but it helps me amuse myself.

i like steely dan too.:o making me mega dork

[beastieangel01]

do you want his personal email address? If it's the same as last year, it'll work.

[cookiepuss]

LOL that would be hilarious! or maybe it wouldn't. I'm not sure. heh.

[skra75]

yeah, I don't know. I don't think any of it's worth it. but I can see how writing an email and getting a response would be exciting. kind of like the time I wrote to a radio station to complain that they played too much Steely Dan and not enough Rush. the dj AND the producer both wrote me back and said "thanks for listening, but people really like Steely Dan, they're one of the most requested bands to play. Not many people request Rush, but we'll see what we can do." then I cried.


nice, good luck with that. i always seem to find Tom Sawyer and Limelight plenty on the radio when I need it, don't know about you.

[cosmo105]

that was just a rumor. he's been dating the same girl for several years. welcome to like six weeks ago.

[cookiepuss]

that was just a rumor. he's been dating the same girl for several years. welcome to like six weeks ago.

nuh uh. it was just on MSN entertainments gossip column on the 27th, missy. Also hpdrifter said she saw and interview with him where he implied it was time to cool it with his girlfriend so that he coulod take advantage of a the new tail available to him now that he's famous(gross). and hpdrifter is a VERY reliable source. ;) :p
-------
Jessica Simpson heats up love life with Cook
Plus, ‘diva’ Simpson won't be headed for Southfork after all
By Jeannette Walls
MSNBC


Updated: 11:47 p.m. PT June 27, 2006
Has Jessica Simpson found love?

While her ex hubby Nick Lachey has been linked with her former friend Vanessa Minnello, Simpson is reportedly getting hot and heavy with comedian Dane Cook, her co-star in their forthcoming flick “Employee of the Month,” according to Life & Style Weekly. “Sparks flew” during the filming of the movie over the winter but Cook was still with his longtime girlfriend Racquel Houghton.

Last week, Cook and Simpson “couldn’t hide their feelings” for each other at the Hollywood hotspot Hyde, according to the mag, even though the two maintain that they’re “just friends.”

“They looked like two people trying not to look like a couple but who really wanted to rip each other’s clothes off,” a “witness” told L&S, which also reports that at 2 a.m. the two planned a rendezvous at a gas station.

[DipDipDive]

I hope Dane Cook, Jessica Simpson, and Nick Lachey all die in a fire ignited by the flammable elements in Nick's new cologne line.

[cookiepuss]

I hope Dane Cook, Jessica Simpson, and Nick Lachey all die in a fire ignited by the flammable elements in Nick's new cologne line.

yes. but I'd like Ashley simpson to also be set a blaze. and maybe paris hilton. but I wouldn't want her to die. just be horribly disfigured and humbled.


I'm mean.:(

[hardnox71]

Yeah, you were right, cookie, you are a dork.:D


I'm so sick of hearing about Jessica and Nick and Brittany and Kevin and Brad and Angelina. Every time I open a paper or a magazine there's some stupid ass story about one of those couples: where they vacationed last weekend, what villa they rented out, what they ate for brunch, why one of them got out of the got up and walked out of the cozy little trattoria in the middle of their meal and why they took seperate flights back to that States. Is there trouble in Paradise? Are they ready to call it quits? I always think to myself WHO FUCKING CARES?

People spend too much time minding other people's business.

[cookiepuss]

agreed. it's like my guilty pleasure to read the stories though. I know they are pretty much speculations and lies but for some reason I'm compelled. even though it makes me sick of most celebs. there something fun about loving to hate them ya know?